I worried at least a little about this, myself. (But not enough to avoid adoption -- I couldn't wait to adopt. :) My husband and I speak at our adoption agency about our experiences with open adoption, transracial adoption, etc. during their required education classes. The way I explain that part of our journey to people is that the end result -- the deep, intimate, protective love for our child -- is the same for each child. But the journey there is a little different.Not something I can opine on, having only adopted kids. Those out there with both, do you agree? How was the bonding experience the same or different for you?
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I think the main thing is that in adoption it's important to realize that the actual bonding journey is different than with a child you gave birth to, and that's normal and doesn't reflect your long-term love and commitment to your child.
Talking about adoption, birthparents, abandonment, race, and China with my kids. That's not all we talk about -- but reading this blog, you'll think it's all we do!!!!!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Will I love my adopted child like I love my bio child?
At Adoptive Momma of Two, guest blogger Kiara, who has one bio child and two adopted child and is pregnant with her fourth child, addresses that question:
I have a bio son who is 3.5 and we just adopted a boy who is about to turn 3. He has been with us for 4 months. It is hugely different right now, because one child I knew from birth. I watched his personality form. My love for him has grown and blossomed for over 3 long years.
ReplyDeleteOur younger son came to us with a very strong personality in place that I am having to learn, figure out and adjust to. We are overcoming language barriers, dealing with his grief, etc. There is no way it can simply be the same from the beginning. Immediately yes, I felt protective of him, but the love has to grow and develop.
It helps that now his true personality is beginning to emerge. We are all getting comfortable in our new roles. I truly love him. It isn't 100% the same yet, although I would throw myself in front of a bus for either child, but I am confident that soon it will be exactly the same.
I agree with Elizabeth that the thing I found most different is that when I adopted my daughter at the age of 1, I didn't already "know" her like I knew my bio boys at that age. It was weird having this one year old daughter who felt like a stranger to me. It took a few months before I felt that I knew her the way a mother should. But now I can honestly say that I love all my children with the same intensity.
ReplyDeleteI have 2 bio boys and 2 adopted daughters from China. When I have been asked this question my response usually goes something like this, "Do I love my adopted children like my bio children? Hmm...I don't remember which ones are adopted:)." The answer of course is YES!
ReplyDeleteI have 3 bio sons and 1 adopted daughter. I've been asked this question and can honestly say that my love for my daughter was instant and equal, if not deeper. She's made me work for her love, but I would have given my life for her the minute she was handed to me. I think it was because she was born in my heart before I even had bio children. That's a long time for her to grow on me=0)
ReplyDeleteI have a ten year old bio son and a 4 year old adopted daughter. I just wrote a long post on my blog about this very subject, and it seemed to strike a chord with a lot of people.
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