Monday, August 23, 2010

Mom & Adoptee Talk Disruption

From M(ichigan)Live, a disruption story in a domestic adoption, and in this one you actually get to hear from the adoptee:

She was a heralded supermom who fought long and hard for her children and made national news for a landmark case involving transracial adoption more than a decade ago.

But today, Regina Bush says she can no longer parent one of her five adopted children and she wants the young woman — who has long history of aggression and mental health issues — out of her home.

If she refuses to care for 17-year-old daughter, Bush risks being charged with neglect — which could cause her to lose custody her other children.

If she allows the teen to stay at home, Bush believes she is putting her whole family in danger.

It is, she said, an impossible choice.

“I don’t know what else to do. If somebody gets hurt, we are all going to say what could we have done to prevent this,” a teary-eyed Bush said. “I’ll look like a bad mom no matter what I do.”
The girl's side of the story:

The young woman herself, who the Journal is not identifying because she is a minor, denies wanting to hurt anyone, saying that she is taking medication that helps her control her moods.

“I have an anger problem but I’m doing better,” she said. “I’ll be honest. I went though a big depression because I’ve been through a lot but I’m not the same person I was.

“I’m doing what I need to do. People are going to say stuff to try to set you off but I try to walk away now.”

The young woman graduated from high school this year and wants to go to college. She admits that in the past she has caused people “harm.”

“I feel like I’ve come a long way,” she said.

But, the teen said she’s always felt like she was treated differently at home.

She also is hoping to get legal permission to move out of her mom’s house into an adult foster care home — a sometimes lengthy and complicated process for people under the age of 18.

“My mother and I just don’t have a good relationship,” she said. “She wants to get me hospitalized.

“I feel like she’s not seeing any of the good. She just wants to kick me out. I think she’s making it out to be bigger than it is.”
Nope, I have no idea who is "right" or "wrong" here.  I don't even know if there is a right or wrong here.  I do know it's very sad.
BTW, the landmark transracial adoption case?  It was African-American Regina Bush adopting a white child.


Anonymous said...

Clearly there is no right or wrong here, there's just a very sad situation--a mom who feels helpless and a daughter who feels unloved and cast aside. As the mother of a teenaged daughter, I can say THEY (teenaged girls) have anger issues. They yell and scream and sometimes even throw things (hopefully not at people). They slam doors and have tantrums. However, the solution is not to throw them out of our homes! The solution is to help them deal with their problems and the things that are making them angry--such as, the way they are being treated at school, the way they are getting along/not getting along with their siblings and parents, the way they are coping with the everyday stresses of being a teenager. I'm confident that my daughter will grow out of her tantrums--just like I did.

Granted, there are varying degrees of anger issues, and some require professional intervention. However, under no circumstances, whether a child is part of a family due to biology or adoption, should a teenager be cast out of their family!

Just my two cents worth. And, I'm staying anonymous on this one--but I'll bet you can guess who I am!

Anonymous said...

for your reading pleasure. remember, your adoptlings may feel this way too.

Anonymous said...