Saturday, December 13, 2008

Do you really want to be an adoptive parent?

Heather at Production, Not Reproduction nailed it:

When you say...
  • you don't think you should have to deal with birth parents after the adoption is done;
  • you're sometimes grateful your child was abandoned with no information, because that way it's like his history starts with you;
  • you don't believe in openness because it is uncomfortable;
  • that birth parents should be able move on with their lives, knowing that their child is loved and safe with you;
  • that speaking ill of your daughter's first parents has no effect on her, since they're not her family anymore;
  • you know your child is fine with her adoption because she never brings it up;
  • you never talk about adoption in your family because it's an event that's done and in the past...

what I hear is that you became a parent through adoption, but you don't really want to be an adoptive parent.

Wish I'd said it!

4 comments:

Wendy said...

I agree. Sadly, I hear those same sentiments from AP's at group get-togethers. I "correct"/"inform", but honestly there is a segment of our population that is just not open to understanding their kids or the triad/square.

Mei-Ling said...

"you're sometimes grateful your child was abandoned with no information, because that way it's like his history starts with you"

The number of P/APs who still insist on thinking that way make me shudder.

Just because you don't know your child's pre-adoption history doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It definitely existed. You just don't know what it is!

Lisa said...

I don't know if I agree that a person who exhibits these traits doesn't "want to be an adoptive parent." I view it more as a person in need of adoption education. Perhaps they love their child very deeply, but are narrow minded / have blinders on.... in need of serious reforming.

Beverly said...

sad I agree.