Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Talk About Rescue Mentality!

This tweet from a prospective adoptive parent:

Leaving on a mission to free an orphan. Sweet daughter your family is on their way, only a few hours separate us now! #adoption #Ukraine
A mission?! Free an orphan?! Yikes!


Anonymous said...

how do these people slip through the cracks?? sure wish there was a better gatekeeping system for this...

Anonymous said...

I can only hope the *orphan* is sufficeintly greatful.

Anonymous said...

Here are a few quotes from another blog I've been reading. They are in China now "saving" an older child.

"I KNOW one day she will come to know my Jesus. That is why we are here...she will know eternal salvation."

"I know that one day ***** will give her heart to Jesus...that is why we are here."

"You know, they worship fake gods."

What can I say? That last quote just digs under my skin!

Wendy said...


Anonymous said...

Sadly, it seems there are more and more "Christian" families adopting with what appears to be the 'savior' mentality.

A better gatekeeping system-- are you kidding? Look at some of the adoption agencies-- their name, their requirements for Christian families (agency specific)?

I have read on some list serves and blogs about Aparents telling their kids to pray for their First Parents because uless they find Jesus they will not be allowed into Heaven.

Anonymous said...

I am a Christian. I say this with humility. I have never thought I was "saving" a child. I would say without hesitation that we have been mutually blessed.

However, just as many people on who comment on this blog accuse Christians of being judgmental, I find increasingly so that those who don't share my faith stand in judgment over me.

This seems to have changed from a blog that gives me food for thought to a blog that allows for all opinions except those of Christians. We seem to be always painted with the same brush by people who think they know our hearts.

You know...when I was early in the adoption process, I probably made a lot of mistakes. I know I still make a lot of them. But wouldn't we better served educating people rather than condemning them?

AdoptionTalk has become a place of increasing negativity for me, and it saddens me to do this, but I cannot in good conscience continue to follow a blog that encourages condemnation (both in posts and comments) rather than being a positive forum for education people about all vantage points of an adoption.

Anonymous said...

I can't help but agree with some of the last poster's comments about Adoption Talk being a place of negativity. I can't see any purpose in the last two posts other than to invite people to make disparaging, critical comments. Yes, we get it. It's your blog and you can post whatever you want. Some adoptive parents are horribly abusive. Some adoptive parents have a savior mentality. I'm not saying I agree with or condone their behavior. But what is it you're trying to acomplish by repeatedly posting this information?

malinda said...

"A place of negativity" -- not many of those allowed when it comes to adoption. Adoptive parents in particular want to think only about the happy-happy-joy-joy narrative about adoption.

So I don't really mind being thought of as "a place of negativity" on the web -- but if you really look at it in the context of EVERYTHING I post, it's not really all that negative, is it?!

Here's list of the last 10 posts:

Happy Mid-Autumn Moon Festival!
Talk About Rescue Mentality!
Close Encounters of the Intrusive Kind
Wait For the Punch Line
Review: We See the Moon
Who is a Family?
Zoe's Note to Maya
"Race Isn't What Defines Me"
Maya Is Seven Today!
Open Thread -- In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee

Look how few are "negative." Look how many are all sweetness and light. Look how many are "instructive."

I think people are prone to overreact to anything they consider "negative" instead of trying to see the big picture.

That's OK, I suppose. But I'd ask you to consider the forest before reacting to a tree or two.

But if this blog isn't giving you what you want, then certainly you should stop reading. Too many blogs out there to read ones that irritate you!

And, sorry, if you want to judge the blog by who comments, that's your perogative. I DO NOT CENSOR comments. I think we can learn something from every comment, especially if we try to avoid labeling the commenter is some fashion.

I love my readers, ALL my readers, whether I agree with them or not. You'll find some very devout Christians, for example, who read here and comment frequently. I think most would tell you I'm pretty respectful of their viewpoints. I'm not the one to suggest, for example, that the rescue mentality is "Christian."

Anonymous said...

Not to mention your kids go to a Christian school! I hardly think you are labeling all Christians with a broad stroke or are presuming that all of those with a "savior" mentality are Christian.

