Saturday, July 30, 2011

Single Mom Stigma, Alive & Kicking

From Brain, Child Magazine:
They’re easy. They’re slutty. They got pregnant with some random guy. Or, selfishly, they ran out to the sperm bank when they turned forty. It’s their fault.

They’re always broke. They’re on welfare. They’re sponging off the taxpayers. They should work for a living, and, simultaneously, they should stay home with their kids. Whatever they do, it’s never as good as what a married mom does. Ever. It’s their fault.

They should have worked harder to keep their marriages together. They go out partying anytime the ex has the children. They’re man-haters. Or manhunters, who shouldn’t be left alone with other people’s husbands. Their kids are troubled, or troublemakers, bound for the penitentiary, suffering without a male in the house, un-cared for, un-read to, a bad influence on other children.

They’re brave but pitiable. Their families, and their lives, aren’t complete because they don’t have a mommy and a daddy living under the same roof. And that’s their fault.

Thank God it’s 2011, not the 1950s, and people no longer subscribe to those heinously out-of-date stereotypes about single mothers. Right?


Maybe not. This past February, the Pew Research Center issued findings from its survey on changes in family structure, in which respondents were asked to rank a list of seven trends, such as interracial marriage and gay couples raising kids, as being good, bad, or of no consequence to society. More respondents—nearly seven out of ten—ranked “single mothers” as being bad for society—more than any of the other choices.
It's a fascinating essay, exploring these themes and others.  Be sure to read the whole thing.

I'm interested, not just because I'm a single mom myself, but also because of the implications for adoption more generally.  These attitudes influence policymakers in a number of ways, from laws limiting singles adopting and laws limiting oversight on minors relinquishing parental rights (after all, if single momhood is so bad, the only possible decision is adoption, so why bother to protect an unmarried mother's decision to relinquish?).

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