tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post9113960625781310570..comments2024-02-27T00:41:15.985-06:00Comments on AdoptionTalk: Review: Wo Ai Ni Mommymalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comBlogger57125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-14640252380268882882011-02-09T10:46:50.487-06:002011-02-09T10:46:50.487-06:00Love this post. Tomorrow my husband and I will lea...Love this post. Tomorrow my husband and I will leave for Beijing to adopt our first child, Dang Tian Ai who will be known as Tian Aiden Stevens. He is 8 years old. Luckily, after our adoption paperwork went through we were able to get him in an English speaking expat family foster home 6 months prior to our arrival. We have participated on skype, sent gifts, emails, pics, and videos while he was in the foster home. He also attended and English speaking school. I have EVERY intention in keeping his Chinese language and culture an active part of his life. We have a local chinese community that provide chinese language/culture classes weekly and will be attending those. We will also switch churchs to attend a chinese church. One thing that moved me and is powerful and so true....we require these children to change everything......why can we not meet them half way or more than half way....they never asked to be orphans...Thank you for the reminder as we embark on bring home our CHINESE-AMERICAN son!!!The Stevenshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09271783800621801125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-50821385456759428692010-11-15T10:16:17.788-06:002010-11-15T10:16:17.788-06:00I was curious this morning to read what I could fi...I was curious this morning to read what I could find on the internet about "Wo Ai Ni Mommy" because the film was presented to a large group of Chinese adoptive parents at an event this past Saturday in Connecticut, and the majority of the audience was appalled by the seemingly heartless manner in which Ms. Sadowsky treated Faith. <br /><br />I am pleased that Donna Sadowsky and some of her friends have posted their "side" of the story and relieved to hear that they feel the film was not an entirely accurate portrayal of their cumulative experience. <br /><br />The moments that are included in the film may well have been taken out of some type of context, but, if so, there are so many moments that are very disturbing to those of us who have adopted that I would honestly consider suing the filmmaker for defamation of character. This film is going to be 'out there' and available for a very long time, and as such could have emotional ramifications for the entire Sadowsky family, and most importantly for Faith. <br /><br />If this film is inaccurate, then it almost seems that, consciously or unconsciously, it was the filmmaker's intent with the editing to portray "the villainous, insensitive families that are stealing away the Chinese children," and I am sure (or I certainly hope) that that is not what is going on in the Sadowsky family on a day-to-day basis.<br /><br />I'm an adoptive parent, and a pretty 'strict' parent, but I still found this film, overall, to be a very disturbing, heartwrenching film to watch.Susannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-77653217303688077352010-09-10T03:34:43.314-05:002010-09-10T03:34:43.314-05:00I couldn't agree more with the last few posts,...I couldn't agree more with the last few posts, if the film maker left out many important parts of your story, then that is on her. People are going to draw their own conclusions from watching. You and your friends are not going to be there with everyone watching this across America to explain the background.<br /><br />If the point of a documentary is not clear ("language acquisition") or if the way the film is constructed interferes with that point being made, who is to blame ~ the people watching or the film maker?<br /><br />I can undertand at being upset at being portrayed in a harsh light, but can you really criticize adoptees and adoptive parents for what they actually saw in the film?<br /><br />Unfortunately, I think while the film maker had very good intentions and clearly cares about your family, she was hampered by at least two things 1) a lack of real knowledge and lived, ongoing experience in the adoption community, 2) being a relatively new film maker and falling into the trap that many writers, artists, film makers do ~ confusing the vision in their head with what's actually been created.<br /><br />The film maker was not able to really see what was on the screen because it was so blocked by the vision in her head. She was not able to see the narrative that had actually been created on the film and did not have enough knowledge of adoption and the adoption community to understand why and how there would be adoptive parents and adoptees that would find it upsetting. <br /><br />Despite the unncecessary attack on Malinda and Peaches, you've cleared some things up. Hopefully PAPs that would wrongly take their cues only from what was shown in the film will come across your comments and know there's a whole lot more that goes into it!