[Our class has really benefited from having an adoptee in the class; she is 28, was adopted when 3 days old, biracial, one of 15 children adopted by white parents]
We are taught as kids that certain things are rude to ask: a woman's age or weight, how much money one makes, etc. Too bad we aren't taught what to expect or how to act when meeting your bio family. I am a very curious person and I would love to learn more about my ancestry, but I don't necessarily want a relationship with my bio family. I won't know if they are someone I would want continued contact with until I meet them, but what happens if I meet them and they want a continued relationship and then I don't. Is it selfish of me to have reached out?
I met my bio mom and half siblings 9 years ago. When I asked about my dad it was clear she didnt want to talk aout him. After meeting my bio family, I had never been more grateful for being adopted. It was very clear that I would not be the person I am today if my bio mom tried to raise me. I will always be glad that she chose to give me a better life than she could have provided for me.
Shortly after I met my bio family, they moved and i changed my email adress (not on purpose) and we didnt keep in touch. After almost an entire semester of Adoption law, I looked once again on facebook for any of them. Just last night I messaged my biological half sister after she confirmed my friend request on facebook. At first I was relieved that i found her. She was very excited that I reached out. We have tentative plans to meet in person at the end of May when she will be in town for her sons graduation. However, after a couple of exchanges, I find myself very anxious. I have all these questions but can't just ask them because I don't know if it is polite to just come out and ask her things like who was my father. I referred to my bio mom by her name instead of mom, is that weird? Would my half-sister prefer me to refer to her as mom?
I know there is not a right or wrong answer to these questions, and that it is really up to what I am comfortable with. However, I am a very empathetic person and now I find myself with more questions and anxiety after only one night of exchanging 3 messages.The last thing I want to do is hurt somebody's feelings.
I always wanted to meet my half sister, because I was told that she was 15 and wanted to raise me as her own instead of my mom putting me up for adoption. She was very excited when i contacted her on facebook and I was excited about finding her. But after viewing her profile on facebook, I worried that I wouldn't act black enough for her (she is bi racial as well, but clearly identifies with black people, probably only 2% of her friends on facebook were white). Suddenly, all these feelings of anxiety and questions of racial identity that I thought I had come to terms with, have risen to the surface.
Still hoping for change
3 weeks ago