Beauty and Women of Color

A video in two parts and a few links. . . .

Video, Asian American Beauty -- covers stereotypes, plastic surgery, eating disorders, identity issues:





A few links:

Is Blond the New Black? At NPR's Tell Me More blog, comment about the number of African-American women at the Grammy Awards sporting blonde locks.

Balm, from the Washington Post, an African-American mother writes of bonding with her daughter while fixing her hair.

Vanity Fair's "New Hollywood" Issue Lacks Diversity, noting that "Every woman on its new cover is extremely thin and very, very white."

Using DNA to Fight Trafficking in Haiti & Philippines

I've posted before about the organization DNA-ProKids, which offers DNA services to identify trafficked children and match them with their parents. They are at work in the Philippines:

Humanitarian workers using DNA tests are offering to help track down Filipino babies illegally sent to Singapore for adoption in affluent countries.

“Women posing as their mothers would go to Singapore using fake identification to make authorities believe that the babies are theirs,” said Amihan Abueva, regional coordinator of the NGO Asia Against Child Trafficking.

“But once in Singapore, the babies are left behind,” Abueva told a forum on “DNA-Prokids: Using DNA To Help Fight Child-Trafficking.”

“The trouble is that there are no complainants,” Justice Undersecretary Ricardo Blancaflor told reporters on the sidelines of the forum at the University of the Philippines in Diliman, Quezon City.

“Parents also do not know where to go. They do not even know whom to accuse since no one knows where the child went,” Blancaflor said.

And thanks to a link from kantmakm, I can report that the organization is at work in Haiti, too:

The project called DNA-Prokids in Haiti will enable to initially take 6.000 samples of genetic data from adults who have reported missing children, immediate relatives with blood relationship, and from children with no family or doubtful relatives. The aim is to deter human trafficking of children and help reunite abducted and homeless children with their parents after the devastating earthquake, a problem which UNICEF and other organizations are warning of.

* * *

The collaboration offer to the Haitian Government will start immediately and is scheduled in five stages, the director of the program Dr. José A. Lorente said: ”On site training on sample collection; sample collection kits distribution (saliva, blood) for children under 18 with unknown family; sample collection kits distribution (saliva, blood) for parents (or relatives, if needed) who report their children disappearance; DNA analysis of the cases and design and development of ad hoc databases; and, finally, data delivery to competent Haitian authorities. Data interchange will make family reunification possible in same cases, it will force to continue searching in other cases, but it will save the children from abuse and organized crime in all cases.

How wonderful that DNA provides the means for family reunification, and that this organization can offer these services for free. And I admit a very personal interest -- I think DNA databases hold the promise to find birth family in China. . . .

"I am not an orphan"

Apropos of this post on the meaning of 'orphan,' this poignant quote from one of the child victims in the Case of the Bungling Baptist Baby-Snatchers in Haiti:

"One (9-year-old) girl was crying, and saying, 'I am not an orphan. I still have my parents.' And she thought she was going on a summer camp or a boarding school or something like that," said George Willeit, a spokesman for the SOS Children's Village.

"Mama, what's an 'orphan?'"

That's the question that came from the car's backseat in Maya's piping-high voice. "Mama, what's an 'orphan?'"

I've blogged about that word 'orphan' many times -- about how it is misused to create more adoptable children, about how legislation can make it mean whatever we want it to mean, about the baggage that comes with that word (but no one has explained that baggage better than this quote at Resist Racism: “'Orphan' is about a relationship that begins with pity. Pity is a shitty place to start.")

Though I've answered another child's question about my children, "Are they orphans," I have not defined it for my own kids. Obviously, now was the time.

"An orphan is a child whose parents have died. . . . Why do you ask?"

Maya explains that in the movie "Meet the Robinsons," which she and Zoe watched with their teenage cousins at Mimi & Grandpa's house, a little boy is left by his mom at an orphanage, and they said he was an orphan (My bad. I usually either preview movies for the girls or watch with them -- this time I was in the next room and missed this part. And how did I miss that this movie had huge honkin' adoption themes in it?!).

Zoe chimed in, "But he wasn't an orphan because he had a birth mom and was looking for her."

I explained that sometimes people will say a child is an orphan when they don't know who or where the parents are. But I agreed with Zoe that a child isn't an orphan when he has parents, even if we don't know who the parents are (no, I didn't explain about legal definitions of orphan or about half-orphans (especially since my kids only have one legal parent, and according to some that makes them half-orphans! I just love the name of this orphan care organization -- the Fatherless Foundation. Sheesh!)).

Maya asked in a tiny voice, "So am I an orphan?"

I assured her, "No, I'm your mom, so you're not an orphan. Remember, an orphan is someone whose parents have died, someone who doesn't have any parents. You have me!"

Zoe isn't going to be so easily assuaged, "But WERE we orphans? Before you adopted us?"

"No," I said, "you have birth parents, and I think they are still alive. I adopted you not because you were orphans, but because your birth parents weren't able to take care of you the way a parent wants to. We've talked before about the grown-up reasons that your birth parents couldn't raise you. I don't think that being dead was one of those reasons. Sometimes kids are adopted because they are orphans, and sometimes kids are adopted because, for grownup reasons, their birth parents can't take care of them."

There was silence as the girls digested this, and then Zoe said, sounding guilty,"You know, sometimes I don't think about my birth parents. . . ." Ah, that divided loyalty from a different direction; this time, it isn't feeling disloyal to me by thinking of birth parents, it's feeling disloyal to birth parents by not thinking of them at all.

"You didn't think about your birth parents during this movie," I asked? "Not really," said Zoe.