<br /><br />Best of luck to your family!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-15179191317760653372010-09-09T10:15:17.199-05:002010-09-09T10:15:17.199-05:00Reading through all these comments-- especially Do...Reading through all these comments-- especially Donna's now gives me the impression that the director shooting the film didn't do a very good job-- or the film should not really be billed as an Adoption Film so much as a language acquisition film.<br /><br />I didn't really care for the film when I watched it and I still don't care for it-- but now I have a different reason for not liking the film.Reenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07119020258638171080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-28172854908178768012010-09-08T23:06:10.940-05:002010-09-08T23:06:10.940-05:00We are in the process of adopting our third child,...We are in the process of adopting our third child, an older girl like Faith with some special medical needs. We certainly are grateful for this family's willingness to let us learn from/with them. I found the family to be very responsible and loving and yet, Mom had a patterned response of placing logic before emotion, which is a parenting challenge I see everyday as a family therapist. May I recommend to Mom and (to all of us Moms and Dads) the book "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child" by John Gottman. This book is not written specifically for adoption issues, but certainly helps all of us with learning to recognize and honor emotional experiences in our children. I kept thinking, "Oh, gosh, I wish I could show Donna a couple of pages from this book that might inspire her to use a little different approach..."<br />Thanks again for sharing!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-36606152249141668242010-09-04T03:05:41.366-05:002010-09-04T03:05:41.366-05:00I must definately agree with melinda, the 76 min f...I must definately agree with melinda, the 76 min film was all we had to go on to walk away with any type of feeling, and the film, for some one who does not know you and your journey personally outside of the film, did not portray you in the best light. It made it look as though you didn't appreciate faiths difficulty with the language and relished in the fact that she was loosing her identify when she couldn't communicate with her foster sister, it also made it appear that you were searching for easy answers and was frustrated when you didn't get them from the therapist. Your were able to clear up alot of things here that were not shown in the movie. Giving the movie a review it makes it seem like you were treating faith more like a newly adopted family pet. With the name change and the shoving english down her throat. Because you can love a dog very much. After reading what you wrote here it shows that your actually put in alot more work then what what shown .so melinda is correct, if you take offense to anything it should be whoever edited the film, because they made you and your husband come off as well intentioned but naive and ignorant, and also insensitive to your daughters plight, they was definately the risk you ran by putting everything you had on the table, and then allowing someone else to cut and paste it to tell the story they wanted.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08177272192127856815noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-21315797717298388112010-09-03T20:20:55.046-05:002010-09-03T20:20:55.046-05:00I stopped watching the documentary, I did not find...I stopped watching the documentary, I did not find it heartwarming at all. If Donna Sadowsky was portrayed negatively (I certainly hope that was the case!!!) then that is a shame and certainly detracts from the documentary's credibility. I switched it off when Faith was crying at leaving her foster family. It was just too painful. I have thought of international adoption but now I feel like another naive American, hoping to save an orphan when staying in her culture and community might be best for her development and happiness. I feel this especially when there are so many foster kids here who need loving homes. I have volunteered with foster kids and have seen this firsthand.<br /><br />If anything, the documentary demonstrated that the issues in international adoption, especially with an older child, are anything but simple.Basianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-75805182477450655862010-07-17T10:42:29.614-05:002010-07-17T10:42:29.614-05:00Some food for thought:
