AdoptionTalk

Chinese New Year, Egg Roll Edition

2012-01-28T23:05:00.000-06:00

We love the fact that Chinese New Year lasts two weeks -- that gives us the chance for multiple celebrations! We've had CNY, performance edition; CNY, adoptive families edition, where we went out for Chinese food with a big group; CNY, Chinese School edition, involving learning and singing and fun; CNY, family edition, where just the three of us celebrated; and now CNY, egg roll edition, involving all the essential elements of Chinese New Year -- family, friends & food!

We spent the evening with Chinese friends to celebrate the new year, and for the girls to learn to make egg rolls! They had a great time -- Zoe & Maya loved playing with our hosts' daughter (with the grapes on a stick!), S. (adopted from China) and her little brother J. They also had fun with arts & crafts, including making Chinese lanterns. Our host's father is an artist and art professor in China, and this is one of his works -- it's from 1 Corinthians 13, the well-known love verse:

The highlight of the evening was learning to make egg rolls:

Don't you love the inventive use of the chopsticks to scoop the filling onto the egg roll skin?!

(A spoon made it a bit easier!)

Then it was roll. . . .

. . . and roll again.

And then fold in the corners before one more roll . . . .

Then a deep fry, and VOILA! Egg rolls!

And yes, they tasted as good as they looked -- completely yummy. We are so fortunate to have Chinese friends who can help my girls learn about their heritage, and feed us wonderful food at the same time. What a fun way to ring in the new year (again)!

Birth Father Wins in Utah Supreme Court

2012-01-27T19:58:00.004-06:00

Hmm, maybe the tide is turning! Utah is notoriously unfriendly to birth fathers, but in this case the Utah Supreme Court has reversed a trial court's ruling that the birth father was not entitled to any say in his daughter's adoption, and remanded for a hearing on whether he had fully grasped the opportunity to be a legal parent:

The Utah Supreme Court ruled Friday that a Colorado father was improperly denied a say in his infant daughter’s adoption and sent the case back to a lower court for a rehearing.
In a split decision that establishes a new ground rule for future cases, the justices said Robert Manzanares’ consent to any adoption was necessary. The majority held Manzanares did not know and reasonably could not have known that a birth and adoption would take place in Utah, entitling him by law to more time to intervene in the proceedings.
Although Manzanares stated in a paternity petition filed in a Colorado court months before his daughter’s birth that he feared his girlfriend might flee to Utah, those were "yellow flags" and not the same thing as having knowledge of such a plan, the majority said.
Manzanares reasonably relied on Carie Terry’s denials, stated in Colorado court filings, of any intention to come to Utah to give birth and place their baby for adoption.
* * *
The Utah Supreme Court instructed the district court to hold a hearing to determine whether Manzanares fully complied with Colorado’s requirements for establishing parental rights to his daughter, referred to in court documents as Baby B., and whether he had demonstrated a full commitment to his parental responsibilities.
Manzanares was nearly speechless after learning of the court’s decision.
"It is still an uphill battle but as I’ve said from day one, I won’t stop climbing that mountain until I have [my daughter] in my life," he said. "I’ve missed so much of her life. It is incredible to know that I could be with her soon."

Former U.S. Diplomat Testifies in Argentina's "Baby Stealing" Trial

2012-01-26T22:48:00.002-06:00

A follow-up by the AP to the story I posted yesterday about information the U.S. holds, through classified documents and past diplomats, about Argentina's military junta stealing children from dissidents and placing them with families loyal to the regime during the "Dirty War" of the '70s & '80s:

A former U.S. diplomat testified Thursday that American officials knew Argentina's military regime was taking babies from dead or jailed dissidents during its "dirty war" against leftists in the 1970s, and it appeared to be a systematic effort at the time.
Elliot Abrams testified by videoconference from Washington in the trial of former dictators Jorge Videla and Reynaldo Bignone and other military and police figures accused of organizing the theft of babies from women who were detained and then executed in the 1976-1983 junta's torture centers.

Abrams said U.S. officials were aware that some children had been taken and then illegally adopted by families loyal to the regime.

"We knew that it wasn't just one or two children," Abrams testified. There must have been some sort of directive from a high level official, he suggested: "a plan, because there were many people who were being murdered or jailed."

"It was a very serious problem because these were children who were alive," Abrams added.

* * *

The junta apparently saw the program as a way to prevent children from growing up "communist," Abrams said. Also, enabling loyal families who couldn't conceive to adopt the babies was seen as a blessing by the regime, he said.

Listen Up, Adoptive Parents!

2012-01-26T21:54:00.000-06:00

Margie of Third Mom has something important to tell us:

If you are the parent of an internationally-adopted child, you undoubtedly love that child so much and care for him or her so tenderly that you cannot imagine why someone would want to deny another child the same, especially if you believe that the only alternative is life in an institution. You see how good intercountry adoption can be, and believe it is the very best we can offer to children in need, here and around the world.

But maybe, like my family, you’ve experienced shoddy adoption practices or even adoption corruption first hand, and it makes you so mad you want to spit, even if your child made it through the experience unbroken. If you haven't, you might be sick of adoption for profit, first parent coercion, trafficking, lack of legal protection for intercountry adoptees, adoptive parent entitlement and apathy, or something else.

I live with both of these conflicting thoughts in my head, all the time. Some days I tell myself that the only thing that matters is that a family is found for every child, no matter what it takes. But seldom does that thought linger for long, because I immediately remember that there are reasons those children need families, and that I as an adoptive parent have a responsibility to put those things right.

Here! Here! Hallelujah, Amen!

Diane Rehm Show: Adoptees Using DNA to Find Family

2012-01-26T21:35:00.003-06:00

Today's Diane Rehm Show on NPR was about adoptees using DNA to find family, as discussed in this New York Times piece. Not surprisingly, the show addressed closed adoption records, too (you can't discuss one without the other, it seems to me).

You can listen to the show here, and/or read the transcript here.

Past Adoptions From Mexico Questioned in Ireland

2012-01-26T21:21:00.001-06:00

The Irish Times reports that some are questioning past adoptions from Mexico to Ireland, in light of the latest scandal involving trafficking allegations involving 11 Irish couples who tried to adopt in Mexico:

A claim by the Minister for Children that there is no evidence that previous adoptions in Mexico by Irish couples are unsafe has been challenged in the Dáil.

Frances Fitzgerald referred to the controversy in Mexico where 11 Irish couples had been questioned following the discovery of an international child-smuggling ring, after the arrest of three local women accused of buying children from their mothers.

During a Dáil debate on inter-country adoption, Ms Fitzgerald assured parents who had previously adopted from Mexico that the Adoption Authority of Ireland “has no evidence that previous adoptions are unsafe or are affected by the recent events in Mexico”.

Socialist Party TD Clare Daly questioned the statement and said that of 92 children adopted by Irish couples, 60 were arranged by a lawyer called Lopez, who was being sought by police in Mexico.

“How can the Irish Adoption Board say adoptions from Mexico are safe if the Mexican authorities are seeking an individual who has arranged two-thirds of those adoptions?” the Dublin North TD asked. The lawyer was being sought for “illegal practices in adoption involving 60 children adopted by Irish parents, yet the adoption board is on record as stating that all existing adoptions of Mexican children by Irish couples are safe. Both those scenarios cannot be correct.”

Good question -- how can they say past adoptions from Mexico to Ireland are safe -- proper -- legal --ethical -- when two-thirds of them were handled by the same Mexico lawyer who handled those 11 adoptions that have been branded trafficking?

If you were one of those adoptive parents, who had previously adopted from Mexico through this lawyer, what would you do?

If you were the Irish government, what questions would you be asking? I'd have a few, including whether those adoptive parents had been screened at all for adoption placement. . . .

Classified U.S. Documents Relevant to Argentina's "Stolen Babies" Trial?

2012-01-25T10:23:00.000-06:00

I've posted before (here and here and here and here) about the trial in Argentina over the systematic stealing of babies from murdered/imprisoned/disappeared leftists by the military junta during the Dirty War of the '70s '80s. Those babies were placed in politically-connected families, often military families. In a new twist, classified U.S. documents are now being sought for the trial, as reported by Women's eNews:

The trial, expected to close this year, is being closely watched by a group of women now in their 80s or 90s, known as the Grandmothers of Plaza de Mayo.

For 30 years they have driven a very public effort to find stolen grandchildren and to bring their children's killers to justice.

Now they are finding an ally in a Democratic Congressman named Maurice Hinchey, who represents the 22nd district of New York, northwest of New York City and bordering Pennsylvania.

Hinchey announced last week that he'll retire at the end of this year. For now, he is seeking the declassification and release of CIA and Pentagon records that could help identify some of the missing grandchildren.

* * *

The State Department in 2002 declassified 4,700 documents pertaining to the Dirty War.

Carlotto and her group's lawyers believe that one of those documents proves there was not only a systematic plan to appropriate children, but that it was sanctioned by the highest levels of power.

That document is a 1982 memo by Elliott Abrams, a former U.S. assistant secretary of state for human rights and humanitarian affairs, who is scheduled to testify here this month.

In that memo, Abrams wrote: "I raised with the ambassador the question of children in this context, such as children born to prisoners or children taken from their families during the Dirty War. While the disappeared were dead, these children were alive and this was in a sense the gravest humanitarian problem. The ambassador agreed completely and had already made this point to his foreign minister and the president. They had not rejected his view but had pointed on the problem, for example, of taking children from their adoptive parents."

Carlos Osorio, director of the Southern Cone Documentation Project at the National Security Archive at George Washington University, said in a November interview that the Abrams memo is key.

"The Grandmothers are pointing to this little nugget as evidence that declassified documents help to bring some justice in Argentina then, and thus they want to call for CIA, FBI and Pentagon declassification on Argentina," Osorio told Women's eNews.

The Power of Ghosts

2012-01-25T09:07:00.002-06:00

At International Adoption Reader, a helpful post on an important subject, being open to birth family in international adoption:

When we began our adoption process, we believed we would adopt fully orphaned children; some of our views had been formed by the books of Melissa Faye Green, and so we expected children who had been cared for in an Ethiopian orphanage after the death of both parents, probably due to HIV. We were absolutely convinced we were doing something entirely helpful, just as we were later convinced we were being part of a flawlessly ethical process.

After a series of very long and complicated turns and twists, the details of which I am not free to share because they belong to my children, and facing the results of research and inquiries, we now know some major facts and minor details we had not been aware of before. And we now have family in Ethiopia.

When our children are asked about brothers and sisters, they tell the number, including our biological children and their biological (half)siblings, without hesitating. It was a long way to get there, and this long and sometimes very painful way has formed our views on international adoption and open adoption.

* * *

The basic difficulty, though, behind openness seems to be an emotional one: Openness means, on a daily basis, facing the fact that the adoptive mother is the second mother, and, come what may, there is someone else who shared the primal relationship to the child, who looks like the child (vice versa, I guess) and who was close in a way that cannot be substituted. It may not be easy -on an emotional level -to accept. But it is the undeniable reality the child will have to learn to cope with, so obviously, the adults can be asked to do a comparable step, which for them, at least, does not touch their sense of personal identity as it does for the child.

So many people choose international adoption in order to avoid birth parent issues -- my shame is that I was one of them. I knew that my children were not technically "fully orphaned," given the circumstances that drove abandonment in China, but I expected that they would be emotionally fully orphaned, uncaring and uninterested in these wispy, insubstantial ghosts we call birth parents.

What I didn't know then is the power of ghosts. That even in their absence, and in part because of their absence, birth parents are central to our children's lives, to our family's life. Without knowing who they are or ever meeting them, my children long for them, to know who they are, what they look like, how they live (if they are even living), where they live, whether they are safe, why they could not parent them. Even if we never mentioned them, never acknowledged the existence of ghosts, their birth parents would still be present in our lives. There is a power in what's missing.

It was a process, but I got over that emotional hurdle that demanded exclusivity -- that I be the only mother. It was actually pretty easy to do once my children became real to me, when my love for them demanded that I fulfill their needs. As my children became real to me, so did the ghosts.

My girls need me to include their birth parents in our lives, so I do. I'm the grown-up, so I have the responsibility to put aside my issues, to get over any issues that interfere with my children's well-being. We deal with the ghosts, because never mentioned, never acknowledged, their birth parents would be the proverbial elephant in the room (to mix metaphors!), squeezing out the possibility of any other authentic relationship entering that room.
I know what you're thinking -- when it comes to birth parents, we have it easy. In China, children are abandoned and no birth family information is given. Dealing with imaginary birth parents -- with ghosts -- is far easier than dealing with the real thing, so I should just get over my big, bad self, I hear you cry. I'm not sure I agree that it's easier, but it is different.

I do know parents who are working hard to maintain an open international adoption (we're searching, hoping to be one of those families, with no luck so far), and it is hard work, given differences in language and culture, time and distance. But it can also be hard work with unknown birth parents as well -- the continual not-knowing, the difficulty in separating fantasy from reality, the feeling of disconnectedness. The power of what's missing. But we plug away at it, because it's worth it.

My takeaway: If, because of circumstances beyond your control, you can't have an open relationship with the actual birth parents, at least be open with your children about their existence, their significance. Without acknowledging what's missing, your relationship with your child will be haunted by ghosts.

Born in Prison

2012-01-24T19:39:00.000-06:00

Huffington Post offers an excerpt of what looks to be a powerful new memoir, Even Tough Girls Wear Tutus: Inside the World of a Woman Born in Prison, by Deborah Jiang Stein. She's an adoptee who knew she was adopted but discovered a letter at age 12 that revealed that she was born in prison to a heroin addict. Her reaction to this discovery:

It can't be true. How am I lovable if it is true? Who loves anyone from prison? If people find out my secret, then what?

My skin itches as if tiny ants crawl along the bones in my forearms and I scratch so hard, red streaks rise on my skin. I splash water onto my burning face but give up. None of it washes away what I know isn't there, but I think I'm coated with grime on my cheeks, hot to my hands. I can't stop splashing my face to get rid of the gritty scratch in my eyes and to rinse the sourness in my mouth.

Born in prison? Nobody's born in prison.

Then something sinks in. My "real" mother's an addict and criminal. My "real" home is a prison.

While I don't understand until decades later, the trauma of learning about my prison birth sent me into a deep dive, an emotional lockdown behind a wall which imprisoned me for almost twenty years. The letter forced me into an impossible choice between two mothers, two worlds far apart. One mother in prison, behind bars, a criminal, a drug addict, a woman who tugs at me, her face and voice, images and her sound buried deep in my subconscious. The other mother, the one I face every day, the one who keeps fresh bouquets of flowers on our teak credenza. I don't connect with this mother.

I'm not hers. Not theirs.

This is only an excerpt of the excerpt, so go to Huffington Post to read the whole thing. And if you've read the book, tell us about it in the comments.

Same-Sex Couple Sues Over Michigan's Ban on Second Parent Adoption for Unmarried Parents

2012-01-24T09:42:00.000-06:00

I've posted before about the benefits of second-parent adoption to protect families and children. A local TV station reports on a lesbian couple in Michigan suing over the ban on unmarried parents jointly adopting:

Imagine not being allowed to adopt a child you had raised since birth. That is what some same-sex partners are facing. Michigan is among a handful of states that still offers no legal protections for gays and lesbians – and that can have major consequences for their children.

* * *

A local lesbian couple has been raising three children since birth, kids who otherwise would have been in the foster care system. One of the women adopted one child – while the other woman had to adopt the other two – that’s because the law in Michigan won’t let them jointly adopt all three kids. And they’re hoping this lawsuit will change the lives of children all over Michigan.

April Deboer and Jayne Rowse have dedicated their lives to raising three small children – two of whom have special needs. April and Jayne are both nurses – and they have been in a committed relationship for more than a decade.

* * *

Because the Michigan Constitution bans same-sex marriage – same-sex couples cannot jointly adopt children.

“I don’t see how that puts the best interest of the child at the forefront,” says Rowse.

* * *

Nessel says the legal rights of children of same-sex couples are being hurt in many ways. If one of their parents dies, the other parent would have no legal claim to the child.

“So in the event something happened to her, not only would her children lose their mom, but they would also lose the only other parent they know and their sibling,” says Doboer.

Also, when April takes the boys to the doctor, she has to take Jayne with her. “I can’t legally sign for treatments. I can’t legally sign for anything. I have to wait for her to show up to the hospital in order to get treatment,” she says.

Lawyers say the children of same-sex couples also don’t have the same inheritance rights that other kids do. They also can’t receive social security disability from the non-adoptive parent, or health insurance. Also if a same-sex couple separates, they have no legal ability to see the children that they didn’t adopt.

Yeah, explain to me how this state of the law is good for children. It doesn't prevent gay people from adopting, it doesn't prevent gay people from parenting, if that's the goal of the lawmakers. It just makes sure that children are punished because some policy makers disapprove of the families their parents have created.

DNA Testing Leads Some Adoptees to Family

2012-01-24T08:27:00.000-06:00

Interesting article in the New York Times:

Growing up, Khrys Vaughan always believed that she had inherited her looks and mannerisms from her father, and that her appreciation for tradition and old-fashioned gentility stemmed from her parents’ Southern roots. But those facets of her self-image crumbled when she was told, at age 42, that she had been adopted.

She began searching for her origins, only to find out that her adoption records had been sealed, a common practice in the 1960s. Then Mrs. Vaughan stumbled across an ad from a DNA testing company offering to help people who had been adopted find clues to their ancestry and connections to blood relatives.

About five weeks after shipping off two tiny vials of her cells from a swab of her cheek, Mrs. Vaughan received an e-mail informing her that her bloodlines extended to France, Romania and West Africa. She was also given the names and e-mail addresses of a dozen distant cousins. This month, she drove 208 miles from her hometown here to Evansville, Ind., to meet her third cousin, the first relative to respond to her e-mails. Mrs. Vaughan is black and her cousin is white, and they have yet to find their common ancestor. But Mrs. Vaughan says that does not matter.

“Somebody is related to me in this world,” she said. “Somebody out there has my blood. I can look at her and say, ‘This is my family.’”

The article seems to accept as a given that adoption records are sealed. If that's an immutable thing, then of course DNA testing -- with its expense and imperfect ability to track relatives -- is a work-around that allows some to find some family. But doesn't the problem really speak to a different solution -- unsealing the records or not sealing them in the first place? The article provides evidence of that -- DNA tests allowed Khrys Vaughan to find a 3rd cousin, but unsealing her adoption records is what allowed her to find her birth mother.

I rarely agree with Elizabeth Bartholet (as illustrated here), but I do agree with what she had to say in this NYT piece: "Elizabeth Bartholet, an expert on adoption at Harvard Law School, said the proliferation of testing highlights the need for broader access to adoption records." But no need to worry, the agreement didn't last long -- the next sentence is pretty obnoxious: "In the meantime, she says, adoptees would be better served by nurturing the relationships they already have." Right, just ignore your roots and concentrate on your adoptive family!

Cooking in the Chinese New Year

2012-01-23T13:10:00.000-06:00

Last summer I attended a cooking demonstration class by Grace Young, known as The Wok Queen, The Poet Laureate of the Wok, and a Wok Evangelist, and author of lots of cookbooks. She's sharing three health-conscious stir-fry recipes at Weight Watchers, in honor Chinese New Year.

She also talks a little about Chinese New Year customs, and the importance of food:

What part does food play in all this?

A huge one. Everything we eat during the holiday has a symbolic meaning. When friends come to visit we offer tea and sweets because sweet food guarantees a sweet year. Sometimes a food looks like something you want: scallops and dumplings are supposed to resemble ancient Chinese coins. Or a food's name may have the same sound as the name of something desirable. People eat lettuce because the word sounds like “growing fortune,” fish because the word sounds like “abundance,” and sweet-and-sour dishes because “sour” has the same sound as “grandchildren.”

I'm definitely going to try the Stir-Fried Garlic Lettuce recipe. It might sound strange to Western palates to cook lettuce, but we frequently had stir-fried lettuce (and cucumbers, too, which also sounds strange to cook!) in China, and it was yummy!

Traveling Abroad to Find Home

2012-01-23T09:14:00.002-06:00

The Washington Post profiles an internationally adopted teen on a homeland/birth parent reunion tour. Here's a sample:

As her father catnapped at her side, Deanna Torstenson’s heart pounded and her body trembled. She fixed her eyes on the tiny airplane moving across a video screen on the seat back in front of her. Slowly it approached Astana, the capital of Kazakhstan. Soon, for the first time, she would set eyes on the woman who had given birth to her.

“I’d never been in the presence of anyone who was actually biologically related to me,” she later recalled. “So I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. . . . This is really happening!’ ”

Deanna, 17, who was adopted 15 years ago from a Kazakhstan orphanage and grew up in Springfield, had always felt an invisible thread connecting her to a biological family, long before she ever knew they existed.

Her parents had provided a loving home and all the trappings of American life — at West Springfield High School, she sings classical music and does madrigals in musical theater.
But Deanna couldn’t stop wondering about from where — and whom — she had come. Now, as her plane lowered over Central Asia, she was about to find out.

The article covers a lot of territory, including adoptee identity issues, birth parent reactions to being found, adoptive parents' reactions to their child's desire to search, etc. And it turns out that the birth mom did not really relinquish the child, she was told the child died. So go read the whole thing.

Chinese New Year, Dragons, and Red Underwear

2012-01-22T21:55:00.000-06:00

In 2007, we arrived in China right after the Chinese New Year for our 5-month stay. Our apartment was on the college campus where I taught, and as usual, we frequently saw laundry hanging to dry from balconies and dorm windows (we hung our laundry to dry, too, as the photo above shows!). One odd thing I noticed was the number of items of RED underwear hanging out to dry. Panties, boxers, bras, all in red! I thought that was quite hotsy-totsy for college students! But I soon learned that it wasn't a Victoria's Secret inspired fashion trend -- it was protection:

For those turning 12, 24, 36 etc. (the Chinese Zodiac uses a cycle of 12), termed benming nian, or the meeting of one’s zodiac year, traditional Chinese belief is that it can be an unlucky year. To ward off any dangers that might befall you in your benming nian, it helps to wear red. Red is one of the luckiest colors in Chinese traditions, standing for loyalty, success and happiness.
If you’re really traditional, you should wear red every day, all year long. If you’re not a big fan of the color red in your outer wardrobe, red underwear is an easy way to protect yourself against the hazards of benming nian.

