I would like to invite adoptive and prospective adoptive parents to read this article with an open mind and heart as you reflect on the meaning of your own adopted child's prenatal experience. What do you really know of your child's birth mother's medical care or state of mind? There may be some medical information available to you, but what about the mother's emotional world? What were her emotions about giving her baby up for adoption? How did this impact her baby's world in the womb? How do you imagine your child's world has been effected by the loss of the person it was bonding with for those nine months? How do you believe this experience has set the frame for your child's relationship with you, with themselves and with their world?
These are difficult questions I know, but essential ones I believe in order to not only begin your own bonding process with your child, but also to help your child come to know and understand this loss and its impact on them. While it is a deeply sad situation for a child to lose it's birth mother, in adoption that is a reality -- and one that is better to be acknowledged, grieved and emotionally made sense of than denied and misunderstood.
2 months ago