"That seems pretty normal to me, Zoe. We know and love so many people whom we keep in our hearts, but they can't all be in our heads at the same time! When you're at school, concentrating on learning something new or playing with your friends, I bet you don't think about me every minute, do you?" A mumbled, "no." "And that doesn't mean you love me any less, and it doesn't mean you love your birth parents any less if you don't think about them every minute of every day! You were watching the movie and playing with Patrick and William at the same time, so your head was pretty busy."

Maya jumps in at this point, as usual trying to cheer up Zoe, "Yeah, I love you, Zoe, but I don't think of you when I'm playing with Connor (her latest crush)!"

Lots of kissy-kissy noises from the back seat, and the moment passed.

China, and children as a commodity

An editorial from the L.A. Times, as a follow-up to this story and this story:

Over decades now, infertility or the simple desire to offer a child the chance for a better life has sent would-be parents to China in search of a baby to adopt. For so many, it was the perfect match. On one side of the Pacific were well-to-do couples yearning to share their love and good fortune; on the other were a plethora of little girls abandoned by impoverished parents in need of a son to support them in old age, or in violation of the country's so-called one-child policy.

No one liked to think of adoptions in unseemly market terms, but in fact this was a case of supply and demand. Whether paying for egg donors and surrogate mothers in the United States, or for lawyers and adoption agencies abroad, those who sought children knew that lots of money changed hands -- $15,000 to $30,000 in paperwork, travel and fees for a Chinese baby. Still, why call it commerce when such aching needs were concerned, and what did it matter if everyone was better off?

That's how it seemed, anyway, as tens of thousands of babies arrived in the United States in the 1990s and 2000s from Hunan, Guangdong and other provinces with names previously unknown to many of the adoptive parents. The overwhelming majority of adoptees were girls, moving from an often-soulless orphanage into the tearful embrace of a new family and a newly decorated bedroom in the likes of Indiana, Minnesota or California.

Unfortunately, not everything was as it seemed. Although many of the babies indeed were abandoned, demand ultimately began to outpace supply, and as Barbara Demick of The Times' Beijing Bureau recently reported, some babies were taken from birth parents in remote villages by coercion, fraud or kidnapping. Official orphanages, which received $3,000 per child from the adoptive parents, began paying up to $600 per newborn in expenses and more to finders, some of whom were government officials. In recent years, some Chinese parents have begun to talk about how they were threatened or tricked into giving up their daughters, sometimes in lieu of fines they could not afford for having a second or third child.

* * *

There is a cultural divide between the Chinese system's tendency toward secrecy and Americans' belief in their right to know. Given that China is still the largest source of adopted babies in the United States, however, it is imperative that U.S. officials demand openness and transparency regarding the background of these children, and that U.S. agencies deal only with proven, reputable orphanages in China. The Chinese must bend over backward to clarify the origins of babies and to create a thorough databank of information to ensure that all babies are offered for adoption voluntarily. No parent should be forced or tricked into relinquishing a child.

The donations that adoptive parents are required to pay to orphanages -- raised to
about $5,000 last year -- also should be dropped or redirected. The Chinese government considers this a social welfare fee to help fund the orphanages and care for the children who are still there, many of them with special needs. It should fund these orphanages in a way that does not create local incentives to find more babies for adoption.

In the past, Americans may not have dreamed that their pursuit of parenthood could create a market for abandoned or abducted children -- obviously that was never their intention. But now that the issue has come to light, they too must be vigilant. Their children inevitably will ask where they came from, who they are and why they were put up for adoption. For the sake of both parents and children, they should have answers.

I concur wholeheartedly with the call for transparency (I said as much here), though I can't say that I'm hopeful that that will happen. I don't think the U.S. has the will to press China on this issue, elevating other issues of trade and debt and Taiwan and you-name-it over integrity in adoption.

"An abduction, not an adoption"

Ten Americans apparently involved in trafficking Haitian children for the purposes of adoption:

Haitian police were holding 10 US citizens late Saturday on suspicion they tried to slip out of the country with 31 Haitian children in a trafficking scheme, a government minister said.

Haitian Social Affairs Minister Yves Christallin said the police arrested five men and five women with US passports, and two Haitians, as they tried to cross into the Dominican Republic with the children Friday night.

He said two pastors were also involved, one in Haiti and one in Atlanta, Georgia.

"This is an abduction, not an adoption," said Christallin.

Christallin said the US citizens did not have the proper documents to take the children out of Haiti, nor letters of authorization from their parents.

The children were aged two months to 12 years and had come from different places, he said.

"What is important for us in Haiti is that a child needs to have an authorization from this ministry to leave the country," he said.

As if Haiti didn't have enough to worry about. As if trafficking for the sex trade and slavery isn't enough to worry about. Now they have to worry about vigilante pastors who know far better than everyone else what to do for the children of Haiti. Sigh.

P.S. As I should have expected, Bastardette has a whole lot more details and promises even more.

P.P.S. This blog has a roundup of other trafficking stories out of Haiti.

"A Family Is a Family Is a Family"

On Sunday evening, Rosie O'Donnell hosts an HBO special on famlies. I'm not a huge Rosie fan, not since she said she tells her adopted kids that they grew in the wrong tummies. I do appreciate what she has done to promote gay adoption, especially for this family. The New York Daily News gave the show a pretty good review:

Most of the special, which HBO is showing early enough so young children can watch, isn't about gay marriage, and the hot-button phrase itself is never heard. Families of same-sex couples, including O'Donnell's, get maybe five minutes, tucked in the middle of discussions and songs about the importance of families in general. But for many viewers, gay marriage will be the takeaway.

Ironically, no one will disagree with the initial premise: Children very early understand the value of feeling that they are part of a loving family.

Family, they sense, is their place in the world, the place where they are safe, the foundation on which they build other relationships and the rest of their lives. Not all families are warm and loving, of course. But this special doesn't get into that, focusing instead on families that work.