At the screening I attended...Some food for thought:<br />At the screening I attended, I met a 12 year old girl from Russia and her mother. They had been joined as a family just 2 years before. <br /><br />Both the mother and the daughter were moved and thrilled by the film. They both found it very meaningful and nostalgic to watch another family go through the same (yet some different) issues. The mother confided in me that it was cathartic for her to see that Donna and Jeff made some mistakes but still did a wonderful job as parents. It gave her hope that her mistakes were normal too. <br /><br />The daughter (albeit in a typical 12 year old way) said that seeing someone else go through what she had, despite the age difference and the country difference made her feel less alone.<br /><br />So at least two people found that film as meaningful and important as I did. I suspect many more people feel the same.Carol W.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02818049012268748436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-16177958141444079972010-07-16T23:08:51.174-05:002010-07-16T23:08:51.174-05:00I'd just like to clarify the obvious: this is...I'd just like to clarify the obvious: this is a BLOG. The review stated here is one person's opinion. Although Malinda clearly gives research oriented data and links on a regular basis, she also regularly states what she thinks. Isn't that what blogging is all about?<br /><br />A journal is more likely to have a need for great accuracy. <br /><br />Honestly, if I were Malinda and this were MY blog I would delete off all the personal attacks. But clearly, this is a woman who believes EVERYONE should share their opinion. That is the spirit of her blog. If you know her blog, then you'll know she is also here to grow and learn. <br /> <br />Not everyone agrees?<br />Get a blog then, and write about it!No Bamboozle https://www.blogger.com/profile/07931712484017829352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-82945520778364634562010-07-16T06:36:05.010-05:002010-07-16T06:36:05.010-05:00Malinda,
This is about a review where in you exp...Malinda, <br /> This is about a review where in you expressed an opinion (your right!) that was based on certain assumptions and projections that you now know to be in error. You have been given a lot more information by a variety of people who know the facts first hand, and we're not into conspiracy on LI so it's unlikely that' we're all making it up. So the question is not, "why can't we tolerate your opinion?" but "are you big enough to admit you might have made a mistake?" That's the big thing to do.<br />Jennifer WAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-81045919924806017672010-07-13T17:29:07.974-05:002010-07-13T17:29:07.974-05:00I have no idea what I wrote that makes you think m...I have no idea what I wrote that makes you think my tolerance ends with a differing opinion!! If anything, I wrote that you, or anyone else for that matter, are entitled to your own opinion. I mean that sincerely, with no sarcasm intended. All I did was present another side of the adoption story, and ask people to have an open mind while viewing this documentary. IMHO, it seems more like certain people want to argue for the sake of arguing. I enjoy a good discussion that is fair and respectful. I didn't get that feeling here...And I don't have the desire or time to argue with anyone!Kathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-36102463776652179702010-07-13T15:39:33.971-05:002010-07-13T15:39:33.971-05:00Just want to agree with Malinda that if you're...Just want to agree with Malinda that if you're going to put yourself out there, expect to be excoriated by members of the adoption community if there is anything in the piece that could be looked at from a contrary perspective. It's happened to all of us. That is just the name of the game with adoption. Someone's win is another person's loss. Someone's attempt to do the right thing reeks of privilege and entitlement to somebody else. The inspirational? (wasn't that the word someone used?) Heck, it may actively disgust and turn off some people. Can't fight that one.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-17752842849294075432010-07-13T15:02:54.319-05:002010-07-13T15:02:54.319-05:00Thanks for chiming in, Kathy, and recognizing that...Thanks for chiming in, Kathy, and recognizing that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But strangely it seems that if that opinion differs from yours, your tolerance ends! You might want to ask yourself the same questions you pose to me: "Where is your open mind, your tolerance, your acceptance of difference?"malindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-44143176773644872312010-07-13T13:33:24.967-05:002010-07-13T13:33:24.967-05:00Sandy, I can only speak for myself, but I can tell...Sandy, I can only speak for myself, but I can tell you that I EXPECT my daughters to feel the losses you mentioned. I cannot take that away, I can only help them get through it and cope with it the best they can. In my household, it has never been swept under the rug and it never will be. Should my daughter's choose to return to China to try and find out some of those answers, I will move heaven and earth to help them and be beside them when they do, if they choose. <br /><br />Donna SadowskyDonnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12681172814385242473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-11725159868887056922010-07-13T12:05:19.406-05:002010-07-13T12:05:19.406-05:00I do not understand why some parents cannot wrap t...I do not understand why some parents cannot wrap their heads around the fact that...<br /><br />You can be happy and have the best and healthiest relationship with your adopted family and be positive and joyfull and love one another.