tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post973924711447027596..comments2024-02-27T00:41:15.985-06:00Comments on AdoptionTalk: The Sibling Questionmalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-66092643341441824832008-08-26T22:19:00.000-05:002008-08-26T22:19:00.000-05:00Wow, Dee, I can only imagine the pain your daughte...Wow, Dee, I can only imagine the pain your daughter and you are experiencing. Thanks for sharing.malindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-23428882579248137382008-08-26T19:57:00.000-05:002008-08-26T19:57:00.000-05:00Thank you for sharing this, it makes a lot of sens...Thank you for sharing this, it makes a lot of sense to me. I agree that the two child policy is most likely the case in Guiping and the surrounding area and we have talked about that as well. M is the same, she just cannot cope with that at some level right now. I think, as Dee said, that it is just too much grief to think that maybe her birthparents kept another child and not her. We are as neutral as we can be and M has come to her own conclusion with what works for her (and this has changed a couple of times) and believing her abandonment was due to medical issues gets her through and makes it okay. <BR/>When we first arrived home and for about a year (she was 25 months at adoption) she and we focused on her foster mother (we keep contact) and then added her birthfamily to her story in a more concrete way (we always had included them in the story, but she really didn't want to hear it). She provides us cues and we work within the context of her questions, her lack of sleep, her change of attitude, by the books she chooses to read, and her play in the ways we discuss adoption. Two years later we are in a place that she includes them in our conversations and has really "ranked" them in a family heirarchy--all her doing. When she is having a struggle she doesn't want to know them, but when she finds her balance again she wants to find them and ask them their name--btw, she has made up names for them. <BR/><BR/>On a similar note, tonight she picked "Motherbridge of Love" and at the end wanted to know why they didn't talk about her birthfather. I asked her if she wished they had and she said yes, so I said we will look for a bf/af book or make one ourselves. She was happy and said thanks and then off to bed.<BR/><BR/>***When we head your way I will let you know!Jeff and Madelinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07330454830153579449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-27542976164902166362008-08-25T21:40:00.000-05:002008-08-25T21:40:00.000-05:00I think her reaction is normal, and it's really go...I think her reaction is normal, and it's really good to see it. When I told my daughter recently she has siblings from her father she had NO reaction. She was taken from her birthmom at age 6, and just can't process the grief of it. She's numb. We are in therapy. Zoe's reaction is more healthy. You are wise to open a dialogue about it.<BR/>DeeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com