A Brief History of Baby Lifts

I missed this in Time Magazine when it came out in February:

An American church group is being detained in Haiti for attempting to illegally take 33 children out of the country to an orphanage. The law notwithstanding, are good intentions enough? Or is kidnapping just that no matter what the circumstance? History offers some examples.

Haiti

Zoe's Ark

The Tsunami

Romanian Baby Trade

Operation Babylift

Pedro Pan

The Stolen Generation

The list provided of mass movement of children is by no means complete -- for example, in the Stolen Generation, it talks of the forced removal of aboriginal children to be placed in white families in Australia without mentioning the similar history in the United States and Canada. The South Korean diaspora of "war orphans" also isn't on the list. Adding these would have given them a tidy "Top Ten," but then there's the orphan trains, the Baby Scoop Era, Georgia Tann. . . .

Nora’s Journey: A Korean Adoptee’s Life in a Chinese Family

A really fascinating story, published in a Japanese-American newspaper, of a Korean-American child adopted by a Chinese-American family in 1917:

My grandmother, Nora Kim, was born in 1917 as Esther Yoon, the fourth child to Duggar Choi Yoon and Byung Hi Yoon in Upland, Calif. Her eldest siblings, Gilbert and Anna, were born in Korea, and her brother Paul was born in Hawai‘i. After Grandma was born, her mother fell ill and her father — we believe in a state of panic — hurriedly arranged an adoption of the new baby through the church. Her mother knew nothing of the adoption until she recovered from her illness.

Grandma was adopted by a Chinese couple, Tom Chung and Yuet Lan Lee, and re-named Nora. They had been married for several childless years, but after adopting my grandmother, they had three boys in succession: Daniel, Andrew and Wilbert. Grandma’s adoptive mother had been born in San Francisco, the daughter of a wealthy matchstick factory owner who then moved back to China. She remained
behind in San Francisco, as she was an American and did not want to live in China where she would be “forced to marry some old Chinaman.”

* * *

Grandma was raised Chinese American, speaking English and Cantonese at home and learning her father’s Toisan dialect at Chinese school.

* * *

When Grandma was 12, her adoptive mother died suddenly. Her death was abrupt and shocked the family; she took ill for a short time, and then one night, her father called for a doctor because she had taken a turn for the worse. She died later that night.

After her death, her husband fell apart. In the area of Los Angeles where they lived, word must have traveled to Grandma’s Korean family about her adoptive mother’s death, because shortly thereafter she was called to her principal’s office at school. A woman and her daughter were waiting for her there, and introduced themselves as her mother and sister, Sarah.

“I didn’t believe them, I thought they were crazy!” Grandma had never heard of Koreans, much less suspected she was Korean herself. In her world, Asians were either Chinese or Japanese. Her mother and sister visited her again at school, and then were asked not to come back. “I would see my Korean mother once in a while, standing outside of the school gate, watching me. I was a little scared — I didn’t know what to do. I asked my aunt about it, and she told me to ignore them. Then she shooed me out of the room to talk to my father. I bet that’s what they were talking about.” Grandma learned later that her Korean mother would sometimes disappear from her cleaning shop to watch her in the schoolyard.

One day, the same woman and a man came to her house. They told her they were her parents, and would like her to come visit their home and meet her brothers and sisters.Grandma asked her Chinese father when he got home if what they said was true, but he never addressed the adoption. He just said that maybe she should go and visit. So one day, she did.

Grandma met her brothers, Gilbert, Paul and Chuck, and her sisters, Sarah and Mary. The eldest sister, Anna, was already out of the house — married with a baby. Because her adoptive father struggled after his wife’s death and eventually lost the house on 9th Place, Grandma went to live with her Korean family.

Click here to read the whole thing! And marvel at the relative openness of adoption at that time -- the birth family knew at all times where she was. Still, not the halcyon days of yore -- she was not told she was adopted or Korean until she was 12 and her adoptive mother had died.

Lists. . .

. . . from the various conference presentations. I'm a good student -- I always copy down lists. When the teacher says, "There are THREE things . . . " I know to start scribbling!

