I was having a conversation about schools with a group of moms recently. Some loved the public school their child attended, some hated the public school their child attended. It struck me in the conversation that no one said, "How can you criticize public education when your child attends a public school?" No one said, "How can you criticize public education when your child is having a positive experience in a public school?" No one said, "You hypocrite! You're only complaining after you've benefited from public schools!" No one said it, because everyone knows that there are systemic problems with public education in America, even while there are good public schools.
But we do that about adoption all the time -- How can you criticize adoption when you've already adopted? How can you criticize adoption when you benefited from it? How can you criticize adoption when you've had a positive experience with adoption? You hypocrite -- you're only criticizing after you brought your child home! You can't possibly love your adopted children if you criticize adoption. . . .
I can criticize all kinds of things that benefited me -- democracy, capitalism, public radio (pledge drive, anyone?!), public schools, private schools, modern dentistry, books, etc. -- in the hopes of making things better. Can't I criticize the systemic problems in adoption toward that same end -- in the hopes of making things better?