The disagreement begins only when people start defining family, like by saying it
does or doesn't have to include a mommy and daddy.

"A Family Is a Family" argues that constricting definitions are irrelevant, a family is whatever it is and if it works for the children, it's doing what a family needs to do. To reinforce that point, it strongly suggests children don't care about the talking points. They just need to feel wanted, loved and protected.

The New York Times review slams the show for its "cloying sweetness" and lack of complexity: "the image captured is adorable, but, unlike any given episode of 'Sesame Street,' it reveals almost nothing about day-to-day realities and challenges." It points to one moment of honest that is VERY interesting:

It has one moment of honesty as well: a girl named Maya who was adopted from China describes how that country’s one-child policy and its cultural preference for boys led her parents to abandon her.

“My birth parents didn’t want me, but still they loved me,” she says. Then she pauses briefly before continuing, as if filing away that incongruous statement for further consideration later, when the camera that wants to capture only the sunny side of things is off.

We'll be watching it; even bad television -- maybe ESPECIALLY bad television -- can have its teachable moments!

Even when we laugh, it's there

The other night the girls were watching a Veggie Tales video (in case you’ve been under a rock for the last decade or so, the Veggie Tales series features a tomato and a cucumber and assorted other vegetables sharing Biblical tales or values), and being inordinately silly and giggly while doing so. At one point in the early part of the video, the tomato turns to the audience and asks, “Any questions?”

Zoe immediately responded, giggling through the whole thing, “Yeah, do you know who my birth parents are?!”

Maya corrects her, “No! It has to be a question about GOD!”

Undeterred, Zoe addresses the screen, “Does GOD know who my birth parents are?!”

Tragedy turned to farce – it’s hard to believe Zoe can joke about it when I see her sobbing out her grief and loss about not knowing her birth parents, when she reacts with anger to the idea that her birth parents may have parented her siblings while abandoning her, when she worries about whether the earthquake in China (which was nowhere near where we believe her birth parents to be living) has killed her first family, when she buckles down to learn Chinese so she can speak to her birth parents when she finds them.

I don’t for a minute think that by laughing about her loss that she’s “over it.” I believe the pain, loss, grief, anger and fear of abandonment that comes from Zoe’s loss of her first family will always be with her. Sometimes the emotional turmoil is acute, sparked by something like a birthday or some other incident that reminds us that before adoption comes loss. Sometimes the pain seems less acute, more like background noise. I still worry about it then, because background noise can block out other thoughts and feelings, leaving one in a fog.

And though Zoe laughed, it’s telling that the first question that came to mind for her when asked, “Any questions,” was about her birth parents. It’s there, even when we laugh.

Adoption Reform: Top Ten

Reform. Re-form. To form anew.

Reform. To improve by alteration, correction of error, or removal of defects; put into a better form or condition; to abolish abuse or malpractice in; to change for the better.

At Grown in My Heart, the topic for this month's adoption carnival is REFORM. What do you want to see reformed in adoption? I could write a book on this topic, but I'm limiting myself to a top ten list. Go to Grown in My Heart to read other blogs on this topic, and add your voice to the mix -- write a post at your blog about what you would like to see reformed in adoption, and link it here. Don't have a blog? Comment here or at Grown in My Heart. Let your voice be heard!

10. There should be no more secrets and lies in adoption.

Secrets and lies are poison in adoption. Whether it's the government-sanctioned lie of an amended birth certificate or adoptive parents who don't want their kids to even THINK about birth parents, secrecy and lies breed shame. Every adult adoptee should have completely free access to original birth certificates and adoption records. Increased openness in adoption is also an important tool in combatting trafficking and adoption corruption. Corrupt practices and trafficking flourish in the dark -- if we don't know who the birth parents are, we can never know whether the child was really legitimately available for adoption. And yes, I mean this for both domestic and international adoption.

9. There must be effective education for prospective adoptive parents; that goes double for parents adopting transracially.

To the extent that prospective adoptive parents are provided any education, it rarely reaches beyond what to expect in the first few years after an infant adoption -- help with transitions, attachment and bonding, and that's about it. There needs to be meaningful training about the fact that adoption is not a single event, but a lifelong issue. For transracial adoption, the training needs to include information about race and racial identity formation and racism, not just steps for incorporating culture.

8. There must be post-adoption services for all members of the triad.

For many, if not most, adoption agencies, once the child is in the hands of the adoptive parents, the relationship between the agency and all parties ends. Birth mothers should receive services, including counseling, post-relinquishment. Adoptive parents should receive continuing education and counseling about parenting adopted children post-adoption. Adopted persons, as children and as adults, should receive services, including referrals to necessary professionals, post-adoption.

7. International adoption should be a last resort.

All countries should be required to promote domestic adoption before they can participate in a program to place children internationally. While all adoption starts with loss, international adoption compounds the loss of family with loss of country, language, culture, and oftentimes the loss of the ability to grow up surrounded by people of the same race. Rather than making international adoption to the U.S. a part of U.S. foreign policy, the policy should be to encourage domestic adoption in those countries.

6. We need laws to ensure that consents to adoption are informed and freely given.

In most U.S. states, there is no requirement that mothers be given independent legal advice before relinquishing a child for adoption, that the relinquishment be given before a judge, that mothers be provided independent counseling before relinquishment. Most states allow minor girls to consent to relinquishment without any special safeguards. Many states require that before a woman can get an abortion she must be informed about her parenting options -- establishing paternity, getting child support, the availability of welfare and other government aid, etc. THERE IS NO SUCH REQUIREMENT WHEN A WOMAN IS ASKED TO RELINQUISH PARENTAL RIGHTS. There should be.

