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I wonder sometimes if my mom wishes she could have been pregnant instead of adopting. . . . It isn't a secret that she and my dad tried to have children before going to China. . . .
It's kind of like I was my mom's "second choice" at how to have a child. . . .
Lily, aka: "First Runner Up"
Your question is challenging and insightful. As I thought about how I wanted to answer it, I realized that I couldn't just reassure you that your parents, or any other adopted child's parents, definitely chose to adopt as their "first choice. . . . ." I would even guess that lots of kids, like you, have realized that adoption may sometimes be seen as "second best" to having a child by birth and that can feel pretty lousy.
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Feeling like you might be second choice can be pretty tough for lots of reasons, but looking at it as you described might not tell the whole story. . . . [E]ven if your mom wanted to have a baby by birth, that doesn't automatically mean she did not also want to adopt. That is, for women, wanting to give birth and wanting to be mom however that happens can both be strong desires.
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While adoption may not have been many adoptive parents' first choice, I think you'd have a hard time finding any adoptive parents who would want to give up that adopted child for the chance to have a child by birth. Once you become a family, that bond is as strong as any other.
One of the best things about Mei Magazine, in my opinion, is that they don't sugar-coat the hard parts of adoption while still presenting a fun and upbeat magazine for children adopted from China. Subscribe to read the rest of Lily's question and Amanda's answer!