tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post6459274668318342097..comments2024-02-27T00:41:15.985-06:00Comments on AdoptionTalk: Talking Adoption Tipsmalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-65539115265527766732013-01-29T11:27:29.229-06:002013-01-29T11:27:29.229-06:00Great tips! It is, of course, awkward when your ad...Great tips! It is, of course, awkward when your adopted son or daughter starts to get curious about things, and a lot more if it's about his/her birth parents. Us parents should be the ones to show that it's never an awkward thing to talk about. I guess being very open about the truth is one important part of adopting. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.givingbirthtohope.org/" rel="nofollow">Aiko Dumas</a><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-2602142928958008282009-03-09T21:49:00.000-05:002009-03-09T21:49:00.000-05:00Malynda, Thanks for your words ! Thanks to bring m...Malynda, <BR/><BR/>Thanks for your words ! Thanks to bring me some light!<BR/><BR/>Mei Lin's teacher were asking me about a book that she can read. She wants to know more about adoption and how can work with in classroom.<BR/><BR/>HUGS<BR/>Mei-LingMi Hilo Rojohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10115043312614157872noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-26483133818252367082009-03-05T07:08:00.000-06:002009-03-05T07:08:00.000-06:00"It is my understanding that most psychologists wo..."It is my understanding that most psychologists would agree not to force information down a child's throat who doesn't want to hear it at that time or is not developmentally ready."<BR/><BR/>I agree, depending on the circumstance.<BR/><BR/>However I must ask - how do we know when a child (meaning above toddlerhood) is ready for more information?<BR/><BR/>We obviously can't just "assume" things are A-OK all the time, but we can't shove adoption down her throat all the time...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-24153769085091855942009-03-04T22:46:00.000-06:002009-03-04T22:46:00.000-06:00Mei-Ling - I understand what you are saying. But ...Mei-Ling - <BR/><BR/>I understand what you are saying. But I wasn't thinking that extreme of a level of "waiting" until your child brings up a discussion. <BR/><BR/>It comes up all the time, people ask questions, etc. I have to remember that my listener (daughter) is right there when I answer, and answer as if I am telling her. One time, someone asked me how much it cost to adopt from China. I thought that was inappropriate, but would tell my daughter very honestly if she asked. My answer was it is expensive to adopt and also expensive to give birth (hospital fees, etc.)<BR/><BR/>I am off the subject. It is my understanding that most psychologists would agree not to force information down a child's throat who doesn't want to hear it at that time or is not developmentally ready.<BR/><BR/>But then again - what I get from researching this is also what you are saying. Don't shut the child out. It's obviously a delicate balance and every child is ready at different points to hear certain pieces of information.<BR/><BR/>I definitely get what you are saying, you don't want to just turn the whole topic off and assume the child is understanding her adoption circumstances and former life clearly.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-86909678732197478332009-03-04T13:32:00.000-06:002009-03-04T13:32:00.000-06:00"Wait until your child brings up a discussion."Act..."Wait until your child brings up a discussion."<BR/><BR/>Actually, I'm going to disagree with this one.<BR/><BR/>While it's true that some kids just don't *want* to talk about adoption, if the adoptive parent is *always* waiting for their child to "open up" and "take the lead", the adoptive parent is going to end up disappointed. <BR/><BR/>Children can "sense" an aura of contentment, irrigation, disappointment, anguish about their adoption circumstances. They are much more perceptive than we give them credit for.<BR/><BR/>Silence can be perceived as "I don't want to talk about your adoption story because it makes *me* uncomfortable."<BR/><BR/>It's not necessarily the case as to how the CHILD will perceive the silence, but it is a possibility.<BR/><BR/>Adoptive parent: Susie is always so quiet about her adoption, I wonder why she never talks about it. I guess she just isn't curious or doesn't have any questions. I'll wait for her to say something and then I'll know, I guess.<BR/><BR/>Child: Mom never asks me about my adoption or if I have any questions. She just answered me about how my China mommy loved me enough to give me up and that's it. I guess she just isn't comfortable talking about it.<BR/><BR/>See what I mean?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-47400940266786309822009-03-03T15:47:00.000-06:002009-03-03T15:47:00.000-06:00Great list! Can't really think of much to add. N...Great list! Can't really think of much to add. Nice to find your blog! :)Marlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13619637166948663322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-90273133386303938792009-03-02T22:14:00.000-06:002009-03-02T22:14:00.000-06:00Great tips, Malinda.Another I adhere to:Wait until...Great tips, Malinda.<BR/>Another I adhere to:<BR/>Wait until your child brings up a discussion. I think it's fine to re-open the discussion later once she has brought it up, especially if you feel you didn't clarify a point or don't like how you answered. Many children (like mine) will tend to be interested in hearing about adoption or "their story" in bits and pieces. Just get off a bite to chew on and move on. You don't want to give them more information than their little brains can process or are ready to process.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com