Saturday, April 30, 2011


That's all it takes.  That's what adult adoptees want.  That's what adult adoptees deserve.  Show a little respect, and you'll find out that those so-called "angry adoptees" are totally easy!  So says Joy:
We aren’t given any respect, oh find out what it means to me! It is always, it was so hard for your mothers and whatnot. I am sure it was, try being in the center of the whole implosion though and being told repeatedly that you don’t matter. That your feelings are imagined, that you need a second opinion about your own life and that is a reasonable statement? Srsly?

* * *

All you have to do is believe us, not ridicule or minimize us. For so many people, calling us ‘angsty girls’ or whatnot, that is beyond their capacity despite its simplicity.
That you need a second opinion about your own life. Wow, that's a powerful statement.  Meditate on that a moment.  How would that make you feel? Disrespected?  Exactly.

Joy was nice enough to say some kind things about my blog, that I was "respectful and kind in her treatment of adoptees," and this is what I had to say in the comments:
I don’t know how I could be an adoptive parent without listening to adoptees. Seeing all the issues you talk about appear in my very-verbal oldest daughter from practically the beginning, I had to listen, didn’t I?!

And y’all are SO entitled to respect, especially from adoptive parents — listening to you makes us better parents. Simple as that. We owe you.
Of course, I was really honored by her kind comments (and others who posted in the comments, thanks, too!), but at the same time, it's really sad that it's something to be complimented for!  Every human being deserves respect.  And from adoptive parents, adult adoptees who share their feelings so that we can learn to be better parents, those adult adoptees deserve more than respect -- our understanding, our support, our gratitude still wouldn't be enough. But giving respect?  That's easy!


Amanda said...

Some of us have been treated incredibly crap-tastically in response to sharing the adopted experience.

Respect really is all there is to it.

joy said...


Thanks Malinda!

ms. marginalia said...

Thank you, Malinda! It really doesn't seem to be all that hard to understand, but so many people seem invested in being rude to adult adoptees and telling us that we don't really feel what we feel, or only by the parameters they set for us. It's unreal.

Some people love to tell us that we say our experiences are everyone's. Very, very few of us do. We KNOW that adoption affects people very differently (and sometimes not at all). Conversations get derailed into ridiculousness. One person took me to task for my use of the article "the" in one exchange. Seriously? They don't want to listen. It's very disheartening.

You are an extraordinary woman.
I app