Newsweek: Decline in Foreign Adoption in America

Newsweek is running a brief story on the decline of foreign adoption in the U.S.:

If Brangelina is any indication, American interest in adopting foreign children is stronger than ever. So why is the United States adopting fewer of them? According to early projections by the State Department, foreign adoptions have dropped an estimated 10 percent from last year—the fourth straight year of decline since the high-water mark of 22,884 in 2004. Experts say the downward trend is likely to continue as countries such as Russia, Guatemala and China, which in recent years had been among the largest providers of orphans for adoption, have either dialed back their programs or ended them entirely. "It's not that American interest has diminished at all, or that there are fewer kids who need homes," says Chuck Johnson of the National Council for Adoption. "The declines are directly the result of bureaucratic or political issues."

Their interactive graph gives additional information when you click on the lines (mine is just a pretty picture of their graph -- not interactive!), and for several of the countries, including Korea, Russia and Ukraine, officials cite declining birth rates in their countries as increasing interest in domestic adoption.

Prizes for Book Reviews!!!

Be the first to email me your review of a grown-up book about adoption, and I'll send you a copy of Kay Johnson's Wanting a Daughter, Needing a Son, or Nancy Newton Verrier's book, The Primal Wound. First reviewer gets first choice of book, second reviewer gets the other book!

Be the first to email me your child's review of a children's book about adoption, China, or race, and I'll send your child a copy of The White Swan Express by Jean Davies Okimoto & Elaine M. Aoki, or Let's Talk About It: Adoption by Mr. Rogers (yes, THAT Mr. Rogers!). Same as above, first reviewer gets first choice of book, second reviewer gets the left-over!

Click here for info about a suggested format for the book reviews! Grown-up reviews can follow the same format as kids' reviews.

Maya's School Picture!

Actress Kristin Chenoweth, adopted, works on memoir

Kristin Chenoweth, actress, is working on a memoir to be published next year, titled "A Little Bit Wicked."

"I had a ghost writer; I'm not going to pretend I wrote it by myself. I worked on it solid for three months," Chenoweth said. "It's about my adoption, but it is about my life. I didn't want to call it a memoir, because I don't think that fits yet," she said, laughing.

One thing it's not about is the search for her birth parents. "It's actually kind of the opposite, about what it's like not to do that, and what it's like not to have that family history, but to connect with the people who raised you," Chenoweth said.

* * *

Because I wanted to kind of give other people inspiration." Not to mention permission not to look if they don't want to. "There's so much pressure," Chenoweth said. "Every time I meet somebody, and they say, 'You're adopted — have you found your birth parents yet?'

Throwaway Daughter

Has anyone read this book, Throwaway Daughter? I hadn't heard of it before, but here's a review I found:

I read this book with a mixture of fascination and horror. The author of Throwaway Daughter, Ting-Xing Le, lived through the Cultural Revolution in China and worked as a translator before defecting to the West. (Her life story is told in her memoir A Leaf in the Bitter Wind.)

Throwaway Daughter, however, is a novel about a Chinese girl adopted to Canada who goes back to look for her Chinese family. The American Library Association listed it on its Best Books for Young Adults, but I would warn parents against giving this volume to children. Parents should read it first and then decide whether to read it together with their older child.

In the book the protagonist, Grace Dong-mei, is nineteen and an adopted Chinese-Canadian. Most Chinese-American adoptees are still children. The book says that adoption from China to Canada occurred before adoption from China to the U.S. became common. I cannot vouch for that. . . .

However, a novel can bring emotional understanding that nonfiction cannot. Perhaps it would be valuable to teen adoptees for that reason. The strength of this book is that chapters are written from alternating points of view including those of Grace, her adoptive mother, her birth mother, her birthfather, her paternal grandfather, and an orphanage worker. This is the first book I have seen that gives voice to a birth father and birth grandfather, fleshing out the circumstances leading to their actions, although it is hard to sympathize with these two characters.

It doesn't sound like something for my kids yet, but I'm posting about it for others who might be interested. I'd like to hear opinions from those who have read it before I buy it for myself.

"Angry Adoptees"

I know that "angry adoptees" is a pretty common short-hand description for adult adoptees who some adoptive parents see as anti-adoption. I avoid using the expression because I think it can be seen as very dismissive of the concerns of adult adoptees. It suggests that the anger comes from some unbalanced, abnormal mental state, and so can be disregarded.

Many adult adoptees have reason to be angry, and it is unrelated to how good or bad their adoptive parents parented. It has to do with loss of control, loss of identity, loss of culture, loss of heritage, loss of language, loss of first families, loss, loss, loss. And you can gain, gain, gain -- a permanent family, a different culture, a different language, a different heritage, more material goods than you can shake a stick at! -- and still feel loss. And it is perfectly OK to feel that loss. And it is perfectly OK not to. Not being angry is not an unbalanced, abnormal mental state, either! Adoptees who are NOT "angry" aren't wrong, and adoptees who ARE angry aren't wrong, either. It shouldn't be a contest!

I also think it's kind of a finger-pointing phrase, and not just at the adoptee, but behind them to their adoptive parents -- you're angry because your adoptive parents weren't good (or good enough) parents. As adoptive parents, we like to think we can innoculate our kids from being "angry adoptees" by being good-enough parents, unlike those bad adoptive parents who produced "angry adoptees." (It's kind of like how women on juries can be really hard on rape victims -- she shouldn't have accepted that ride, she shouldn't have worn that blouse, she shouldn't have danced that way -- as a way to protect themselves from fear; I don't do those things, so rape can't happen to me (there are probably better analogies, but that's the one that comes readily to my crim-prof mind!)).

I wish it were that easy to control what our children think in the future (I can't even control what they think now!)! I admit it, I do all this reading and writing to try to "do it right" as an adoptive parent. I think we ALL do! But I don't have any illusion that in doing so I can make it all better for my kids. There's no vaccine against grief, loss and anger.

I just hope I can give them the space to think what they want to think, and to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of disappointing me or angering me. And when they are angry, I hope to be able to understand why they are angry without getting defensive or feel that I need to justify anything to them. And if they are not angry, I'm OK with that, too, so long as I can see that they really have dealt with issues rather than burying them.

I'm not making this as a blame-laying statement, or to suggest that others are wrong to use the phrase, just an explanation for why I don't. I accept that most who use the phrase aren't intending to be dismissive or blaming, but just to be descriptive. I just think the phrase comes with too much baggage to use as a convenience.

Acceptance of Korean International Adoptees in Korea

This article touches on increased political and social acceptance in Korea of Korean international adoptees:

In September 1999, over four hundred adult adoptees from across the United States gathered in Washington to discuss their problems and experiences. "The Gathering'' as it came to be known was addressed by Korea's first lady, the wife of the then President Kim Dae-jung. This indicated an important sea change. The adoptees' search for roots was increasingly welcomed by Korean officialdom.

For decades, the issues surrounding international adoption had been ignored by Korean media and public opinion. In the 1980s, it came to be seen as a national disgrace, which was damaging the country's international image. In the 1990s, Korean authorities and corporations discovered the political and economic benefits associated with them. Indeed, most of them had been adopted by successful middle- and upper-middle-class families and were given a privileged 'starting position' in their careers. Nowadays, many of them are successful and prominent ― or, at least, well on their way to becoming successful and prominent.

Thus it comes as no surprise that the long-ignored adoptees are now being courted by Korean government agencies. To some extent, this is explained by a sense of guilt they have toward the children who were abandoned in harsh times, but political and commercial considerations are definitely playing a major role in the recent change of policies.

In reading so much lately about Korean adoption, I see so many parallels that seem to be forcasting the future for Chinese adoption. I wonder how similar it will turn out to be?

The article also mentions that Korea now accepts adoptees as "Overseas Koreans," entitled to certain benefits including eligibility for a work visa. Does anyone know of special policies for "Overseas Chinese?" Are Chinese international adoptees considered "Overseas Chinese?"

When in Xiamen, we visited the Overseas Chinese Museum there. I especially liked this poem engraved on the wall:

The Green Leaf’s Attachment to the Root
Don’t ask me where to go,
my heart is attached to you.
Don’t ask me where to go,
my passions go with you.
I am one of your green leaves,
my root is deep in your soil.
Waving farewell in spring breeze,
I leave here and go far away.
Whichever cloud I dwell upon,
my gaze is always on you.
If I sing in the wind,
the song is also for you.
So don’t ask me where to go,
my road is full of memory.
Please bless me and I’ll bless you.
This is the green leaf’s attachment to the root.
– Wang Jian

Panel Promotes Foreign Adoption

Not in the U.S., but in Czech Republic:

Local institutions have joined an international effort to break down bureaucratic obstacles preventing foreign couples from adopting Czech children.

