Hi Rene,ARRRRGGGGGGGG! Why do people DO this?! Is there ANY expert alive today who hasn't said a MILLION times, you MUST tell your children they are adopted. And it's BEST to tell them FROM THE BEGINNING. Because when you don't, you end up having a 15-year-old who doesn't know and who will NEVER trust you again and who WILL act out and has every reason to because you've now made it a HUGE EFFING DEAL when it didn't have to be, or you end up with a 15-year-old who DOES know because she heard it from Great-Aunt Mildred who didn't realize what IDIOTS her parents are and figured she knew, so now she DEFINITELY doesn't trust a thing her parents say and it is ANY WONDER that she's acting out?!
Our daughter Kelly is adopted – but she still doesn’t know. Now that she’s getting older (she’s almost 15) we’re wondering when – and even if – we should tell her.
We always planned on telling her but my husband and I kept putting it off – and now we’re wondering if it’s in her best interests to tell her. Kelly can act out and be dramatic and we’re worried this will devastate her.
We have one other daughter, Shelly, who is 13 and our biological daughter. The two girls fight constantly and if this comes out we think it might create an even bigger rift between them.
Are we taking the easy way out by staying silent? Or does Kelly have a right to know? And if we do tell her – how should we handle it?
Adoptive Mom, Maryland
I think Rene gave appropriate advice. The only thing I would add is that it might be a good idea, if you've waited this long, to have a family therapist on speed dial! And I do mean a FAMILY therapist, because these parents have some serious issues about adoption if they haven't been able to talk to Kelly about hers for 15 years and probably need therapy worse than Kelly does. Poor Kelly.