It's been awhile since I've had a stranger make jaw-droppingly inappropriate comments about adoption in front of my kids. That changed Saturday. A nice lady, after complimenting my girls' beauty, tells me that her son taught English in Japan, and when he went she told him to bring her back "one of those Asian babies." She was disappointed when he didn't, but then he gave her a grandchild that was "her own blood," so it turned out OK. And it didn't stop there! She goes on to tell me that she was only 39 when her youngest child moved out, and she really wanted to adopt "one of those Asian babies," but she couldn't convince her husband to adopt (thank goodness, is MY thought!).
I'm pretty sure I just stood there gaping like a fish out of water. And the worst part is I HAD to be nice, which I don't usually worry too much about with strangers. But we were visiting my dad at hospice, and she was visiting someone at hospice, and it didn't seem good form to jump all over her when she had a dying loved one in the vicinity. Sigh.
Adoption Initiative Conference 2022
2 years ago
8 comments:
Geez, sorry Malinda. I hope the girls were not in earshot of her stupidity!
In the past we got comments all of the time, but they are becoming few and far between (thankfully), but when we do encounter an idiot--as I blogged about with the firefighter--it takes me back. My comebacks seem slower to surface.
I am with you--SO happy she couldn't convince her husband!
Wow, but you know this isn't the worst I've heard. Some people can be just so insensitive!
Sorry to hear about your dad.
I'm so sorry. That just made my stomach turn, and I wasn't even there.
Some people should think before they speak,and other should say nothing at all! Hope the girls didn't hear her. Your Mom emailed my Mom.
So sorry to hear about your Dad, keep me posted!
Vicki H
I just found your blog (just starting the adoption process) - so sorry to hear of someone being so insensitive in this day and age. Sorry to hear about your dad too.
Sorry that your girls had to be there for that. What an insenstive boob. I guess they are everywhere.
I, too, am sorry for the insensitivity borne of that woman's ignorance. But it was just that: ignorance. It is likely that she knows nothing of the correct way to speak of adoption and international adoption specifically. It is even more likely that in her stressful moment (hospice is about as stressful as it gets), her filters were off. Or at least on stand-by.
I'm glad you gave her a "pass" - for her sake but more for your sake. That you are there at your dad's bedside is the more pressing thing. Educating the ignorant can come another day.
My prayers go out for you and your family as your dad is failing. I'm so sorry for the sadness and grief you all must be traveling through.
Ugh. Y'know, I just want to advise people now to NOT feel as though you have to be nice. Seriously. The next time anyone says anything like that to me, I have the intention of simply saying something like: "I'm not a thing for people like you to toy with" or something...
People can be so ignorant. It's high time we were the ones that walked away feeling big instead of small.
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