Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Beyond the Reunion

At Adoption Mosaic, Melissa of Yoon's Blur guest posts about after-reunion complexity:
I am a Korean-American adoptee who met my biological parents for the first time (last year in June of 2009) since my relinquishment in 1975. Since then, I have officially entered into what is often referred to as “post-reunion.”

Post reunion often receives less attention, I think, in part, because it is less glamorous and less emotionally climactic than the process of search and reunion. Hearing the story of how I searched for seven long years and the details of the first moments of coming face to face with my Omma and my Appa are much more enthralling and riveting. It is this phase of the adoption experience that brings simultaneous tears to our eyes and smiles to our mouths. But the actual reunion is only the beginning of a long, and often arduous and daunting, process. I find it unfortunate that post-reunion is so grossly neglected, because it can often be the stage in the process that can last the longest, can be the most fragile and complicated, and requires long-term support that is often lacking or underdeveloped.
The whole thing is a must-read, whether you think your child will ever have an opportunity to reunite with birth family. It reveals so much about the emotions of adopted persons, whether in reunion or not. I'm grateful for Melissa's honest sharing.

2 comments:

Mom2Isabel said...

Interesting timing. I was up until after 2AM last night watcing a show on PBS about a Babylift VN woman who located her birth parents and returned to Vietnam to be reunited with them. The awkwardness, culture clash and lack of communication was intense.

Wendy said...

I so agree and am honored to have had several email exchanges with Melissa. She reunited with her first family as M reunited with hers. It was fascinating to see that their process was much the same for the first several months although one an adult and one a child. I am so grateful to have had Melissa's support, honestly she was the only one who truly understood what M was facing as she was facing it. I am so happy to have found a friend in her and to have followed her blog.
Post reunion is by far the most complicated and hardest part, navigating all of the emotions, the past, the present, the future. She is so right, it is not the read that so many are excited to follow, but it is where the truth and real emotion sets in.
Thank you Melissa, thank you for sharing those moments that are so personal and raw.