Saturday, April 10, 2010

She Just HAD to Be Single

In case you've missed it in all the coverage of the adoptive mother who returned her son, Artyom, to Russia alone on a plane, is single. Or as this article says, "a 33-year-old, unmarried nurse." (Is it just me, or is there a difference between being a "single mom" and being an "unmarried mom?" Looks to me like they are signaling the stigmatizing "unwed mother.")

Great, just what we need, a poster child for why singles shouldn't be allowed to adopt. And yes, people are going there. A quick read of the first 100 or so comments to the article above revealed the following comments from 5 separate commenters:
Adoption by a single parent is not really a good idea.

What is the story on the adoptive mother, was she a single mom? Not a good idea for her to adopt in the first place.

in first instance he should not be adopted by a single mother this is unbelievable!

Single mother adopting - that says something about the silly twit right there.

A single mother adopted him? Who was in charge of THAT for God's sake?

Sigh. Yes, I know that's only 5% of commenters. And two commenters called foul on blaming this on single parenthood. And this is just anecdotal, not an accurate gauge of public opinion. But somehow it doesn't make me feel better. . . .


Chinazhoumom said...

OMG - I said the same thing on Facebook - Of course - we spoke at book club tonight about this - and all the options that might have taken place - and where she lived - maybe she "felt" like she had no other options - + crazy grandmother (IMO)- you got a problem with him...ok let's send him back - soapbox city!!!!

and the comments from these people at the article you linked to - Wack a Doodle!

So keep us posted - does the mom have charges against her or not??

malinda said...

I'm working on the criminal charges thing -- there's no child abandonment CRIME in Tennessee, so it's about whether this is abuse or neglect. More on that when I've completed my legal research!

Von said...

Well funny that it's what they've always said to girls and women as a reason why they should relinquish their babies for adoption.

Sheri said...

Why not focus on the fact that she's a registered nurse? You cannot tell me that as a member of the medical community she is not fully aware of the options that are available for respite care, fostering, disruption. She has daily access to social workers, therapists, and psychiatrists. I do wonder if post-adoption depression (PAD) didn't play a significant role in this sad affair.

Wendy said...

I agree with Sherri, where is the focus on her profession? It does seem that should be an indicator of PAD or abandonment as truth--knowing how to get services and not fully exploring them. It also sounds like a nutty grandmother is a huge part of this equation--was she the caretaker while mom was at work? Maybe her unwillingness to help care for him is at play.

Elizabeth@Romans8:15 said...

I firmly believe singles should be able to adopt, as should other "non-traditional" families. My issue is that everyone should be judged on a case by case basis as to whether they can provide the best environment for a child. There are plenty of couples who should NOT be adopting. There are so many extenuating circumstances in EVERY family. What I wonder is do social workers ever say NO, you are not fit to do this??? Or is it just that if you meet the country requirements and have the $$, we'll work it out.

And as someone who is anticipating my 5-month follow up visit with my social worker, I have to wonder why you would not share some of these concerns with the social worker????

So many questions that are still unanswered. A sad, sad case for a boy who deserves much better.

Diane said...

Being single has nothing to do with anything.

I have watched many disruptions unfold in 2 parent homes. The fact that there were 2 parents was never discussed. The fact that this was a single parent should also not be part of some equation.

This is a child who was adopted on paper but never was accepted as a son. If he was viewed by the AP as a son- this would have never happened.