At a Sept. 24 conference in Brno, south Moravia, addressing international adoption, a panel of European experts agreed that children should be placed within their country of origin as much as possible, but stressed that other options must be made available.
A mere 277 Czech kids have been adopted by foreign families since 2000, when the Czech Republic ratified a Hague convention on adoption and child protection. These children, predominantly of Roma origin, often find their new homes in Denmark, Germany or Italy.

“Czech parents are very picky. They practically require a warranty with their adopted child,” said panelist František Schneiberg from the Institute of Social Medicine and Public Health. “They expect guarantees that the child will be always healthy, extremely talented, get good marks at school and go to university. Foreign parents are much more tolerant.”

Aside from this comment, most panelists skirted the exact reasons behind the difficulty in placing children with suitable families in the Czech Republic. However, Lenka Pavlová, director of the government Office for International Legal Protection of Children (ÚMPOD), reluctantly hinted that prejudice and racism in Czech society prevents locals from adopting underprivileged children.

Could well have been in the U.S., though. After all, the U.S. isn't just a receiving nation in international adoption, we're a sending country, too. I find that that fact surprises many people. After all, sending countries are supposed to be poor and undeveloped . . . .

Naming

I'm really enjoying the discussion in the comments to the "What's in a Name" post -- I LOVE it when people offer differing opinions. Different viewpoints really expand my thinking on an issue, so the more comments the better!

We were talking about birthparent-given names, and I was trying to make a connection to something I'd heard about naming babies in China. It finally hit me, and I googled "milk name" and found this:

When a baby is first born parents often give him or her a ‘milk name’ or ‘little name,’ such as Little Treasure. The given name is then chosen somewhat later: in China, parents have a month before having to register the child. The parents may continue to use the nickname.

I also want to mention a book I also described in the comments: Three Names of Me by Mary Cummings, for the benefit of those who don't read comments!

You know about adoption, don't you?

Zoe invited a school friend over to our house yesterday after school yesterday (so did Maya, so I had FOUR girls in the house, oh my!). She had written out a list of "Things to Do" (oh, yes, an actual list: do homework; play sisters; eat a snack; play barbies; play house; go outside; go back in and cool off; play doll house; play game that we play at school (no idea what this is!); show I. Dress-up Challenge; ask I. what she wants to do)!

Her list was on the trusty-dusty legal pad that has her adoption ramblings, so before coming to the list, Zoe asked I: "You do know about adoption, don't you?"

That really cracked me up! Tuesdays have become our after-school playdate day, and her previous guests have been the two other international adoptees in her second-grade class. I stayed on the sidelines during these playdates, listening eagerly to see if they would talk to each other about adoption. Nope, not a word!

But poor I. comes over, and gets assaulted first off with Zoe's adoption talk: "Adoption is when your first parents can't take care of you and so they put you in a box . . . ."

What's in a name?

Thought-provoking post on the power of naming:

"Well, then, if I'm a Namer, what does that mean? What does a Namer do?"
"When I was memorizing the names of the stars, part of the purpose was to help them each to be more particularly the particular star each one was supposed to be."
-- A Wind In The Door by Madeleine L'Engle

"The power of a name--that's old magic."
-- Doctor Who ("The Shakespeare Code")

As is held in folktales and legends, there is great power in a person's name. Madeleine L'Engle brought this up in her Wrinkle In Time series: to Name is to create, to Un-name is to destroy. The practice of unnaming and renaming adoptees is an attempt to assert control over us. It's said that if you know someone's true name, you have absolute power over them. The very fact that adoptees' true names are sequestered by the state is evidence of this ancient law stretching into our modern society. For if we adoptees knew our true names, we could reclaim the power that has been taken from us, the power to access our records without restriction.

Adopters and prospective adopters are often eager to rename adoptees, especially international adoptees whose foreign names serve as a constant reminder that adoption is not the same as giving birth. By renaming the adoptee, the adoptive parents assert their expectations that the adoptee will have the personality and nature desired--that they will become the person they have been named. Such attempts are doomed to failure. Adopters and prospective adopters need to get out of the mindset that adopting is like picking the exact item they want out of a catalog. Part of this is acknowledging that adoptees had names and identities before they were adopted.

