Thursday, June 10, 2010

Even More "Talking Adoption" Posts

Last month we had a flurry of posts (including this one) about adoption talk -- how, when & why we talk to our kids about adoption and birth parents, etc.There have been some more since my last round-up, so I thought I'd put up the ones I missed then:

Brian Stuy, who started it all with the post What to Tell -- and When, follows up with this post about surveying his children about adoption talk in their household.

Adding an adoptee's perspective is Mei Ling at Shadow Between Two Worlds.

Judy shares an unfinished adoption conversation with her son at Just Enjoy Him.

And Diane at An-Ya describes the adoption conversation her daughter scheduled with her by telling her it might hurt her feelings (it didn't!).

Not my cup of tea, but click here for a video about how one woman talks to her kids about adoption from a certain religious world view.  I'd be interested in hearing what others think of it.


Anonymous said...

Religious Video - My comment - I've never been a fan of the "it was meant to be" explanation.

She really is trying to force a negative into a positive, but I don't personally feel we as the adoptive parents have a right to do that.

I get that she is trying to "take the pain away" from multiple foster placements, loss, etc. but her explanation is very "adoption parent-centric", and doesn't necessarily honor the experience (positive and negative) of the child's past.

Personally, I would never explain my daughter's adoption this way to her.

Mei Ling said...

As one adoptee's opinion here - "meant to be" indicates the loss was also "Meant to be" because if the adoption was meant to be, it is a result of the relinquishment and therefore the relinquishment had to have been "meant to be" as well.

There's adoption logic for you. :P

Btw, thanks for linking me... it's been pretty intriguing all around in adopto-land lately.

Naomi said...

I disagree with most of how the woman in the video explains adoption, but I wonder what others think of "meant to be" in terms of answering "why did you adopt me instead of someone else?"

I don't think it was meant to be that my daughter's first family could not take care of her any more. There were so many factors involved in that situation. But to answer why is SHE in OUR family, as opposed to in another adoptive family? I do believe this particular match was meant to be.

But I do wonder how that will sound to her (she's only 2 and doesn't talk yet, so I don't know what she thinks of it yet!)

Please comment -- the more I say it the more I'm not sure if it sounds right that way either.

Naomi said...

So I just read all the past comments on this idea (I didn't see all the other posts before) that many have already talked about the difference between "meant to be" not-with-your-first-family and "meant to be" from thereafter. I'll continue to think about that, but believe it is possible to distinguish that while certainly her first family was her "right' family, she is not in our family entirely randomly.