5. Open adoption agreements must be made legally enforceable.

In most jurisdictions in the U.S., open adoption agreements are simply personal promises that are not legally enforceable. In the places where such agreements can be made legally enforceable, there are usually technical steps that must be followed to make the agreement enforceable (for example, in Texas, such agreements are enforceable only if the post-adoption contact is included in the order terminating the birth mother's parental rights). And since birth mothers are not required to have independent legal counsel (see 6, above), they rarely know what needs to happen to make the agreement enforceable.

4. There should be better screening of adoptive parents.

We are seeing a growth in adoption disruptions -- some figures say it is as high as 1/3 of all adoptions. In addition to inadequate education of prospective adoptive parents (see 9, above), in adequate screening is one of the causes of disruptions, I believe. My social worker pretty much told me that her job was to "screen in" adoptive parents, not "screen out" adoptive parents. Since we believe that a home and a family is best for children, we seem to take to position that ANY home and family will do. Is it any wonder, then, that we see so many disruptions?

3. Judicial training should include adoption issues, with voices from all members of the triad.

Legal reform doesn't just involve legislatures. Regardless of what the statutes say, they will be interpreted and applied by judges. Judges, just like the general public, are inclined to see adoption as a win-win-win story since they haven't heard any voices that speak to the true complexity of the issues in adoption. One way that we've increased judicial awareness of complex issues like domestic violence and gender bias is by mandating judicial education on these issues. We should press to include adoption issues in judicial training.

2. The U.S. should not allow international adoptions with non-Hague countries.

The Hague Convention concerning international adoption is by no means perfect in protecting children, birth parents and adoptive parents from adoption corruption and trafficking, but it is better than nothing. By allowing adoptions from non-Hague countries, despite having signed and ratified the Hague Convention, the U.S. weakens its position on ethical international adoption. As Hague compliance has improved in Hague-country adoptions, it has driven agencies and adoptive parents to look for greener pastures. That allows for unregulated international adoption agencies to have unregulated programs in unregulated countries -- a situation rife for corruption.

. . . and the most important reform of adoption I'd like to see . . .

1. We should all work to end adoption.

I don't know that we will ever achieve the goal of ending adoption, and by saying we should work to end adoption I'm not saying that adoption is bad or wrong in and of itself. We should work HARD to end adoption by eradicating the circumstances that lead to children being available for adoption. The ideal is that all mothers receive the support they need to parent their children. It's better for the children. It's better for the mothers. Ergo, it's better for society. We need to foster a societal commitment to support families, because the real solution to the "orphan problem" is not adoption, but preventing children from being orphaned to begin with.

The Legacy of 'Paper Sons'

Interesting article from the L.A. Times about the continuing legacy of 'paper sons' from China:

When Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882, it froze the size of the Chinese immigrant population in the country. No new Chinese, except for a select few, including scholars and diplomats, were allowed into the country. Those already here were largely barred from citizenship. The act blocked Chinese men who had immigrated during the Gold Rush and the railroad boom of the late 19th century from reuniting with their families.

But when the great earthquake of 1906 hit San Francisco, lighting fires that leveled hundreds of city blocks, some Chinese immigrants sensed an opportunity.

By claiming to be citizens whose records had been lost in the destruction, they became free to travel to China; once there, they could either bring back blood relatives or sell their paperwork to others who would claim to be family members -- paper sons.

"About 80% to 90% of the 175,000 Chinese that came to America between 1910 and 1940 were paper sons," said Judy Yung, professor emeritus in Asian American Studies at UC Santa Cruz whose father was a paper son.

* * *

But the legacy of the Chinese Exclusion Act and the paper son phenomenon lingers. The result is that a younger generation of Chinese Americans like Steve Yee grew up confused about and disconnected from their family history.

Yee said his father hid his secret so well that the family wondered if they would ever find out much about his real background. Joe Yee worked long hours at the family-owned grocery store and rarely talked to his children about himself or his past.

His children knew he served in World War II and was awarded a Bronze Star. They knew he traveled back to China once to wed their mother in an arranged marriage. And they knew he defeated discrimination by asking a white friend to buy their home and deed it to the family.

Other than that, their father remained a mystery. He was not so much concerned about his children learning their Chinese roots as he was about their becoming Americans.

* * *

For her own children's sake, Yee's sister Lillie Yee-Shiroi, 61, also wanted to learn more about her father's life and family history. There was so much basic information they didn't know. What was her father's real birth date? When did he arrive in San Francisco? On what boat?

"When my son was in fifth grade he had to do a family history project and make a family tree," recalled Yee-Shiroi, a retired social worker who married a Japanese
American.

"On my husband's side there were all these relatives. On my side, besides my brothers and sisters, there was question mark, question mark, question mark."

I confess I've thought of the 'paper sons' as sort of ancient history -- I had not considered the lingering effects of that period of history on the families of 'paper sons.'

I think it's important for our adopted Chinese children to understand the history of the Chinese in America, not just the history of China. Though recent immigrants to America, our kids as Chinese-Americans need to be connected to the rich history of the Chinese in America, which is part of their history now, too. I've mentioned it before, but a great read for adults wishing to learn more is Iris Chang's Chinese in America.

Guest Blogger: If Adoption Isn't the Answer, How DO We Care For Orphans?

Here's my standard disclaimer for all guest blogs: The opinions expressed herein are solely the opinions of the author. By publishing it here, I do not signal agreement or disagreement. The purpose of guest blogs is to bring a variety of viewpoints, some of which I might share, and some of which I might not. There, does that cover it?!