So all of those 24-year-old college/grad students had all been gifted red underwear for the dangerous Zodiac year!
Zoe was born in the Year of the Dragon, so this year is her first repeat Zodiac year. We're lucky that her school uniform includes a red sweater or sweatshirt, so she's covered (in more ways than one!) during the week. But what about weekends?!

We went looking for red underwear for her today, and found PLENTY in adult sizes and risque styles given the proximity to Valentine's Day. But for little girls? Not so much (I suppose I should be relieved they don't have little girl panties in red, given that red underwear has the "sexy" connotation. But that doesn't usually stop the designers -- I once saw a pair of 2T underwear with the word "HOTTIE" on the front. Yikes!). Might have to dye a few pairs to get Zoe through the Year of the Dragon. . . . .

Happy New Year to you all, and for those meeting the Year of the Dragon at age 12, 24, 36, 48, etc., best wishes for protection and lots of red underwear!

Russia With No Orphans?

2012-01-22T18:53:00.003-06:00

At Voice of Russia, Russia’s Ombudsman for Children’s Rights Pavel Astakhov says that within 5 years, there will be an end to orphanhood in Russia:

Despite the signing of agreements on cooperation in the field of adoption between Russia on the one hand and the USA and France on the other, and earlier between Russia and Italy in the outgoing year, Russia’s Ombudsman for Children’s Rights Pavel Astakhov believes that child adoption by foreigners is a temporary phenomenon in this country. “Russia needs 5 years to do away with orphanhood”, Astakhov says, adding that “only specialized orphanages for children who need a complex medical care will remain in this country”.

Hot debates around child adoption by foreigners are currently underway in the Russian society. The supporters of this idea say that first of all, this is good for children themselves since only handicapped children are taken abroad. But in reality the situation is somewhat different, Astakhov says.

"Last year foreign citizens adopted 3,355 children. Out of these 3,355 only 4 per cent – to be more exact, 148 children were handicapped. Which means that Americans adopted 44 disabled children out of more than 1,000. Russian citizens adopt disabled children far more willingly."

There’s one more thing that should be mentioned here - they say that foreigners adopt the children which were rejected by potential adoptive parents in Russia. In reality, they adopt children under 3 years old, that is, the children for the adoption of which Russian citizens are queuing. People also say that foreigners pay children’s surgical operations, thus, saving their lives. Meanwhile, in Russia high-tech medical help was offered to more than 50, 000 children, including orphans in the first place, last year.

* * *

Some time ago Russia’s Ombudsman for Children’s Rights Pavel Astakhov and Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov signed a joint address to the Supreme Court, with a request for the necessity of introducing a moratorium on adoption by foreigners. Astakhov is sure that Russia needs 5 years to do away with orphanages and that children who need adoption will be taken into adoptive families in Russia.

School Interview & Issues of Identity

2012-01-21T22:35:00.000-06:00

We've applied for a new school for Zoe, starting next year, for middle school (YIKES! Next year I'll have a middle schooler!). The school is an all-girls school that specializes in math, science and technology, the Young Women's Leadership Academy. Zoe is really excited about this possibility, and my job has been to try to manage her expectations -- though it's a public school, admission isn't guaranteed. The application included teacher recommendations, a two-page essay, and a personal interview -- just as complicated as college application!

Today was the personal interview. Though it was only 10 minutes, Zoe was pretty nervous about it, which is what I'd expect. She's quite capable of sailing through it and being quite impressive, but she's also quite capable of turning shy and barely saying a word. She probably pretty much hit the middle ground (I wasn't allowed in the interview!), but some of that was just luck. When we got to the room where she would be interviewed, it turned out to be the Chinese classroom! I think she saw it as a good omen that she could read the characters above the door. There were two interviewers, and one was the Chinese teacher!

If Zoe were applying for a Chinese school, I'd say she was in! For a math, science and technology school? Not so sure!

The first question they asked her was an ice-breaking open-ended, "Tell us something about yourself." Zoe told them she was born in China. The Chinese teacher asked her where in China she was born and how old she was when she came to America. No problem, Zoe answered that. The teacher asked her to say something in Chinese, and Zoe told them her name and age in Chinese. They asked her what her long-term goals were, and consistent with this theme, she said she wanted to learn more about China than she already knew (I love that she had to throw in there that she already knew stuff about China!). Finally, they asked her why she wanted to attend YWLA, and she explained that she had been bullied at her school for being -- you guessed it -- Chinese, and she didn't think it would happen at a school like YWLA where there were kids from lots of different places. None of this would be a surprise to the interviewers if they read her essay -- she included all of this. But she also talked about her interest in science and technology in that essay.

So you see why I think she nailed the interview if it were for a Chinese school?! Not one mention of math, science and technology, though. Ah, well. It wouldn't be a problem if we stayed where we are -- it would actually be easier for me since I wouldn't have to deal with two different schools on two different schedules. But Zoe would really be disappointed. . . .

The thing I found interesting, and why I wanted to share it here, is how important, how fundamental, being Chinese is to Zoe identity. When asked about herself, it's the first thing she shares. Her long-term goals are wrapped up in being Chinese (in her essay, she said she wanted to be a scientist or a science teacher, but that she wanted to work in both China and America, and help the two countries learn more about each other, so even there, when talking about science, etc., it gets wrapped up in being Chinese). To her, being Chinese is her identity.

I also think it's interesting that she now separates her identity as adopted from her identity as Chinese. At one time, being adopted would have been the first thing she mentioned, and being Chinese and being adopted meant the same thing, since most everyone she knew who was adopted was Chinese and just about everyone she knew who was Chinese was adopted. Attending Chinese School, and living in China in 2007, helped her to divorce the two. Now, this doesn't mean she doesn't think of herself as adopted, that she doesn't still have issues surrounding adoption. But at least right now, race/ethnicity is trumping adoption.

All musings aside, please say a prayer, light a candle, send out good vibrations, wish us luck, keep your fingers crossed -- we won't know for a month whether she got in, but we can use all the help you can offer!

Adoption isn't the only placement route to a happy childhood

2012-01-20T12:53:00.001-06:00

So says the headline at the Guardian (UK), with the subhead, As ministers plan to simplify the adoption process, children's services are keen to promote other forms of long-term guardianship. Despite the headline, the article is mostly about adoption, with the exception of this paragraph:

The ADCS points out that adoption is not right for every child and is rare in most countries except the UK and the US. Evidence suggests that children can do just as well in other forms of stable placements such as long-term fostering and "special guardianship" – a court order that gives a guardian legal parental responsibility for a child without removing responsibility altogether from the birth parents.

What do you think of these alternatives to adoption? Pros and cons?

High School Newspaper Censored as Bullying for Anti-Gay-Adoption Editorial

2012-01-19T19:07:00.002-06:00

Here's a new twist on bullying -- an interesting story out of Wisconsin, where a high school newspaper ran pro and con editorials about gay adoption, to the distress of gay parents whose children attended the school:

A gay couple with school-age children is outraged over a Shawano High School newspaper column that cites Bible passages and calls homosexuality a sin punishable by death.

The column ran on the editorial page of Shawano High School's Hawks Post recently as part of an opinion package about gay families who adopt children. The other side said sexual orientation does not determine a person's ability to raise kids.

"This is why kids commit suicide," said Nick Uttecht, who is raising four children with his partner, Michael McNelly.

Uttecht told school district officials he thinks the piece opposing gays as parents is hateful and should not have run. He worries the strong language will hurt his children and could lead students to bully gay classmates.

School officials apologized and said they will review the process for editing and producing the paper.

* * *

David Hudson, an expert for the Washington, D.C.-based advocacy group First Amendment Center, said the column may be distasteful to some, but student journalists were practicing their constitutional right to free speech.

"Bullying is a serious concern, and I don't take it lightly. But I hope it doesn't lead to squashing different viewpoints. I do think (gay adoption) is an issue people are deeply divided about. Hopefully student journalists don't have to fear they'll be squashed if they take a controversial view."

* * *

Although students have the right to voice their opinion, it doesn't mean they should say it in a school paper, said Christine Smith, assistant professor of psychology, human development and women's studies at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay.

"High school students are at a time in their life when they are developing intellectually and socially," she said. "To see something like this debated in the paper could be devastating. How would you feel if someone said your family is abnormal, is not acceptable, that your parents never should have been allowed to have you, that they're not suitable to raise you?

"Of course, it's got to be harmful. Kids this age are so worried about discovering who they are and what they are. To have them told their family is immoral and not suitable has to be devastating. To be told by your peers, people you see in the hallways, these people who clearly have passed judgment."

So what do you think? Should the student newspaper be able to publish controversial opinions that may adversely affect some students? I'm pretty much a First Amendment purist, but the Supreme Court isn't when in comes to school papers. The court has said that school administrations can in fact censor school newspapers so long as they have a reasonable educational justification, as I learned to my displeasure as a high school newspaper editor! Preventing bullying, creating a non-discriminatory learning environment, should qualify as a reasonable educational justification for limiting hateful student speech in the newspaper, right? I don't think I would have bought that argument as a high schooler, opinionated on rights and the perogatives of journalists.

But as a parent? Maybe my desire to protect my children makes me a tad more sympathetic to the position of the school administration. I wouldn't want my kids to read stupid articles that opined on the inappropriateness of single parenting or transracial adoption or international adoption, or the inferiority of China or the like, and I would be worried that such an article would make other students more willing to bully my kids. But on the other hand, the articles here offered both arguments for and against, the audience was high school and not younger kids, and I guarantee that my kids would have already heard all the pro and con opinions folks harbor about our family structure before they ever saw such an article. But on the other other hand, should my kids have to deal with those obnoxious opinions in school, which should be a safe harbor?!

Reactions?

Asian Americans as Targets of Bullying

2012-01-18T21:25:00.000-06:00

Given this incident and this incident and this incident and this incident, it didn't surprise me that Zoe included in her "I have a dream" speech on MLK Day the dream "that children will not be bullied because of their race." At CNN's inAMERICA blog, Jeff Yang writes about the bullying-related deaths of Private Danny Chen and Lance Corporal Harry Lew, and more generally about Asian Americans as a growing target for bullies:

The more appropriate term for what Chen and Lew faced is targeted bullying — and it's something that's hardly limited to the military.

In fact, recent research suggests that young Asian Americans are facing a bullying epidemic. Last year, the U.S. Departments of Justice and Education released a joint study showing that over half of Asian American teens said they'd been the subject of targeted abuse at school, versus around a third of blacks, Hispanics and whites.

* * *

Why are Asian Americans disproportionately targeted for abuse?

A harmonic convergence of factors. There's the perception — and in some cases, the reality — of the "nerd" stereotype. The trinity of social awkwardness, physical frailty and academic overachievement has always served as a magnet for bullies.

There's the rising tide of animosity toward immigrants, particularly those from predominantly countries that are seen as emerging rivals of the United States, like China and India.

There's the plain old fact that those who are "different" in obvious ways — appearance, name, faith, accent — are often the focus of unwanted attention in environments where fitting in is prized, like high school. Or the military.

And especially among immigrants and the children of immigrants, there's the reality that cultural and familial expectations push them to submit to bullying rather than being "disruptive" or succumbing to "distraction."

What are you doing to protect your children from and prepare them for race-based bullying?

Study: Black children form identity through race, not language

2012-01-18T18:34:00.000-06:00

I thought this study was particularly interesting in light of the NYT piece I posted earlier in the week, about how Latinos identify by language and culture rather than by race:

Black children in the same age group tend to form their identity more strongly by the color of their skin than a shared language, according to a new study, while the opposite was true for white children.

A study published in the November issue of Developmental Science and conducted by University of Chicago researchers Katherine Kinzler and Jacelyn Dautel presented some preliminary findings regarding how young children identify with others.

According to a report in the Journal of Blacks in Higher Education, the study cites four experiments, each designed to provide a specific piece of information and control for some variables. Experiments 1, 2 and 4 used children ages five to six, while experiment 3 used children ages nine to 10.

Experiments 1, 2, and 3 used White children and experiment 4 used Black children. In all the experiments, the children. In all the experiments, the children were shown a child and adults and asked, “Which adult does this child grow up to be?”

In experiments 1 and 2, the children picked the adult that spoke the same language as the child in the test, though it was not a racial match. In experiments 3 and 4, the children picked the adult that was a racial match, though they were not a language match to the child in the test.

“The difference between European American and African American children of the same age highlights the potential role of experience in facilitating children’s reasoning about the stability of different social categories,” the researchers wrote.

Washington State Notes Spike in Starvation of Adopted Children

2012-01-18T18:19:00.004-06:00

A commenter mentioned this report in the comments to the Right/Wrong reasons to adopt post, so I thought I'd move it "above the fold," for more potential discussion:

An alleged child starvation case near Longview is one of more than a dozen cases -- including one death -- that have state officials reviewing how adopted children are placed and treated.

The number of abuse cases is small compared to all adoptions. But a string of high- profile child starvation cases last year -- including one from May accusing Jeffrey and Rebecca Trebilcock of starving their five adopted children at their Bunker Hill-area home in Cowlitz County -- has state officials alarmed.

"Starting in the beginning of 2011 we started seeing a cluster effect of these types of cases," said Mary Meinig, director of the state's Family and Children's Ombudsman office, who included a section about adoption abuse in her annual report, released last week.

* * *

Officials are concerned at the severity of these cases, the apparent spike in them and that so many seem to involve adopted children. The adoption cases are particularly concerning because screening by the state or private adoption agencies should catch unfit parents before children are placed.

Dr. Frances Chalmers, a Mount Vernon pediatrician who consults with DSHS, began to get a "nagging feeling" that something was up and started tracking starvation cases herself. Meinig started doing the same, finding 15 adoption or guardianship cases since 2009 that involved starvation or severe abuse. Eleven of those cases were in 2011.

The Governor has appointed a study group to consider these cases and the following questions:

•Are neglect and abuse -- including withholding food -- on the rise and are they more prevalent in adoptive homes?
•Did a rapid increase in adoptions let some unfit parents slip through the cracks?
•Does the adoption process itself need to be reworked?
•Does age, race or gender play a role in abuse of adopted children?

I think the article does a good job of offering appropriate caveats that correlation doesn't equal causation, of fleshing out the statistics in this small pool of cases, and of explaining the complex issues the study group will be examining. So read the whole thing.

Adopted Children Bring Chinese New Year Celebrations With Them

2012-01-18T08:22:00.004-06:00

An AP story at the IndyStar about adoption from China and culture:

With its fireworks, family reunions and feasts, Lunar New Year is the longest and most important celebration for millions throughout the world.

For kids adopted from China, it holds special meaning. Lunar New Year makes them mini-ambassadors of a culture they know little about firsthand.

There's no official handbook on how far parents of internationally adopted children should go to celebrate their kids' birth cultures, but marking Lunar New Year -- Year of the Dragon begins Jan. 23 -- is usually one of those times for Asian children.

Their parents decorate front doors, throw dumpling-making parties and stuff red envelopes with money. They clean their homes at the start of the 15-day celebration and hang red lanterns at the end. Others keep it simple, sharing dim sum with friends at a restaurant or watching dragons dance at parades in Chinese enclaves in their communities.

For Myra Cocca in Central Indiana, it's harder as her kids have grown older and busier to observe the traditions they loved when they were small. Her son, adopted from South Korea, is 11 now. When he was little, she dressed him in a traditional garment called a hanbok for the celebration. Today, "sometimes we're not home during the holiday, so we have not always marked the occasion," she said.

Right & Wrong Reasons to Adopt

2012-01-17T14:23:00.000-06:00

The Kansas State Collegian opines on the right and wrong reasons to adopt:

Our world is currently full of problems that some of the brightest minds on earth have yet to solve. In situations like those, the media and other sources will often turn to the common man for the solution.

Commercials promising to feed a child for a dollar a day or monetary programs to keep an endangered tiger safe are among the most popular uses of this tactic.

Earth’s overpopulation is one of these global issues that the public is called on to help combat through an extreme and personal decision: adoption. However, adopting a child is too important of a process to undertake for any reason except personal aspiration and the desire to change a child’s life. I believe that people have to understand that before they continue with such a monumental decision.

Adoption, much like anything else, can be and is done for completely the wrong reasons.

Some people adopt to claim a boost on their tax income. Other people will choose to adopt to prove a point or to show how “caring” and “loving” they are, without actually having any interest in the children.

I know two children who were adopted and instantly put to work in their new home, and since then have been used as nothing but labor. These corrupt uses of adoption should not overshadow its design, however, and its main purpose to allow children to have a second chance at a normal and productive childhood, which is the best reason for adoption in the first place.

* * *

Here are some things to keep in mind when it comes to adoption: There are many women who turn to adoption because they cannot have their own children, but for couples who are able to have kids, the birthing process is an important step in connecting emotionally with the child. The age of adoption is also important to consider, as well as the cost.

Reactions? I wonder if the author has considered the right and wrong reasons to give birth -- where would we put "it's cheaper than adoption" on that list?!

SC Court Accepts Appeal of ICWA Case

2012-01-17T14:14:00.002-06:00

If you've been following the story of the 2-year-old, adopted at birth, who was returned to her biological father, the South Carolina Supreme Court has agreed to hear the case at the request of the adoptive parents:

The South Carolina Supreme Court has agreed to hear a case involving a 2-year-old girl whose adoptive parents had to turn her over to her biological father on New Year's Eve.

The (Charleston) Post and Courier reported Monday that Matt and Melanie Capobianca turned over the girl to her biological father, 30-year-old Dusten Brown, an enrolled member of the Cherokee Nation from Oklahoma.

The Capobiancos must file their first briefs by Thursday.

The couple says they adopted the girl when she was born in 2009 from the biological mother. Brown filed for custody four months later.

Brown's attorney argued that the girl's biological mother concealed her plans to put their daughter up for adoption, and that Brown believed he signed his custody rights to the mother.

Interesting that the article doesn't mention ICWA at all. I addressed some of the ICWA issues here. It's possible to challenge the adoption on grounds other than ICWA, of course. The birth father's attorney seems to be arguing that the father's consent was involuntary because it was based on misinformation. That's a valid legal ground in adoption law, separate and apart from the ICWA issues.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

2012-01-16T22:58:00.000-06:00

I hope you had a good day celebrating the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. My kids made a video, giving their own version of the "I have a dream" speech, but wouldn't you know it, I can't get it uploaded! They worked really hard on it, so I'm just sick I can't get my little video recorder to connect to my computer. I'll keep trying, but in the meantime, here's the text of the speech (at least the pepared remarks, slight variations on the video):

Zoom in on sign reading "I have a dream." Zoom out and focus on Zoe and Maya in alternating order. . . .

Zoe: I have a dream that everyone is treated equal [sic!].

Maya: I have a dream that everyone has good shelter.

Zoe: I have a dream that slavery will never happen again.

Maya: I have a dream that everyone has healthy food and clean water.

Zoe: I have a dream that children will not be bullied because of their race.

Maya: I have a dream that every child can grow up to be what they want to be.

Zoe: I have a dream that all bad adoption laws against parents and children will be repealed [we had talked earlier in the day about laws that prevented access to original birth certificates by adoptees and birth parents].

Maya: I have a dream that every adopted child can know their birth parents.

Zoe: I have a dream that all orphans find homes.

Maya: I have a dream that everyone can believe what they want to believe.

Zoe: I have a dream that it doesn't matter where you cme from, because you are just as unique as everyone else, and we all belong to the human family.

Camera zooms in on sign reading "What's your dream?" while voice-over says. . .

Together: What's your dream?

So, how about answering their question in the comments: what's your dream, this MLK day?

International Adoption Scam Busted in Mexico

2012-01-15T18:02:00.002-06:00

The Daily Mail reports that 11 Irish families were scammed by a child-smuggling ring in Mexico:

Seven Mexican babies have been seized from Irish couples after police in Guadalajara smashed an international child-smuggling ring.

Officials said the couples believed they were following proper adoption channels but that the babies were actually being sold by their mothers. Up to 11 Irish families
were being questioned this weekend in connection with the scam, centred in the Guadalajara region of central Mexico, where four local women have been arrested.

* * *
Three Mexican women, all aged in their early 30s, were subsequently arrested on suspicion of belonging to a child-trafficking gang.

They are suspected of using newspaper advertisements to find expectant mothers who did not want to keep their babies – then buying the infants from the women and handing them over to wealthy foreign couples who travelled to Mexico seeking to adopt.

The Irish couples were reportedly given the babies at a hotel in Guadalajara and sent to the nearby town of Ajijic, a popular retirement destination for Canadian and American expats, to spend a fortnight with the babies while adoption papers were processed.

The processing was done in the neighbouring state of Colima. It is not clear whether suspected gang members intended faking documents or had corrupt local officials in their pay.

The birth mothers are said to have been paid €70 a week plus medical expenses while they were pregnant.

One local paper reported that after the mothers gave birth, the child-trafficking suspects got them to sign a contract permitting them to ‘hire’ their babies for €30 a day over a fortnight for use in photoshoots for publicity contracts.

Instead, the babies were handed over to the foreign couples and the birth mothers were given a copy of the contract, which they used to justify their babies’ absence to friends and neighbours. Mexican authorities said the Guadalajara-based firm Lopez & Lopez Associates was involved in drawing up those contracts. It is not clear whether the mothers knew their babies would be given up permanently or whether they expected them back after the fortnight.

* * *

As the arrests and investigation unfolded during the past few days, Ireland’s Adoption Authority issued a release on Thursday about intercountry adoptions involving Mexico. The Mexican authorities stated that all documentation must be sent by the ‘Adoption Authority of Ireland, or a body accredited by the AAI, to the Federal Central Authority’ – as per the Mexican notice on the Hague Convention website.

The release also pointed out that Irish visa applicants must clearly state the actual purpose of their visit to Mexico and prospective adoptive parents need to obtain an adoption visa.

‘While some individual States within the Federal United States of Mexico may allow for private domestic adoptions outside public entities, there is no provision for private adoptions in the context of intercountry adoption,’ the release said.

