There is a lot of talk, when the subject comes up, about not judging. I get that. People deserve help for their kids and themselves. No, I can’t imagine walking in some of their shoes. But the judging is not all about them or individual caseworkers doing their best; it’s a reaction to the idea that you can take this on, walk away when it gets tough, and then bond with other people publicly over your “badly bungled adoptions” boo-hoo because the system is usually there for you and might even hand you another child. Meanwhile, it sure feels like the kids are taking a back seat to everyone else’s needs.
It’s interesting. Nobody even gets glory points for sticking by their handicapped kids or children with autism, including the hard-to-raise kids, the ones they call the wrecking ball disguised as a boy. Most definitely, nobody gets a lollipop for divorcing them. The fact that it’s allowed to happen in adoption says something the industry and about attitudes to adopted kids that we may be reluctant to acknowledge.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Osolomama has a great post about adoption disruption, now given the nicey-nice name of "re-homing." Here's a snippet, but be sure to go to her blog to read the whole thing: