Maya didn't mean to poke me with the proverbial horns of a dilemma, but she surely did. Zoe spent the night with a friend Friday night. so that meant Maya slept in my bed (and frequently poked me with her stuffed unicorn's horn, too!). It also meant that Maya got to pick out a night-time video all on her own, with no interference from big sister. Not surprisingly, Maya picked Hercules.
After Hercules finds out that he was adopted, he runs off to the Temple of Zeus to follow a clue as to who his birth parents might be. And that's where Maya's difficult question came: "Mama, if I ran off to find my birth parents, what would you do?"
Now, Maya loves to ask questions about what I would do if she ran away, flew away, turned into a bunny and hopped away, etc. The answer she seems to be seeking then is the "permanancy" answer -- I'll follow you, I'll never let you go, you're mine forever. And she loves getting those answers from me. I say that it isn't that easy to get rid of me, that she's stuck with me forever, and she giggles wildly.
But now Maya's made it complicated -- what if she runs off to find her birth parents? I don't want to answer that I won't let her go, which sounds like I won't let you search for your birth parents. So how to answer?
Finally, I said, "You won't have to run off to find your birth parents -- if you want me to, I'll go with you! I'll help you any way you want me to when or if you want to look for your birth parents."
Maya was a bit surprised and intrigued by that answer. She had a slew of questions about how I could help, and we talked about some of the difficulties in searching in China. She was noncommital about searching.
Finally, I told her, "I love you and always want to help you. That's 'cause I'm your mom forever and that's what moms do!" The horns disarmed, at least temporarily. . . .
The Angrier Adoptee, part 1
1 week ago