‘No children under five years of age should be proposed for intercountry adoption, the only exceptions being children with special needs or sibling groups.

‘On the basis of the foregoing, prospective adoptive parents should not enter into any private arrangements with private individuals or private agencies.’

In light of that information from the Irish Adoption Authority, I have to say it's hard to believe that the prospective adoptive parents thought they were involved with legitimate international adoption. It took me three seconds to find out the process of international adoption in Ireland on Google.

Chinese New Year, Performance Edition

2012-01-15T17:20:00.001-06:00

Chinese New Year is approaching (January 23), and we've started off the usual round of celebrations with a performance. The Fort Worth Chinese School, where the girls attend, was invited to perform their lion dance and flag dance at a local adoption agency's adoptive families Chinese New Year celebration (not the agency we used, btw). It was kind of interesting attending such an event NOT as audience but as performers!

The girls had a great time showing off, and I'm hopeful that some of the adoptive parents present might think about sending their children to Chinese School!

The girls got to partake of the buffet, with Zoe eating her weight in dumplings, as usual, and do some of the crafts available for the kids. (Yes, that's Maya posing with the fan she colored.)

Afterwards, some of the audience kids posed with the lion masks, to the delight of the adoptive parents. Of course, mine also had to pose -- they're behind these masks (and the ones above) with their good friend Mae.

For Many Latinos, Racial Identity is More Culture than Color

2012-01-14T11:05:00.000-06:00

From the New York Times, an interesting exploration of race versus ethnicity versus culture among Latinos:

Every decade, the Census Bureau spends billions of dollars and deploys hundreds of thousands of workers to get an accurate portrait of the American population. Among the questions on the census form is one about race, with 15 choices, including “some other race.”

More than 18 million Latinos checked this “other” box in the 2010 census, up from 14.9 million in 2000. It was an indicator of the sharp disconnect between how Latinos view themselves and how the government wants to count them. Many Latinos argue that the country’s race categories — indeed, the government’s very conception of identity — do not fit them.

The main reason for the split is that the census categorizes people by race, which typically refers to a set of common physical traits. But Latinos, as a group in this country, tend to identify themselves more by their ethnicity, meaning a shared set of cultural traits, like language or customs.

Orphan still fighting effects of Vietnam War

2012-01-14T10:55:00.002-06:00

From the BBC, a story about one of the Vietnam babylift orphans (still called an orphan in the headline after adoption decades before?!):

Lê Thanh is 40 this year. At least, he thinks he is.

His birthday was given to him by a Rhondda dentist after the Welsh family who adopted him at the end of the Vietnam War tried to establish his age through dental testing.

He doesn't know anything about his background - he was just told that when he was taken to an orphanage, he was well nourished, suggesting his family had cared for him before they were possibly killed.

Even his full Vietnamese name Lê Thanh Hung was lost in the confusion of his adoption. He now just goes by the complete name Lê Thanh, without a surname.

Apart from these few details and a photo of him clutching a doll at his orphanage, very little of his life as a toddler is known.

* * *

"Growing up in the Rhondda in the 1970s was obviously very difficult as there were no other Oriental people growing up in that area at that time," said Lê Thanh, who was adopted by a vicar and a health visitor from Penygraig and was brought up with their two other children.

"I was bullied by the school bully but I stood my ground. My philosophy is what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

"But I didn't really have a happy childhood. It wasn't impoverished but I have always been different and I never really fitted in. Even in today's society I still don't really fit in."

* * *

"I now co-ordinate reunions of fellow adoptees and although I mark it as a social reunion, the true reason behind it for a lot of people like myself, with my background, is that they're very much displaced," he said.

"They are still very much uncomfortable in their own skins and have their issues.

"Lots of people who went through this [being adopted] thought they were the only ones. The reunions let us connect and share experiences and feelings."

Children of Haiti: 2 Years Later

2012-01-13T11:36:00.001-06:00

CBSThisMorning did a piece on Haiti and adoption today. Watch the 6.33 minute video above, or read at this link. Here's an excerpt:

Hill shared the story of a couple from Ohio, Jon and Julie Kraner, who want to adopt a child but face challenges with the process [they've only been married 2 years, Haiti requires 10 years].

The new head of Haiti's social services agency, Arielle Jeanty, is trying to turn things around in the country. But she doesn't see international adoption as the answer, calling it "the last option" for these children.

Jeanty has two major concerns: Child-trafficking, and also the future of this country -- if the children leave, who will lead Haiti into its next chapter?

Even before the earthquake, Haiti was the poorest country in the Western hemisphere. There is no free public education and barely half of the adult population can read. There are few social services. For many, daily life is simply a game of survival. And since the quake, it's only gotten worse.

"Where would I sit on the bus, mommy?"

2012-01-12T21:46:00.002-06:00

I've mentioned before that each year around Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day my kids always have tons of questions about race, racism and Jim Crow. They learn about the black/white divide of MLK's time, and wonder where they fit with that duality. Usually, they're learning about Rosa Parks and the question has been about where they would sit on the bus. Today, the questioner was Maya, and the first question was about why the KKK burned crosses on black people's lawns. She wanted to know if that sort of thing still happened, and I had to tell her it did, but not as often. She asked if "they" would have burned a cross on her lawn "back then," since she is "kind of a little dark." Lots to unpack there, hmmm?

If you have Asian children and are getting similar questions this time of year, you might want to check out a previous post, Asian Americans, Adoption and Jim Crow.

Biggest Misperception of UNICEF

2012-01-12T13:34:00.001-06:00

At the Council on Foreign Relations, Dr. Susan Bissell, Associate Director and Programmes Chief Child Protection, UNICEF, answers questions, including "What is the biggest misperception of UNICEF?"

The biggest misperception is that UNICEF is against inter-country adoption. We are most certainly not against inter-country adoption. I think that there is some very deliberate and misleading journalism in this area. We support the continuum of care: everything from trying to support vulnerable families so they don’t have to relinquish their children; to permanent foster care; to having a child with his or her extended family on a permanent basis; to transparent and ethical inter-country adoption. We are guided by international standards like the Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption and the Convention on the Rights of the Child. It is saddening and it is personal. There is so much written about what my colleagues and I are trying to do in the field to fix these problems, and I think we’re making progress on addressing this misperception.

I've addressed this common misperception about UNICEF here and here and here. Though Dr. Bissell thinks they're making progress on addressing the misperception, I'd have to say the UNICEF blame game in the adoptive parent community is as strong as ever.

Artyom Finally Finds New Home

2012-01-11T09:11:00.002-06:00

The Shelbyville (TN) Times-Gazette reports:

Artyom Savelyev, the boy sent back to Russia by his adopted mother from Shelbyville in 2010, has finally found a home.

According to the Russian State News agency RIA Novosti, the 9-year-old has joined 16 other children who are being cared for by a woman that has raised several generations of abandoned children.

In April 2010 Nancy Hansen placed the boy, who had been known as Justin Hansen while living in the United States, on a flight back to Moscow with a note from her daughter Torry, his adoptive mother, saying she no longer wanted to keep him because he was violent and had severe "psychopathic" problems. The case sparked outrage and an international incident.

But nearly two years after being sent back to his homeland, Artyom is now living in an SOS Children's Village in Russia, cared for by teacher Vera Yegorova.

* * *

"Counting Artyom, I have 17 children," Yegorova told RIA Novosti. "He is so exhausted by plane flights and going back and forth between orphanages and parents," she was quoted as saying.

Artyom was accepted as a family member "in no time at all," the state news media outlet stated, and made friends with the other children. He started attending school, likes it there, and is bringing home his first good grades. The boy is reportedly very respectful of his adoptive parents, calling Yegorova 'mom' on the second day.

However, RIA Novosti states that Artyom "is still afraid of leaving the village," explaining that nothing can lure him away.

"He never deviates from one path -- the one leading from home to school and back. But he is fond of village life as it is. He is reluctant to recall his past experiences in America and says he has turned over a new leaf," the story from RIA Novosti stated.

Yegorova said they learned from the media that Artyom lived in America, but that the child "said nothing about that. He even claimed that he knew no English when we were buying textbooks for school," she said.

The newspaper's headline says this is a new adoptive family; the story doesn't mention the legalities of adoption, and SOS Villages are generally temporary foster care. Nothing on the SOS Villages Russia website suggests differently, instead saying:

SOS Children’s Villages Russia is an independent non-governmental organization that provides a family approach to the long term care of orphaned and abandoned children. We bring orphaned children back to the natural atmosphere of the family giving them back a mother (an SOS-mother), a home and a happy childhood in a supportive Village environment.

(There is a section of the website that talks about SOS Villages strengthening families, but it doesn't sound like that's what this is -- hard to tell since the full explanation of what that part of the program does is only in Russian!)

I'm not saying this is a bad thing for Artyom. Obviously, family-like care is better than institutional care, even if it is not a permanent family (and 17 children sounds more like a group home than foster care). I just think it's an overstatement to say in the headline that he has a new adoptive family. And the distinction will make a difference in the lawsuit against Torrey Hansen for child support for Artyom. If he's been legally adopted, her child support obligations for the future would end, though she would still be obligated for the payments between her adoption and the termination of her parental rights in a new adoption.

The Existing Indian Family Doctrine

2012-01-10T13:38:00.000-06:00

There are obviously strong feelings in a difficult case, like the one I posted about, where a child who spent 2 years with adoptive parents is returned to birth parents. I wanted to address one issue raised in the comments by various commenters, touching on the Indian Child Welfare Act aspect of the case:

"the indian law being used here is silly. he is not an active part of the indian community."
"Apparently he does not live within the tribe, so it's doubtful this child will grow up knowing her 'tribe' or any of it's true purposes."
"just because someone is an enrolled member of the tribe, as this dad is, doesn't necessarily mean grew up with the tribe, that he lives with the tribe now, or that he participates in the affairs the tribe in any meaningful way."

I think the commenters are alluding to something called the "existing Indian family" doctrine, that some state courts have adopted in applying ICWA. That phrase does not exist in the statute, having been invented 4 years after the adoption of ICWA by a Kansas court seeking not to apply the federal statute to an adoption case. As we say in law, hard facts make bad law. And these days, only 6 states are still following that doctrine.

Under the existing Indian family doctrine, courts would take one of two approaches. In a case of newborn adoption, the court would say, "The child was never part of an existing Indian family," emphasizing that the child hadn't lived with the birth parents as a family. Right, because the child was never ALLOWED to be part of an existing Indian family! I especially like that argument in cases where the Native American parent, usually the birth father, was never told about the existence of the child or given notice of the adoption, much less the opportunity to bring the child into an existing Indian family.

And as I mentioned, there's nothing in ICWA that requires an existing Indian family -- only that it be a child custody case involving an Indian child as defined in the act. An Indian child is "any unmarried person who is under age eighteen and is either (a) a member of an Indian tribe or (b) is eligible for membership in an Indian tribe and is the biological child of a member of an Indian tribe."

There's a pretty clear reason why ICWA doesn't include the phrase "existing Indian family" -- the intent of ICWA is not simply to protect Indian families, but to protect the sovereignty of Indian tribes and to protect Indian children, separate and apart from whether their families are existing Indian families. The creation of the "existing Indian family" is some of that judicial activism that it's so popular to rail against these days.

The second way courts have used the "existing Indian family" doctrine is to focus on the Indian part, and deny application of ICWA if the court feels the birth parent isn't "Indian" enough. Like in a California case where the court noted that the birth parents didn't live on the reservation, didn't participate in tribal events, did not have Indian artifacts in their homes, and did not follow Indian traditions and holidays at home.

I find this particular use of "existing Indian family" doctrine particularly troubling. Here we have white courts making judgments about what it means to be Native American. With little knowlege of what it actually means to be Native American, courts focus on outward trappings, and tend to do so with stereotypical notions of Indianness. Does he wear braids? Do they have a dream catcher over the crib? Do they have a peace pipe at home? Yikes, how offensive is that! And the whole point of ICWA was to avoid this kind of prejudiced thinking by non-Indian courts.

Can you imagine doing that with any other racial or ethnic group? "You're African-American, but you shouldn't be allowed to adopt an African-American child, because you don't live in the inner city, you don't speak Ebonics, you don't listen to rap. You don't qualify as an existing African-American family." China gives a preference in adoption to ethnically-Chinese parents -- what if they said, "What? You don't celebrate Grave Sweeping Day? You can't use chopsticks? You didn't hang Spring Couplets above your door last Lunar New Year? You don't qualify as an existing Chinese family!" Would we be ok with that?

ICWA is designed to prevent outsiders from deciding who is Indian -- the act gives the responsibility to the tribes themselves to decide who is a tribal member, and then hinges all of ICWA's protection from that definition. The existing Indian family doctrine is completely contrary to ICWA.

And courts have come to recognize that. Kansas, the state that invented the existing Indian family exception to ICWA, has now rejected it. And Kansas isn't alone -- 13 of the 19 states that once followed the doctrine have since rejected it as contrary to the language of the statute. That leaves only 6 states that still follow it, and two of those states have limited the existing Indian family doctrine considerably.

The pendulum is swinging back so that the actual language of ICWA will prevail, not the judicially invented "existing Indian family" doctrine. If folks think the existing Indian family doctrine should prevail, they first have to change the statute. Without that, courts are not mis-applying the law in cases like this one.

Birth Father Wins Adoption Battle

2012-01-09T20:28:00.001-06:00

CNN reports on the role of the Indian Child Welfare Act in the return of 2-year-old Veronica to her birth father, after the adoptive parents' failure to follow that federal law:

For the first few moments of her life, Veronica was with her birth mother.

For the next two years, she was with her adoptive parents.

And for the last week, the toddler has been with her biological father, over 1,000 miles away from the only home she'd ever known.

It's been a long, complicated journey for young Veronica -- one made possible by a federal law meant "to protect the best interests of Indian children" that, in the process, has tugged at the heartstrings of all involved.

The story began in 2009, when Veronica's biological mother and father, Dusten Brown, signed a legal document agreeing to put the girl up for adoption. Brown's attorney, Shannon Jones, says that her client signed the waiver but didn't quite understand it.

Soon after the girl was born, Brown -- a U.S. Army soldier -- headed off on a 1-year deployment.

It was then that the baby moved on as well, to the Charleston, South Carolina, home of Matt and Melanie Capobianco.

It was an open adoption, family friend Jessica Munday said. That meant the girl's birth mother could and did maintain a relationship with the girl.

But Brown, the biological father, wasn't on board. Four months after Veronica's birth, he began legal proceedings seeking custody of her.

"My client has been fighting for custody of his daughter since shortly after her birth," Shannon Jones, Brown's Charleston-based lawyer, said by e-mail. "He loves this child with all his heart."

Brown appeared to win that battle late last year. On New Year's Eve, he arrived in South Carolina, picked up Veronica from her adoptive parents, and headed west to his home in Oklahoma.

It's a pretty unusual case, in that birth fathers rarely win in adoption revocations. One really important fact to note by all of those who decry the removal of the child after two years with her adoptive parents -- those parents have known since she was 4 months old that the birth father was seeking to reverse the adoption. I expect they were playing the delay game, which, as I posted here, usually benefits the adoptive parent in possession. Now the adoptive parents are saying they will appeal, and the benefit of delay belongs to the birth father. . . .

Rock Center: Haitian Adoption Story Tonight

2012-01-09T19:48:00.001-06:00

NBC's Rock Center is doing a report tonight about adoption after the earthquake in Haiti. I won't have a chance to catch it, but wanted to give folks a head's up. Here's an intro from their website, by correspondent Ron Allen:

It doesn't happen often, but sometimes a chance encounter can lead to a story that continues for a couple of years.

I hadn't been on the ground in Haiti for long after the earthquake-- which struck two years ago on Jan. 12, 2010 -- when a producer handed me a piece of paper with a name and phone number on it. Brian Williams had met a young pastor on a flight out of Port Au Prince, who had literally begged him for help. There were about 50 children in a life or death situation. They had survived the quake and been evacuated to a makeshift shelter, where food and water were running out. They were getting little help, because there was so much tragedy and mayhem everywhere.

What's more, many of the children were in the process of being adopted by American families. Some of those parents had flown to Haiti and were desperately trying to get their "almost-adopted" kids out.

All of this hit me at a deeply personal level. My 3-year-old daughter Siobhan was born in Ethiopia. We adopted her when she was just a few months old. I've spent a lot of years covering conflicts and disasters around the world and I've always been struck by the countless number of children I've seen living in such desperate circumstances. I didn't go looking for this story in Haiti, somehow it found me. It all felt a bit odd at first, and so close. But after mulling all of this with a few colleagues, I pressed on. And I'm glad I did.

Anti-Huntsman Ad Hits Home for Adoptive Families

2012-01-09T08:35:00.001-06:00

This is the first piece I've seen addressing adoptive parents' reaction to the anti-Huntsman video I posted:

Presidential politics hit home for an Alexandria family on Friday after a web ad aimed at Republican candidate Jon Huntsman raised questions about his values, citing his ability to speak Chinese and his decision to adopt children from China and India. The ad, sponsored by a group identified as NYLiberty4Paul, urges voters to support Texas Congressman Ron Paul in the race, though Paul disavowed the ad and said his campaign had nothing to do with it.

"It's a very strange way to make a point," said Alexandria lawyer Nancy Jo Nelson, who has adopted three girls from China.

"I think there is nothing more American than adopting a child that has been abandoned anywhere in the world. It's a highly American thing to do," she said.

Any local reporting of this in your area? Interesting response from the mom -- it's "a highly American thing" to adopt children anywhere in the world? Of course, folks from other countries do the same thing! And you could really turn that one on its head, too: international adoption can be criticized as neo-colonial, imperialistic depradation of the so-called third world by the Western world, including America. So in that way, international adoption is a "highly American thing" to do!

Connecting to Culture Through Food

2012-01-07T21:44:00.000-06:00

The Indianapolis Star has an article about adoptive parents connecting to adopted children's home cultures through food, with lots of anecdotes and this reminder:

Families who adopt internationally often try to keep a child's heritage alive by playing music from that country, buying indigenous clothing or gifts or trying to master the child's birth language.

It's critical not to ignore the child's ties to another culture, said Nancy Janus, an associate professor of human development at Eckerd College in St. Petersburg, Fla., who has researched international adoptions and has three daughters adopted from Colombia.

"That's unquestionable, because it's who the kids are," Janus said. "It's especially relevant where there's no racial similarity. . . . There's a need to understand their differentness."

Food offers one avenue for adoptive families.

Of course, food is a good place to start with culture-keeping, but it isn't the end of it. Remember the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute's report, Beyond Culture Camp: "Positive racial/ethnic identity development is most effectively facilitated by “lived” experiences such as travel to native country, attending racially diverse schools, and having role models of their own race/ethnicity." In that report, 84% of Korean adoptees said that they had dined in Korean restaurants or eaten Korean food, but only 68% said it was helpful in forming a positive racial/ethnic identity. Still, that ranked higher in helpfulness than did having a Korean doll/traditional object (49%), or studying traditional dance or martial arts (38%).

I know my kids love Chinese food. For special occasions like birthdays and adoption days, where they are given unfettered choice of restaurants, Zoe ALWAYS picks Chinese. She definitely connects it to her heritage, wanting it especially on those trigger days that remind her of birth parents and heritage. It's not the only time we eat Chinese, but we inevitably do on those days.

So eating ethnic food won't quite get you there, but it is an easy place to start in most areas where ethnic grocery stores make the ingredients easy to get and ethnic restaurants are abundant. Just don't stop there. . . .

Huntsman responds to video

2012-01-06T11:23:00.000-06:00

Here's Jon Huntsman's response to the video claiming him to be some kind of Manchurian candidate for speaking Chinese and having adopted a child from China and a child from India:

Speaking before the College Convention, Huntsman was asked about the spot, which features him in Chairman Mao garb, and questions whether the former U.S. Ambassador to China values "American values, or Chinese" and implies that he would be weak on China.

"I saw just parts of it yesterday," he said. "First of all, it is just stupid. Second of all, yeah, I lived overseas four times ... I speak Chinese, of course I do. If someone wants to poke fun of me for speaking Chinese, that's okay. The thing I object to is bringing forward pictures and videos of my adopted daughters and suggesting that there is some sinister motive there. I have a daughter from China who was abandoned at two months of age and left in a vegetable market, picked up by the police and sent to an orphanage."

"I have a second daughter who was born in India in a very rural village ... and left for dead the day she was born," he added. "And luckily she was picked up before the animals got her, and she was sent to an orphanage for her safety, was raised and now she is in my family. So I have two little girls who are a daily reminder that there are a lot of kids in this world who don't have the breaks that you do and face a very uncertain future ... and now these two girls are on the presidential campaign trail. I say, how cool is that?"

What do you think of the response? I certainly agree with his "it is just stupid" characterization of the video. But the description of his adopted children's beginnings? Not so much. A little too much rescue-a-poor-pitiful-orphan for me. . . .

Adoption from China Incompatible with American Values?

2012-01-06T08:38:00.001-06:00

Lord, what a bizarre video! Thanks to Reena, who linked to it in the comments to the De-Americanizing Asian Americans post, we can see what at least one crazy person (the video-maker) thinks of the fact that Jon Huntsman can speak Chinese and has adopted a daughter from China! Suddenly it makes him the Manchurian candidate, it makes him Mao, it makes him not-American. Sheesh!

FYI, I have no dog in the Republican primary fight. This is not meant as endorsement or condemnation of any candidate! But I will say I'm completely jealous of Huntsman's fluency in Chinese. . . .

Competitive Adoption Mothering

2012-01-06T08:23:00.000-06:00

Does this comment from Terra Trevor, author of Pushing Up the Sky, ring true?

Most of all, I'm wondering, when did writing about motherhood get to be so complicated? Toss in adoption. The home study process with its series of self-studies focusing on our ideas regarding parenting and our child rearing philosophy gear us toward extreme self-improvement. This is where the rubber meets the road, particularly in International and transracial adoption. It's the juncture where a fire is lit in us to question our values, and often this process leads some of us to judge others whose models do not match our own.

