A snippet from an article about a family with two boys from Guatemala: The best part, said both parents, is celebrating each child for their own unique
qualities and characteristics."The thing for me is that I know they’re not miniature Danas," said Mom. "I’m not watching for my own qualities. I’m not looking for that natural ability in what I’m good at. And I’m not trying to foster or bring that into who they are."
"You can be an unbiased cheerleader!" added Paul, laughing. "If they’re good looking, I had nothing to do with it."
I've always felt this way, that having children without a genetic connection is liberating somehow. Of coures, ALL PARENTS should see their children for their own unique qualities and characteristics, and I hope I would have done that with biological children as well. But I think it's easier with adopted kids -- I can't expect them to be mini-me (thank goodness!). Not knowing Maya until she was 18 months old was also liberating in this way -- her personality was so obviously already formed that I could just sit back and enjoy discovering her without feeling a need to mold her.
Naturally, I'm passing on certain values and modeling certain behaviors, so I see "me" in my kids. Zoe loves to read and to write -- gee, I wonder where she gets that?! Maya loves to laugh and be lazy and loll about the house -- yep, that's me, too!
And yes, the cheerleading is fun. I can brag on them without feeling egotistical -- I can't take credit for the fact that my kids are the prettiest, smartest, most talented kids in the world! And they ARE, you know (OK, all of your kids are, too!)!
2 comments:
So true. I love seeing abilities in M I just wish I had. Her sense of humor is different, let's just say that. She is so smart and funny, her memory is amazing. I have told my husband several times how awesome it will be when the day comes we find her birthparents--if if nature holds true these people are hilarious and opinionated (well, that is a bit of nurture too). She came to us at 25 months and her attitudes were there, her brilliance was there, just seeing who she was/is is amazing for me.
So true! I think my kids are the most amazing, beautiful, talented, exciting girls in the world - and I don't mind saying it because no-one can think I'm taking credit! My girls are complete opposites in personality from each other, and both very different from my husband and me. I find it fascinating and I enjoy standing back to watch them develop with no expectations that they will be like me or my husband. In the nature or nurture argument, we favor nature heavily in our house!
LAH
Post a Comment