Friday, May 15, 2009

Hard Truths, Told Softly

A thoughtful post on talking about abandonment with our kids:

There are many hard truths of adoption, all of which our children own. After all, it is their story. And age appropriately we share with them so they have the knowledge they need to take into the world with them.

And some things may turn out to be unexpectedly difficult or hard for our children that we need to learn to wrap our heads around in order to walk the path with them.

Tonight, on the way to dinner, out of the blue, our 11 yo asked if we knew any information about where she was found. We have talked about this before, but tonight she was ready to listen at another level. I don’t know what sparked the question. She had spent time with a friend today, but she did not say they talked about anything. Perhaps it was just seeing someone in their birth family.

I remember the first time I used the word ‘abandon’ or ‘abandonment’ with my children. It was a hard word to get out of my mouth, but after a while, it becomes easier, just as it was easy to think in my thoughts.

I can’t count the number of times people have said to me things like: they don’t like girls in China — they abandon or kill their girls in China. And I have asked them if they have ever been in China. (No.) The truth is something far different.

My girls have also had it said to them in school.

What good would it do them not to know the real facts or for me to gloss over them? They will grow up, and then they will know that I was not trustworthy.

1 comment:

Mei-Ling said...

"They don't like girls in China."

It is true that girls are more valued. But I do not think they are loved any less from the mother's perspective. Maybe from the father's perspective.

Eg. My father once told my sister that her brother was 'better' simply because he was a boy. But if you were to ask my mother, she would say she loves Xiao-Ping deeply.