Remember my post about Zoe saying I was the best mom in the world, and then adding that her birth mom was the second best mom in the world? In the comments, Sang-Shil suggested that maybe I could be the best mom in America and her birth mom could be the best mom in China, so that Zoe wouldn't feel she needed to choose between us. I wished I had thought of that when Zoe ranked us.
The subject hadn't come up again, until last night. We took my parents out to dinner to celebrate my dad's birthday, and I said something to them about Zoe being more affectionate lately.
Zoe said, "Tell them what I told you about why!"
I replied, "You mean about me being the best mom in the world?" (My mind started whirling, strategizing how to reframe the discussion to make both me and birth mom best, and then . . . )
Zoe said, "Right, the best forever mom. And my birth mom is the best birth mom!" And from her intonation, birth moms and forever moms were equally important!
Well, how about that? She figured it out on her own, a way to give us each primacy in our particular role, with no one being second-best. Smart cookie!
The Angrier Adoptee, part 1
1 week ago