Friday, October 31, 2008

How Abandonment Can Affect Future Relationships

Must-read post at Jane's Blog. Here's a snippet:
I have also got some things figured out about my relationships. I feel really LUCKY to have that figured out at age 36. Basically, right now I realize that anyone that I am attracted to is bad for me. The perfect man for me could knock me flat on the sidewalk by falling onto me from heaven and I wouldn’t even notice him. That is because on a deep level I believe that I am

WORTH NOTHING and DESERVE TO BE TREATED BADLY and

ABANDONED

and I find men who will be happy to do that for me. If 99% of people want to make me happy, believe you me, I will find the 1% who will make me miserable. So I’m not saying that i will never date again, but I realize my limitations and that right now, whatever I do, I am going to pick the wrong partner. So until I can heal the part of myself that believes I am

WORTH NOTHING and DESERVE TO BE TREATED BADLY and

ABANDONED

I have no business having a relationship.

I really appreciate Jane's honesty.

4 comments:

Joanne said...

What can we do now so our daughters will not have these worthless feelings when they are older? This is so very sad. . .

Beverly said...

this is the same feeling for those of us who were sexually abused as children, not worth being treated well. So this is not only an abandonment issue but also any child truama issue.

Wendy said...

The Primal Wound deals directly with this. We can continue to be open and honest with our children, we can do everything to find their birthparents (allow them decision of contact) as it seems to help, but not end these feelings, make sure they are in counseling at varying times of their life to address these feelings, and IMO hope that they come to a place they can work with the feelings of worthlessness in order to strengthen their self-worth and inner peace.

littlewing04 said...

I don't know about the Primal Wound. It could be very true, but I also think that it affects every adoptee to a different extent - meaning that some only have the curiousity to get medical info and to see where they get their genetics from (and then that's all)... to the ones that wish they could have remained in their birth countries.

By the way, have any of you went to Jane's blog and looked at her Adoption File section? Now THAT is heartbreaking.