I'm too tired to flesh out the lists -- maybe later! Or maybe you can have fun fleshing it out yourself by imagining what each item means. Ok, that's a pretty lame parlor game, and I suspect you'd like to hear some whys and wherefores, so I'll definitely work on it later!

The Seven Core Issues in Adoption-- for adoptees, adoptive parents and birth parents alike.
by Sharon Roszia

1. Loss
2. Rejection
3. Guilt/Shame
4. Grief
5. Identity
6. Intimacy & Relationships
7. Control

The 4 As
by Nancy Verrier

1. awareness (be aware of your adoption issues)
2. acknowledgment (acknowledge your adoption issues)
3. authenticity (seek your authentic self)
4. accountability (be accountable, be responsible, for your own feelings in relationships)

Ten Commandments of Telling (hard truths about your child's pre-adoption past)
by Betsy Keefer
(gotta be Roman numerals for this list!)

I. Do not lie.
II. Tell information in an age-appropriate way.
III. Allow the child to be angry without joining in.
IV. Share all information by the time the child is 12.
V. Remember the child knows more than you think.
VI. If information is negative, use a third party professional.
VII. Use positive adoption language.
VIII. Don't impose value judgments.
IX. Initiate conversation about adoption.
X. The child should be in control of his story outside the family.

Three Strikes and It's Closed Adoption
by John Sobraske
(how adoption moved from open to closed over time in history)

Strike 1 -- Cut ties to birth families
Strike 2 -- Secrecy to pass off adopted child as biological child
Strike 3 -- Stigmatize premarital sex

Thoughts on Raising Children From Another Race & Culture
by Margie Perscheid

1. Consider the vantage points.
2. Don't fight reality, face it.
3. Accept the existence of racism and work to end it.
4. "For every excuse (to avoid culture, diversity), there is an equal and opposite action."
5. Be sensitive to the ebb and flow of your child's interest.
6. Forge your own path -- there's no roadmap.
7. Welcome living outside your comfort zone.
8. Make the abstract real: Grab every opportunity to bring your child's community to life in your family and home.

Patron Saint of Adopted Children?!

Who knew? There is actually a patron saint of adopted children. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, since there are patron saints for just about everything --cab drivers, abdominal pain, cake makers, motorcyclists, pawnbrokers, etc.

Zoe told me about the patron saint of adopted children at dinner tonight. Her class has begun studying saints, and each student was to select a saint and do a short report about him or her. They read their reports today, and Zoe said one of her classmates read that his saint was the patron saint of adopted children. I asked Zoe what she thought when she heard the report, and she said, "I looked around the room to see if anyone knew I was adopted, and I looked at Mrs. M [her teacher] and she winked at me!" She wasn't at all disturbed by it; in fact, she seemed pretty happy about the whole thing.

She couldn't remember the name of the saint, so out of curiousity I looked online -- it's Saint William of Rochester. And why is he the patron saint of adopted children? Well, the first biography I found had only one reference of any kind to adoption: "He went on pilgrimage to Jerusalem with his adopted son David who murdered him near Rochester, England." Huh? Being murdered by your adopted child makes you the patron saint of adopted children?! A second biography expanded on it, saying that he found a child on the doorstep of the church when he went to Mass, and he adopted him and taught him his trade (baker). The bio goes on to say, "David wilfully misled his benefactor and, with robbery in view, felled him with a blow on the head and cut his throat." Another charming note, the son was known as "David the Foundling."

So what in this story makes William the patron saint of adopted children? William might have been "touched by adoption," as the cliche goes, but "killing blow by adoption" doesn't seem to have the same uplifting spirit! And "benefactor?!" Ah, yes, adoptive parent as generous savior. And the "rescued" child as quintessentially ungrateful.

Makes it pretty clear what his story is supposed to be -- an object lesson in gratitude. There's a real "don't bite the hand that feeds you" vibe here. I don't think we'll be emphasizing him in any way in our household. And I'm happy that the school report didn't share the whole of the story.

Vital Records

I show this video in my Adoption Law class, and students find it very moving. The lack of information in China adoption makes me very sympathetic to American domestic adoptees who want their original birth certificates. I'll post later about a simple way to get involved in the campaign for open records, but wanted to give you some background about it first! The actual documentary starts right at the 5 minute mark in the first YouTube video.

