Talking about adoption, birthparents, abandonment, race, and China with my kids. That's not all we talk about -- but reading this blog, you'll think it's all we do!!!!!
I don't think I would ever hide it away waiting for the perfect moment, but I think I would include it in with M's adoption items (she does have access) and explain the possibilities behind the note (age appropriately) and that their decision does not reflect upon her as an individual, but one of financial concern and societal constraint/prejudice and future financial well-being of a family who does not have the same resources that we have.From what I have been told by two persons (and some from other provinces in China) from the area that M was found is that it is commonplace to abandon children with these types of needs because it truly is a financial burden now and in the future (she also has a visible limb difference). This is a reality in her area and one that will only change with economic success, cultural acceptance of physical differences, and increased prenatal and postnatal care. I think knowing the reason for abandonment from the beginning would ease the burden for our kids in some respects; it is a fact that cannot be denied and it is in the explaining and that comes compassion/understanding/acceptance/and hopefully a fight for future change (all explained in an age appropriate way and discussed from the earliest days so when the child can read and comprehend the note there is no surprise.When this real scenerio was discussed I was sickened by the AP that tore up the note, it is was not her decision to make and also showed ethnocentricity at its worst. Maybe if the person would have took the time to understand the message behind the words and the reasoning for the abandonment she would not have acted so rash. I can't say that is true though as it seems there were defenders of her actions who supposedly feel they are culturally aware. Of course I cannot 100% say that I would not hold the note aside until I thought M was ready because I don't have the luxury of any form of note, only the unknowns and narrowed/scientific guessing at the reasons, but I really think I would do as I have done with all of her information--make it available and let her draw her own conclusions for the evidence provided--mainly with the "I don't knows" and limited information we have.
I would have the note translated many times, by many different Chinese people. There could be nuances that the first translator missed and perhaps the note may not be so "negative." The more I learn about China, the more I realize that everything is not always as it first appears. But I would hold onto the note and give it to her, if she asked and I felt she could handle the info (if she was a minor). When she became an adult, I feel it is her property, so if she asked for it, I would give it to her, regardless of my feelings of whether she could handle it or not.The "other" Wendy M.
Post a Comment