I'm always told I should just "go with my instincts" when it comes to parenting, but I'm more a "research-based" parent! I want to know what scientific research says about adoption, what sociologists and psychologists have to say about it. I want to hear from adopted persons about their adoptions and from birth mothers about their relinquishments and relationships with their children and those who adopted them, and from adoptive parents who are having the same conversations with their kids that I am with mine. That last part was a pretty small segment of the blogosphere 3 years ago.
I decided to put my toe back in the blogging waters, thinking maybe there were others out there who wanted to know HOW I was talking adoption with my kids. I figured I'd get some feedback and share what I know and we'd just be a talking about talking about adoption crew! I've branched out into other adoption topics, too, but that's really what I love -- talking about talking about adoption.
I love how more and more adoptive parents are sharing their conversations with their kids about the hard stuff in adoption. I don't always agree with them, but I love that they are sharing. I learn so much from what they say, and I go practically giddy when I get a word-for-word transcript of the conversations they're having with their kids! One of my favorite "talking about adoption" bloggers is Dawn at This Woman's Work. One of my recent favorite posts from Dawn comes in reaction to Brian's post talking about talking about adoption with his kids, where he says he does not bring up the topic unless his kids initiate the conversation. Dawn says:
So I bring it up. I don’t say, “Hey, Madison, do you feel so much more tied to Pennie [Madison's birth mother] than you do to me? Since she’s your real mother and all?” Instead I say, “How did you feel when so-and-so was talking about how much you look like Pennie?” If I was Brian Stuy in a closed adoption from China, I’d surely say, “Sometimes I wonder about your birth mom. Do you wonder?” Because I would wonder. And if I’m wondering, it’s not such a far stretch to think that the kid herself in question wonders.And then Dawn goes on to interview her kids on whether she should raise the issue of adoption or not!
And if that's not awesomeness enough for you, she addressed questions from the comments about whether and when it crosses boundaries to blog about our kids, an issue I visit and revisit all the time -- not just in my own mind, but in conversations about the blog with my kids.
So shoo! Go! Go read what Dawn has to say. You can come back later to read me!