The Child Savers

Adoption grew and spread in the U.S. during the nineteenth century as an outgrowth of benevolent societies established to care for poor and neglected children. "Saving children" often meant removing them from poor birth parents so they could live with parents of a higher class. There's a great documentary on one of the most ambitious projects -- the Orphan Trains -- where the New York Children's Aid Society, headed by chief child saver Charles Loring Brace, loaded trains headed west with poor children (not all of whom were actually orphans) to be adopted by midwest farmers needing an extra field hand.

I hate it when I'm seen as a "child saver." I'm sure you've all had the experience, the people who say, usually within earshot of your child, how LUCKY the child is to be adopted. You probably have the same pat answer that I have -- "I'm the lucky one!" There used to be a dean at the law school where I teach who always mentioned I'm an adoptive mom to HUGE groups of people -- graduations, student orientations. He'd list my degrees, scholarly interests, etc., just like he'd do for all faculty members, and then he'd say how wonderful I was to have adopted a child from China. ARGHHHH! Yes, I'm far more noble than my faculty colleagues who merely gave birth to their children!

And I know when a Child Saver gets media attention that I'll get more comments about what a hero/saint I am. That's why I hated to hear Cindy McCain's speech at the Republican National Convention:

It was after that I was walking through the streets of Dhaka, Bangladesh,
surrounded by terrible poverty and the devastation of a cyclone. All around me
were the children and the desperate faces of their mothers. The pain was
overwhelming, and I felt helpless.

But then I visited an orphanage begun by Mother Teresa, and two very sick little girls captured my heart. There was something I could do. I could take them home, and so I did.

Today, both of those little girls are healthy and happy. And one of them you just met
tonight: our beautiful daughter, Bridget.

Much is expected of a country as blessed as America, and our people are at work all over the globe making it a better planet, doing their part.

I can't count the number of people who have talked to me after that speech, telling me about how Cindy McCain saved Bridget, eager for details of how I saved my children. I got a little irritated with someone yesterday (it always works that way -- it isn't what this one person said, it's what the dozens before him said) who compared me to Cindy McCain. My response: ''Look, I was interested in becoming a mom. If I'd been interested in saving a child I'd have just sent 30 cents a day and settled for the letter and picture."

Probably not the best way to handle it! At least my kids weren't around. . . .

Rise in Domestic Adoption in China

China Daily reports that fewer kids are available for foreign adoption because domestic adoption is on the rise. I've seen this reported elsewhere, and I do believe it is true. As the article reports, changing attitudes toward adoption and greater affluence account for the rise in domestic adoption.


But a couple of things in the article are troubling. First, the lovely little chart that shows that ALL the kids registered for adoption got adopted. Hah! It makes it sound that all children in Chinese orphanages are getting adopted. Hah! (Did I say that already?! It bears repeating.) Hah! I do believe that fewer children are being abandoned -- a combination of better economic times and slowly changing attitudes about girls. But, still, HAH!


The other troubling thing -- this quote from a government official: "Now more and more Chinese people are adopting kids simply because they love children and are proud to become foster parents." Foster parents? I'm hoping that's a translation error, and that these adoptions are in fact seen as permanent. When we were in Xiamen, one of our Chinese friends told us that in Shanghai, where she was from, it was not uncommon for couples to bring orphans home for just a year or so, and then return them to the SWI. I asked lots of questions about whether these were foster care situations? No. Were these situation where to placement didn't work out? No, parents just changed their minds. Ouch! Of course, this is merely anectdotal evidence . . . .

Don't get me wrong -- I am thrilled that domestic adoption is growing in China. I've always seen myself as my kids' third-best option. Best would have been being raised by their birthparents (poverty isn't a good enough reason to remove children from parents), second best would have been a domestic adoption where there would be no loss of culture or language (political oppression isn't a good enough reason to remove children from their culture), and third best is international adoption. (No, I don't tell my kids that (at least not yet!) -- I have enough trouble on the "I get no respect" front!)

