Monday, June 8, 2009

Meet Asian Fetish Man

Silly, isn't it, that this is one of those issues that I'm already worried about. My oldest is 8 (and a half, she'd add), and I'm already wondering how she'll learn what every Asian woman needs to know -- how to recognize Asian Fetish Man. I mean, I have decades to worry about it, since I'm not allowing her to date until she's 30, but it's never too early, right?! And after watching the icky man-on-the-street interviews on the companion DVD to Adopted: the Movie, where these creepy guys talked about what they "appreciated" about Asian women, I'm thinking of raising the dating age to 40 . . . .

I remember asking a young Asian woman how she knew when she met Asian Fetish Man, and her immediate response was, "Oh, you KNOW!" She said the big tip-off for her is when all he can talk about is her Asian eyes, and her black hair, and her honey skin . . . . I know one Asian Fetish Man, and it was rapidly revealed when I discovered he'd never dated anyone but Asian women, ever. And this is in Lubbock, Texas, where Asian women are not exactly thick on the ground.

I ran across this wonderful post at the wonderful Kimchi Mamas blog, where Angie talks about online dating, and the problem of posting her photo of her Korean self:

I have no issue with the fact that I am Asian. I know it. My family knows it. Even my friends know it.

The problem lies in the responding interested parties.

Like: Asian Fetish Man.

Asian Fetish Man is the man who says "ni how" or "an yeoung" at the bookstore. Asian Fetish Man is the guy you dated who on your first date wanted to know ALL about your "Asian-ess" or worse, kept talking about his experience with Asia, the people and the culture . . . Asian Fetish Man is also the creppy guy who you *just KNOW* has that demoralizing fantasy of "oh me so horny" sexiness or complete submission.

Read the very interesting comments, too -- a real education on recognizing Asian Fetish Man, and some nuanced discussion of the difference between liking Asian women and fetishizing Asian women.


travelmom said...

Asian Fetish men are an interesting sort and this is something I have been thinking about since I read a post by a woman who thought all prospective adoptive parents should have to watch some Asian porn to learn about some stereotypes their daughters will have to deal with. I am still struggling trying to see how Asian women are portrayed in Western culture, I see a lot of strong Asian women characters on TV and in movies that I think serve as good role models, I realize there is a lot more but I have just started looking into these stereotypes. When I lived in Asia I was struck by the stereotypes of Western women, mostly perpetuated by images of Baywatch and Beverly Hills 90210, which showed women as sexy, dumb and easy. I am guessing there are some parallels between my experience living in Japan and what Asian women living here experience due to their ethnicity. In college I remember a friend of mine who dismissed a suitor because she thought he only liked her because she was Asian. Then I asked myself is this different than a man who only likes blonds, or women with large breasts. How do you teach a girl to expect someone to be interested in her yet to dismiss someone who is interested in her because of one of her many qualities, which happens to be that she is Asian? I think this is all very confusing and more than I want to think about for my now three year old.

Diane said...

Malinda – Thanks for another migraine ;) Ugh. This is a tough one and one that I will need to address soon with my 10 year old.

Travelmom- Seriously, they suggested we watch Asian porn? I can’t see that going over very well with the social worker during the homestudy and post placements.

Social Worker- So what are you doing to prepare your adopted child for future challenges as an Asian adoptee?

Parents- Oh, we got that covered. We watch Asian porn to prepare her to deal with Asian Fetish Man.

malinda said...

Diane, I love that conversation between PAPs and SW!

I cheated on my home study -- they asked how I planned to discipline my child, and I had no idea, so I did some research. But it's amazing the awful things you find on the internet when you search "child discipline). Yecchhhh!


I agree, it is hard to figure the difference between "preference" and "fetish." I don't have the magic talisman to tell the difference, which is why I'm already worrying!

Lisa said...

Diane - I couldn't stop laughing in front of my computer. Good thing my husband didn't come in, he'd think I lost it.

Why do some dark haired women feel a need for blonde hair and breast implants? I can find many different ways any woman can inadvertantly or deliberately be subjected to sexual stereotyping. It's about how men "see" them & the woman's own desire to please him.

Instead of pointing out the lovely features our daughters have as something potentially exploitable, I would think our daughters should be empowered to be viewed as more valuable than just a sex object.

Diane said...

OMG- you so did NOT do that! LOL! I am assuming the social worker wasn’t in your home? Or, was it, excuse me for a minute while I freshen up, and you ran to your computer to google? I cringe to think of what in the world your results were. Well- mystery solved. Now I know why the home study process was such torture. I neglected to utilize the power of the net! Live and learn.

malinda said...


No the SW wasn't there -- I guess it would be more accurate to say I cheated on my autobiography! I came across the "how do you plan to discipline" question, and answered, "I don't know, I haven't met her yet." But somehow that didn't seem adequate, so I cheated, and looked up discipline stragegies.

And I cleaned my cache and took a shower after finding the creepy sites!

Mahmee said...

Ugh. I think we stumbled across one of these weirdos the other day and our daughter is only 3.5 years old! (Insert barf bag here.) I guess the only thing worse than Asian Fetish Man is Pedophilic Asian Fetish Man? Where's my migraine medication?! Ghaaack.