Our first guest blogger is Lisa Yabuki:

Well, I'm not a blogger, but I am an adoptive mom of a beautiful almost 7-year old girl from China and 2 bio boys ages 13 and 9. Unlike many who choose adoption because of biological necessity, we chose to add to our family through adoption after having 2 boys because we believed that there were children in the world who needed families, and we felt that we could be that family for one child. In reading Malinda's blog for some time now, I have realized that not everyone has this rosy picture of adoption being a win-win situation for the child and the adoptive family. There has been a real focus on the losses experienced by the birth families and by the adoptees themselves. Even the nature of adopting has been called into question as a practice which breeds corruption and child trafficking, and some have likened adoptive parents to kidnappers who steal other people's children for their own benefit. While I don't espouse these extreme views, it has gotten me thinking about the problem of orphans in this world and how I as a Christian ought to respond. Certainly adoption is not the only thing that can be done to help orphans, but I also think that children need something more than just shelter and sustenance to be truly whole human beings. Ideally all children would be cared for by their birth parents, but this is not an ideal world. So, what is to be done?

A friend of mine heads up an organization called worldorphans.org. Yes, it is a Christian organization, but I don't think it fits the stereotype that many people have about Christian organizations. The goal of worldorphans is to get the churches in the child's community of origin to care for the needy children of the community in a family-like setting. The children benefit by remaining in their birth communities, and the community's awareness is raised by seeing what the churches are doing. I am curious what readers of this blog think about this type of approach to orphan care.

Guest Bloggers

Is there an adoption topic or particular viewpoint that you'd like to see discussed here? Have you had an adoption conversation with your child you'd like to share? Are you an adult adoptee who would like to share a childhood conversation or childhood feelings about adoption? As a birth parent, would you like to share what you think adoptive parents should be saying about birth family to their adopted children? Is there a question you have and would like to get others' input? Have you thought about starting your own blog but don't have the time or inclination to do it all the time? Do you have a private blog, but wouldn't mind having one of your private posts go public somewhere else? How about submitting a guest blog post?! Email me your post, and I'll consider publishing it (My blog, my rules, no hurt feelings, please!).

"I am afraid you will abandon me"

Number 12 on the list of Sherrie Eldridge's Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew: "I am afraid you will abandon me." Oh, yes. It's there. And you don't have to dig very far below the surface to find that fear in my kids.

Saturday night we were snuggling on the couch watching ice skating on TV (the girls LOVED the number of Asian-American skaters competing for the U.S. championship), and during a commercial, Maya said, apropos of nothing, "Mama, if someone else adopted me and then gave me away to someone else who adopted me, I'd be sad because you wouldn't be my mom and you're the best mom!"

Wow, unpacking this one is interesting. I think it's particularly noteworthy that the people who give her away in this scenario are not her birth parents. And as usual when Maya talks to me about adoption, she reaffirms that I'm the best, like she's afraid she'll hurt my feelings if she doesn't. She always does this when she talks about her birth mom -- part of that divided loyalty that adoptees often speak about. There seems to be that loyalty thing in not pegging her birth parents as someone who gave her away.

I told her that I was glad that I adopted her instead of someone else adopting her, and I told her I would never give her away. I talked about all the things that make me able to take care of her -- a job, a house, money, food, family who helps us out -- and said that I thought her birth parents didn't have all of these things, which is why I thought they couldn't raise her. I said I had promised to love her and take care of her forever when I adopted her, and that was what I was going to do. And we snuggled some more.

I didn't address the issue of being adopted by one family who gave her away to another family -- I didn't really think that was what she was really getting at. She doesn't know anything about adoption disruption. She was asking about permanency, a typical theme for adoptees who've been "given away" once and wonder whether it will happen again.

When the Family Business is Child Trafficking

The L.A. Times is still plugging away at the issue of corruption in Chinese adoption (see here and here and here for previous stories). This time, they talk to the traffickers at the heart of the Hunan scandal, who were convicted of selling babies to orphanages in 2006:

The telephones kept ringing with more orders and although Duan Yuelin kept raising his prices, the demand was inexhaustible. Customers were so eager to buy more that they would ply him with expensive gifts and dinners in fancy restaurants.

His family-run business was racking up sales of as much as $3,000 a month, unimaginable riches for uneducated Chinese rice farmers from southern Hunan province.

What merchandise was he selling? Babies. And the customers were government-run orphanages that paid up to $600 each for newborn girls for adoption in the United States and other Western countries.

"They couldn't get enough babies. The demand kept going up and up, and so did the prices," recalled Duan, who was released from prison last month after serving about four years of a six-year sentence for child trafficking.

The story recounts how his family got into the business, who his customers were, and includes information from Duan about other families who were also in the business of selling children to Chinese orphanages. The story also quotes an orphanage director who admits to paying "finder's fees" for babies:

The well-publicized court case involving the Duans prompted the China Center of Adoption Affairs to suspend adoptions from Hunan and warn orphanages against paying for babies. Insiders in the orphanage community here say the practice continues, but with more discretion.

Deng Yuping, director of an orphanage in Yichun in Jiangxi province, said he pays up to $75 to cover transportation costs for people who bring in babies, but that many walk away because they can get more from other orphanages.

"It's true, some orphanages are paying bigger 'finder's fees' than we are," Deng said.

Orphanage directors acknowledge that they don't have the resources to make sure that babies brought in had been abandoned.

"We can only take care of the child. It is up to the public security bureau [police] to investigate if that child was really abandoned," said Chen Ming, a former orphanage director who received a suspended sentence in the Duans' case.

The defense the Duan family offered was similar to that offered by the family planning officials who confiscated children and sold them to orphanages, that the kids were better off with their adoptive families (which I blogged about here): "The Duans insist that even if they broke the law, the babies have had a better life as a result."