But China does have a way to go in terms of parenting adopted children. The "No More Secrets" philosophy hasn't reached there yet. When we went back to meet Maya's foster parents last year, they were proudly telling us about their other foster kids -- Maya was their first, their second was adopted domestically by a family in Guangzhou, their third was adopted to the U.S., and their current foster child just had her file sent to CCAA. I was curious about the domestic adoption -- why a Guangzhou Province family rather than a Guangxi Province family? Our guide explained that it was common to adopt from another province so as to make it easier to keep the adoption secret. He said that families were advised, in fact, to fake a pregnancy to better hide the adoption. Sound familiar? U.S. circa 1940-69?

Even given this, I still think domestic adoption is a better option for Chinese kids than international adoption. And I wonder if, culturally, the "too many secrets" approach is less harmful to adopted kids in China than we've found it here. I hope Chinese scholars and social works are studying this phenomenon. And I wonder what kind of education program there is for parents seeking to adopt domestically in China. If anyone has any information, I'd love to hear it.

Too Many Secrets -- No More Secrets

Anyone remember the movie, Sneakers, about hackers looking for the ultimate code-breaker? I always think of those lines from the movie -- "TOO MANY SECRETS" pre-code-breaker and "No more secrets" post-code-breaker -- when I think about old and new advice about adoption.

Up until the 1950s, the standard advice given to adoptive parents from social workers was to keep the adoption secret. SWs used matching rules -- creating great similarity between the adopted child and adoptive parents -- to make it easier to keep the secret. Race, ethnicity, hair color & texture, skin tone, eye color all had to match. More incredibly, it was thought important to match religion (yes, many newborns have a religion!) and social class (poor children to poor families, middle class children to middle class families, etc.). Adoptive families were advised to move after adopting a new baby so that new neighbors would easily accept the child as a birth child. Mothers were told to pretend to be pregnant prior to the adoption, or to leave town for a time and return claiming to have given birth to the adopted child. All of this was thought to protect the child from the stigma of adoption and illegitimacy.

The "Too Many Secrets" school of thought seems pretty silly and quaint to us these days; the new advice is to be open and truthful about adoption. It doesn't always happen that way, though. I teach an Adoption Law class in law school, my students mostly in their 20s and 30s, and I am always being approached by them and told about the secrets and lies in their adoption stories. One student wasn't told she was adopted until she was 16, another not until she was about to get married. One student was adopted by his biological aunt, and not told she was not his birthmother until his birthmother (whom he thought was his aunt) died. One student described suspicious behavior by her mother -- including but not limited to refusing to give her her birth certificate for a passport application and insisting on sending it in herself -- that made her wonder if she was adopted. She wanted to know how to look up records, and I suggested she talk to her mom first. Sure enough, when confronted, her mother confessed she was adopted.

And then there are the lies. One student was told she was born in Houston, TX, and adopted there. When she was an adult, her parents told her she was actually born in their small Louisiana town; they told her the Houston story so she wouldn't always wonder whether she was seeing her birthparents in their small town. One student was told her birthparents were married, but too poor to raise her. She later found out her birthmother was young and unmarried; the adoption agency was the one who lied, saying they were trying to protect her from the stigma of illegitimacy.

We're talking here about adoption in the 1970s and 1980s! Unbelievable!

The students who shared with me uniformly expressed anger at their adoptive parents, confusion, and love for their adoptive parents. Most described their feelings using the word "betrayal." Happily, all of them were able to forgive their adoptive parents. A few, though, said they still had trust issues involving their parents. (Duh!)

No possibility of secrecy with transracial adoption, huh?! I consider that a really good thing! (Though I am always surprised by the folks who ask, in front of my kids, "Do they know they're adopted?" I'm playing with a variety of answers, none of which I've had the nerve to give yet: "They do NOW -- thanks a lot!" or "No, they're STUPID!")

I'm sure some people think we talk about adoption TOO MUCH in our family. It's hard for me to believe that one could talk TOO MUCH about adoption when it is such a central part of my kids' identities. No, it isn't the sum total of their identities, but it is formative. I have no control over what the girls will think or how they will feel about their adoptions in the future. But I do have some control over how we lay the foundation for that future.

So here's the new rallying cry: "NO MORE SECRETS!"