We accept the need to put extra effort into adoption mothering. We read everything we can get our hands on about adoption. We participate in adoption conferences, email group discussions, and support groups. In this setting, is it little wonder that in our eagerness to become enlightened, in our sincere desire to better ourselves, that we have a tendency to become overly critical?

For as long as I have been a mother which began on a joyful day in 1981, one thing has remained a constant. Within our sisterhood of adoptive mothers, we are a bit hard on each other. Comparisons are constantly made, and someone always draws the short straw. Perhaps it's because the adoption process with its long wait list to be matched with a child drives us to be competitive.

I remember my very first competitive mothering moment. . . .

We had (and still have) a close group of friends who waited together to adopt from China, and all adopted within a few months of each other, with all the children aged within months of each other. At one of our first big get-togethers after we'd all returned, one of the moms did the "look why my child can do" thing, and adorable baby could point to parts of her body as mom asked, "Where's your nose? Where's your mouth?"

Zoe couldn't do those things (none of the other girls could, either!) It hadn't even occurred to me to teach her those things. I was still so exhausted with the oh-so-new day-to-day parenting job that it was a miracle we'd even made it to the party clean and clothed!

But by our next get-together? Zoe could identify a bazillion body parts! And so could all the other girls!

It Came from CyberSpace: An Epidemic of Epic Proportions!

2012-01-05T20:29:00.000-06:00

The headlines are alarming: "threat to adopted children;" "lives turned upside down;" "adopted kids at risk." So what's so scary? Why, birth parents, of course! Or maybe it's facebook. . . . Or maybe it's birth parents on facebook. Or maybe what's so scary . . . is the truth our kids deserve.

There are a slew of articles out of England today about the scourge of birth parents contacting adopted children on social media:

Social media threat to adopted children grows in UK -- Reuters

Hundreds of children adopted after being abused have lives turned upside down as natural parents use Facebook to track them down -- [yes, that's a headline!] the Daily Mail

Adopted kids at risk from Facebook -- the Sun

Facebook allows natural parents to track down adopted children, charities warn --the Telegraph

OK, laying aside this popular meme of predatory birth parents stalking their children on social media for a moment, just how serious is this "growing" problem? What evidence is there that HUNDREDS of adopted children have been contacted in this way, much less contacted to negative effect?

According to the Reuters article, "some birth parents" are contacting "some children" and tearing apart "some families." This is as specific as they'll get:

It is not known how many birth parents are using social networking sites to get around this, but the BAAF said it was receiving "more and more cases."
"We have heard some horror stories, but how frequently it is happening we just don't know," Feast added.

Well, then, since the Daily Mail specifically mentions "hundreds of children," they must support it with data, right? Not so much. First, the only hard data point offered is a study about adopted persons contacting birth family, not the other way around:

A study by the British Association for Adoption and Fostering found that 53 per cent of adopted children have used unofficial means, such as Facebook, to trace their birth parents. A quarter said that this had been unsettling.

OK, I don't mean to completely minimize the potential problem of unexpected birth family contact for an unprepared child of a young age (why they'd then be on facebook is another issue). But if you're going to treat it like an epidemic, shouldn't you have a few more data points?!

The one helpful thing that the articles do offer is advice about preparing children for possible contact, especially if poor parenting choices led to involuntary termination of parental rights. As the Daily Mail says:

Mr Pearce [executive director of AdoptionUK, a support organization for APs] said that it is now necessary to prepare children in advance of possible unplanned contact from their birth parents.

‘Currently adopted children tend to be told a rose-tinted version of what really happened,’ he told The Times.

‘Something closer to the truth will better protect and prepare children for the destabilising effects of unplanned contact, which often happens at a key stage in their adolescence.’

Which is why telling our kids the truth, even hard truths, is the best policy. In an age of social media and other internet content, we can't very well insulate them from all information, and truth will out. So maybe the hysterical nature of these stories will have a salutory effect -- maybe more adoptive parents will see the value of being open and honest with their kids. . . before it's too late (cue the scary music!).

How to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, even when it's hard? Here are the Ten Commandments of Telling as a starting point.

De-Americanizing Asian Americans

2012-01-05T11:51:00.000-06:00

At the Huffington Post, law professor Bill Ong Hing writes about the "image of people of color with immigrant roots as perpetual foreigners," (which I have addressed here and here and much more extensively here):

Eight U.S. soldiers serving in Afghanistan have been arrested in connection with the apparent suicide of Pvt. Danny Chen, a 19-year-old infantryman who was Chinese American. The arrests came after family members pressured the Pentagon to investigate allegations that Chen had been repeatedly taunted with racial slurs. The alleged anti-Asian bullying and taunting started during basic training when fellow soldiers used a mocking accent while calling him Jackie Chen; others allegedly told him to "go back to China." The eight soldiers have been charged with dereliction of duty and manslaughter.

Asian American history is replete with examples of the de-Americanization of its members by vigilante racism.

* * *

Even more recently, de-Americanizing antics have been directed at Chinese Americans. In the midst of an international crisis in April 2001, when a U.S. spy plane had to land on Chinese soil and China would not immediately release the plane, many Americans took their frustration out on Chinese Americans. A radio station disc jockey in Springfield, Ill. suggested boycotting Chinese restaurants. Another commentator called people with Chinese last names from his local telephone book to harass them. Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist Pat Oliphant ran a cartoon portraying a buck-toothed Chinese waiter yelling at a customer (depicted as Uncle Sam), "Apologize Lotten Amellican!" The American Society of Newspaper Editors was entertained by the renowned satirical group Capitol Steps, featuring a white man dressed in a black wig and thick glasses impersonating a Chinese official who gestured wildly as he said (in a manner reminiscent of the chant that greeted Mary Paik Lee on her first day in school): "ching, ching, chong, chong."

* * *

Somehow the soldiers who allegedly harassed Pvt. Danny Chen felt licensed to engage in taunting and bullying of a young Chinese American who was trying to serve his country. Perhaps that's the problem; those soldiers didn't think that the United States was Chen's country to serve. Somewhere the soldiers got the message that their private vigilante actions were condoned. That message has done much to solidify the image of people of color with immigrant roots as perpetual foreigners. This encourages private individuals to engage in discriminatory acts and reinforces their hostility. As such, Asian Americans become prime targets for de-Americanization by vigilante racists. And that can lead to death.

Irregular Adoption/Gray Identity in China

2012-01-04T10:26:00.000-06:00

From China Daily, a story of an "irregular" adoption:

Wu Tiansheng rushed to pick up an empty soft-drink bottle a passer-by dropped at a busy city square in Qinzhou, South China's Guangxi Zhuang autonomous region, and handed it to his 75-year-old "mother".

Wu, 7, spends his days helping Huang Jinlian, his "mother", search through trash to collect recyclables. Huang, a widow, said one summer day in 2005, she and her husband found Wu, an infant with a cleft lip, abandoned in a cardboard box near an alley.

"No one on the street knew the baby or was willing to help, so my husband and I decided to take him home," said Huang, whose claim cannot be independently verified.

Since her husband, her second, passed away last year, Huang has struggled to raise the boy on a monthly income of about 600 yuan ($95) - half of it from a government subsidy, 200 yuan from scrap collecting and 100 yuan from leasing a 20-square-meter apartment her husband left.

Huang and Tiansheng live in a not-so-clean house filled with scraps and furniture recovered from the trash. A rice cooker and a radio are their only electric appliances.

Huang told China Daily she tried to send Wu to a kindergarten, but the boy soon dropped out because his classmates bullied and ridiculed him as the "son" of a scrap collector.

Being the object of mockery, however, is not the boy's only problem.

Worse, yet, is his "gray" identity status.

Because Huang did not report to the police when she adopted the boy and there are no witnesses to prove that the child was abandoned, the local bureau of civil affairs does not recognize the adoption as legal.

Without a formal registration with the civil affairs department, the public security authorities will not issue the child a hukou, a permanent resident's permit.

In consequence, the boy has not been able to attend primary school, and even registering to marry will be a problem for him.

* * *

The local civil affairs bureau has suggested Huang send Tiansheng to an orphanage so that he can get a hukou, but Huang won't hear of it.

"I'll raise him until my dying breath," Huang said.

* * *

There may be a solution on the horizon for Tiansheng's identity status: Zhang Daxiao, Huang's oldest son and a 37-year-old bachelor, plans to adopt the boy.

Zhang, a construction worker who earns about 1,000 yuan a month, said he plans to finish the paperwork for adoption and send the child to a primary school next year.

But the boy will continue living with Huang, Zhang said.

The article reports that 90% of adoptions in the city are, like Tiansheng's, irregular. Huang is not eligible to adopt him because she had 4 children by her prior marriages and does not have the required above-average income. Further, the article says, China is revising its laws to require a social worker to prepare a home study for domestic adoptions there. "'The revised rules will help orphaned children find a adoptive family rather than simply satisfying a family's wish to adopt a child,' Ji [head of domestic adoption department at CCCW (formerly CCAA) said."

So, reactions? If he'd been taken to the orphanage when originally found, he might have been legally adopted domestically in China or placed for international adoption. Or he might not have. Can we say "at least this way he has a mother?" Or should he be placed in an orphanage now, with the hope for adoption now, either domestically or internationally? But of course, it will be even harder for him to be adopted now than it would have been when he was an infant. Can we say, "at least that way, he'd have a legal identity?"

"Brown Babies" from Germany

2012-01-04T08:14:00.000-06:00

At the Louisiana Times, an interesting story about the mixed-race offspring of German women & African-American soldiers, many placed for adoption by African-American families in the U.S.:

Daniel Cardwell was a “brown baby.” He found his mother after stumbling upon a newspaper article about himself while attending Howard University.

“What was a brown baby?” Cardwell asked a crowd gathered in the east ballroom of the Armour J. Blackburn University Center.

“A brown baby was someone searching for Mama, someone searching for love, a place to belong,” he answered.

Cardwell and journalist Dorris McMillon were on campus last week for a screening and panel discussion of “Brown Babies: The Mischlingskinder Story.- The documentary is the story of Cardwell, McMillon and four other so-called brown babies who were born in postwar-occupation Germany to German mothers and African-American soldiers. These biracial children fell victim to their enemies who made them feel unwanted, abandoned and rejected. The word “mischlingskinder” means mixed race.

According to the film, 100,000 German babies were born to African-American troops and German women during the 1950s. From 1954 to 1955, that number would increase to 500,000. Women who dated or had children with Black soldiers were kicked out of their homes, disowned by their parents and shunned by their entire families.

“It was very difficult to marry back then,” journalist Heide Fehrenbach said. Permission was needed on both ends. Soldiers needed permission from their commanding officers, and the women had to undergo a series of mental and physical tests.

Brown babies were three times more likely to be given up for adoption. A woman by the name of Mabel Grammer, a socialite and journalist for the Afro-American newspaper in Baltimore, found a home for an estimated 500 brown babies.

Adoptee Language Study Offers Insight into Language Acquisition

2012-01-03T22:12:00.004-06:00

From the Boston Globe:

As Andy Ross learned to speak English, he progressed from simple word combinations like “Andy shoe’’ to the more complex “my red shoe,’’ just like any toddler.

But Andy was older when he began to learn English, after being adopted from Russia, and his chatter - taped in weekly sessions - has provided scientists important clues about how language develops.

Harvard psychologists are finding that preschool-age children adopted from foreign countries learn English in the same sequence as babies: starting with single words and progressing to word combinations and complex grammar.

That means it is not the maturity of the brain but the nature of language itself that dictates how it is learned, the Harvard scientists say.

“Because babies are immature in so many ways, it’s easy to assume their language is simple because their minds are simple,’’ said Jesse Snedeker, the Harvard psychologist leading the research. But this appears not to be the case, she said.

The research is helping scientists and families understand what to expect when a child who may already know one language is plunged into a new one. And it could eventually lead to better ways to teach language.

I'm always unsettled by research that uses adoptees to study something else, but this research does seem to benefit international adoptees in helping to explain their language acquisition while also offering insight into the larger picture of language acquisition.

Dismantling the Theological/Scriptural Bases of the Christian Adoption Movement

2012-01-03T10:15:00.000-06:00

David Smolin (whose work I've cited here and here and here) has a new law review article coming out: OfOrphans & Adoption, Parents & the Poor, Exploitation & Rescue: A Scriptural & Theological Critique of the Evangelical Christian Adoption & Orphan Care Movement. You can download a draft here.

Before getting to the substance of the article, I want to make a few points. First, Professor Smolin teaches at Samford University, which is a Baptist-affiliated college that lists as one of its core values "belief in God, the Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord." Second, the article is being published by the Regent International Law Review. Regent University, founded by the evangelist Pat Robertson, says its mission is "to serve as a leading center of Christian thought and action providing an excellent education from a Biblical perspective," and lists Christ-centeredness as its first value. Thus, I think it is safe to say that this critique comes from within the evangelical Christian community, not from outside it. I think that's an important point to note. Also, I think it is important to note that Professor Smolin is an adoptive parent; you can read a bit about his experience of adopting from India here.

As to the substance of the article, Professor Smolin describes it as follows:

The primary purpose of this essay is todemonstrate that the scriptural and theological analysis undergirding theevangelical adoption and orphan care movement is patently and seriouslyerroneous. Thus, this essay willdemonstrate that, based on the standards, methods, and presuppositions broadlyshared by evangelical Christians in analyzing scripture and theology,the evangelical adoption movement’s specific analysis of concepts such as“adoption” and “orphans” has been seriously deficient and has producedconclusions that are demonstrably false. The second purpose of this essaywill be to indicate that these errors of scriptural and theological analysishave produced, and are producing, practices that in scriptural and Biblicalterms would be called “sinful” and in more secular language can be calledexploitative.

And the professor brilliantly delivers on that description! After a cogent description of the Christian adoption movement and its theoretical and scriptural foundation, he systematically dismantles that foundation. First, he explains the modern American version of adoption:

In addition, from a legal perspective theChristian adoption movement presumes the kind of adoption which exists in theUnited States, which in comparative law terms is called full adoption. Full adoption involves a complete legaltransference of the child from the original family to the adoptive family, sothat after the adoption the child is a legal stranger to their original father,mother, siblings, and all other relatives, while being a full member of theadoptive family. Full adoptiongenerally involves both a new name and a new identity for the child. In theversion in existence in a majority of states within the United States, the lawimplements an “as if,” closed records system. Under this system, the original birth certificate and court records aresealed. Hence, adult adoptees are notpermitted to discover their original name, identity, and family members and theoriginal parents are not permitted to discover the adoptive identity of theadoptee. Thus, the law of the UnitedStates builds the protection and legitimacy of adoptive relationships upon thelegal destruction and suppression of the original family relationships. Adoptive relationships in this system aredesigned to copy biological family relationships; since biological familyrelationships are exclusive—one mother and father per child---the sameexclusivity is expected in adoptive relationships. The only way to achieve this kind ofexclusivity is to deny that “birth” mothers and fathers are truly mothers andfathers, leaving the adoptive mother and father as the only true parents. The evangelical Christian adoption andorphan care movement has not critiqued the legal system of adoption within theUnited States, but instead presupposes it as the normative form of adoption, whichcan create expectations and presuppositions that minimize the significance oforiginal family relationships for adopted persons.

Second, starting with Jewish law and the Old Testament, he shows that no such adoption existed in that time. He illustrates how many examples relied upon as adoption by the movement -- Moses, most prominently -- are far different from adoption as we know it.

Third, Professor Smolin turns to the New Testament's portrayals of adoption, since the New Testament is the focus of the evangelical Christian adoption movement. He finds no more support there for the adoption movement than in the Old Testament. He notes that one of the stories relied upon -- Joseph's "adoption" of Jesus -- is completely unlike adoption:

If Joseph had “adopted” Jesus in the modernsense this would have required the repudiation of God’s fatherhood of Jesus,for God would be the “birth” father. Joseph, who was informed in a dream prior to the marriage that Jesus wasthe child of the Holy Spirit,surely did not intend this kind of displacement. Jesus Himself makes it clear, even in his childhood,that he answered ultimately to God his father, explaining his disappearance toJoseph and Mary by explaining that he had to “be about My Father’s business:” indeed, Jesus admonishes Joseph and Mary thatthey should have known this already. Since the Father-Son relationship between Godthe Father and Jesus is one of the primary themes of the New Testament and abasic part of Christian orthodoxy, it is spiritually obscene to envision Joseph’s act as an adoption in the modernsense.

Further, Smolin questions how central the concept of adoption can be to Christianity when Jesus never used the term or the concept, nor did the gospel writers, nor did any other writer in the Bible, with the exception of Paul. Professsor Smolin then deconstructs the biblical references to adoption in the letters of Paul. He identifies five specific verses, saying, "It is primarily from these five references, thatthe Christian adoption movement has sought to build an entire edifice oftheology and practice." He carefully analyzes each one, first noting that there is serious question about whether the Greek word used by Paul can even be considered a reference to adoption. Then, accepting for the sake of argument that the references are to adoption, Smolin deconstructs them.

First, he notes that Paul was Roman and that there was a concept of adoption under Roman law, unlike Jewish law. Second, the letters with adoption references were to peoples under Roman rule, who would also have been familiar with the Roman concept of adoption. From this, he concludes that Paul was using a familiar concept as a metaphor. Still, the Roman concept of adoption bears no relation to modern concepts of adoption; it was merely a way to secure a legal heir for inheritance purposes when a family lacked a legitimate male heir. Third, if Paul's referent was to Greek adoption, it, too, bore no resemblance to modern American adoption as embraced by the Christian adoption movement:

[A] fundamental point isthat neither Roman nor Greek adoption was focused on the adoption of childorphans. Adoption generally had nothingto do with providing for the weak, the poor, dependents, or children. Adoption took young adult males whogenerally had families and a position in society, and gave them a socialpromotion to a higher position in society through provision of a new legalidentity; in exchange, the adopted adult fulfilled the responsibilities andduties of a son and heir of a great family, whether that meant leading theempire or managing an upper class, noble household. While it was theoretically possible to adopta young child, such was rarely done, since such a child was unprepared to leadthe empire or family and his capacities to do so in the future were stillunknown.
Indeed,adoption in the Greco-Roman context was not even about providing a family foran adult “orphan.” The men “adopted” bythe Roman emperors generally were already related to those emperors throughcombinations of blood and marriage (their own and that of their mothers) inaddition to their adoptions. Thedistinctive purpose of adoption within this web of family relationships was tomake them heirs to the empire, not to provide them with a family.

Professor Smolin does a similarly devastating critique of the orphan care part of the movement, noting that the biblical prescription to help widows and the fatherless/orphans presupposed them to be family unit -- a mother and child -- that was to remain a family unit. Indeed, he says Scripture emphasizes the care of widows over the care of orphans.

But what difference does it make if the Christian adoption movement gets it wrong theologically and scripturally? Professor Smolin addresses this question as well:

For the Christian adoption movement, it is as thoughcriticisms of adoption, the adoption movement, or adoption practices constitutea rejection of the foundational Christian gospel message.

Unfortunately, thisperspective renders the adoption movement as astonishingly uncritical Any activity or movement unable to beself-critical inevitably becomes destructive and blind to its own errors. Thus, one of the fundamental harms of theChristian adoption movement has been so closely equating the modern practice ofhorizontal adoption with the gospel as to make criticism of such practicesimpermissible, contributing to an adoption system that lacks accountability andlacks practices, habits, and mechanisms of self-correction.

Professor Smolin also faults the movement for exploiting widows and the poor while seeking to assist orphans, demeaning the importance of original families, for encouraging adoption in situations where it may be inappropriate by employing inaccurate information about "orphans," and for its failure "to embrace the Biblical worldview where mostforms of assistance to the “fatherless” or “orphan” do not involve adoption."

Professor Smolin offers his critique with the purpose of stimulating debate and dialogue WITHIN the evangelical Christian movement, and as I noted above, as an insider. He states of the theological and scriptural claims of the movement, "It would not be wise or prudent to receive sucha strong set of new theological claims without examination." This article is a respectful but devastating critique of the evangelical Christian adoption movement, and as an insider, Professor Smolin uses the master's tools to dismantle the master's house.

Guatemalan Adoptee Returns to Work With Children

2012-01-02T14:00:00.000-06:00

From the Nova Scotia Herald News, the story of a teen adoptee from Guatemala who has returned to Guatemala many times to work in orphanages:

She’s only 20, but Kahleah Guibault has already made a dozen humanitarian trips to Guatemala to work with children in orphanages and institutions.

The Central American country, beset by poverty, is Guibault’s birthplace, where she spent the first five months of her life in a foster home before her Nova Scotia parents adopted her.

She was 12 when she first went back with her parents to reconnect with her heritage. Conditions in the orphanages — in some cases, one staff member has to look after as many as 60 children — prompted her to start a series of trips.

"I’ve just kept going back," she said.

* * *

Guibault, who is studying international development and psychology, said she would like to have a non-profit organization in the country someday.

"Whether that will be adoption-related or not, I’m not sure yet, but we’ll see."

The profileof Kahleah Guibault is for a series about the Top 20 young people in Nova Scotia.

Commentary: DOS & USCIS Ignoring Fraud in Ethiopian Adoption

2012-01-01T21:09:00.003-06:00

Though he doubts he'll be listened to, saying, "[a]s has been the traditional attitude towards commentators from African countries, critical opinions from natives may be dismissed by the West as boorish and ignored," commentator Yosef Yacob says the Department of State and U.S. Customs & Immigration is too cavalier in approving adoptions from Ethiopia:

Despite the documented facts demonstrating fraud and misrepresentation, the unsettling status quo persists with superficial changes by the USCIS and the Department of State devoid of any effective protocols to ferret out the suspected racketeers in the adoption of Ethiopian children by good intentioned Americans. While, both USCIS and Department of State acknowledge patterns that “…suggest possible malfeasance or unethical behavior in some cases”, according to the USCIS “…no cases from Ethiopia have been denied based on findings of fraud, and in fact, the vast majority of cases are approved”.

Is the Ethiopian community imagining fraud where none exists, is the international media fabricating events, is the video tape evidence of admissions, deceptions and misrepresentations by perpetrators fabricated, is the finding of wide spread fraud by the Ethiopian government insincere, or is one expected to ignore the distress echoed by American ethicists, Ethiopian mothers, the adoptees, and American adoptive parents as fictitious?

