"Dear every adoptive parents"

This comment to the posted video from Chinese Heritage Camp:

Dear every adoptive parents,

We are Chinese parents with kids born in the U.S. Thank you for your love in adopting helpless orphans and nurtur them to be happy kids of yours. I have viewed the video of the camp for adoptees. My suggestion to you is to try to seek out Chinese American families and let your kids befriend their kids. The reason? I think these Chinese American families are more normal in the sense that they are emotionally balanced. You can also learn from Chinese parents about their culture and they from you about American culture. It's a good way to help each other out. As a Chinese, I feel these camps for adoptees from China are weird. Real Chinese kids don't do dragon dance or kungfu. To us, the Chinese heritage is nothing more than Chinese food, the language, delayed gratification (with money and material things) and hard work. Be careful with your child's encounter of racism. Some kids don't even tell their parents but racist incidents will scare their life and affect their self esteem big time. Worst yet, they may affect your child't relationship with you. Racism is real and ugly and kids aren't old enough to handle them. Make sure you check on your child when s/he comes back from play time with other kids. I hope you can find some good American Chinese families around to befriend with. God bless you all.

Reactions?

Chicken & Dumplings

We went to lunch at a restaurant that specializes in "Southern" cooking -- chicken fried steak, smothered pork chops, mashed potatoes, fried okra, etc. I was reading the menu to Maya, expecting her to get the fried catfish as usual. But when I said "chicken and dumplings," her face lit up and she insisted that's what she wanted.

When her chicken and dumplings came, she poked about in it and asked, "Where are the dumplings?" To her puzzlement, I showed her the lumpy dollops of cooked dough. And it hit me -- she was expecting CHINESE dumplings (jiaozi)! I had thought it funny that she wanted chicken and dumplings, since I'm not sure she'd ever had them before. Ah well, she was disappointed in the southern version.

But I did make jiaozi for dinner (the store-bought frozen kind, as if you didn't know!).

(p.s. I took the picture in a market in Chengdu in 2007. I know they are not jiaozi, but they are dumplings, and pretty as can be in their uncooked state!)

Shrimp Paste

I have found it! The magic elixir! The special ingredient that turns my mediocre stir-fry into something authentically Chinese! It is SHRIMP PASTE!!!!! (OK, it is probably shrimp sauce, but the label on the jar says "shrimp paste.")


As I've mentioned before, each time we go to the Asian market I pick up another jar or bottle or can of cooking sauce. This last time it was shrimp paste, and oh wow! I hit the jackpot! I made fried noodles, and threw in about a tablespoon of shrimp paste with the half sesame oil/half regular oil I use. It smelled WONDERFUL, and it tasted even better.


Fair warning if you decide to try it, two days later, my house still smells like shrimp paste! That's fine by me, because it is a wonderfully nostalgic aroma that takes us back to our time in China.

Spring Break Adventures

We didn't take any big trip for Spring Break this year; we did a few day trips, instead. On Tuesday, we went to Fossil Rim Wildlife Park. The drive-through park was a disaster, since everyone else had the same bright idea we had -- bumper-to-bumper traffic the whole way through the park. We love Fossil Rim, but no way am I going back on any holiday! The petting zoo was a success, and the picnic lunch my mom packed was great! Zoe brought a friend along, also a China adoptee. During lunch they talked about how close they were in age (24 days!), and her friend said, "Maybe our birth mothers knew each other!" LOL! Yes, indeed, 1.3 billion people, a land mass that makes it the 3rd largest country in the world, and all Chinese mothers (at least when their children are born close together in time (but not distance!) know each other! Very cute!

On Wednesday, we took the train from Downtown Fort Worth to Downtown Dallas. That would have been enough of an outing for Zoe and Maya, who later named the train trip as the highlight of the day. A short bus ride (No. 8 Uptown) from Union Station in Dallas took us to our real destination, the Crow Collection of Asian Art. The girls were delighted the minute we stepped into the first gallery because the background music was THEIR sleepy-time music, the CD we've listened to every night before going to bed since that first night in Nanning with Zoe in 2001 -- Beijing Angelic Chorus Lullabies!

These origami butterflies were another hit (we thought of you, Maggie!). The exhibit of tomb art was interesting, too, and the girls easily made the connection between these small statues and the terracotta warriors they saw in Xi'an. Though we skipped the King Tut exhibit next door at the Dallas Museum of Art (too crowded!), the huge signs for it gave me a chance to talk to the girls later about the universality of burying objects with the deceased so as to provide a comfortable afterlife.

My favorite part of the Crow Collection (and my mom's too) was the exhibition of comtemporary Japanese quilts. I collect antique quilts, and my mom actually quilts (she's working on Maya's 100 Good Wishes Quilt right now (she did Zoe's, too)), so this exhibit was right up our alley. There really was something different in the aesthetic of these Japanese-made quilts -- more connected to nature, more organic. Very cool!

OK, the photo below gives me a chance to talk about the Great Penis Incident of 2009, a temptation I have so far resisted, but can no longer! (Can't wait to see what searches SiteMeter tells me lead folks to THIS post!)

