So I keep reading, keep listening. I DO want to hear what adoptees really think. Even when it hurts. Because my pain pales in comparison with what my daughters feel. And until my kids are old enough to explain, this is how I can know.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
From adult adoptee Issycat at Adopt This!: "Everyone claims they want to hear what adoptees really think until they say something they don’t like. What’s up with that?"
Ouch! Though she is talking mostly about other adoptees who disagree with her frankly-expressed ambivalence about reunion with her birth mother, she could just have easily been talking about adoptive parents.
I'd think that even the most open-minded and well-intentioned adoptive parents can have an "ouch" moment in hearing what adult adoptees have to say -- I admit to more than a few ouches in reading Tai Dong Huai's description of the OCD meeting! I can just see Zoe writing something devastatingly similar in 10 years' time. I think the mistake adoptive parents make is in trying to avoid the pain by dismissing what adult adoptees have to say that doesn't follow the happy-happy-joy-joy adoption script. Just call them "angry adoptees" and you don't have to deal with what they say.