Meade learned first hand the cost of adoption when he and his wife began the process several years ago. Meade’s wife got pregnant 18 months into the process, but not before the Meades had spent about $10,000.Excuse me? Meade's wife got pregnant -- what a shame they'd already wasted all that money on an adoption they no longer cared about?! They ended their quest to adopt after she became pregnant. Adoption as second best, anyone? What a heartwarming tale . . . .
And then there's the family who is benefiting from this year's fundraiser:
The Morrises are still early in the process to adopt. A home study will be completed this week and more paper work will follow. But, for Kaywood and Debbie, meeting their daughter for the first time will make it worth the wait and the work to bring her here.How wrong-headed is this? Let me count the ways . . . .
Kaywood and Debbie said they’ve decided to adopt a little girl from China, a little girl that Kaywood says already has an identity. Their daughter will be named Mya Grace, and she could range anywhere from 12 to 24 months old.
“She’s going to help heal us,” Kaywood said. “She’ll fill a void.” The Morrises say they’ve always wanted a little girl, and their 9-year-old son, Dalton Morris, is also ready to have a little sister.
1. The prospective adoptee from China "already has an identity." Well, not exactly. She's not born yet, if you expect her to be no older than 24 months and there are 3+ years wait time and you haven't even finished your homestudy yet. But when she is born, they're right -- she will have an identity. One unrelated to adoption. I don't mind so much that they've already named her, but to act like giving her that name is the beginning of her identity is wrong, wrong, wrong.
2. "She's going to help heal us." Who's sick? What are they being healed from? Infertility? Hate to break it to you, but after you adopt, you'll still be infertile. If they are seeing the child as a bandaid, this adoption will fail. They need to heal themselves before even contemplating adoption. And wouldn't it be nice to actually think of the child's needs, instead of what she can do for you?!
3. "She'll fill a void." So far, this adoption is all about what YOU want, what YOU need, and how she'll give it to you. A child is not a peg to pound into your empty hole. What an enormous amount of pressure to put on a child -- heal us, fill us, make us happy. And if at any point after the adoption they feel sick, empty, unhappy, who will get the blame, do you think? Poor kid.
I'm not so much picking on this poor, ignorant family. They are just representative of some of the attitudes we hear from many prospective adoptive parents. Here's hoping their social worker does some more educating before that homestudy gets finished. Maybe those long wait times for China are a good thing here -- they have YEARS to learn, if they are of a mind to. Let's hope they are.