Thursday, September 11, 2008

Helping adopted kids navigate school projects

This article discusses some solutions for school projects that might not be inclusive of nontraditional families and families formed through adoption. I don't think the article says much I haven't heard before, but it is kind of nice to have a refresher here at the beginning of the school year. And how nice to have a newspaper run such an article!

There's one bit of advice I'm not sure I agree with:

Another issue: the notion that all children are born from their mother's stomach. Stigger recommends that parents explain that children either came home from the hospital or by airplane from Korea, Kyrgyzstan, Guatemala and so on.
I don't think that cuts it. Coming home by airplane denies that the child had a life before coming home, and suggests that the kid is somehow abnormal, like he or she was hatched instead of born. I'd be more inclined to say simply that some kids are born into their families and some are adopted into their families after being born.

What do you think?

7 comments:

Wendy said...

I agree with you. Mr. Rogers has a book about adoption (called Adoption) and he says the same thing. Also, there is the book It's Not The Stork for ages 4-8 that explains the same thing. It is very important adopted children know they are born and need love just like every other child. M loves the Mr. Roger's book. btw--his sister was adopted.

Beverly said...

when describing how families come together then I wouldn't mind the whole coming on a plane thing. and I think it makes a difference of how old the child is. my kiddo hasn't any reference (up til very recently) to see a baby in a mom's tummy. Her pre-school teacher is preggers right now so we can have those discussions. She just hasn't been all that interested in the birth part yet. Maybe I am not answering what you are asking. I think the context also makes a difference of how to talk about it you know the who is around.

we have the Mr. Rogers book but honestly Glenys isn't up for reading adoption books. I offer she is not wishing to read them yet. I do know that phase or emotional maturity is coming though.

Wendy said...

I think the plane is a part of their story; however, it struck me a few years back when watching a DVD (can't remember which one) and the little girl said she didn't feel like she had been born that it is so easy to think that if your birth family is never discussed--her sadness at the age of 7 had me in tears. Also, my daughter at three was asking so many questions and needed real answers so we bought the book about how children are concieved and hence, raised--in all types of families. It has helped her and she really takes comfort into knowing that everyone had the same beginning (yes, she also knows about some intervention methods for preg.), but that some children come to their families through adoption and some as bio kids. She no longer feels as anxious and her questions about being born are over--she knows. Now we deal with the reasons behind adoption, but she is no longer believes she magically appeared on the planet and at the orphanage.

Chinazhoumom said...

I agree with YOU!

Sheri said...

Me, too!! I agree with you!! :)

Michelle said...

First, I want to say how incredibly helpful and important your blog is to me. We may not agree on every single topic or every way to handle a situation but being able to discuss these topics with others who know just what I'm going through (and who've been there already) is so amazing. My Maya is fascinated with playing house/family these days. She knows that we don't have a daddy in our home (and has told others!!) and she pretends that she has a baby in her belly, or paw-paw has a baby in his belly (HA!), but has not yet wondered or asked how the babies come out, if she was in my belly, etc... My question is at what point do you offer that information? I tend to prefer to wait until she asks a specific question before offering up too much information. We do read adoption books and talk about the similarities, but that's about it so far. Again..thank you SO much for the forum to discuss these important topics!

zoe'sfriendsyd said...

Good article. I agree with you 100%. My goodness...that statement is basically 1960's. It's more for those who really want to put their heads in the sand. I hope I don't offend anyone by saying that, but it sounds like "I don't want to discuss your birthmother but let's talk about where you came from so that I've helped you understand." Well meaning, but not exactly honest.