I have a lovely almost 8 year old girl adopted from China. I have an 8 month old little cutie, biological boy. I have dark hair and eyes, as does my daughter. My son has traits of my father (the grandfather) and my husband - light hair/blue yes. The recurring question is "WOW, he looks JUST LIKE your husband." In front of my daughter, of course. Now, having read numerous books/blogs from adoptees on the insensitivity of others' comments - I give my answer in a relaxed manner as I ponder. Lately it has been in the form of a compliment for my baby boy:
Inquirer: "OH MY GOD! HE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOUR HUSBAND!"
Me: "Yes, he is cute, isn't he?" (But that's not enough info for them.)
Inquirer: "Oh but can't you see it? (voice gets dramatic.) He is a carbon COPY of your husband!"
Me: "Oh, he IS adorable." (puzzled look, as if I don't hear what they are saying. I
can almost see their thoughts clicking that I lost a few neurons in pregnancy....)
Here's another one:
Me: "The guys in our family have blue eyes, the girls in our family have brown eyes."
Here's one I have thought but didn't use:
Me: Turns the other way and has a different conversation with someone else. Problem is, sometimes we aren't in a crowd!
Then I think - get real !! My daughter is much more observant than I. What makes me think that she won't catch on to my own shenanigans in time?
OK, do I just agree? Or do I tell them the truth - his face is a carbon copy of mine, it's just that they only see the coloring of the child? It's neither here nor there to me. We told our extended families before I delivered that we were going to remove the genetic focus from our family. Sure, heredity is a lovely thing and I am not minimizing it. Our daughter came to us from a larger tribe than our own. But, it's the "insensitivity" of others as it relates to genetic conversations. They aren't being mean, and I am sure I was one of those folks before I adopted. So, how do I answer?
I hope we can offer tons of suggestions to help out this mom! And if anyone else has questions you'd like me to post to the readership, I'd be happy to do so.