Dear Real Dad: I strongly believe that the people who raise a child are that child's "true" parents, regardless of whether the child meets his or her birth parents. Is there any ill will between you and Noah? Could there be money or prestige connected with Noah's birth father's name, which could account for what's happened?Sheesh, nothing like attributing the worst possible motives for wanting a link to biological relatives, huh? Well, Abby has now published responses she got to her advice, and here's one that's bang-on:
After investing 34 years of yourself in that child, you have reason to feel hurt. Family counseling might smooth some of this over. I am sorry for your loss.
May I weigh in on the letter from Noah’s Real Dad in New York (June 27), whose adult adopted son wants to reclaim his original last name? I am an adult adoptee who searched for and found my birth family.
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Unless you walk in an adoptee’s shoes you cannot judge their actions. After all, the adoption decision is made without the consent of the child. We also resent being treated like children after we are adults. Noah is a 34-year-old adult able to make his own choices and decisions.
Noah is fortunate that he knows his birth father and didn’t have to search a bureaucratic maze to obtain any information. Laws have been passed in several, not all, states allowing adoptees to get important information about their birth families that is necessary for taking care of ourselves and our own children. — Debbie In Florida