An interesting quote about babies who are abandoned near an orphanage, for those of you who know this is where your child was found (as much as we can know anything, given that the story confirms that orphanage directors in Hunan fabricated finding locations): "If they [birth family] were leaving baby near an orphanage, they often would light a firecracker as a signal for the staff to find the child. " Seems like further confirmation that oftentimes birth family took special steps to ensure that their child was found quickly.

Operation Pierre Pan: What Does Haiti Want?

There's been very little discussion of what the government of Haiti wants when there's talk of mass evacuations of unparented children from Haiti. In fact, there seems little recognition that Haiti is a sovereign nation that might have a say in the matter! When one commenter to this post at another blog said, "Haiti is still a sovereign nation and I’m not convinced that the United States has the right to determine the future of these children, no matter how dire the current situation may be," the response was immediate:

The Haitian government is asking for help!!! They are begging for help!!!!! We aren’t stepping in and bullying them into making them accept our help!!!!

Sheesh, we’re the bad guys because we’re trying to save lives? Sometimes the US bashing is a bit much.

Well, this article in the Miami Herald (Miami, where the Catholic Archdiocese started all the talk of repeating their Pedro Pan operation with Haiti's children) offers this:

"The Haitian civil government is starting to reemerge,'' said Florida Department of Children & Families Secretary George Sheldon, who has been meeting with state, county and federal leaders for several days to coordinate refugee resettlement efforts.

"The desire of the Haitian people, to the extent that this can be done, is for the children to be cared for in Haiti,'' Sheldon added. "That is their preference.''

Needing help from the international community, even asking for help from the international community, does not strip a country of its right to make decisions for its own people. After Hurricane Katrina, many countries offered and provided help to the U.S. The U.S. rejected much of that assistance, admittedly, but not all. In fact, the U.S. even officially requested help from some countries. That was all well within the rights of a sovereign nation -- accepting some aid offered, rejecting other aid offered. No one suggested that having accepted some form of aid from a country gave that country the right to force other forms of aid that the U.S. did not desire to accept.

Can you imagine people's reaction if the United Arab Emirates, which gave the U.S. $100 million after Katrina, had decided to mount a mass evacuation of Louisiana's children?! And if the UAE's response had been,"You asked for our help!!! You begged for our help!!!!! We're not stepping in and bullying you into accepting our help!" If we followed the "they asked for help" rule some want to impose on Haiti, having accepted that $100 million would have stripped us of any right to reject that offer of an Operation American Pan.

The U.S. should stand firm in recognizing Haiti's sovereignty in this situation, so that our sovereignty will be recognized if we need help in the face of a terrorist attack or natural disaster. As the BBC trenchantly observed about the aid the U.S. asked for after Hurricane Katrina, "Even superpowers need friends."

New Book: Message From an Unknown Chinese Mother

Click here to read a fascinating excerpt from a new book coming out next month, Message From An Unknown Chinese Mother: Stories Of Loss And Love, by Xinran. You probably know Xinran from her book, The Good Women of China, or her organization Mother's Bridge of Love, which profits from the sale of the adoption-themed children's book Motherbridge of Love.

In this excerpt she writes of the problem of abandoned girl children in China in the 1980s, and of witnessing the killing of a newborn girl, which was explained to her as follows:

"It's not a child," she interrupted. "It's a girl baby, and we can't keep it."

"A girl baby isn't a child, and you can't keep it?" I repeated uncomprehendingly.

"Around these parts, you can't get by without a son. You city folk get food from the government. We get our grain ration according tothe number of people in the family. Girl babies don't count. The officials in charge don't give us any extra land when a girl is born, and there's so little arable land that the girls will starve to death anyway."

This was 1989 and I did not know until then that a 2,000-year-old system for allocating land was still in use in Chinese villages near the end of the 20th century.

This is the first I've heard of such land and grain allocation policies. I know that over-quota children aren't counted in such allocations, but this is the first I've heard that girls didn't count. Anyone else know another source for this?

Xinran also tells of the abandoned child she took in, despite already having a child, with the intention of adopting, and why she felt compelled to take her to an orphanage instead:

I really thought by some devious means I'd eventually be able to adopt Little Snow, find loopholes in a policy that grew stricter by the day. I was extremely naive in those days.

* * *

Then, straight after New Year, the head of the radio station came to see me for a private chat. He advised me to give up Little Snow. Not long after that, I was warned by personnel that if I did not act soon, the head might lose his job, and I mine, because I had disobeyed the one-child family planning policy. This was equivalent to taking a colleague's dinner bowl away from him, because it was the workplace that
administered the almost military-style rationing system of those days.

She kept visiting Little Snow after taking her to the orphanage, but one day she found the orphanage closed down and all the babies gone. She tracked down the official in charge and recounts this conversation:

The children were redistributed among other orphanages.

"Was each child given a number before they went?" I asked the official claiming to be in charge.

He looked at me in surprise. "What for?"

"Are there files on each child?"

He looked even more taken aback. "What files?"

"Then how will they ever be able to trace their birth families in the future?" I burst out.

He laughed at me: "You must be joking! No orphans ever find their mothers."

She learned later that all the children were adopted, likely abroad. She, herself, went abroad in 1997, and writes as a mother who lost a child:

As the years went by and I travelled around, I could not help searching for Little Snow. And looking at all these Chinese girls who had been adopted by families around the world, I had mixed feelings. Were they China's daughters? What did they know of China? Did their unknown Chinese mothers feel joy or sorrow, knowing their beloved daughters were happy in another mother's arms?

Sounds like this will be a fascinating read about a time in China when the one-child policy was being rigorously enforced and international adoption was just starting. I think it's important to see it in that historical context, rather than thinking it is completely true for China today that girls are still so undervalued, or that it was ever true for all of Chinese people.