What do you think? Should adoptive parents change children's names? I did -- my kids each have an American name, a French name, and part of their Chinese name. Does it matter who gave them the name (in China, it won't be the birth parents who give the name)? Is changing the name a perfectly appropriate act of claiming? or is it an erasure of the child's rightful past? Is the answer something in-between (as these things usually are)?

Does it matter what the new name is? When I read above: "By renaming the adoptee, the adoptive parents assert their expectations that the adoptee whill have the personality and nature desired -- that they will become the person they have been named," I had a "Eureka" moment. It explained perfectly why I was so horrified when new parents in my travel group named their daughter CHARITY. Poor child.

BTW, the picture above is a page from the lifebook I made for Zoe. That's Mr. Gan, then-director of Zoe's orphanage, and Ms. Wei, now-director.

Broadband lines in China

Apropos our discussion of the power of the internet to allow birth families in China to search for adoptees one day, this headline: China Overtakes U.S. In Number Of Broadband Lines.


Of course, given the fact that China's population is about 4 times that of the United States, more broadband lines than the U.S. doesn't mean universal access in China. But it is suggestive, isn't it?!


Read more about it!

Foster Families

An adoption list I'm on has been talking about foster families, and I was reminded of this photo of foster moms at Mother's Love Orphanage. We had adopted Maya 3 days before, and had returned to the orphanage to meet her foster family and tour the orphanage. All the foster moms were kept in one office with a small window in the door. Adoptive families and foster families were brought together one at a time in another office.

I took this picture as we were leaving Mother's Love after our meeting with Maya's foster mom and foster sister -- other foster moms were standing on tip-toe straining for one last glimpse of their babies. through the small window. I can never quite get that sight out of my mind.

You can read about that first visit with Maya's foster family here.

Language and Culture

Mei Ling's challenges with language learning (see here, here, and here) brought to mind this post from last year, as Zoe tried to "be Chinese" while we were in China:

"I wish I was Chinese." This has been Zoe's frequent lament lately. The first time she said it, I replied, " Well, since you were born in China and since your birthparents are Chinese, you are Chinese -- and American, too." But when she said again today, "I wish I was Chinese," this time I was smart enough to ask, "Well, what makes someone Chinese?"

Zoe's answer, "You have to speak Chinese."

"So would I be Chinese," I queried, " if I could speak Chinese?"

Zoe said, "Yes, you would."

So there you have it -- we can ALL be Chinese!

But on a serious note, Zoe's a pretty smart cookie to have figured this out. Maybe ethnicity and birthplace are not not enough to make one Chinese. Here, without language and culture, she is American. And in America, because of her appearance, she is seen as Chinese and perpetually foreign . . . .

Our children adopted from China are really betwixt and between, aren't they? Not fully Chinese to some, not fully American to others. That's really why we're here, to give Zoe and Maya a chance to feel Chinese. I suppose I'll know that the effort has paid off when THEY feel fully Chinese and fully American, no matter how others might choose to label them.

Even at age 6, Zoe understood the centrality of language to culture and identity. And the loss of language is another adoption loss.

Google Trends -- Adoptee Search

Very affecting post about Google Trends at Gershom's blog:

Have you ever used “Google Trends?”
I discovered it this week, and I think its pretty cool. Its this type of search engine that allows you to type in a word or phrase and it will list the top countries, cities, states etc. that search for that term or word the most. It also gives you this map of peak times during our history that the term has been searched for. Of course, I type in “Adoptee.” I was absolutely shocked to see the results but, in reality it makes a lot of sense now that I’ve thought about it.
…
The Answer is….
…
Region who searched for “adoptee” the most: South Korea.
City who searched for “adoptee” the most: Seoul
The language its searched most in: Korean

So really I guess its no surprize. You can say that we pretty much know its not adoptive parents searching for the term “adoptee” in the Korean language, in Seoul, S. Korea. Maybe its a few adoptees, but I’d bet that its a lot of natural mothers/
fathers and siblings of the thousands of Korean adoptees residing in the United
States. It looks like its searched for, more than double of that in the United States. I bet if China didn’t censor their internet, they’d be right up there too if not the leading search.

Zoe's Adoption Talk II

Here is Zoe's latest for the blog. She wrote it up in the car on the way to our friends' house. She has lots of questions and some advice to share!

