Summer Re-Run: Zoe Talks Adoption

Zoe Talks Adoption -- Sept. 18, 2008

Adoption is hard to understand because you don't know who your birth parents are and you don't know why they let you go and where they live and their phone number and address. Ex: You might be wondering about adoption and what adoption is, well adoption is when you get born and your first parents give you away. End of example.

I think about my birth parents like every day. You too might be wondering about your first parents, too, just like me. If you do, here is some advice, some things that help me:

1. Talk about your feelings, like

• Talking to my mom about adoption so I can understand more about it.
• Thinking about my first parents in my dreams at night and then I can explain to my mom on the way to school the next morning so she knows.
  
• Explaining to my mom about how sad I am so she can understand how I feel.
  
• My mom telling me it's okay to be mad and sad about being adopted. I don't have to be happy about it all the time.

2. Go to live in China like a real Chinese girl, going to school and walking everywhere. You can even go visit your orphanage and see how they loved you and took care of you.

3. Even if you don't go live in China, you can learn about China so you can understand more about your China family and why they couldn't keep you.

4. Reading stories about adoption helps, and reading my own lifebook helps too. I liked making my own book about my first parents and my adoption, and writing about my feelings in it. You can use your imagination to draw pictures of your first parents.

5. I like being with kids like me, adopted kids and Chinese kids, because they might have the same feelings I have. But they might not, too.

[OMG -- I promise, every word is Zoe's! She wrote this out yesterday while waiting for her ballet class to start, and I had no idea she'd written it until she showed it to me today and asked if I could post it on the blog. Yes, she did it as a numbered list, I just reorganized it a bit and combined a few things for ease of reading. I'm in awe -- Zoe, Born Blogger!]

Zoe's Adoption Talk II

Here is Zoe's latest for the blog. She wrote it up in the car on the way to our friends' house. She has lots of questions and some advice to share!

Questions: Why is adoption hard to understand? Why does our birthparents let us go? How come we don't know our birthparents? Do our birthparents wonder about us? How do they know when our birthday is? Are they wondering how old we are? Are they wondering how big we are getting? Does anyone else who is adopted wonder about adoption, too? Do you wonder about adoption, too? Do you know stuff about adoption? Can you tell and help me with adoption whenever I ask you?

Advice: If you wonder about your birthparents then I think they wonder about you, too. They might even think the same things you're thinking. End of Advice.

Zoe Talks Adoption

Adoption is hard to understand because you don't know who your birth parents are and you don't know why they let you go and where they live and their phone number and address. Ex: You might be wondering about adoption and what adoption is, well adoption is when you get born and your first parents give you away. End of example.

I think about my birth parents like every day. You too might be wondering about your first parents, too, just like me. If you do, here is some advice, some things that help me:

1. Talk about your feelings, like

• Talking to my mom about adoption so I can understand more about it.
• Thinking about my first parents in my dreams at night and then I can explain to my mom on the way to school the next morning so she knows.
• Explaining to my mom about how sad I am so she can understand how I feel.
• My mom telling me it's okay to be mad and sad about being adopted. I don't have to be happy about it all the time.

2. Go to live in China like a real Chinese girl, going to school and walking everywhere. You can even go visit your orphanage and see how they loved you and took care of you.

3. Even if you don't go live in China, you can learn about China so you can understand more about your China family and why they couldn't keep you.

4. Reading stories about adoption helps, and reading my own lifebook helps too. I liked making my own book about my first parents and my adoption, and writing about my feelings in it. You can use your imagination to draw pictures of your first parents.

5. I like being with kids like me, adopted kids and Chinese kids, because they might have the same feelings I have. But they might not, too.

[OMG -- I promise, every word is Zoe's! She wrote this out yesterday while waiting for her ballet class to start, and I had no idea she'd written it until she showed it to me today and asked if I could post it on the blog. Yes, she did it as a numbered list, I just reorganized it a bit and combined a few things for ease of reading. I'm in awe -- Zoe, Born Blogger!]

Advice from Zoe

While I drove her to school, Zoe asked me what I was going to blog about today (she seems really to love that I'm blogging about her!), and I told her I was trying to decide what to write about. I asked her what advice she had for kids like her who were wondering about their birth parents.

Zoe: I'd tell them that they should ask their moms about their birth parents.

Me: But what if they get frustrated like you do, because their moms don't know much about their birth parents?

Zoe: I'd tell them that sometimes parents don't know answers to all the questions, but it's ok to ask anyway.

Me: What advice would you give kids if they got mad or sad when thinking about their birth parents?

Zoe: They should talk to their parents about their feelings. Or maybe to their Mimi or Grandpa.

Me: When did you start thinking and wondering about your birth parents?

Zoe: When I was five. (She said it with such assurance, like she really knew definitively when it was, but I'm not sure she does).

Me: Before we went to live in China? Before we went to get Maya?

Zoe: Before we went to get Maya. (she was 4.5 when we went to get Maya)

Me: What did you first wonder about them?

Zoe: I wondered what they looked like, what their faces looked like.

Me: What do you think they look like?

Zoe: Like my face, I think.

Me: What advice would you give to kids who wonder what their birth parents look like?

Zoe: They could look in a mirror. And then they could use their imagination.

Me: I think you're a really smart cookie.

I'm really astonished by how mature Zoe is becoming! This summer has been a huge growth period for her emotionally. I wonder if the maturity has come from dealing with her adoption issues, or whether the maturity allowed her to deal with her issues. In any event, I'm in awe of how wonderfully she is handling all of this. Yes, she gets angry, and frustrated, and melancholy -- but as long as she's talking, I'm thrilled.

(The picture is from her graduation from Xiada kindergarden (in China). It just seemed appropriate to illustrate my smart cookie's advice column!)