Friday, April 9, 2010

Disruption News: I Can't Keep Up

Thanks to a Facebook posting by Harlow's Monkey, this article about an 8th grade boy who brought a gun to school in Minnesota, and turns out to have been adopted from Russia at age 3 and disrupted at age 10:

"His needs far exceeded what the normal or even the super-family -- the two-parent home that we had and the love we had to give -- his needs far exceeded what we could do," his mom said. "We exhausted all of our resources -- financially, emotionally, spiritually -- I mean, all of the resources we had."

After years of trying to find proper treatment, the couple said, they came to a heart-breaking, guilt-filled conclusion that still brings tears: When it comes to serious mental illness, sometimes love -- even sacrificial, unconditional love -- isn't enough. They gave up their parental rights in August.

"We still think of him as our son. He will always be a part of us," said the mom. "... We pray for him daily. We remember him."

"But yet, we're afraid of him," said the dad.
An undoubtedly hard situation -- a child bringing a gun to school and threatening students obviously has issues. But has disruption made it better for anyone? And why are his former parents speaking so freely to the media about this poor child? I'm reminded of Anita Tedaldi's self-serving confessional tour concerning a child no longer hers. And in criminal defense terms, this isn't perhaps the best kind of media report for him. . . .


Wendy said...

I wonder if there are actually more parents leaving their children or if it just more publized. It could be that Anita paved the way for those trying to "normalize" their actions or at least change the perception of parents that do.
I remember seeing a trend to put these families on tv in the 1990's--then it was with domestic adoption, Russian/Romanian adoption, and bio families that had children who they felt were too disruptive or had serious mental needs. It may just be we are seeing the media looking to replay those stories with new players.
It is so sad for these individual children, but it is sad for all adopted children that may see or hear about these so open "disruptions" and begin to wonder about their future with their families or at the minimum hear their friends question them about them.

travelmom and more said...

It is hard for me to hear about all of these disrupted adoptions, in a selfish way I wish there were equal "air-time" given to biological parents who give up on their kids, of which there are many more. Social Services, juevenile detention centers and group homes are full of children wounded by bad parenting. Every year I have students who tell me they have been kicked out, or who move in with boyfriends, friends, etc because their parents gave up on them. I wish as a society we would do more to prepare families for parenting, and provide more support along the way.

Jessica said...

I agree with "travelmomandmore" who said "I wish as a society we would do more to prepare families for parenting, and provide more support along the way."

Sue said...

I have been wondering about biological parents "giving up" their children too. A good friend of mine who adopted a child (now a teen) with some very difficult issues and multiple diagnoses, recently admitted her to a residential facility/school. This seems like a better solution than disruption. Her daughter remains part of the family, she still has contact with them, the rest of the family can function better, and she is getting the treatment that she needs in a safe environment.