I haven't found the book available at any U.S. site -- the link above is to Australia Borders. And Amazon shows it as unavailable-limited availability, but with a publication date of March 2010.

Some Links About Haiti & Adoption

I've put together a few random links -- no way can I keep up with everything out there on Haiti and adoption right now. But here are a few things that haven't gotten a lot of play out there, I think. The Daily Bastardette is doing a great job of keeping track, so check her out first.

Interesting article with quotes from a Canadian professor who has a book coming out soon about Operation Pedro Pan:

On Wednesday, Immigration Minister Jason Kenney announced that Canada will expedite some adoptions of Haitian children following last week's devastating earthquake, but it won't ease immigration restrictions for those looking to come to this country.

"I understand the response (regarding adoptees), but it's not a good time (for a massive airlift)," said Karen Dubinsky, professor of Global Development Studies and History at Queen's University.

"North Americans are compassionate and places would be found (for more doptees), but that's not what Haiti as a country needs right now." First World nations should be helping Haiti with money and supplies, Dubinsky said.

Dubinsky has studied large-scale child evacuation campaigns, including Operation Peter Pan, which followed the Cuban Revolution in 1959, and said the Haitian situation causes "red flags to go up."

More than 14,000 children were sent from Cuba to Miami by their parents between 1960 and 1962 in an operation co-ordinated by the U.S. government and the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Miami. Dubinsky said such adoption campaigns present "tremendous risks."

"The U.S. government, which was no fan of the Cuban Revolution, really helped to
manipulate the anxieties, saying the (new) government was going to take parental rights away from Cubans," said Dubinsky. "Cubans taken to the U.S. went into foster care and orphanages and many never saw their parents as children, although some were reunited as adults."

Dubinsky's book about Operation Peter Pan, Babies Without Borders: Adoption and Migration Across the Americas,will be published this spring.

An adoptive mom is PISSED OFF that people are only now caring about Haiti's orphans:

I’ve now been hearing a lot about people all across our country (and our community) wanting to “sign up” to adopt kids from Haiti who have been left orphaned by this horrible disaster. While I should be excited, and I am on some level, that at least people are talking about, thinking about and maybe even considering adoption, and it’s at the forefront of everyone’s minds, THESE PEOPLE ARE PISSING ME OFF!

I suppose they’re no different than people who never give to charity until there’s a disaster… never attend church until Easter or Christmas Eve… never cheer for a football team until Superbowl Sunday… These are “fair-weather fans,” or so we’ve dubbed them. But let me be very clear about this: There is no room in adoptive parenting for fleeting, fly-by-night, wanna-be do-gooders.

[I sure sympathize with being pissed off about this! An acquaintance of mine updated her Facebook status yesterday with, "I want to get me one of those Hati orphans." It was all I could do not to respond, "Don't you think you should learn to SPELL Haiti before you "get" a child from there?!" Sheesh.]

From CNN and the British Telegraph, articles about children's charities warning against rush for adoption from Haiti.

From NPR (thanks to kantmakm for the link), an interview with the Joint Council on International Children's Services Chief Executive Thomas DiFilipo (JCICS is about as pro-adoption as it is possible to be, for what it's worth):

[I]n a time of a national emergency, it's really not the best policy to airlift the children into another country. Here's a quick example of what can happen. You have a child in school. You have a mother or father at work, maybe the work is in a on the opposite side of the island. The earthquake hits, the child is alone for two or three weeks, no one comes to visit. You assume the child's an orphan, you put them on a plane, fly them to France, and they get adopted.

And then two months later, you discover the father was in the hospital or could not otherwise, he was injured or was in a camp. And then you find out what you really did was not give a child a home, and a family, but what you did was you separated the child from their parents, their birthparents. And we certainly don't want to be in a position of doing that. Airlifting children out for medical needs or emergency surgeries, that's one thing. But mass airlifts of tens of thousands of children just - it's not something that we would support, for sure.

Tonggu Mamma picks up on that theme in a very well-reasoned post (go read the whole thing!):

We live in Maryland, which is the little state newscasters keep referring to when discussing the country size of Haiti. My sister and her family also live in Maryland, about 90 minutes south of us - BY CAR. Would you seriously question my love for my nieces and nephews if an earthquake of that magnitude hit Maryland and I had yet to reach my sister's children on day ten? What about on day 20? Or 30? What if I was completely healthy, except that I broke my leg during the earthquake and I didn't own a car? And what about my Great Aunt P, who also lives in Maryland, but about three-and-a-half hours from us - BY CAR - and in the mountains. How long would you expect me to take to reach her house under similar conditions? Much less find out where my relatives were living if their house now lay in rubble?

Puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

O Solo Mama adds another adoptive parent voice with 10 Ways to Think About the Lost Children of Haiti.

A religious charity, Hope for Orphans: Serving Every Church to Reach Every Orphan, adds a cautionary note about adopting from Haiti, in language familiar to many evangelical Christians, including some important questions that should first be considered:

1.How have we sensed God’s leading toward adoption prior to this tragedy? While it is entirely possible that the Lord is using this tragedy to open your eyes to the needs of orphans and the possibility of adoption, you may want to proceed with caution if this tragedy is the first time you have ever considered adoption. . . .

* * *

3.Have you sought the insight and counsel from godly people who know you well? . . . Also, it would be wise to seek counsel from others you know who have adopted. They can share with you the realities of raising children who have experienced great suffering . . . .

* * *

5.Is my desire to adopt coming primarily from a desire to obey God or to “save” a child who is suffering. The desire to help a child in need is very important. The thing to remember is that adoption is not the only way to do this. You can be a part of God’s care for the orphans of Haiti in other ways.