Not withstanding the surrounding significant moral, legal, ethical, legal, and social issues and the recurring plea for notice by the Ethiopian intellectual and faith communities, what is worrisome is the seeming complacency by the US Citizenship and Immigration Service and the State Department.
Ostensibly, rather than a serious effort to double means to eliminate the fraudulent schemes, the USCIS and State Department seem to trivialize the repeated allegations of adoption scams thus further clouding the integrity and transparency of the adoption process in Ethiopia.

So are we listening? Or will "critical opinions from natives . . . be dismissed?"

The Changing Face of America's Chinatowns

2012-01-01T15:52:00.001-06:00

A really interesting story about the demographic changes to America's Chinatowns from NPR, focusing on New York City's Chinatown:

The Chinese New Year begins on Jan. 23. On that day, people will celebrate the Year of the Dragon in Chinatowns across the country.
The neighborhoods known as Chinatowns sprang up in the U.S. during the Gold Rush. But since then, they've seen gradual yet significant changes — not so noticeable to the average visitor, perhaps, but quite drastic to those who've called these communities home.

To find out more, weekends on All Things Considered guest host Rebecca Sheir visited the nation's biggest Chinatown, in New York City. We began on the unofficial main street, Mott Street: a narrow but bustling thoroughfare lined with souvenir shops, teahouses and restaurants, and packed to the gills with people.

Adoption Talk Top 10 of 2011

2012-01-01T13:22:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year! I thought this an appropriate occasion to list the top 10 most-viewed posts from 2011. Of course, these may not turn out to be ultimately the top 10 most-viewed posts, since people may view other 2011 posts in future years. Still, I thought it was an interesting list, and I hope you will, too!

1. "The Orphans" as a Team Name? Really?! With the help of the entire population of Centralia, Illinois, this is the most-viewed post of 2011, with 4,944 views and 279 comments! Boy, I struck a nerve with this one!

2. Japan: Adoption After Natural Disaster This post after the devastating earthquake in Japan, reminding people that the natural charitable impulse to help shouldn't include adoption after a natural disaster, netted 1,662 visits.

3. Who's Seen Kung Fu Panda 2? Kung Fu Panda 2 takes up quite a few spots on the top-10 list, because I think adoptive parents (and others) were anxious about how the adoption themes would be handled. The 1,337 views of this post lands it in the number 3 spot.

4. We saw Kung Fu Panda 2 Still more interest in the movie, with 907 views.

5. Kung Fu Panda v. Kung Fu Panda 2 See above, 852 views! Here I explored why adoptive parents were particularly anxious about the "adoption themes" in the sequel -- it would entail Po's search for his roots -- when the we-are-family themes of Kung Fu Panda didn't ruffle any feathers.

6. A Solution for Teen Pregnancy Everyone agrees that teen pregnancy isn't a great idea, though we often disagree about the "solution" -- but can anyone accept the premise in an article I discuss, that "promoting adoption" is the "solution?" Isn't the solution about KEEPING teens from getting pregnant in the first place? Apparantly, 745 viewers were interested in that topic.

7. Guatemala: U.S. adoptive parents must return child kidnapped from birth mother The court order from a Guatemalan court ordering the return of an adopted child who had been kidnapped from her birth mother generated a lot of interest in the international adoption community -- 595 views.

8. Celebrity Adoption: Denise Richards Sometimes even I can't figure out what posts will generate more than the usual level of interest! This one netted 556 views.

9. Dear Abby: Fund-Raising for Adoption This is a topic that tends to generate passionate feelings on both sides. This post had 487 views and 35 passionate comments.

10. Study: Behavioral Adjustment of Adopted Chinese Girls, Two Year Followup Reporting on this study netted 460 views.

Did any of your favorites make the list? If not, let me know which posts of 2011 you most enjoyed in the comments. If you're new to the blog, you might enjoy looking at these most-viewed posts. If you're a long-time reader, maybe you'll enjoy a re-read. In any event, I hope your 2011 was terrific, and that your 2012 is shaping up to be just as terrific!

Overseas Adoption: Micro v. Macro Views

2011-12-31T12:01:00.004-06:00

At the Korea Times, Pastor Kim Do-hyun, director of KoRoot, a support organization for Korean adoptees, looks at international adoption from South Korea from a macro view:

Some years ago, during a seminar about overseas adoption from Korea, I stated that the practice is “child abuse rather than child welfare.” Some of the social workers who were working for overseas adoption agencies looked very shocked when they heard my presentation.

After the seminar, some of them came to me and made strong complaints and protested. They argued, “Why do you insult and disgrace us, while we try to find sweet homes for abandoned children through overseas adoption?”

* * *

From a micro-perspective, overseas adoption can be seen as child welfare. In view of this, certainly I am very grateful to the adoptive parents in Western countries, who have looked after the abandoned Korean children with “philanthropic love.” I also am deeply appreciative of the various social workers in adoption agencies, police stations, maternity clinics and orphanages, to name but a few, who have tried to provide a sweet home for abandoned children. However, from a macro-perspective, the overseas adoption program of Korea has been deeply related to the international social system.

First, overseas adoption is a kind of child abuse by the state. Second, the overseas adoption policy of the government was likely a part of its economic development strategy, which means the overseas adoptees have been used as part of a project to create wealth and prosperity for the rest of the South Koreans.

Overseas adoption is the forced expulsion of children from the society where they are supposed to live. In this sense, overseas adoption is a social violence against children. As humans, we exist as part of a gigantic ecosystem. The existence of the biological parents of adoptees can never be annihilated nor denied. Accordingly, while adoptees are growing up, they should be given information about their biological parents and be able to interact with them. By doing so, adoptees can form their identity with less conflict.

Overseas adoption is a forced separation of children from their natural ecosystems, as well as a way of forcing them into compulsory unity with settings different from and unnatural to their genetic and original social systems. Through this forced separation and compulsory unity, not only the adoptees, but also their biological parents, adoptive parents and their family members suffer trauma.

The overseas adoption of Korean children can be seen as child abuse since it has been interrelated with the economic development strategy of the government. How can we call the overseas adoption program of Korea “child welfare” when we create wealth and prosperity by forcefully expelling them?

Go read the whole thing and let us know what you think. He's certainly addressing one of the biggest conundrums of international adoption. It's like that damned starfish story -- adopting one makes a huge difference in the life of that one. But what about the negative societal consequences that come from adopting the one? The dangers of creating a money-driven adoption economy that leads to corruption, coercing poverty-stricken parents with few other options to relinquishing children, and "out-sourcing" adoption to countries with child protection and legal systems completely inadequate to handle it responsibly, just to name a few. . . .

Government Conferences on Orphans and Other Vulnerable Children

2011-12-31T11:42:00.000-06:00

From Foreign Policy's Shadow Government blog (Notes from the Loyal Opposition), a look at two conferences, one hosted by the Congressional Coalition of Adoption Institute and the other by USAID:

I recently participated in two groundbreaking events focused on highly vulnerable children. The first in November was the Way Forward Project Summit sponsored by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute (CCAI)which brought together African and U.S. officials and experts in this field to make recommendations for strengthening child protection systems in six African countries. The event was held at the State Department and Secretary Clinton gave solid remarks making her the first Cabinet level official to specifically address this important cross-cutting issue.

The second event in December was an Evidence Summit on protecting children outside family care. It was sponsored by USAID with participation and support from over a dozen U.S. government agencies or offices that work with vulnerable children. For the first time, a true ‘whole of government' approach was presented that is beginning to break through the silos that typically define our government's approach to children's issues globally. USAID Administrator Rajiv Shah drew from his personal experience in Haiti seeing the devastating toll of the earthquake on children and ended his opening remarks by noting that the most important line of protection for vulnerable children is a safe and loving family.

Secretary Clinton's remarks, referenced above, included the following:

And we know, not only from our own personal experience, how we feel when we see a child being abused or neglected or in some way denied the rights that children should have, but that is backed up by scientific and sociological studies going back more than 50 years. Consistently, the studies prove that children in residential institutions too often experience developmental delays, attachment disorders that obviously impact their ability to mature and their success later in life. One recent study showed that, on average, children reared in orphanages had IQs 20 points lower than those raised in foster care.

Now, over the past several years, many countries have taken steps to get children out of orphanages, off the streets, into kinship and community care situations. But UNICEF still estimates that there are at least 2 million children in orphanages around the world, and that is likely a vast underassessment. So there’s clearly more work for us to do.

What you’re doing today with The Way Forward Project is bringing policymakers, investors, and implementers together. And we are so proud to be partnering with Ethiopia, Ghana, Kenya, Malawi, Rwanda, and Uganda, and we applaud the leadership of those countries for putting your children first. We’re seeking ways to improve the full continuum of care for vulnerable children. For example, in Ethiopia, USAID is helping return 400 children from institutions to family care or foster care. We’re working with the Ethiopian Government to improve the oversight of all children in care. And the ideas discussed today, we hope, will turn these good ideas into policies. And I’m pleased that next month, USAID’s Secretariat for Orphans and Vulnerable Children will follow up on this event by hosting the first-ever Evidence Summit on Children Outside of Family Care.

Let’s improve coordination between different government programs. Let’s try to provide more support to families to be able to take in children who need kinship care. When separation is unavoidable, let’s promote early childhood development with local adoption foster care and, when desirable, inter-country adoption.

Clinton's last paragraph states the subsidiarity principle from the Hague Convention on Inter-country Adoption. I like the emphasis of both conferences on strengthening existing families. Reactions?

Red Letter Day

2011-12-30T22:02:00.001-06:00

A big day for Zoe today -- her first pointe shoes! She approached it with excitement and trepidation, though the real fear won't come until her first class on pointe on January 15. Of course, it isn't as magical and ethereal as it all looks -- she learned about toe pads and toe spacers and mesh bags to air out the shoes after sweating through class. But after 8 years of ballet, this is a true milestone for my biggest ballerina (Maya, three years behind Zoe, is so jealous!)!

But Maya did get her red letter day on Christmas day -- she finally managed the much-anticipated loss of her second front tooth so that she could sing "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth!"

Yes, another thinly-disguised excuse to post cute pictures of my incredibly cute kids!

Failed Adoptions at Age 18

2011-12-30T09:30:00.000-06:00

So reports the New York Times:

Lamar West has lost parents twice in his life. The first time was when he was 4; the second was a month before his 18th birthday. The circumstances differed, but the outcomes did not.

When Mr. West, 20, tries to remember his biological parents, his eyes close and his face goes still. He remembers his mother’s name, Rochelle Griffin. Then he recalls a place — a hallway, an office — and fragments of conversation. “Records. Drug abuse. Termination.”

At age 5, Mr. West was adopted from the Illinois child welfare system. His four siblings went elsewhere. Parental rights were terminated. His child welfare case was closed. His last name and birth certificate were changed, listing his adopter, Frankie Lee West, as his mother. He had a new family.

He lived in Ms. West’s Roseland home with her and her eight other children (six of them were adopted) for years. But in 2008, he went to stay nearby with a family friend for a few months because Ms. West’s new house on the Southwest Side had become too crowded. He remained in regular contact with her. Then, in January 2009, he went to her home and discovered it empty.

She had moved — “upped and went,” as Mr. West said — to Atlanta. It was a month before he turned 18, and a month before the checks she received from the child welfare system on behalf of Mr. West were scheduled to stop.

“I’ve never felt pain like that before,” Mr. West said of finding the empty house. “My heart was beating so fast. It was like someone was punching me from the inside of my chest.”

Mr. West is what caseworkers and providers refer to as a “failed adoption.” He is part of a growing group that is entering the local shelter system for homeless youths after their families vanish as quickly as the government checks attached to them do.

This is a failed adoption, isn't it? The idea isn't just to get the kid to 18, and then all bets are off, right? Sure, there's no legal obligation for a parent to support a child past 18, but what does it say when the relationship ends as soon as the adoption subsidy checks do?

Poverty is no reason to take children from families

2011-12-29T19:24:00.000-06:00

Oftentimes when we think of families losing children because of poverty we think of it as a third-world problem. Consider this about Ethiopia from SOS Children's Villages:

The main issue facing countries like Ethiopia is extreme poverty.

When people see birth families benefitting from their choice to relinquish their child, she said, that can have a contagious effect in these communities. "It takes over a whole village very quickly. It's very dangerous stuff, playing with people's poverty, emotions, and needs in a way that's really quite profound."

But this commentary at the Detroit Free Press, by a law professor who works with children's rights cases, talks about poverty in Michigan separating children from their families:

A loving father sees a judge place his children in foster care because his Walmart job doesn't pay enough, and he and his child live with his sister.

Another father can't get his two boys out of foster care because he can't afford to buy them separate beds.

And a baby is removed from her parents' custody and placed with strangers simply because the family is homeless -- despite the parents' attempt to place the baby with family friends, instead.

All three Michigan families share a common denominator: poverty.

The foster care system exists to protect children from being abused by their parents. Yet, every day, children are separated from their families and placed in the system for no better reason than their parents' low income.

A short conversation with lawyers, caseworkers and judges bears this truth out. And in a state like Michigan, where the child poverty rate has increased by more than 60% in the last 10 years, recent cuts in public assistance and a staggering economy have only made things worse.

Reactions?

Kimochis

2011-12-28T19:26:00.000-06:00

A huge hit with the girls this Christmas was the toys my mom found for them -- Kimochis, tagline "toys with feelings inside." Each doll has a story that describes its personality and characteristics, and each has a pocket in which to tuck little "feelings" pillows. One pillow is happy, another cranky, proud, brave, etc. The girls decided the feelings were a little limited, and want to make their own feelings pillows to tuck into the pockets.

Each doll also comes with a book with tips for parents on talking feelings with their children, games to play to encourage communications, etc. There's nothing adoption-specific about these dolls, but communicating about feelings in general is really helpful with adoption talk. And I think it's quite doable to make adoption-specific feelings pillows if you want.

There are five Kimochis -- we have four: Lovey Dove, Cat, Bug & Cloud. We'll probably be getting the Huggtopus, too (Huggtopus seems tailor-made for a child with boundary problems, and that isn't a big one for my kids), just because it's so cute!

Like Maya, Lovey Dove loves to cuddle, but sometimes has a problem in wanting to make everyone happy. And like Maya, Cat asks for exactly wants she wants, but can be a bit bossy. Like Zoe, Cloud is a little moody and has a hard time controlling his emotions, but is very loveable. And like Zoe, Bug can overthink things and become a bit paralyzed, but that's because they're both smart and thoughtful.

As you can see, the girls love the Kimochis! They've made little beds for each one out of the boxes they came in, and Maya won't leave the house without Lovey Dove! Big hit -- thanks, Mimi!

Estimating Age of International Adoptees

2011-12-27T09:50:00.000-06:00

MedPage reports on an article in the journal Pediatrics:

International adoptees often arrive in the U.S. with an incomplete birth certificate and medical history, thus questions arise as to the child's accurate date of birth. As a result, pediatricians are often called upon to render an age determination based on standard measures, such as dental eruption and radiographic bone age.

When making an age determination, a difference of a few weeks or months will not matter as much in children under the age of 1. But for an older adoptee, age determination could influence placement in school, wrote Veronnie Jones, MD, PhD, and colleagues on the AAP Committee on Early Childhood, Adoption, and Dependent Care.
Delaying any changes on the birth certificate more than a year after adoption allows for "catch-up growth" and extended observation of the child's physical and emotional development, they wrote in a clinical report in Pediatrics.

I've known parents who had their adopted child's age changed, some based on medical evidence that the given birth date is likely inaccurate and some based on an assessment that the child was developmentally delayed and needed to be thought of as younger to allow for catch-up.

That second reason strikes me as problematic, for once the child catches up, they are still physically older than their records indicate. That would be an advantage in everything from Little League to behavior expectations in school. And that added year may be a serious disadvantage, too, as this article (where an international adoptee is charged with statutory rape, and there's a question as to his actual age, which would make a difference in whether he is in fact guilty) illustrates.

I'm not generally in favor of changing anything in the child's history before adoption, it just creates a false history, and we already do plenty of that with fake birth certificates. I see the role of adoptive parents as preserving that history, not altering it. But what if there's reason to believe that history prior to adoption has already been falsified? Does that make a difference?

There's some uncertainty as to my children's actual birthdates. Maya's birthdate was estimated in China, and the evidence that suggests Zoe's birthdate may have been fabricated. Still, it's likely that if their birthdates are off, they are only off by days, not months or years, so I think we're luckier than many. . . .

Swedish Adoption Agency Visits Orphans in Ruzhou

2011-12-26T21:48:00.001-06:00

From China Daily:

Representatives of three Swedish adoption agencies recently visited Ruzhou Jingeng Hospital accompanied by officials of the provincial civil affairs department to extend their regards to brain paralysis orphans.
The three adoption agencies were Children's Friend, Adoption Center and Transnational Family Adoption Agency from Sweden. They have set up branches and charity projects across the world. Each year, they adopt over 100 Chinese orphans. In this trip to Ruzhou, the three Swedish adoption agencies made preparations to adopt brain paralysis orphans recently recovered in Jingeng Hospital.

I'm not quite sure what "brain paralysis" means in China; the children in the picture are standing and don't seem to be paralyzed. . . .

In Utah, Birth Fathers Can't Win -- or Anywhere Else for That Matter

2011-12-26T21:44:00.001-06:00

I've posted before about the difficulty of birth father protecting his rights (if any) in an adoption case. While it's worse in Utah, it's not that great in other states, either, reports the Salt Lake Tribune:

Ramsey Shaud admits the circumstances were not perfect. He wasn’t even sure he loved Shasta B. Tew.

Still, when Shaud learned in 2009 that Tew was pregnant as a result of their casual relationship but didn’t want to be a mother, he stepped up.
Shaud told Tew he wanted to be a dad and would raise the child, with help from his family.
But Tew, then 19, apparently didn’t like that idea and, as she began pursuing adoptive parents for the coming baby, Shaud moved quickly to protect his parental rights. Shaud, who was 22, learned he needed to sign with the Putative Father Registry in Florida, their home state, so he would be notified of any proposed adoption. It turned out to be a simple process: He printed out a form he found online and sent it in, along with the $20 filing fee.
Five months later, Tew’s mother hand-delivered to Shaud a terse three-line note about his ex-girlfriend’s plan to visit Arizona and Utah for the holidays. Shaud feared — rightfully, he says — that the real intent of the trip west was to give birth in a state where he was less likely to be able to assert any claim to the child.
That same day, Shaud had no trouble finding a form for Arizona’s registry online; he printed it, filled it out and mailed it in. But despite hours spent dissecting the Utah Department of Health’s website, which he figured was the logical place to look, Shaud was unable to locate a similar form or information about what he needed to do here.
That’s because Utah, unlike most states with registries aimed at unmarried fathers, doesn’t make a form or directions on how to proceed available online. In fact, the phrase "putative father," used in state law to describe an unwed biological father, isn’t mentioned anywhere on the websites of the health department or Office of Vital Records and Statistics, the agency charged with maintaining Utah’s registry. Utah law requires that forms be made available through local health departments, but office policy is not to do so, according to Director Janice Houston.
"The state makes the form available at the [Utah] Department of Health, but you have to pick it up in person, which is impossible for a father who lives out of state," said Joshua Peterman, an attorney who has three active cases involving unmarried fathers.
Shaud, a resident of Crestview, Fla., is one of a string of men who say Utah intentionally makes it difficult to protect their rights when they oppose adoption.In fact, unmarried fathers face a hodgepodge of approaches across the country regarding their rights. A Salt Lake Tribune review found Utah is not the only state where determining how to protect those rights is difficult — a problem some experts say would be solved by creating a national putative-father registry.

Happy Holidays!

2011-12-25T22:40:00.000-06:00

Best wishes of the season from our family to yours! I hope you had as wonderful a day as we had. As my dad would say, "I feel sorry for anyone who isn't me tonight!"

China's One-Child Policy: Cost & Benefit

2011-12-24T17:50:00.001-06:00

AP has an interesting interactive feature today -- hear and watch video of two sets of parents "who have joined an increasingly defiant community of parents in China who have risked their jobs, savings and physical safety to have a forbidden second child." And then click over and listen to 3 generations of Chinese women discuss how "the one-child policy [has] harmed women in many ways, but . . . has also opened up opportunities for some." Finally, click over to check out an interactive chart to see how the number of women in China in the general population, in higher education, etc., has changed between 1980 and 2009 (while the percentage of women in the National People's Congress remains basically constant -- not too different from us).

An International Adoption Reunion Story

2011-12-23T22:39:00.000-06:00

OK, am I just imagining this trend? In November, National Adoption Month, there are tons of happy-happy-joy-joy adoption stories. And in December, there are tons of happy reunion stories. Hmmm. Here's another one:

In 1952, Kantor was born in a small town in the Italian region of Bari, a southern region that partially borders the Adriatic Sea. She was born Nicoletta, a name that was changed when she and her older brother, Vito, were placed in an orphanage by her grandfather. Kantor was 3 1/2 and her brother was 5 1/2.

At 3 1/2, Kantor was old enough to remember her birthmother, a woman named Mery Marotta Pesce, and when she would cry out for her mother in the orphanage, she was comforted by the nuns. They showed her a picture of an Italian couple who had recently immigrated to the United States. Kantor and Vito had met them only once, but were told the picture showed their parents and they would soon be joining the couple in the United States.

And what of the woman, Mery, who Kantor remembered as her mother?

“I had a bond with my (birth) mother,” she said. “I missed her and they would lie to me in the orphanage.”

Kantor lived happily with her parents and brother until she was 18-years old when she learned the couple she considered her mother and father had adopted her from the Italian orphanage.

* * *

In 1984, a Catholic priest from Ohio was vacationing in Italy when he met a woman named Costanza. For 25 years, Costanza, her sister, Silva, and their mother Mery had been searching for a daughter and son who had been sent to America and adopted by another family. Their research suggested the siblings might live in Chicago, but they had gotten no closer.

