Thursday, August 28, 2008

Adoption is Hard to Understand

A couple of weeks ago, we were eating breakfast at Whataburger. Maya was cadging bites of my biscuit smothered in sausage gravy (how very Southern of us!), and Zoe was rummaging in my purse for a pen and something to write on (she finds the cardboard-thingy they put in a package of tights, don't ask what it was doing in my purse!) A typical weekend morning for our clan.

Zoe is scribbling away, and I'm trying to get my fork back from Maya, and then Zoe passes me a note: "Adoption is hard to understand." Too many people around to talk about it, so I write back: "Yes, but it helps when you talk about your feelings." Zoe jots a short answer: "True Mama." I like that: is it "True, Mama" or is it "True Mama"?!

When we were at second-grade orientation last week, the school counselor was introduced. Zoe asked me later what a counselor was, and I was explaining that it was someone you could talk to about your feelings. "Ohhhh, like talking about my birthparents." Right!

I also reminded Zoe that her Mimi was a counselor (she worked with terminal cancer patients, not school children). Zoe's response: "So that's what makes her a great grandmother!"


mimifrancoise said...

Well, I am glad that Zoe has a great opinion of counselors! I am so glad she is willing to talk about her feelings.
BTW, I was working with "cancer" patients; not all were terminal. Many people survive cancer.

Wendy said...

It sounds like you have laid a solid foundation of trust allowing her the ability to come to you at any time/any where. I am glad she is opening up to you (even in the restaurant). She is right--it is hard.

Zoe'sFriendSyd said...

Malinda -
Just on the way to school this AM Sydney said "there was a boy at school that asked me who my REAL Momma was." I said "What did you say?" She said "I told him she lives at my house." I replied to her that was true, and perhaps she could ask, in addition, "are you speaking of my birth mother?" She said "I am SO TIRED of people asking me that! If I tell him that, then I'll have to tell the whole story."
As a parent the non-sharing concept has been difficult for me to grasp on my end, because I LOVE the "whole story." I want to shout out the "whole story!" But at Sydney and Zoe's age, they want a sense of alikeness and harmony - so I can see how developmentally she would find this classic non-adoptive person's question annoying.
I love how Zoe writes down her feelings and sends you notes, it's such a healthy way to express herself. I bet she has a diary or two!