How's this for silly? I've wanted to blog about this for a few days, but I can't figure out a title, so I haven't! So I'm just going to write for a while and see if a title comes to mind.
As we approached the last day of school, Maya started to ask if we could get a gift for her teacher. I'd already contributed to the class gift, but that wasn't good enough for Maya. Some of her friends were bringing in gifts for Ms. C, and Maya felt left out, I think. She thought we should buy a pillow with a C on it, which was none too cheap, I might add. I just had this vision of Ms. C, who is early in her teaching career, accumulating TONS of tchotchkes sporting the letter C over the course of a 30+ year career. . . .
I'm trying to do more donation-in-your-name gifts these days; most everyone I know has WAAAY too much stuff. Now, not surprisingly, most of my charitable giving since Zoe was adopted has been to family preservation and orphan care organizations. So my first thought for Ms. C was maybe a donation to Love Without Boundaries. They even helpfully suggest that gift cards are great "if you are shopping for family, friends, or teachers."
But I found myself reluctant, though I love the work the group does, I've supported it in the past -- even donating a photo for their art auction at their request, I plan to continue to support it, I've blogged about it. . . .
Why couldn't I do it? Why couldn't I make a donation as a teacher gift for Maya's beloved teacher?
It wasn't about the organization, I realized.
It was about the recipient. And not really about the recipient, whom we love, but about the recipient's relationship with my child. It suddenly seemed to me that making a donation, in her teacher's name, to an orphan care organization in China, where my child was an orphan, highlighted that status. I didn't want a "poor-thing" reaction from her teacher. I didn't want Maya to look like a charity case.
So I'll make my annual donation to Love Without Boundaries. But no one will be getting a card telling them the gift is in their name. And Ms. C got a card telling her that a child in Africa now has a desk, courtesy of her.
Nope, still no idea for a title. . . .
Adoption Initiative Conference 2022
2 years ago
6 comments:
hmm, so interesting. last year i Did give a Love without Boundaries gift to my oldest's K teacher - Mandarin immersion. partly though i must have been subconciously aware of this, as i did it to raise partly to raise awareness of this position. i wanted her teacher to see her as having come from a hard place, that what you see with her isn't always what you get. the teacher is from china, so i thought it relevant too.
there is definitely more to charity-as-gifts that i thought! Lots of finger wagging lesson potential...
thanks malinda!
Jena, this is just MY thought process -- doesn't mean it's the right one! You obviously had a thoughtful reason for your gift, and I get it completely.
No finger-wagging -- just another way of thinking of things. . .
UNICEF again? Should have gone with love without boundaries.
We gave stockings to teachers. I was embarrassed giving them, but I can see my mom's thinking. Teachers get too many Knicks-knacks.
I think it was over thinking it. How do you know that the teacher will look at your child as a charity case if you donate to an organization that supports orphans.
Does that mean that she looks at the black child in class now as a charity case now because you donated to an ogganization in Africa?
I donated to LWB in the names of people and did not even consider that anyone wuld look at my child as a charity case. I consider that we are giving back since we have been given so much.
This comment is not specifically about Malinda's choice. IMHO, donating so a child will have a desk is an appropriate gift for a teacher.
However, in general, when honoring another person with a donation, I would think it's considerate to think about what would be relevant to the honoree, not necessarily the donor. Hopefully those two interests intersect somewhere, but maybe not. Is it a truly sincere gift with the recipient in mind if one just does what one was going to do anyway?
I suppose some might think, well, if a teacher is interested in children and the AP's child(ren) is/are from China or wherever, then the teacher should automatically appreciate a donation to an orphanage charity. Others might say that if it is their money and their gift, then the teacher should just be grateful. But my comment is not about teachers' expectations. It's about thoughtful consideration that a music teacher or a science teacher or a coach, for example, might find a music or science or sports charity more personally meaningful. Or they might love the idea that money in their name is going to an orphanage charity. But I don't think that's a given.
Obviously, others are going to make their own choices. But in our household, we would feel uneasy assuming that our own choices would mirror a teacher's (or anyone else's) just because we happen to care about the same kids.
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