That being said, it seems a great many of the "Christian" adoption agencies are touting the rescue of children and blurring the lines from children needing families instead discussing adding to the fold or under the belief that other religions are wrong or that the children are in need of rescue from countries that are somehow less. They are not wrong, they are different.

Just as don't see Christians as wrong even though I don't believe in that belief system at all--nor the other two monotheistic religions (Islam and Judiasm), which are very much alike although their followers don't seem to want to hear that. I believe that people of faith are different, not bad, not evil, not stupid. I wish that those with faith would not take every mention of something that I would think most would agree with is negative and turn it into a personal affront of their beliefs. You can belief without believing that children are better off in Western homes, Christian homes, or are in need of some type of spirtual healing. I also don't see the point of telling a blogger that you no longer feel the desire to follow--don't then. It seems another way to try change the blogger, not the negative aspects of adoption.


Wendy said...

oops--I should have clarified that other countries and religions are not wrong, they are different. This is something that seems to be lost to the very evangelical set of adopters and agencies.

Anonymous said...

“You'll find some very devout Christians, for example, who read here and comment frequently. I think most would tell you I'm pretty respectful of their viewpoints. I'm not the one to suggest, for example, that the rescue mentality is "Christian."

You’ll have to excuse me if I didn’t find respect in your response here in the “Adoption Wackos and Grace” post:

“While she is busy praying for me (seeing as how I'm very hostile and unhappy!) and my poor adopted children, I will be busy laughing and shaking my head . . . .

Adoption wackos? Pot, meet kettle!”
“And, sorry, if you want to judge the blog by who comments, that's your perogative. I DO NOT CENSOR comments. I think we can learn something from every comment, especially if we try to avoid labeling the commenter is some fashion”.

Wasn’t your entire Adoption Wackos and Grace a judgment about someone’s comment?

And you still didn’t answer my question: what was your purpose in posting about the adoptive parents in Missouri or someone’s tweet about rescuing a child – without providing any thoughtful analysis? I don’t see you posting about the first mother who reunited with her son on facebook and then had sex with him. Or biological parents who starve their children and lock them out of the house. You seem to pride yourself on having a blog which discusses topics in adoption not readily found elsewhere. I also applaud you for that. Your blog raises many interesting ideas and issues from a thoughtful, informed perspective and for that you have my appreciation and gratitude. You seem to hold adoptive parents to an unrealistically high standard that you don’t impose on anyone else. There are always going to be adoptive parents who do weird, shitty things to their kids, and please don’t misunderstand me to say that I apologize for or support them in any way. I just don’t get why you feel the need to continually post about them. But, as I said, it’s your blog and you have the right to say whatever you want.

Von said...

"I would say without hesitation that we have been mutually blessed." says an adopter.Blessed by what? Adoption? Time to get real like many other adopters who now see what they have been involved in and are responsible for.That's not negative that's truth.
This blog negative? It's one of the most positive and realistic around, written by someone who is always thoughtful and considered.Shouldn't we be supporting that?

Anonymous said...

There are so many adoption soundbites; most make me cringe, but "adoption starts with a loss" rings true for my experience as an adoptive parent. Thank you for continuing to help me think critically about adoption and be in a position to be both honest and enlightened when I help my children explore their personal adoption journeys, as humbling as that might be.

Cassi said...

I have always found in this blog honesty and the courage to speak the truth. I have found posts that make me smile, ones that make me want to cry and ones that I can say "Yes" I get it.

As one who believes very firmly in the word of God, I have NEVER seen anything here that has ever made me feel as if Malinda was pigeon-holing ALL Christians to a certain way or action.

If what she has had to say makes you feel uncomfortable, perhaps the best question to ask is "Why?" What part of your own inner reflections causes such a reaction?

Malinda, I love your blog. I love your writing and I, for one, am a reader who is happy to keep reading over and over again.

T. Laurel Sulfate said...

Run, little girl! Run! You can never be grateful enough.

...."Negativity"? I see reality.

There are hundreds, maybe thousands, of Sweetness and Light adoption blogs sprinkled like fairy dust all over the internet. This one strives for truth instead, and this adoptee appreciates it.

Von said...