Finally, from the Beyond Consequences Institute, an opportunity to listen to an audio link giving advice from Dr. Ronald Federici and social worker Heather T. Forbes to adoptive parents bringing home children from Haiti who have experienced the additional trauma of the earthquake on top of the traumas that led them to adoption.

One of THOSE Books

Each Thursday a parent reads in Maya's kindergarden class. I'm doing it today as a last-minute fill-in, and Maya was very excited to hear it when I told her this morning. When we went to look at books to decide what to read, she said, "But you can't read one of those books, like Chinese Eyes or on being 'different.'" (she didn't actually do air quotes when she said different, but with her tone of voice she might as well have!). With more discussion, it was revealed that "those books" included anything China-related or adoption-related!

My girls are just so different (wouldn't Maya hate that!) -- Zoe loves it when I read one of "those books" to her class. She can't wait for me to come to her class to talk about adoption, and is really looking forward to Chinese New Year so we can do our annual talk in her class. Today her class is having a talent show (just a little one in the classroom, no parents invited!), and Zoe has decided that her talent will be writing Chinese characters on the board!

Maya, on the other hand, doesn't think being different is all that great. She wants a daddy, like just about everyone else she knows has. She's avoidant when it comes to talking about adoption, because if we talk about it, she has to think about being different. And while she knows she's Chinese, she'd rather no one else know.

So Maya and I look through some books, and she picks a lovely little book illustrating Robert Frost's poem, "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening." (She doesn't get that very few kindergartners would pick that book, making her very different!) After looking at Todd Parr's It's OK to be Different, she agrees I can read it (yes!). I think Maya needs to hear it more than her classmates do.

And so long as it isn't one of those books, about China or adoption or being different, I can pick a book to surprise her!

Adoptive Parents as "Victims" of the Earthquake

Trenchant observation from Korean adoptee at Outlandish Remarks about media focus on American adoptive parents as victims of the Haitian earthquake:

Sifting through the adoption-related news media from the past week, I’ve encountered a deluge of stories about the devastating impact of the Haitian
earthquake on, um, straight middle-class white people in the U.S., Canada, and
Western Europe.

My inbox is infested with melodramatic stories of good straight middle-class Christian white people who’ve bonded with “their” Haitian children through pictures, orphanage visits, and on religious missions. The Washington Post announced, “Prospective parents grow more worried about Haiti’s orphans,” and the The LA Times declared, “Children are safe, but US parents’ adoption dreams are buried in rubble of Haiti earthquake.”

“Heart-wrenching,” “excruciating,” “tragic,” “anxious,” and “fearful.” These are the terms used to frame white adoptive couples’ emotional experience of the disaster.

That focus on adoptive parent victimhood is affirmed in an interview with Department of State Deputy Assistant Secretary Michelle Bond about citizen services in Haiti following the earthquake:

QUESTION: What about children awaiting adoption by U.S. families?

DEPUTY ASSISTANT SECRETARY BOND: I mentioned that American citizens who have been affected by the earthquake are our top priority. Well, American citizens who are waiting to complete the adoptions of children in Haiti are included in those who are top priority.

Amazing how her answer switched the focus from the children to the victimized parents; amazing that people whose dreams have been crushed under rubble are equated to people who have just been crushed under rubble . . . .

I have a great deal of sympathy for adoptive parents who have already adopted or who have already been matched with children in Haiti. I can't imagine how difficult it is to be in their shoes. But it is hard to think that their plight makes them victims of the earthquake -- their chidlren, yes, but adoptive parents, no.

I don't mean to make this blog all Haiti, all the time, but not only is Haiti the most extraordinary humanitarian crisis in at least a decade, with 200,000 people dead and 1.5 million homeless, it is also the biggest international adoption story in the news right now.

I wish it weren't an adoption story; I'm very concerned that the focus on adoption is diverting resources and attention from other vulnerable populations in Haiti -- the sick and injured, the elderly (click only if you have a strong stomach), pregnant and breastfeeding mothers, ALL children whose parents are no better at finding food, water and shelter than the extant orphanages there. And I'm concerned that the call for adoption as a relief mission will destroy families and further traumatize already traumatized children. As I've said before, the issue for children "in the pipeline" is a bit different, but these cries for expatriating orphans is going far beyond those already adopted by U.S. citizens or those already matched with U.S. citizens. A recent New York Times article mentions that among the 53 "orphans" brought to the U.S. through the efforts of Pennsylvania governor Ed Rendell are 7 who have not been adopted or matched. On Twitter, I got this message today: "300 Haitian kids arriving in #Indiana, looking for host families (1mo min, possible #adoption opp) Can you help?" (The latest tweets now say that prospective adoptive families have been found for all 300 kids, so no need for temporary foster homes.)(Newest news, no Haitian orphans heading to Indiana -- wonder how much in donations the charity that floated this one made?)

So despite the measured approach promised by CIS and the Department of State, with only children already adopted or matched for adoption being promised entry visas, children are already arriving in the U.S. to fuel the hopes of prospective adoptive parents, without any check on whether these children are orphans. After all, as the New York Times article notes, being in an orphanage does not make one an orphan, and not all orphanages are reputable:

It normally takes three years to adopt a child from Haiti, because of a lengthy process required under Haitian law. The Haitian government has had reason to be
cautious; there are about 200 orphanages in Haiti, but United Nations officials say not all are legitimate. Some are fronts for traffickers who buy children from their parents and sell them to couples in other countries. “In orphanages in Haiti there are an awful lot of children who are not orphans,” said Christopher de Bono, a Unicef spokesman.

Please consider the real victims of the Haiti earthquakes (another earthquake hit that country today), and donate to organizations that will help all the desperate people of Haiti. Click here for a list of organizations offering aid in Haiti.

What Haiti Needs