Questions: Why is adoption hard to understand? Why does our birthparents let us go? How come we don't know our birthparents? Do our birthparents wonder about us? How do they know when our birthday is? Are they wondering how old we are? Are they wondering how big we are getting? Does anyone else who is adopted wonder about adoption, too? Do you wonder about adoption, too? Do you know stuff about adoption? Can you tell and help me with adoption whenever I ask you?

Advice: If you wonder about your birthparents then I think they wonder about you, too. They might even think the same things you're thinking. End of Advice.

Ranching family has an amazing herd

Yes, that's really the title of this article about a family who has adopted 15 kids from "other lands." It's in our local newspaper. Opening paragraph:

If the State Fair of Texas sets attendance records this year, it can thank Jay and Suzanne Faske.Their entire family will be traveling to Dallas.

No "maximum capacity" signs are posted on the hearts or the home of this
cattle-ranching couple from Burton whose selflessness and generosity led them to orphanages in Kazakhstan, China, India, Russia and Colombia, where they adopted 15 of their 17 children, some with special needs.

Another gem from the article: "Rachel, born with club feet and a dislocated hip, was rescued at age 3 from a Chinese orphanage." And then how about this: "A part of Jay Faske felt compelled to intervene on behalf of this little one — if they didn’t save him, who would?"

OK, I'm not dissing this family. They seem quite amazing. The media, on the other hand? I'll happily diss.

Any advice out there for dealing with the media when interviewed on adoption stories? How to avoid having it come out with the yucky rescue narrative?

UPDATE: Syd's mom asks how to contact the reporter: It's David Casstevens, email address is dcasstevens@star-telegram.com

Learning Chinese Culture

Nice article on the importance of Chinese cultural learning for children adopted from China.

Fungible

Fungible: being of such a nature that one part or quantity may be replaced by another equal part or quantity in the satisfaction of an obligation; interchangeable.

I’ve been away from the computer for 24 hours – always a challenge for my particular addictions, emaileosis and bloggeritis. We went to visit friends who live in a small town outside of Fort Worth. K., the son of my college roommate, was playing the prince in a community theatre production of The King and I (great examples of colonialism -- I loved it when Anna suggests dressing up the king's wives in western garb for the visiting English, and then agrees with the king's suggestion to paint their faces paler so they'll look more English).

K was really terrific, and we loved our visit there. The girls just love K, and his brother C. The poor boys were completely worn out from the girls’ antics! In fact, C declared he wouldn't last two days if the girls were there permanently! Are all girls this age fascinated by teenage boys? Zoe and Maya are just insatiable with all their teen cousins (K & C count as cousins, too!).

But, of course, the big danger of knowing me is that EVERYTHING is blog-fodder! This visit is no exception!

It was funny when we walked up to buy tickets to the show, and I saw Chinese characters -- longevity, good fortune – decorating the table. For a minute, I couldn’t figure out why they were there – maybe left over from the Autumn Moon Festival? And then it hit me: oh, yeah, Siam! The play is set in Siam (Thailand), so there are Chinese decorations, what could be more obvious!? My friend, who has lived in Taiwan and Singapore, warned me before the play started that the costumes were a weird mix of China and India. Sure enough, the saris outnumbered the qi paos, but NOTHING looked Thai.

It’s not like there was anything unique here, lots of people figure all Asian culture is fungible. I'm sure you've seen it, too -- kimonos called Chinese, for example. Other than the real basics, I’m not sure how good I am at differentiating among Asian cultures. But at least I recognize that the cultures ARE different!

Remember when the on-line “faces” quiz came out, challenging people to differentiate between Chinese, Japanese, and Korean faces? Well, they’ve expanded it to include food, architecture, art, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera (the girls won’t stop with the etceteras, since the King said it over, and over again!). Check it out! I’m pretty good at faces and food (their "pretty good" category allows for LOTS of mistakes!), and lousy at everything else.

New Poll: Discussing Skin Color

I'm curious about how transracial adoptive parents describe skin color -- their own or their child's. The idea for the poll was spurred by Zoe's choice of dark brown marker to color her skin for her self-portrait. It's been my experience that my kids see their skin as darker than it really is. I wonder what that's about?

Has your child asked what color her skin is? Mine have. Two resources we've used to discuss it is The Color of Us by Karen Katz and Multicultural Crayons from Crayola. What has helped you explain?