A few weeks ago, I go to pick up Maya at preschool and the manager calls me aside to show me a picture Maya drew. It was a fully-clothed male figure, but in the appropriate area there was clearly a penis (pointing downward!) between two circular objects (don't jump to conclusions!) surrounded by some frame-like drawing. It seems that Maya and two other children in her class executed fine drawings of penises in class that day! The school wanted to make a big deal about it, but I thought it was hysterically funny and completely age appropriate.

My only question was where Maya has seen such an object. Being a penis-free household, I had to wonder. It took me forever to calm Maya down enough to tell me about her picture -- her teacher told her she was in trouble and that she was going to call her mother! Maya, never having been in trouble before, was terrified. She told me, "All during nap, I worried what you'd say. I thought you'd say, 'Maya, you're 5 years old. You know better than that!'" Poor thing!

Finally, I got out of her that the circular objects on either side of wee willie winkie were the boy's bottom, not what we all assumed! And the frame-like thing drawn around his privates was the toilet (she even drew the flush handle and the toilet paper holder!). Still, the ultimate question was where she'd seen a penis. Easy answer, a little boy in her class showed her his! I admit to being a bit gleeful in telling the school this, since their approach seemed so accusatory -- guess what, Maya saw a penis under YOUR watch, not mine!

So now we have a new rule -- feel free to draw penises anytime you want to at home, but don't draw them at school!

So what does that have to do with the photo below? Well, Zoe and Maya seem to know all about penises in theory, not in reality. They never even blinked in seeing all the penii on display in the various works of art we saw!!!! I mean, there it is, right at eye level, and nary a comment!

Next to the Crow Collection is the Nasher Sculpture Garden, and we had truly lovely weather to enjoy it. The girls were really tickled by some of the art -- the Miro sculpture where the buttocks were two brightly colored soccer balls, for instance -- and really tickled me by their reaction to others. There was a lifesize nude, La Nuit (the Night) of a sitting woman, knees raised, arms resting on knees, head bowed on top of arms. The girls mimicked her posture, and then I asked them what the woman was feeling, what she was doing. Zoe suggested she was sad or lonely. Maya said, "She's looking at her bottom!" What do you expect from the primary figure in the Great Penis Incident of 2009!

Today we went to the new Hong Kong Market in Grand Prairie, in a shopping center called Asia Times Square. We frequently go to the one in Arlington, but decided to check out the new one. The girls love going to the Asian grocery store and grabbing all the snack foods they adored in China -- truly foul-smelling shrimp-flavored chips, panda cookies with fake-strawberry cream inside, lychee-flavored jello cups -- you know, all that Asian health food! I always buy one new sauce, and this time picked up shrimp paste -- can't wait to try it in cooking! We also had lunch at the Vietnamese restaurant next to the market (not the best pho I've ever had, but the salted & toasted shrimp was almost like what we got in China), bought grapefruit candy at the little candy shop, and checked out the bakery (I'm still looking for egg tarts like we had in China).

No big plans this weekend (except for Maya's first soccer game!), so we can relax this weekend to recover from a fun-filled spring break!

Dumplings?

I had a parent-teacher conference with Maya's pre-school teacher today, and wasn't at all surprised to hear how well Maya is doing. Maya is so laid-back that she often crosses the border into the L-A-Z-Y territory, but she's been doing great the last few months at actually FINISHING her work at school (I still can't get her to finish much of anything at home, though, and she has the most interesting-functioning bladder, that requires her to go potty any time I say it's time to clean up!)

But I was especially tickled to hear her teacher's description of Maya making Playdough dumplings. Maya explained to her that she made REAL dumplings at her kindergarten in China -- how remarkable that she remembered. Ms. Christie described Maya working intently to make small balls to put inside the Playdough "crust," and then carefully crimping the edges together for her crescent-shaped dumplings. Amazing!

I guess we'll have to take a stab at making REAL dumplings -- maybe over Christmas break.

Poll Results: We're So Cultured!

I created the poll from 14 Ways to Focus on Culture, and wow, we seem to focus on culture! I've sprinkled some comments below, most of them China-centric, with apologies to children from other cultures. I'm including lots of links; if your child is from another country, please share your links in the comments!

1. Have a special meal from your child's culture once a month 10 (66%)

Several mentioned in the comments that they make Chinese food a more regular part of their family's life, and don't really focus on a "special" meal. That's what we do, though I am very admiring of Lesley who makes her own dumplings! The best I can do is find frozen ones at the Asian grocery store. If you're feeling adventurous, here's a list of Chinese recipes I've had bookmarked for a while!

I wonder, though, if we should add a once-a-month special meal from China. There might be some value in specialness, in terms of respecting Chinese culture and teaching about China. Maybe I'll get adventurous and try out some of those recipes . . . .

2. Celebrate holidays for your child's birth country 14 (93%)

Yes, we almost all do it -- mostly Chinese New Year and Autumn Moon Festival., I suspect And those are the most important holidays in China., so it is appropriate to focus on these. But there are others that are fun, too, like the Lantern Festival and Tomb Sweeping Day and Dragon Boat Festival.