The priest agreed to do what he could to help reunite the family. He called the telephone operator asking for any listings of Vito or Nicoletta Palazzo living in Chicago. His leads came up dead, but being persistent, he asked the operator to try again, this time connecting him to the Chicago suburbs, Kantor said.

Kantor’s name had been changed at the orphanage, then again once she was married, and her brother was unlisted, but the priest was connected to a cousin with the same name, Vito Palazzo.

* * *

Friends and family heard Kantor’s story and helped her travel to Italy to meet Costanza and Silvia. Vito also joined his sisters in Italy.

A few years after Kantor’s visit, a nephew let it slip to his grandmother that he met Zia Nicoletta. Kantor’s birthmother, who she chose not to meet in Italy, flew to Chicago and arrived unannounced at O’Hare Airport, determined to meet her biological daughter.

Kantor was surprised again last summer when Costanza and Silvia met a woman they would later discover is Kantor’s twin.

* * *

Now that she’s back, though, Kantor has a new perspective on her experience as well as the adoption process.

She considers herself a strong advocate for open adoption, and is keenly aware of the devastating effects lies and secrecy can have on adopted children and their parents, both adoptive and biological.

But her feelings about adoption haven’t stopped the bond from growing between Kantor and her biological family.

"The devastating effects lies and secrecy can have on adopted children and their parents." Indeed.

Reddit Tracks Down Adoptee's Birth Family

2011-12-22T21:10:00.003-06:00

At Gawker, another social-media-makes-reunion-possible story -- with a weird twist about naked sisters:

It's a holiday miracle: users of the popular nerd hive Reddit tracked down an adoptee's birth parents in a matter of hours. They also found and skeezed over his biological sister's topless pictures. Awkward.

Yesterday afternoon, Littleton, Colorado, Reddit user -steezy_wunda_bred- posted his cry for help on the Denver section of the site.

"So I'm looking for my birth family after nearly 24 years," he wrote. "My birthday is coming up this Tuesday and it always reminds me of my past, so I figured I'd do something about it."

He posted an old picture of his birth parents (above) and some basic details, including their first names and the ages they were when he was born. He knew his biological father played in a punk band in Littleton and that his mother Michelle worked at a local restaurant.

Less than five hours later, a user named Syllabelle had used the information and some impressive Google-fu to track down what appears to be Steezy's family. She posted a link to an adoption registry where a Littleton woman whose information matched his mother was looking for a son born on the same date he was. Sweet success.

I confess, I don't even know what Reddit is -- I barely get twitter and facebook! But this story is another reminder that technology means that secrecy doesn't exist anymore, so why bother to keep adoptions closed and secret.

"Searchers" in Ethiopia finding "fraud, corruption and worse"

2011-12-21T22:14:00.003-06:00

At the Atlantic, a story about searchers in Ethiopia looking for birth parents at the behest of adoptive families, and finding corruption, but also threats and violence against the searchers:

Adoption searchers -- specialized independent researchers working in a unique field that few outside the community of adoptive parents even know exists -- track down the birth families of children adopted from other counties. In Ethiopia, searching has arisen in response to a dramatic boom in international adoptions from the country in recent years. In 2010, Ethiopia accounted for nearly a quarter of all international adoptions to the U.S. The number of Ethiopian children adopted into foreign families in the U.S., Canada, and Europe has risen from just a few hundred several years ago to several thousand last year. The increase has been so rapid -- and, for some, so lucrative -- that some locals have said adoption was "becoming the new export industry for our country."

That increase has also brought stories of corruption, child trafficking, and fraud. Parents began to publicize the stories their adopted children told them when they learned English: that they had parents and families at home, who sometimes thought they were going to the U.S. to receive an education and then return. Media investigations have found evidence that adoption agencies had recruited children from intact families. Ethiopia's government found that some children's paperwork had been doctored to list children who had been relinquished by living parents as orphans instead, which allowed the agencies to avoid lengthy court vetting procedures.

* * *

But, in the past several years, it's become increasingly difficult to find a searcher in Ethiopia. Tasked with determining whether an adopted child is a "manufactured orphan," searchers have faced intense intimidation in Ethiopia as its adoption system boomed and then came under international scrutiny. It took months to find adoptive families willing to share the name or contact information for searchers they had used. The first several times I emailed or called Samuel, he responded with trepidation, confirming with me repeatedly that I was not associated with any adoption agencies working in Ethiopia and that I wouldn't pass on his name or information to any agencies.

He had good reason to be cautious. In August 2010, Samuel was jailed for 41 days in the northern Ethiopian province of Tigray, which shares a hostile border with neighboring Eritrea. He had traveled to the region to film two birth family interviews, one of which Samuel says he did pro bono out of his respect for the family, which had adopted an HIV-positive child. When Samuel met the birth sister of one of the children whose story he was tracking, the local director of a U.S. adoption agency came along, and began accusing Samuel of giving the agency a bad name. (Out of fear of further repercussions, Samuel requested that the agency not be named.) Shortly thereafter, Samuel and his crew were arrested. While in jail, he was told that the arrest was made at the request of the agency, which had accused him of performing illegal adoptions and of filming the "bad side" of Ethiopia to sell to the Eritrean government. An employee of the agency was also arrested -- it's still not clear why -- as well as three of Samuel's friends and a translator.
* * *

The role of searchers won't end any time soon, Samuel is certain. The thousands of Ethiopian children adopted by families in the U.S. and Europe over the last decade will grow up one day. They'll learn about the circumstances around adoption from Ethiopia in earlier years and will want to find out the truth of their background.

Kelly paid $900 in 2009 for her searcher and Samuel charges an average rate of $600. But Kelly has since heard that her searcher increased his rates, asking as much as $3000 to $4000 for a search. When rising demand and supply made adoption an important and rapidly growing source of money in a country that had little of it, even these investigators who are often at odds with agencies have found a place in the adoption economy.

Cambodian AdopteeTeen Talks About Life Before and After Adoption

2011-12-21T21:58:00.000-06:00

From TeenInk, via HuffingtonPost:

I think my mom had seen me suffer enough. I’d had enough too! So, to make things easier, my mom sent my sister and one of my brothers to live with relatives in another village. People in Cambodia often take care of relatives’ children. I missed them but knew they were being cared for. I was the oldest, so I stayed; my mother needed me to take care of her and my baby brother, Long.

For a while it was just Long, my mother, and I. But then my brother, who was less than a year old, was very sick and skinny. One day I came home and Long wasn’t there. My mom said she had given him away to someone who said they could take care of him. He wasn’t coming back.

* * *

One afternoon, about a year after Long left, we received some good news. A man from the city came to our village and told us that a family in the United States had adopted my baby brother. He showed us pictures. My brother, now named Shane, was smiling, wearing nice clothes, and looking very healthy. Even though we missed him and life was hard for us, my mom and I were so happy to know that my brother was okay.

* * *

After my mother died, one of my aunts took me in. She was very poor, just like my mother. She was mean, and I think she was mad that she had to take care of me, but I had nowhere else to go.

One day the man who had brought the pictures of my baby brother came to visit again. It had taken him a long time to find us because I had moved. He was sad to hear that my mother had died. Then he gave me new clothes, a doll, and more pictures of my brother. My aunt asked him if the family who adopted my brother would want to adopt me too. The man turned to me and asked if I wanted to go live with my brother in the United States. Even though I didn’t know what to expect, I said yes. He said he would find out if it was possible. I waited for what seemed like forever. I started to think that maybe the American family did not want me.

But that wasn’t the case.

About a year later, the Americans who had adopted my brother finally came for me. As I now know, there is a lot of paperwork involved with adoption. They had to get permission from my family, the Cambodian government, and the United States government before they could come to get me.

Amazing story -- go read the whole thing! Thanks to a commenter for the link. I posted another adoption piece from Teen Ink here, if you're interested.

Adopted Man Gets Box of Christmas Joy From Birth Mother

2011-12-20T21:37:00.000-06:00

Wow, what a story:

A woman who gave her son up for adoption presented him with a box of Christmas ornaments she had been collecting since letting him go 44 years ago.

Ann Padmos purchased a new ornament every year and hung it on a Christmas tree in honor of her son, Jeff Quibell of Blue Springs, Mo., who she gave up for adoption in 1958.

* * *

When Quibell finally found Padmos, she presented her son with the box of 44 ornaments, each ornament representing a year they weren't together.

"I'm sitting here wanting to cry just thinking about it," Quibell said, "it was an evening of a lot of laughing and crying and hugging, oh wow, it was just amazing."

You can also watch a video and see the beautiful tree at the link above.

Untitled, Cause I Can't Think of One

2011-12-20T21:03:00.000-06:00

How's this for silly? I've wanted to blog about this for a few days, but I can't figure out a title, so I haven't! So I'm just going to write for a while and see if a title comes to mind.

As we approached the last day of school, Maya started to ask if we could get a gift for her teacher. I'd already contributed to the class gift, but that wasn't good enough for Maya. Some of her friends were bringing in gifts for Ms. C, and Maya felt left out, I think. She thought we should buy a pillow with a C on it, which was none too cheap, I might add. I just had this vision of Ms. C, who is early in her teaching career, accumulating TONS of tchotchkes sporting the letter C over the course of a 30+ year career. . . .

I'm trying to do more donation-in-your-name gifts these days; most everyone I know has WAAAY too much stuff. Now, not surprisingly, most of my charitable giving since Zoe was adopted has been to family preservation and orphan care organizations. So my first thought for Ms. C was maybe a donation to Love Without Boundaries. They even helpfully suggest that gift cards are great "if you are shopping for family, friends, or teachers."

But I found myself reluctant, though I love the work the group does, I've supported it in the past -- even donating a photo for their art auction at their request, I plan to continue to support it, I've blogged about it. . . .

Why couldn't I do it? Why couldn't I make a donation as a teacher gift for Maya's beloved teacher?

It wasn't about the organization, I realized.

It was about the recipient. And not really about the recipient, whom we love, but about the recipient's relationship with my child. It suddenly seemed to me that making a donation, in her teacher's name, to an orphan care organization in China, where my child was an orphan, highlighted that status. I didn't want a "poor-thing" reaction from her teacher. I didn't want Maya to look like a charity case.

So I'll make my annual donation to Love Without Boundaries. But no one will be getting a card telling them the gift is in their name. And Ms. C got a card telling her that a child in Africa now has a desk, courtesy of her.

Nope, still no idea for a title. . . .

Bill Aims to Maintain Adoptee's Religious Identity

2011-12-19T08:53:00.002-06:00

The Jewish Standard reports on a bill introduced in New Jersey:

An Orthodox Jewish member of the New Jersey State Assembly introduced a bill that would require adoptees to be placed in homes that would “maintain a child’s religious upbringing.”

Assemblyman Gary Schaer (D-Dist. 36), who represents portions of Bergen and Passaic counties, said he introduced the bill out of concern that an adoptee or foster child could be “put in a home where the parents practiced a religion other than that of the child.”

Within a day of the bill’s introduction, Schaer said, it has already received support from David Mandel, the chief executive officer of the Orthodox Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services in Brooklyn and from Aref Assaf, president of the American Arab Forum and an advisory board member of the New Jersey Council on American Islamic Relations.

“Not only Jews and Muslims, but many smaller Protestant sects, and even some people in the Catholic community” are supporting the measure, Schaer said.

* * *

The bill also requires that, in cases where a child is placed with a family of a different religious faith, provisions be made so that the child could attend services conducted in his or her own religious faith.

What do you think? Religious matching was extremely common at one time, and some states have statutes that require matching if the birth parents request it even today. We've discussed it before in the context of international adoption, asking if maintaining culture includes maintaining religion.

UPDATE: Dr. Aref Assaf posted a link in the comments (thank you!) to his column, An interfaith effort to protect foster care children, about some of the problems in the foster care system that this bill is design to address:

Can the State force the change of a child’s religion? An opinion piece I wrote on the relevance of the religious dimension of foster care children has formed the foundation for an important legislation in New Jersey. The columnwas the result of a painful interview I had with the parent of a Muslim child who tearfully related the details of how his son, after being placed with a Christian family, had his faith changed and his name was no longer ‘Abdulrahman”but “Joshua.” Even before the father lost his parental rights, the conversion process was fully underway despite the stern objection of the birth parents.

That such a conversion of child’s faith would occur under the watchful eyes of the state is a case of deliberate negligence at minimum. Delving further, I discovered that our current laws give no credence to the pivotal role of religion in a child self-identification and sense of self worth. The State has in effect become complicit in furthering the trauma and anxiety of children under its care.

Does this change your mind about the bill? Does foster care v. adoption make a difference?

Birth Parents Sue for Breach of Privacy in Revealing Adoption Info

2011-12-18T19:39:00.001-06:00

Courthouse News Service reports:

A couple says Kaiser disclosed confidential birth records to an adopted child who was searching for his birth parents.

The plaintiffs, using pseudonyms, said James Ingraffia showed up on their doorstep, claiming to be their son. The birth parents say this clued them in that Kaiser had given their birth son confidential, sealed birth records.

Ingraffia's adopted parents Salvator and Margaret helped James find his birth parents, the couple says in their complaint in Alameda Superior Court.

"Plaintiffs suffered damages in the form of fear, apprehension, shock to the nervous system and continuous and repeated episodes of severe emotional distress when they learned that although they had taken the necessary legal steps to keep information about James Ingraffia's birth confidential and private, Defendant Kaiser had broken the seal on such records and disclosed them," the complaint says.

You can read the full legal complaint here.

The lawsuit gets an incredulous reaction from privacy news website PogoWasRight:

2. . . . Can you imagine being an adopted child and trying to find your parents, only to have them not only reject you but sue you for invading their privacy? And for them to ask a court to enjoin you from contacting them again via any means?

3. The adoptive parents are also defendants in the lawsuit for allegedly assisting their child in finding his birth parents, although there is no evidence of that provided, either. The plaintiffs allege that the adoptive parents were negligent and should have known that their assistance would result in pain, suffering, distress, etc. to the plaintiffs. How should they have known that? Perhaps the adoptive parents thought the birth parents might find themselves glad to see their child after so many years. Or perhaps they realized their child was suffering and they did what good parents do – try to help their child.

* * *
4. . . . The Does’ identities are not only at risk of media publication as a result of the lawsuit leading to media coverage, but their identities are easily discoverable. . . . [The lawyer] leaving her clients’ home address in the complaint as the location of the offense somewhat undermines calling them Doe in court records. I’ve decided not to name them at this time, but a simple Google search gave me her clients’ names within a matter of minutes.

A commenter at PogoWasRight doesn't have the same discretion as does the blogger, and publishes the names of the birth parents! And also discloses that the adoptive parents are Hollywood figures and presumably wealthy, opining that the birth parents are interested only in the money a lawsuit would bring.

What a sordid mess! All that secrecy and shame leading to this. Strikes me as a better example of why there should not be secrets in adoption, rather than a story of why privacy should prevail.

Thanks to facebook community Adoption News and Events for the link!

"Finding Normal"

2011-12-18T18:52:00.001-06:00

Essay from high school junior Hannah Guritz, adopted at 4 months from China, trying to find "normal" in her transracial adoptive family:

Growing up, I always got this weird look from people when they saw me with my parents. It was this “are-those-really-your-parents?” kind of look. You see, my parents are white and I am Asian.
I was adopted from China when I was about four months old, but I have no connection with Asia other than the words on my birth certificate. I’ve grown up speaking English my whole life. I go to school, hang out with friends, complain about homework and experience many other things typical of any normal American teenager. Honestly, I consider myself just as American as anyone else in Papillion.
When taking a pre-ACT test for a class, in the section about race, the teacher told us to mark the race we identified with culturally. This caused a minor complication for me, because I knew they wanted me to fill in the bubble marked “Asian,” but that wasn’t who I was. Yes, physically, I was Asian, but culturally I belonged under “Caucasian.”

* * *
I don’t remember when the “Asian jokes” started for me. All I know is that throughout elementary school I was often bothered by kids pulling at their eyes, attempting to make other kids laugh. I didn’t like feeling I was being made fun of, even indirectly. I was very shy in school, so most of the time the jokes wouldn’t be directed toward me. Usually, I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. But that didn’t make their jokes any less offensive. Every time this kind of situation appeared, I was reminded that I didn’t look like my classmates. I felt like I didn’t belong and started to wish that I hadn’t been adopted, or that I looked more like my peers.
When I was ten, everything changed. My parents began taking me to a summer camp dedicated completely to adoptees.

Read the whole thing -- great insight into an adopted teen's mind. At the end of the essay, there's a moving poem by Guritz entitled Where I'm From.

Step-Parent Adoption DENIED

2011-12-18T16:08:00.000-06:00

Just about the only cases I've seen where a step-parent adoption is denied are with same-sex parents. But in this Arkansas case, the court denies the adoption because wanna-be step-mom seems to be restricting the maternal grandparents from seeing the child:

Here, the circuit court found, in pertinent part:
Although Derek and Andrea testified that it was coincidence, the restriction of [Doris]’s and [Bertie]’s contact with [J.P.] began when Derek and Andrea started dating. From an observation of Andrea as a witness, the Court finds Andrea’s attitude toward [J.P.] to be possessive and exclusive of the maternal family. The Court finds that an adoption of [J.P.] by Andrea would not be conducive to fostering a relationship between [J.P.] and his maternal family. A hindrance or loss of a relationship with his maternal family would not be in the best interest of [J.P.]

Considering all the best interest factors, the Court finds that the adoption of
[J.P.] by Andrea is not currently in the best interest of [J.P.] The Petition for
Adoption is denied.
It is clear from Andrea’s testimony that tension existed between her and J.P.’s maternal family.It is that tension that troubled the circuit court and served as the court’s basis for finding that the adoption was not currently in J.P.’s best interest; we do not disagree. That is not to say that it would not be in his best interest at some point in the future. However, giving due regard to the opportunity and superior position of the circuit court to judge the witnesses before it, we cannot say the circuit court’s finding that adoption was not currently in J.P.’s best interest was clearly against the preponderance of the evidence. For this reason, we affirm the circuit court’s denial of the petition for adoption.

What do you think? I'm generally in favor of second-parent adoption (check out my post titled Why Second Parent Adoption is a Good Thing), since it legalizes an already-existing relationship. It's not like the step-mom is going to disappear from J.P.'s life because she can't adopt him, but the legalization of that relationship offers him more protections/rights than having one legal parent gives him.

But it is interesting to see here that the court seems concerns about maintaining relaionships with biological relatives as a reason to deny the adoption. . . ..

Adoptive Grandfather Faces His Own Racism

2011-12-18T15:19:00.002-06:00

A remarkably honest opinion piece from the grandfather in a transracial adoption facing his own racism:

When I read the familiar Nativity stories in the Bible, I find myself connecting with Joseph.

Because if I take those stories literally, Joseph was a step-father. His son bore none of his DNA. None. Jesus was an adopted child.

And I wonder how Joseph felt about that.

I don’t have adopted children. I have adopted grandchildren. They come from Ethiopia. Neither of them will ever remotely resemble me -- an Irish-Scots Canadian with fair skin, blue eyes, and what used to be blonde hair.

* * *

I hope, I trust, I believe that they will survive the adjustments that challenge all adopted children. So much will depend on the friends they choose, as they progress toward adulthood.

And there I discover a streak of prejudice within myself that I hadn’t known I had. Because I picture them gathering in a cluster of high school youth, who are black like them. In that context, I become the outsider. And despite my efforts to banish any racial prejudices, a shadowy corner of my mind still seems to harbour unflattering stereotypes of rebellious black youths, school dropouts, gang members, Rastas…

I don’t want my grandchildren hanging out with that kind of person. I want them to associate with – well, with educated, intelligent, purposeful kids. Whom I tend to visualize as white. Like me.

I hope – dear God, how I hope! – that as they grow, as they test their limits (and ours!), that I never Never NEVER yield to the temptation to blame their genetic ancestry. If they carried my own DNA, I couldn’t. But they don’t. Somehow, I have to wipe that awareness out of my mind, to see only two delightful children whom I love with all my heart.

And I wonder if Joseph ever had similar thoughts about his adopted son.

Finally! We're Officially on Break!

2011-12-17T22:33:00.000-06:00

Today was our last official activity, so now we're free! Free as a bird! (Can you tell it's been an awfully busy time for us?!) No more school for a few weeks! All I have is grading to do, and Friday was the last day of school for the girls, marked by school parties and Zoe's class going caroling at a local Alzheimer's center.

No more ballet for a few weeks! After all the busyness of rehearsals and performances, we had final demonstration classes and done!

Now we have no more piano lessons for a few weeks, after a fun cookies-and-carols event at the piano teacher's house.

No more boring work parties where Mama makes you wear itchy tights and fancy clothes! Actually, the girls like this party, since Santa comes and there are crafts for the kids. The chocolate fountain was a really big hit this year, too!

No more Chinese School! Today was the last day, culminating in the annual Open House where each class performs and then gets to EAT! This year the girls learned a flag dance in addition to the usual songs-with-hand-movements their classes do. Since they've been coming early to Chinese School for WEEKS to practice for it, not surprisingly, they did a great job! And they'll get to perform it again for a Chinese New Year celebration next year.

Maya's song was about a "cute rose," and each child delivered a rose to her mom -- awwww!

Zoe's class helped a younger class with a Chinese zodiac song -- each child did a sound or a move or something to represent the character on his/her sign, and Zoe is eating grass as a sheep (she's really a dragon, but was happy to settle for sheep since Maya is a sheep!).

This is just an excuse to put up a photo of the cute outfit Zoe put together for today! Also I didn't get any decent pictures of her during the actual flag dance! (In fact, this whole post is just an excuse to post cute pictures of my kids, right?!)

Here's Maya's line, moving their flags in a way that apparently "drew numbers" as they shouted them out in Chinese.

So now we're free! Free to sleep late, to play, to be lazy, to breathe! I plan to enjoy every minute of doing nothing, because it sure won't last for long. . . .

Culture Isn't Enough -- APs Must Address Race

2011-12-15T11:46:00.005-06:00

From the Kansas City InfoZine:

Parents tote their children to ethnic restaurants and cultural festivals, but are often oblivious to the biases and racism their children sometimes face.

“What we find is that parents are pretty good about the culture part, but not very good about the race part,” Victor Groza, professor of parent-child studies at Case Western Reserve University, said. “They don’t recognize racism.”

