I was reminded the other day that those of us who have adopted from abroad are not alone in our worries about keeping our kids connected to their heritage. I was talking to the father of one of Zoe's schoolmates. The family is originally from Mexico -- dad, second generation and kids, therefore, third generation. He was telling me that the reason his kids were attending Catholic school had more to do with culture-keeping than religion. He bemoaned the fact that the family rarely visited Mexico, that his kids did not speak Spanish. He said, "They've lost so much of their culture that I figured we could at least give them the religion of their heritage."
Interesting, hmm?
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That is interesting. I have a friend that is first generation Mexican American. (that is what she calls it) Her parents were born in Mexico but she was not. Her children speak spanish and do things for the culture. However, her brother's children do not because they would rather them not to be able to understand them when they fight.
I hear this from ethnic families in my community ALL the time. I have a daughter from India. I was talking to a classmate's mom, who is Indian, about the culture keeping issue in adoption, and she described her own struggle. Her parents came from Hindi speaking No India and are Jains. Her husband's parents came from Kannada speaking South India and are Hindus. So, no common faith, no common language to teach their kids. Some issues in international adoption are simply part of the immigrant experience.
Rather different for adoptees don't you think, who loose rather more?
Of course, Von the loss is much different for adoptees. Not just different because of the loss of the first family, but also because with parents from the original culture, immigrant children have a much greater ability to connect to that culture even when it's difficult because of assimilation to a new culture.
Hi Von, yes of course adoptees lose much more. However, living in a diverse area, I do hear about the struggles of immigrant families a lot. I also have Ethiopian children, and many Ethiopians will want to know if my kids can speak Amharic (not much, I'm afraid.) Other Ethiopians I meet are embarrassed when I ask if THEIR kids speak the language and the answer is no, even with 2 Amharic speakers in the home. I take learning and valuing their birth cultures seriously, but encountering other non-adoptive families with similar struggles has helped me let go of some of the guilt and focus on being productive in supporting them. If my kids choose to live in this area as adults, they'll know lots of non-adopted people who share their ethnicity who have varying cultural "competencies." They will find their niche.
I agree, adoptees do lose much more. But I think the point is that some of what our children struggle with is not unique to the adoptee experience.
Interesting subject with great comments. Like Sharon, I live in an area with families from around the world and hear of similar struggles to retain birth culture. Different for adoptees, yes, but as Sharon says, hearing about the challenges of non-adoptive families has allowed me to let go of some of the guilt and focus on being supportive. J
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