3. Learn the language of your child's home country 12 (80%)

Wow! Eighty percent! That's great. I've learned a few words, but I don't think I'll ever be fluent. We had to get a tutor for Zoe since she's moved far beyond what I can help her with in Chinese School. In fact, while I'm typing I can hear Zoe and Daphne practicing in the dining room!

4. Display maps/flags/artwork from your child's culture 14 (93%)

Another thing we (almost) all do. I think we've got something Chinese hanging on the wall in every room in our house. It helps that I've been collecting Chinese stuff since my first visit in 1991. I think it's important to make sure it's in all parts of the house, not just in the child's room. After all, we display art from China in part to show that we like and respect Chinese culture, too.

5. Visit cultural websites to learn more about the home country 7 (46%)

Please share your favorite websites in the comments! TIME for Kids has a great China section, and China Daily has a "classroom" section for kids.

6. Play games from your child's culture 3 (20%)

Hmm, this one is pretty low -- why? I bet it's because we don't know many games from China. Here's a quick one -- everyone knows Rock, Paper, Scissors, right? Some say it was invented in China (at least, we couldn't play it without the Chinese since they invented scissors!). Anyway, in Chinese, you say "jen dow, shurr toe, bu." Pound your fist in the other hand 4 times -- jen dow shurr toe, and then reveal your rock/paper/scissors on "bu!" (That's my phonetic spelling, not pinyin!). Zoe learned this in China, and it really tickled me to see how universal Rock, Paper, Scissors is.

This link lists tons of traditional Chinese games.

7. Create crafts symbolic of your child's home country 10 (66%)

Another big group -- two-thirds of us do this. One of Zoe's favorite things is to make lanterns out of lucky red envelopes. Here are some links: Enchanged Learning, Artists Helping Children,
Chinese Childbook.

8. Read folk tales from the homeland 11 (73%)

There are so many GREAT stories from China! If I started listing what we have/read, I'd never finish this post! I'll content myself with two collections that may not be as familiar as others: Why Snails Have Shells and Tales From Within the Clouds. I like these because they include tales from the various minority groups in China. The Clouds book are all tales of the Nakhi minority group -- a group that is matriarchal, whose members do not marry, and which has no word for father! Hmmm, I wonder why that appeals?! OK, one more -- a modern folk tale from Kathy Tucker and Grace Lin (our favorite author/illustrator), The Seven Chinese Sisters.

9. Sing songs from your child's home country 11 (73%)

My girls have learned quite a few songs between Chinese School in the U.S., kindergarten in Xiamen, and TV in Xiamen. But sometimes I wonder about the authenticity. I remember watching someone's adoption trip video before I got Zoe; the guides said in English that they were going to sing an ancient Chinese folk song about two tigers. They start singing in Chinese, and it's obviously the tune to Frere Jacques! I had to laugh -- it reminded me of my French grandfather who heard "Yankee Doodle Dandy" and declared that it was a French song! If we stole Yankee Doodle Dandy from the French, I suppose the French could have stolen Frere Jacques from the Chinese! And sure enough, my kids have learned this song at Chinese School.

10. Learn about animals indiginous to your child's homeland 7 (46%)

One word -- Pandas!!! You can watch a live panda cam from Wolong Panda Preserve in Sichuan Province, and go to our Xiamen Adventure website to see our panda pictures!

11. Make a book about the country of your child's birth 4 (26%)

I'd love to hear from the 4 of you who've done this. I've been planning to do a China-themed ABC scrapbook for years and haven't done a thing but think of words: abacus, bamboo, chopsticks, dan dan noodles, eggrolls, fireworks, Guangxi Province . . . .

We did make a scrapbook of our panda photos -- does that count?

12. Join a group of families who have adopted from the same country 13 (86%)

I think we all see the value of doing this, though there are some limitations in terms of culture. Yes, collectively adoptive parents might be able to marshall more resources than any one of us alone, but we tend not to know that much about our child's culture, do we?

Click here for the National Families With Children From China website, where you can find info about local chapters.

13. Visit museum exhibits relevant to your child's culture 8 (53%)

We're lucky to have an Asian arts museum nearby, the Crow Museum in Dallas, which the girls love to visit. I find their gift shop just too dangerous! They do special camps in summer, but it hasn't yet fit our schedule -- maybe next summer. Their website includes great tips for visiting museums with young children.

14. Go on a homeland tour 5 (33%)

Less than a third have done this yet, but I bet a lot of you are thinking about doing it when your children are older. There's some great info in this article, Returning to China With Your Adopted Child, by Dr. Jane Liedtke, if you're considering it.

I hope these links are helpful; I certainly think it is important to teach our children about their birth culture. It is, of course, no substitute for the very real loss of culture that international adoption usually causes. What I aim for is a basic level of cultural competence so that my kids won't feel out of place in a group of Chinese-Americans. I hope I can achieve at least that minimal standard.