Groza said parents generally don’t create an atmosphere where it’s all right to talk about race as their transracially adopted children grow up in what are typically white communities.

* * *

Susan Cox, vice president of public policy for Holt International, said the agency, which places about 600 children a year for intercountry adoption, tries to advise parents about potential risks, but the message rarely hits home.

“You could talk about all the things that could be and the things that will happen, but it’s really difficult for a family to relate to that,” Cox said. “When their child is small they think, ‘Oh, that won’t ever happen to me.’”

The piece addresses Jane Jeong Trenka's important memoir, The Language of Blood, the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute's report, Beyond Culture Camp: Promoting Healthy Identity Formation in Adoption, and includes quotes from JaeRan Kim of Harlow's Monkey.

And here are my pleas for talking about race and racism with our transracially adopted kids:

Being Explicit About Race and Racism

Parenting While Not Noticing Race

Sisters of Charity Cleared of Adoption Trafficking Charges

2011-12-15T11:25:00.000-06:00

I posted about the charges here. Now IBNLive reports that the Sisters have been cleared:

A Sri Lankan court today dropped charges of child trafficking against a Mother Teresa charity and released a senior nun, an Indian national, suspected of selling babies for adoption. Sister Mary Eliza the head of Missionaries of Charity convent was arrested late November for her failure to disclose an underage pregnancy at the Prem Children's Home at Moratuwa, a Colombo south suburb. The nun who hails from Kerala, was already on court bail. The Criminal Investigation Department, which questioned 55 people, concluded that there were no grounds to charge her with selling children or with failing to report under-age pregnancies. It said all adoption procedures run by the sisters were fully legal.

Transracial Adoption Challenging Even in Racially Diverse City

2011-12-14T13:55:00.002-06:00

Great article at the OaklandLocal, some strong adoptee voices, so I strongly encourage you to read the whole thing:

When the school bell rings, most kids are excited for their parents to pick them up and take them home.

However, for Donye’ Brown-Lamm, the end of the day in grade school was the beginning of frustrating and sometimes hurtful conversations.

Her classmates couldn’t understand why she, a black girl, was calling the white woman picking her up "Mom." When she explained she was adopted, she remembers some kids asking why her real mom didn’t want her.

“In junior high, I wanted a black family or wanted to be white because I was tired of explaining myself,” Brown-Lamm, now 19, said. “Little kids are mean, very mean, and if you’re different they’re even meaner.”

* * *

“Many things come into play when forming a strong self-identity around race, gender, etc., and within that puzzle is do we understand who we are and feel rooted in a community and see people doing things around us that we want to emulate,” Professor Julia C. Oparah of Mills College and co-author of "Outsiders Within: Writing on Transracial Adoption," said. “Being in Oakland isn’t a guarantee of being in a diverse environment.”

Sara Blair, 24, knows this all to well. Growing up in an affluent white family and identifying as “Filipino, African and Jewish with Spanish blood,” she said connecting with other students at the elite schools she attended was difficult.

* * *

“I don’t regret being transracially adopted … I think it proves that we are human,” Blair said. “But I think there needs to be a movement of white parents educating themselves about what it means to be a person of color in this nation.”

“You can still live here and live in demographic isolation. You may see people of color, but you may not interact with them and that can create a problem,” Beth Hall, executive director of Pact - a nonprofit, which serves families of transracial adoption in the Bay Area, said.

While Oakland may be a diverse area, many people still live mono-racial lives, Hall added.

* * *

Gloria King, executive director of the Black Adoption Placement and Resource Center in Oakland, said adoption when in the best interest of the child is always positive, but parents can provide a disservice to children if race is not discussed as a family.

“I think it’s a handicap if you’re colorblind, and it’s setting your kids up for failure," said King, who also works to recruit more black families as adoptive parents. "People are not colorblind, they can see it.”

The Danger in Drawing Distinctions?

2011-12-13T08:37:00.000-06:00

This post about corruption in international adoption generated a lot of interesting comments, including a dialogue about drawing distinctions between various forms of corruption that can (and does) infect international adoption. Here's a snippet of what I had to say in the comments:

In terms of language to describe "problems in the adoption process," we do sometimes see sloppiness in how people use language for things I see as potentially different problems: trafficking for purposes of adoption, corruption in adoption, illegal adoption, unethical adoption.

I do see corruption as the word with the broadest definition. I see corruption as encompassing both criminal and non-criminal conduct. Corruption would include trafficking, in my view, though is not limited to trafficking.

* * *

Does it matter what words we use? As a lawyer, I tend to say yes! But sometimes the insistence on "correct" language isn't particularly helpful to the discussion, is sometimes used to avoid addressing the real problems.

Yes, kidnapping a child for the purposes of adoption is really, really, really, really bad, arguably worse than many other corrupt practices in adoption -- but problems of corruption can't really be defended by saying, "At least she wasn't kidnapped!"

Little did I know that a few weeks later I'd run across a blog post that exhibits the worst of this tendency to deny problems in adoption by focusing obsessively on the language used:

One area most impacted by AIDS is Africa, so when I read that some people are “concerned” about the rate of adoption among children from Africa because people are “trafficking” in adoption, I am truly amazed. Does anyone really think that people are stealing babies and children to sell them for adoption? Are there not enough babies and children already orphaned by AIDS and other diseases in Africa? Are children left at police stations or with elderly grandmothers who can barely care for them, not truly orphans? Why do these children not deserve a stable home? Is it truly illegal for a judge to rule that this child deserves a family and gives guardianship for a child to a family so that the family can legally adopt the child?

And why is the word trafficking even being used in conjunction with adoption? Trafficking would mean that a child is “adopted” for the purpose of sexual slavery or work. If a child’s paperwork is not in perfect order—that is not trafficking. If the child is brought to the police station and the police see that the child is horribly malnourished and sick, but the police do not have every last bit of evidence that the birth mother and birth father are dead, abusive, or have deserted the child, is that enough evidence to call this adoption illegal at best or child “trafficking” at worst?

Wow. All I can say is wow. Actually, I can't really claim to be at a loss for words, because sooo many of the words I spill at this blog is to fight against this attitude. I guess I'm just a little tired at how useless my words are.

Buy UNICEF Holiday Cards

2011-12-12T21:37:00.000-06:00

At the Washington Times' so-called "Adoptive Family Forum," Andrea Poe is using the upcoming holidays as an excuse to bash Unicef in a piece entitled Why I Won't Buy UNICEF Holiday Cards. It's pretty much a regurgitation of this article she wrote in 2010, and to which I responded here. Basically I said that her problem isn't with Unicef, it's with the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption, because she's protesting the subsidiarity principle, the idea that intercountry adoption is a last resort for children. Blaming Unicef is like blaming the police for enforcing a law you don't like.

Since I did a paragraph-by-paragraph rebuttal of this anti-Unicef stance before, I won't do it again. But I will note that I agree whole-heartedly with Dr. John Raible's reaction to the article:

Ever since I was a kid, when I would go “trick or treating for UNICEF” to collect spare change in one of those black and orange milk carton-like coin boxes, I have supported the work of UNICEF. I just took the time to read their position statement on international adoption for myself. Compared to the way the author of the above-mentioned article made the UNICEF statement sound, I found the actual statement both ethical and courageous. In contrast, the bombastic article comes off as polemical and whiny. It’s hard not to read the first article as the self-righteous outrage of an entitled Westerner whose “privilege” (to adopt whomever and whenever she chooses) is being threatened.

Indeed. And I think the feeling of entitlement that Dr. Raible notes must be pretty strong, since I noted it too in titling my previous post, "Get out of my way, I'm entitled to adopt!"

And while you're thinking about whether to support Unicef, think about these facts: Unicef has vaccinated over half the world's children against deadly diseases (in China alone, my children's home country, in September, Unicef vaccinated over 100,000 children against measles), provided clean drinking water to 1.2 billion people since 1990, and currently in the famine-ravaged Horn of Africa, Unicef is the main provider of therapeutic food. What has Unicef done in your child's country of origin? Unicef may be the reason he or she lived long enough to be adopted. . . .

So go out and buy Unicef cards, and send one to Andrea, care of the Washington Times!

Chinese adoptee, age 21, seeks birth parents

2011-12-11T19:27:00.001-06:00

From China Daily:
.

Ming Foxweldon, a student at the University of Vermont, came to Yunnan University in Southwest China's Yunnan province in June to study Chinese and look for her birth parents. She had been abandoned by them at birth in 1990 because her feet were slightly deformed, and she was adopted by a US couple as a 3-year-old at Kunming Orphanage.
"According to my orphanage records, I was born on Feb 4, 1990. But my presumed parents in Yunnan province told me I was born on Oct 19, 1990. Who is right? I don't know," She told China Daily.

* * *

"I have always wanted to know my past, my history, why I was given up, and how my parents are now," she said.

In June, she decided to come back to the land of her birth. Through a partnership between the University of Vermont and Yunnan University, she came to China, with the support of her US parents.

At first, she had difficulty getting information about her life in Yunnan. Kunming Orphanage could not give her any useful information about her life before she was adopted because of the lapse of time. She had nothing but some childhood photos and certificates of abandonment. And language also posed a barrier.

After a few months of fruitless effort, things took a turn in November when her teacher at Yunnan University told her story to Yunnan TV Station. Foxweldon was interviewed on Nov 23, and after the program was broadcast, villagers where she was supposedly born called the TV station, she said.

In late November, she went to Jiucheng village, Luxi county and met a couple who are likely to be her birth parents.

* * *

"That day around 20 years ago, we put the baby (Foxweldon) into a paper box on the side of the road that links Luxi to Kunming, the capital city of Yunnan province, and we hid at a distance. We didn't leave until we saw a vehicle with a plate registered in Kunming stop, a man get out, notice the baby in the box, and take it into the vehicle," He told the TV station. "We all prayed that the baby would have a good future."

Ballet Concerto Holiday Special

2011-12-09T22:07:00.001-06:00

Whew! It's been a busy couple of days after a busy couple of weeks. We've been preparing for performances in Ballet Concerto's Holiday Special. That means late nights of rehearsal after ballet classes, Saturday rehearsals that have me ferrying the girls between ballet and Chinese School, Sunday dress rehearsal at the studio and then dress rehearsal on stage Wednesday night, performance Thursday morning, and performances again Friday morning AND Friday evening!

Thursday morning's performance was especially exciting, with the power going out and staying out for over an hour! The event was sufficiently startling to make it a big story in the Star-Telegram:

Many performing arts organizations do shows for schoolchildren. It's good for outreach, community building and giving kids a glimpse of the arts. Hopefully they'll be interested enough to become patrons later in life, if not entertain artistic inclinations themselves. But Thursday morning, the full house of more than 2,000 bussed-in children for Ballet Concerto's "A Holiday Special" got an unexpected but equally important message about the arts: The show must go on.

Just before the show was to begin at 10 a.m., the electricity in Will Rogers Auditorium went out, triggering the safety lights at the front of the house. We later found out that there was an outage in the Cultural District.

About an hour later, the lights came back on, and a shortened version of the show (which was already to be trimmed from the program that will play for the public Friday night) started at 11:15. A few schools had already left, but the majority stayed, thanks to the artists stepping in and doing what comes naturally in such a situation: They entertained. The Ballet Concerto staff and helpers led the children in several rounds of carols, and then the dancers came out to demonstrate dance terms, technique and styles. They even invited some of the children onstage to participate. And then the star of the show, "Frosty the Snowman," was greeted by cheering children.

Of course, what the story doesn't mention is the kids stuck in the basement dressing rooms in the dark for most of that hour! And I was one of two moms responsible for keeping them entertained and calm! Whew!

Well, the show(s) did go on, with Zoe and Maya both shepherds in O Holy Night (that's Zoe seated second from the left in the photo above, and you can catch a glimpse of a quarter of Maya, the second standing child shepherd). Zoe was also an angel in the same ballet, but no pictures -- I was backstage during her performance with her shepherd costume so she could change in the wings. Her regular ballet classmates were all shepherds, but the director asked if she'd also be an angel in the upper level class, too. That's partly because Zoe is pretty good, and partly because she was available for the upper level class since Maya's ballet class is the same time so Zoe was always at the studio!

In addition to being a shepherd, like Zoe's class -- again, partly because she's good, and partly because she's there when Zoe's class is in session! -- Maya was a Frosty Kid in Memories of Frosty. That's her leading the other marchers in the picture below.

Both girls did a fantastic job (not that I'm prejudiced or anything!) and had a ball. And all I can say is thank goodness it's over!

Adoption as Plan B

2011-12-08T20:24:00.001-06:00

What do you think of this blog post at Coily Embrace?

[M]any women continue to delay motherhood and when asked “don’t you want children?” their thoughtful response is “One day, and if I can’t have my own, I’ll just adopt.”

“I’ll just adopt.” The way many women quickly say this makes it seem that they believe that adoption is both “easy” and a “back-up” plan. Neither which are quite true.

First, let’s consider adoption as a back-up plan. Bringing a child into your home, and into your life, to raise as your own should be Plan A. Always. Plans can change (and do all the time). But as you go down the road to adoption….that adoption, that child, that experience, should be the current Plan A. Adopting ‘simply’ because you couldn’t have your own children (as a Plan B) is a set up for heartache and suffering for everyone involved. It is important to make adoption your Plan A “before” deciding to adopt.

* * *

Thinking that adoption is a very “easy” Plan B to creating a family is misguided. The women who say “I’ll just adopt”demonstrate that they truly don't understand the complexities of the adoption process. The children who are seeking a family deserve to have parents who view them as “Plan A” and not as a “fall back” Plan B option because they chose to wait too long to have their own biological children.

Reactions?

8- & 10-year-old talk about racial slurs at school

2011-12-07T14:16:00.001-06:00

No, not my kids this time (mine are 8 & 11 now!). At Racialicious, an affecting video and transcript of two African-American boys talking about being called the n-word at school:

“Why’d you give that n***** your eraser?”
I send my two sons to school to learn, not so that they can be called racial slurs. But on Wednesday, a boy in 10-year-old Mr. O’s fifth grade class decided to make sure that the classroom was an extra welcoming learning environment. He posed the above question to another student, after that kid decided to give my son an eraser.
My son told me about it when I went to pick him up from his after school program and of course I was angry and upset, but I also felt numb. I am the mother of two black males in the United States. That means this is not the first time my boys have been called a racial slur.
I could write about how we are not post-racial and this is exhibit A of why I believe that racism is still America’s most vital and challenging issue. But it came to me that there’s something powerful about letting children–the most innocent of us all–share what it feels like to be called the n-word in class.
Last night I asked the boys if they’d like to talk about the racial slurs they’ve been called, and how it makes them feel. They were excited to share–we all know it’s cathartic to be able to share something painful that’s happened–and I’m glad that they know that they don’t have to keep the racism they face a secret or act like it’s not a big deal–or that it’s something they have to be ashamed of.
I filmed this interview with my boys before they went to sleep. . . .

Go watch. The most poignant moment for me is when mom asks if they are worried it will happen again, and the 8-year-old says, "Yes. Because I’ve already been called that so many times." It reminds me of Zoe's response when I told her I was so sorry a child at ballet had called her "Blackie" and said her skin looked dirty like it was covered with mud -- trying to make me feel better about it, she said, "I'm used to it." Like I said at the time, "How awful to be 8 years old and used to racial teasing and racial insults."

Adopt a Chinese Baby, Move to China

2011-12-07T08:17:00.001-06:00

CNNgo reports on adoptive families who are "prolonging 'root-seeking tours' into long-term stays in China for their adopted children:"

Guo Jiaming (郭家明), chief of Beijing-based adoption agency Love of Bridge, says his company began offering "root-seeking" services in 2009. The company has seen a growth in demand.

"Last year, 300-400 [international adoptive] families come to us for this service," says Guo.

For some families, however, a quick trip and tour are not enough. Some families are actually relocating to China, where their children can form balanced cultural identities and parents themselves can satisfy their own wanderlust.

* * *

Irish couple Ray Heraty and Sinead O’Donovan, both 39, were living in the United States when they began a three-year adoption process.

A China adventure grew appealing as they waited for their daughter, Jin, and was finalized when they picked her up in Nanchang at the end of 2008.

“Most of the other (adoptive parents) couldn’t wait to get out of China,” Heraty recalls of parents who waited with them in Guangzhou for their children’s immigrant visa. “We loved everything about it.”

Less than a year later, Heraty took a leave of absence from his job as a pilot and followed his wife’s work to China.

* * *

By living in China, they're hoping that a connection to the children’s home culture will give them a stronger sense of identity and self-worth.

“The whole issue of identity for adopted kids is really important,” Elizabeth says.

Since we moved to China for 5 months in 2007, not surprisingly, I think this is a great thing! Not that 5 months is really moving to China! We would like to do this again, and stay longer next time. I saw the first trip back as kind of a practice run, with the girls only 6 & 3, not quite knowing how we'd do without our usual support system. We loved every minute of it! I can't apply for another Fulbright grant for quite a while, so we'll have to find some other way to get back there. . . .

Here's our blog from that time: Xiamen Adventure.

The Indian Adoption Project

2011-12-06T17:23:00.001-06:00

This article at Indian Country Today discusses the First Nations Repatriation Institute’s second annual adult adoptees summit, and includes fascinating history as well as current effects of the federal Indian Adoption Project :

I’m an angry Indian,” Roger St. John, Sisseton Wahpeton Oyate, told the First Nations Repatriation Institute’s second annual adult adoptees summit. The elite panel included child-welfare specialists, judges, lawyers, community activists and scholars. The most important experts, according to the organization’s founder/director, Sandra White Hawk, Rosebud Sioux Tribe, were adult adoptees—such as St. John—who related their experiences at the three-day meeting at the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities in St. Paul.

“I’m more than glad to tell you I’m pissed off,” continued St. John, a 49-year-old truck driver with dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. “I was the youngest of 16 children, grabbed at the age of 4, along with three older brothers—no paperwork, nothing. The other kids in the family escaped because they took off.” Soon, St. John and his siblings ended up in New York City at Thanksgiving time. The year was 1966: “We were on the front page of the newspaper, along with lots of good talk about the holiday and adoption. We were brought up without our culture, which took a terrible toll on our lives. I grew up angry and miserable.”

* * *
At the summits and other events White Hawk has organized or spoken at since 2003, modern-day adoptees have recounted their dramatic life journeys, sometimes for the first time. “The stories vary from the most abusive to the most beautiful, but that’s not the point,” she said. “Even in loving families, Native adoptees live without a sense of who they are. Love doesn’t provide identity.”

“I never felt sorry for myself,” said St. John, “but if I ever got hurt, it wounded me to my soul, because I felt no one was there for me.” In recent years, he has found his birth mother and connected emotionally with his adoptive parents. “They were so young, in their 20s, when a priest convinced them to adopt four Sioux boys from South Dakota. It was too much—for all of us.”

Please read the whole thing -- I'm betting you'll learn some things you didn't know before.

A Verdict in the "Ultimate Disruption"

2011-12-05T21:45:00.001-06:00

After a slew of adoption disruption stories in the news, I posted the story of Kairissa Mark, a 4-year-old, 21-pound, special-needs adoptee from China, beaten to death by her adoptive mother (a pediatrician, of all things) 83 days after her adoption, as the "Ultimate Disruption."

On Friday, a jury convicted Dr. Mark of first degree murder, aggravated child abuse, and child abuse. The first degree murder conviction merits an automatic life sentence. The Tennessean paints the picture as the verdict was handed down:

A former Mt. Juliet pediatrician accused of killing her newly adopted 4-year-old daughter was sentenced to life in prison after a jury Friday found her guilty of first-degree murder and abuse charges.

Deborah Wen-Yee Mark, 40, slowly shrunk in her seat as the jury foreman read the verdict from each charge. First-degree murder? Guilty. Four counts of aggravated child abuse? Guilty. Child Abuse? Guilty.

With each charge, she sank lower until her head was resting on the table where she sat and her shoulders heaved with silent sobs. Courtroom deputies had to help her stand and walk out of the room after she was given an automatic life sentence in prison for the first-degree murder conviction. She’ll be sentenced separately on the other charges at a later date.

Wilson County Assistant District Attorney Tom Swink praised the verdict. “Kairissa Mark received justice today,” he said.

Kairissa's adoptive father still faces charges of child abuse, though Dr. Mark's defense was that it was he, not her, who struck the killing blows. The defense vows to appeal, including on the grounds that her lengthy confession was coerced and false.

Separation/Institutionalization Cause Genetic Changes

2011-12-05T13:50:00.001-06:00

MedicalXpress reports on a study of institutionalized children:

Published online in the current issue of Development and Psychopathology, the study reports differences in DNA methylation, one of the main regulatory mechanisms of gene expression, or genome functioning. The investigators compared two cohorts: 14 children raised since birth in institutional care and 14 children raised by their biological parents.

Senior author Elena Grigorenko, associate professor at the Yale Child Study Center, and her colleagues took blood samples from children aged 7 to 10 living in orphanages and children growing up in typical families in the northwest region of the Russian Federation. They then profiled the genomes of all the children to identify which biological processes and pathways might be affected by deprivation of parental attention and care.

The team found that in the institutionalized group, there was a greater number of changes in the genetic regulation of the systems controlling immune response and inter-cellular interactions, including a number of important mechanisms in the development and function of the brain.

"Our study shows that the early stress of separation from a biological parent impacts long-term programming of genome function; this might explain why adopted children may be particularly vulnerable to harsh parenting in terms of their physical and mental health," said Grigorenko. "Parenting adopted children might require much more nurturing care to reverse these changes in genome regulation."

That last quote from the head researcher is interesting -- it pegs the genetic effects to "the early stress of separation from a biological parent," not to the institutionalization. Sounds like their next step should be a study of children adopted as newborns and never institutionalized. . . .

Twice-Abandoned Triplets Feel Artyom's Pain

2011-12-04T16:47:00.001-06:00

Wow. What a story -- now-adult triplets adopted from a Latvian orphanage by an American, and returned there, alone on an airplane, just like Artyom. Two years later, they were adopted by a second American family:

Their mother told them they were going to Disney World.
She bundled the three children on a plane, all alone, and told them there would be someone there to meet them on the other side.
But when the plane landed, they were on the other side of the world. Returned, without explanation, to the Latvian orphanage where she had adopted them less than two years before. And there was no one waiting to meet them.
They were 9 years old.

* * *

That was almost 20 years ago. There was no international outcry over what had happened to them, none of the shocked news coverage like last year when an adoptive mother from Tennessee returned her 7-year-old son to Russia like a mail-order sweater that didn’t quite fit.
But if the Russian incident was a worst-case scenario for Tennessee international adoptions, Evalds, Inga and Ieva are the other side of the story.
Tennessee is where they finally came home, adopted at age 11 by John and Carole Bratcher of Murfreesboro, who had enough love and patience to convince three angry, wary children that this time they really were home and that this family was theirs forever.

* * *

The triplets turned 28 last week. Renamed Brendan, Catherine and Elizabeth, they’ve grown into smart, happy, poised adults who can talk frankly about the trauma they survived. The same trauma a little boy in Russia is living through right now.
“I wanted to reach through the TV and grab hold of him,” Brendan Bratcher said. “I would sit him down and tell him it’s going to be OK.”

Sisters of Charity Investigated for Adoption Trafficking

2011-12-04T16:15:00.001-06:00

The Sisters of Charity, known best for their most famous sister, Mother Teresa, has been accused (and one nun actually arrested and jailed) of selling babies into adoption in Sri Lanka, where the order runs a home for unwed mothers:

Sister Mary Eliza, from the Missionaries of Charity, has been in prison since Fraiday night accused of selling children. Since the congregation was founded, she is the first nun of Mother Teresa to be arrested. An anonymous tipoff informed police, which then burst into the Prem Nivesa of Moratuwa, a hostel for young unwed mothers run by the Sisters of Mother Teresa and arrested the nun. The hostel is now impounded. Sister Eliza, superior of Prem Nivesa, is now in jail at the Women’s Prison of Welikada, and has not been able to see a lawyer yet. Today, a judge is set to charge her formally with illegal trafficking in children.

Last Wednesday, a group of people led by Anoma Dissanayake, head of the National Child Protection Authority (NCPA), surrounded the Prem Nivesa hostel to examine the situation of the children and mothers living in the facility run by the Missionaries.

“Police and NCPA officials burst into the home at around 11 am, causing panic. They checked every nook and cranny in the facility and took away our files,” a nun told AsiaNews.

Two days later, on Friday evening, police agents took Sister Eliza and two nuns to a judge’s home. Sister Eliza was then taken by car to Welikada Prison, whilst the two other nuns were brought back to the convent.

“Police, NCPA officials and media rushed to our facility,” Sister Eliza said before her arrest. “They cross-examined the unwed mothers and took away many documents.”

“We have never been involved in child trafficking. It is against our faith,” she reiterated. “Our mission is to take care of unwed mothers and their children. We have never taken money for our work. Children are adopted in accordance with the law.”

The circumstances surrounding the arrest of Sister Eliza remain murky. Some local media accused the Sisters of “selling the future of the country to foreigners for few thousand rupees”.

This article is careful to exonerate adoptive parents:

The couple from America who were waiting for their turn at the Children’s Home in Rawatawatte were not at fault.

They wanted a baby with all their heart and they had gone through the correct process to get a child by contacting a ‘licenced adoption agency.’

They also had a receipt with them from an adoption agency called the New Horizon Adoption Agency which stated that they had paid U.S. dollars ten thousand. The adoption agency had a local representative here in Sri Lanka. However, disturbing is the fact the Sri Lankan representative received U.S. dollars 6,000; and the child was given from a home called Prem Niwasa which also includes the words Missionaries of Charity…

There were several people lined up when officials of the National Child Protection Authority, led by the Chairperson herself swooped in on Children’s Home Prem Niwasa in Rawathawatte on Wednesday, November 23 around 11 a.m. . The allegations were that this children’s home was playing ‘stork’ to many couples – at a price.

“At the time of our visit there were several couples with money in hand. We received two telephone calls on our hotline 1929 about this Home. But we decided to take action when a questionable incident occurred last week…” said an official of the National Child Protection Authority.

This article is a denial by the Sisters of Charity:

Representatives of the Missionaries of Charity said that they do not receive a cent for their services. On the contrary, a fourth vow taken by the Mother Teresa’s congregation is to give wholehearted service to the poorest of the poor.

In search for the other side of the story to our article last week titled ‘Baby Shop in Rawatawatte’ in which we reported the raid on Prem Niwasa carried out by the National Child Protection Authority; this writer met with representatives of the Catholic Archdiocese and representatives of Mother Theresa’s nuns on Wednesday at the Bishop’s House.

* * *
“Missionaries of Charity do not deal with money – for God provides…” was the opening sentence by Father Ivan Perera, Episcopal Vicar of the Archdiocese of Colombo.

And another article reports that Archbishop Cardinal Malcolm Ranjith Furious about the allegations against the nuns.

UPDATE 12.15.11: IBNLive reports that the Sisters have been cleared:

A Sri Lankan court today dropped charges of child trafficking against a Mother Teresa charity and released a senior nun, an Indian national, suspected of selling babies for adoption. Sister Mary Eliza the head of Missionaries of Charity convent was arrested late November for her failure to disclose an underage pregnancy at the Prem Children's Home at Moratuwa, a Colombo south suburb. The nun who hails from Kerala, was already on court bail. The Criminal Investigation Department, which questioned 55 people, concluded that there were no grounds to charge her with selling children or with failing to report under-age pregnancies. It said all adoption procedures run by the sisters were fully legal.

17-year-old's adoption story

2011-12-03T21:26:00.001-06:00

A nicely-done story (though why all these one-sentence paragraphs?!) of the adoption of a 17-year-old, reported by the Rio Grande Valley Monitor:

Leah Garcia, 18, feels like one of the lucky ones.

At 17, she had given up all hope of finding her forever family.

She worried what the future had in store for someone like her, who had no where to call home and no one to call a family.

Leah’s status as an adoptable child was coming to an end as she neared adulthood — at least in the eyes of the state.

Inside, she still felt like a scared child.

“Who would I turn to for support?” she constantly asked herself.

Her two younger siblings had already been adopted and after meandering through nearly 100 foster care homes since the age of 12, Leah was losing hope fast.

Her answer would come later at an adoption expo in Austin, where she met her adoptive parents Roxanne and Elias Garcia of Hidalgo.

The couple — a first-grade teacher and a police officer — immediately fell in love with the 17-year-old and went through the adoption process, which was expedited because of her age. A child in foster care can no longer be adopted once he or she turns 18.

“She brought a lot of joy to our home,” her mother Roxanne said. “We’re blessed to have her as our daughter.”

Colombia blocks gay father from taking legally adopted sons to U.S.

2011-12-02T21:56:00.001-06:00

From Colombia Reports:

Colombian authorities have denied a U.S. journalist the right to bring home two young Colombian boys he had legally adopted, after learning of his sexual orientation, according to La Semana magazine.

The authorites acknowledge that his sexuality was an issue but claim it was the that fact he kept it a secret from the children that they objected to -- a claim Chandler Burr says is totally false.

Speaking on CNN's American Morning on Wednesday, Burr -- a novelist, former New York Times columnist, and museum curator -- described his stuggle to get his boys back, after the adoption process was halted at the last minute.

The story began in 2009 when Burr travelled to Colombia and, through the Colombian Family Welfare Unit (ICBF), began the process of adopting the two boys, now aged 9 and 13. The institute approved the application, allowing the children to spend the summer of 2009 in New York.

It was only during the final preparations in May 2011 that problems arose. According to Burr, after mentioning his sexuality in an informal conversation, a lawyer representing the ICBF removed the children from his care and interrogated them on the issue, before notifying Burr that he would not be able to take them back to the U.S.

Responding to yesterday's CNN program with an interview on Caracol Radio, the new director of ICBF, Diego Molano, has defended the decision on the basis that the children have "a right to know who their father is", and that Mr. Burr had hidden this important information about his sexual orientation from them.

Mr. Burr says the children knew that he was gay and didn't have any problem with it. Burr reported, "When the lawyer asked them if they knew I was gay, my eldest son Brian, who is 13, responded 'I know and I don't care.'"

According to former judge Eduardo Montealegre, "Colombian law allows a single person to adopt a child. Furthermore, there is no prohibition or limitation restricting adoption based on the sexual orientation of the individual." In practice, however, adoption by gay men in Colombia is seldom allowed.

Burr has vowed to fight the Colombian authorities on the issue, claiming that his rights are being violated. The case is currently under review in the Constitutional Court.

An Adopted Not-Adopted Child

2011-12-01T11:21:00.001-06:00

The New York Times publishes the obituary of Judy Lewis, biological child of Loretta Young and Cary Grant, but who was passed off as the adopted daughter of Loretta Young.

Ms. Lewis, a former actress who died on Friday at the age of 76, was 31 before she discerned the scope of the falsehoods that cast her, a daughter of Hollywood royalty, into what she later described as a Cinderella-like childhood. Confronted by Ms. Lewis, Young finally made a tearful confession in 1966 at her sprawling home in Palm Springs, Calif.
Young was 22 and unmarried when she and Gable, 34 and married to Maria Langham, had their brief affair. She spent most of her pregnancy in Europe to avoid Hollywood gossip. Ms. Lewis was born on Nov. 6, 1935, in a rented house in Venice, Calif. Soon she was turned over to a series of caretakers, including St. Elizabeth’s Infants Hospital in San Francisco, so that Young could return to stardom.
When Ms. Lewis was 19 months old, her mother brought her back home and announced through the gossip columnist Louella Parsons that she had adopted the child.
Ms. Lewis grew up in Los Angeles, cushioned in the luxury of her mother’s movie-star lifestyle even as she endured what she later described as an outsider’s isolation within her family and the teasing of children at school.

I found this snippet particular poignant for an adopted not-adopted child:

In a 2001 interview on CNN with Larry King, Ms. Lewis recalled speaking to her mother about her early life.
"I was also asking her about being adopted,” she said, “as adopted children do. They say, ‘Where are my ... ’”
Mr. King interjected, “‘Who’s my mother?’”
“Yes,” Ms. Lewis said. “‘Who’s my mother? Who’s my father?’ And she would answer it very easily by saying, ‘I couldn’t love you any more than if you were my own child,’ which, of course, didn’t answer the question, but it said, ‘Don’t ask the question.’"

Wow.

Podcast: Exposing Corruption in International Adoption

2011-12-01T10:13:00.001-06:00

At the Chronicle of Philanthropy, a 20-minute podcast described as follows:

Tiny Spark is new podcast on the business of doing good. The first installment takes a look at corruption in international adoption and how it has caused problems despite the generous impulses of many parents. Amy Costello, a freelance reporter and radio producer, hosts and produces the program.

In the past decade, American parents have adopted some quarter of a million children from Cambodia, China, Ethiopia, Nepal, and elsewhere. And in all of these countries and others, fraud has been uncovered.

Pressure from children's advocates and others are leading to changes. But problems persist.
For insights about how the process of trying to place needy children in good homes can go so wrong, Ms. Costello talks with Jennifer Hemsley, who spent years trying to figure out whether a child she tried to adopt from Guatemala had been kidnapped from her birth parents.

She also interviews Erin Siegal, author of the new book, Finding Fernanda, a new investigative account of international corruption in the adoption system in Guatemala.

There's also a podcast about nonprofits that focus on international adoption, which cites that the international adoption process to the U.S. brings at least $250 million a year -- at least without blackmarket adoption considered. In considering the global international adoption market, it cites $1 billion a year.

South Korea Adoption: Two Articles

2011-12-01T10:00:00.001-06:00

Two interesting articles out recently:

From the AsiaSentinal, South Korea's Baby Mill:

Despite having one of the world’s lowest birthrates and the 14th-largest economy, South Korea is a major source of infants adopted internationally each year.

As the country has grown richer, its total fertility rate has fallen to the lowest level in the industrialized world, from more than six babies per mother in 1960 to 1.15 today, far below the accepted replacement level of 2.1 per mother, according to figures supplied by the World Bank. Despite that, there seems little impetus to keep its adoptable children at home.

Many factors are at work that lead to South Korean babies being adopted, both domestically and abroad.

From the Korea Times, Adoption Quota Leaves Behind Disabled & Male Children:

"In domestic adoption, more than 70 percent are girls. Boys and disabled children may have to find homes abroad, or may have to be transferred to institutions if we would ever fail to send them for overseas adoptions for the reason of government policy."

Lee [Myung-woo, from Holt International] was referring to the Korean government's adoption quota system introduced in 2007, which limits and lowers the number of Korean children adopted by foreign families. In hopes of encouraging domestic adoption, the policy dictates that internationally permitted adoptions be reduced 10 percent annually with the ultimate goal of eliminating all foreign adoptions.

"But now with the quota system, this baby [a boy with Down Syndrome] has no chance of being adopted," Holt said. "We've already reached our foreign quota for this year."

Missing Limbs, Empty Boxes

2011-11-30T21:27:00.001-06:00

Zoe's class did a project about family in their Religion workbooks yesterday. They were to fill out a family tree form -- mother's side, father's side. And then there were boxes in which they were asked to put traits they had inherited from their parents. Great. THIS again.

Zoe filled out the mother's side of the family tree, and left the father's side blank. She showed her tree to the boy sitting next to her, and complained to him that her family tree was dull since she didn't have a dad. He was puzzled: "You don't have a dad?" Nope. He didn't get it: "How can you not have a dad?!" Zoe didn't really explain it, saying, "I just don't."

Then Zoe went to talk to her teacher, asking what she should do about the boxes for inherited traits, since "I wasn't born from my mom." Now, this is something her teacher knows, that Zoe's adopted. How could he not know, right, since she's Chinese and I'm not?! He told her to fill in the boxes based on "ancestors she knows." I think he might have been trying to tell her to fill it in based on her adopted family, but I'm not sure. Zoe didn't take it that way, explaining that she didn't know anything about her ancestors. Next her teacher told her to just "do what you know." Zoe left the boxes blank, since what she knows about her biological family is nothing.

Why do schools keep having these projects???? This one isn't even a science lesson, isn't really teaching genetics or biological inheritance! It's RELIGION, for God's sake!!!! And of course there's no warning for the parents that this is coming up, no way to give the teacher a head's up that maybe this project is problematic for adopted kids who have no information about their biological parents. Like they need a head's up to avoid projects that make any child in the classroom feel excluded, abnormal, less than.

Did it bother Zoe? She says no, but I don't believe her. The first thing she did after school yesterday? She pulled out a big piece of paper and markers, and made an elaborate family tree, including every relative she could think of, including her birth parents. And she filled the entire page with family and color and design. No more dull family tree for her. No more missing limbs. No more empty boxes.

Little Dragon Tales: Chinese Children's Songs

2011-11-29T13:11:00.001-06:00

Shanghai Restoration Project has a new album, downloadable from iTunes and Amazon, Little Dragon Tales: Chinese Children's Songs. It's billed as classic Chinese children's songs with a modern twist, and you can see from the video above that the children singing in it are as cute as their voices! I recognize most of the songs on the album from my kids' oh-so-many years in Chinese School, so I suppose it really is CLASSIC Chinese children's songs!

h/t Angry Asian Man

This is What National Adoption Month is Really About

2011-11-29T09:27:00.001-06:00

It isn't about getting a healthy, white newborn as quickly as you can, or about adopting from China or Ethiopia or Haiti or Russia. Not saying anything's wrong with that, it's just not what National Adoption Month is about. National Adoption Month was conceived to highlight the outrageously high number of children in foster care who need permanent families. And the centerpiece of National Adoption Month is National Adoption Day:

National Adoption Day is a collective national effort to raise awareness of the more than 107,000 children in foster care waiting to find permanent, loving families. This one day has made the dreams of thousands of children come true by working with policymakers, practitioners and advocates to finalize adoptions and find permanent, loving homes for children in foster care. In total, more than 35,000 children have been adopted from foster care on National Adoption Day.

And I am proud to say that students at my law school volunteer each year to help finalize adoptions from foster care during National Adoption Day:

Teddy bears, children’s books and balloons filled the courtrooms of the Tarrant County Family Law Center during National Adoption Day. Fifteen Texas Wesleyan School of Law students participated in the event, held on Friday, Nov. 18, 2011, at the Family Law Center in downtown Fort Worth.Forty-one children in Tarrant County were adopted by 30 families. Since 2000, more than 35,000 children nationwide have had their adoptions finalized on National Adoption Day.. . .[Judge] Boyd also recognized the contributions of the students at Texas Wesleyan School of Law who volunteer their time to assist the lawyers. “Every year [the students] have worked with National Adoption Day, and this is a wonderful opportunity for students who will become new lawyers to get their first experience in a courthouse.”The law school students, who worked with mentor lawyers throughout the fall semester to prepare the adoptions, stood with the children and their new families as the adoptions were finalized before a judge.

Gotta love feel-good stories about lawyers and law students!(Um. And maybe this is a good time to mention that the views expressed at this blog are solely my own and not those of my employer!)

Review: Finding Fernanda

2011-11-28T08:22:00.001-06:00

The Christian Science Monitor reviews Erin Seigal's book, Finding Fernanda, about Guatemalan adoption corruption:

This well-researched examination of international adoption captures a world of inexplicable actions – some based on religious faith and others purely criminal – through thoughtful detail and an engaging narrative. Siegal began this work as a master’s project for her graduate degree in journalism, working with documents obtained through the Freedom of Information Act, leaked e-mails, and sources in the US and Guatemalan governments. “Finding Fernanda” – released just in time for National Adoption Month and which Siegal has published at her own expense – reads like a mystery novel, but the facts it reveals are hauntingly true.

In 2006, Mildred Alvarado was a struggling single mother living outside Guatemala City, one of the poorest and most dangerous cities in the Western Hemisphere. Betsy Emanuel was a devout Christian living in rural Tennessee with a house full of kids between the ages of 1 and 19 years old, a loving husband, and a pony in the backyard. Siegal frames her investigation into Guatemalan adoption around the palpable love both Alvarado and Emanuel have for their children and their faith in God. Despite their myriad differences, Alvarado and Emanuel share an ability to see the very best in people: a characteristic that made them vulnerable to deceit – but eventually also served to bring them together in search of a young child they both claimed as their own.

* * *

Siegal weaves the history of Guatemala and international adoption into her narrative, explaining how a system as seemingly altruistic as adoption could tumble into such criminality and corruption. US families began adopting from Guatemala in the 1980s, at the height of a violent civil war that left many children orphaned. Adoption proved a great source of revenue for the economically deflated country and – unfortunately – Guatemalan children became commodities.

The Bad Economy's Effect on Adoption Placement?

2011-11-28T07:03:00.000-06:00

From the Oklahoman:

Nationwide, about 134,000 domestic adoptions were reported in 2007, according to the most recent figures available from the National Council for Adoption. That's a 3 percent increase from just five years before.

The economy has affected birth parents in complex ways, said Frank Garrott, president of the Gladney Center for Adoption, a national and international adoption agency based in Fort Worth, Texas.

“It's really hard to define that trend,” Garrott said. “Certainly the economy does come into play with some young women and their families make that decision. At the same time, we kind of see a counter-trend. As some young women get into a situation where they're really struggling and they are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, that baby is the one thing that really gives them hope. ... It may not be a trend at all.”

But the face of families involved in the adoption process is changing a bit, Garrott said.

As adoption has become a more socially acceptable option, more families with children are looking to adoption as a solution for unplanned pregnancies.

“To me, that's so sad,” he said. “That couple knows the joy of parenting firsthand. To make that incredibly painful decision that one more child in the family is going to sink them, it's so painful when you think about putting yourself in their shoes.”

In recent years, birth mothers seeking help from Deaconess are a little older than in the past, McCool said. Most are in the 25- to 34-year-old age bracket. Several are married. Some already have children.

Obese Child Removed from Family & Placed in Foster Care

2011-11-27T21:28:00.001-06:00

Remember a couple of months ago the story from England of children being removed from their parents and placed for adoption because they were obese? Couldn't happen in America, right? Or maybe it could:

An 8-year-old Cleveland Heights boy was taken from his family and placed in foster care last month after county case workers said his mother wasn't doing enough to control his weight.

At more than 200 pounds, the third-grader is considered severely obese and at risk for developing such diseases as diabetes and hypertension.

But even though the state health department estimates more than 12 percent of third-graders statewide are severely obese -- that could mean 1,380 in Cuyahoga County alone -- this is the first time anyone in the county or the state can recall a child being taken from a parent for a strictly weight-related issue.

* * *

Cuyahoga County does not have a specific policy on dealing with obese children. It removed the boy because case workers considered this mother's inability to get her son's weight down a form of medical neglect, said Mary Louise Madigan, a spokeswoman for the Department of Children and Family Services.

They said that the child's weight gain was caused by his environment and that the mother wasn't following doctor's orders -- which she disputes.

"This child's problem was so severe that we had to take custody," Madigan said. The agency worked with the mother for more than a year before asking Juvenile Court for custody of the child, she said.

Lawyers for the mother, a substitute elementary school teacher who is also taking vocational school classes, think the county has overreached in this case by arguing that medical conditions the boy is at risk for -- but doesn't yet have -- pose an imminent danger to his health.

They question whether the emotional impact of being yanked from his family, school and friends was also considered.

* * *

Arthur Caplan, a professor of bioethics and medical ethics at the University of Pennsylvania, said that before a trend of removing children takes hold, the broader public-policy issue needs to be explored.

"A 218-pound 8-year-old is a time bomb," Caplan acknowledged. "But the government cannot raise these children. A third of kids are fat. We aren't going to move them all to foster care. We can't afford it, and I'm not sure there are enough foster parents to do it. "
He said he is worried that the families with the fewest resources, which are often minorities, will end up being ones with their children removed.
Caplan said one could get ethical whiplash in a world where one arm of government is so concerned about a child's weight that it removes him from his home, while another branch of government argues that french fries and tomato paste on pizza should be counted as servings of vegetables.

What do you think? Should obese children be removed when the parents are not successful in getting them to lose weight?