<br /><br />And still...<br /><br />Have negative feelings about being adopted, feel the loss, fears, trust, indentity confusion which would be compounded by far in loosing your family, nation, culture and language.<br /><br />Adoptees can live with both sets of feelings and parents need to recognise that both can exist simultaneously and coexist within ones soul.<br /><br />But yet instead of discussing how to ensure your children know you see and recognise these feelings and do not dismiss them as wrong - they are swept under the rug? Talk about denial. I'd rather talk. Talk heals, denial and silence dismisses.Sandynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-16844599875447207332010-07-13T10:55:08.245-05:002010-07-13T10:55:08.245-05:00Malinda,
You have made quite a few errors...from...Malinda, <br /><br />You have made quite a few errors...from the name of the Sadowsky family to Amanda Baden's ethnicity...Chinese, not Korean. You clearly did not like the film--fine, it's your opinion. Everyone has different reactions based on their own experiences, as well as the simple and obvious fact that every CHILD and every adoption is different. Faith is being raised in a multicultural area of New York. She attends Chinese school, FCC functions, and culture camps. There are Chinese role models in her life. I adopted an 11 year old last fall from China. I was inspired to adopt an older child because of Donna, Faith, and their family. Has my daughter also said she wanted to go back to China...yes! She is human and gets sad and frustrated, as we all do. As much as I loved being in China, I wanted to come back to the US-my home and the place where I am most comfortable. Now I am finding that my daughter's life in China was not very good-she has opened up about many things that she didn't want to tell or didn't have the language to tell 8 months ago. Are the older kids forgetting some Chinese? Yes-it's hard to be immersed in English, work hard to learn English, and still maintain perfect Chinese. We,( Donna's and I and everyone I know in FCC-Long Island) as parents, are doing our best. Our children are doing their best. I can tell you from personal experience that our kids are healthy and happy. They are being raised by parents who love them and will do anything for them. We pride ourselves on being educated and sensitive regarding adoption issues, and we have a HUGE support system through the FCC. Many of us stay in touch with China...we write, Skype, call, and will eventually return with our children to China. Our daughters can do whatever they want with their lives...this would not have been possible for older, SN kids in China. BTW, our kids WANT to be Chinese-AMERICAN. They want to eat and dress and listen to music and play video games like their American family and friends. I urge everyone to see this beautiful documentary...take what you like and leave the rest. I am hearing so many unfavorable comments, that I wonder how the negative emotions affect your families. Where is your open mind, your tolerance, your acceptance of difference? These things transcend race and ethnicity...it's part of being in the HUMAN race!Kathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-24379700379758602052010-07-12T22:36:18.471-05:002010-07-12T22:36:18.471-05:00Dear Donna,
I obviously don't know you at all,...Dear Donna,<br />I obviously don't know you at all, so when I saw the film I was simply writing my own reaction to it as an adult adoptee. The lens I saw the film was different and the comments I made about the way the adoption was handled and the documentary spoke more towards the lack of societal understanding and pre- and post-adoptive preparation and lack thereof given by the adoption industry. It is a tragedy for adoptees and I am so thankful for adoptive parents who are beginning to see this and become active in changing it. I feel as though adoptive parents, birth families, and adoptees are all fed wrong information about adoption by the agencies andprofessionals who make their living doing adoption...and we all suffer for it. That is where my anger lies. I'm sorry if it sounded directly towards you, because it wasn't.Peachhttp://www.PeachNeitherHereNorThere.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-34814224624294018082010-07-12T20:23:33.606-05:002010-07-12T20:23:33.606-05:00Donna:
I hope that you did not view my comments a...Donna:<br /><br />I hope that you did not view my comments as any criticism of your husband. It is apparent from the documentary that he is a very loving father, and that he and Faith have a tremendous bond.<br /><br />My comments were more of a general observation that the role of fathers is rarely discussed in discussions about adoption.Stevenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-7977964096047170722010-07-12T16:03:47.723-05:002010-07-12T16:03:47.723-05:00Dr. Baden is actually adopted from Hong Kong, not ...Dr. Baden is actually adopted from Hong Kong, not Korea.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-35730851911754480482010-07-12T12:35:34.837-05:002010-07-12T12:35:34.837-05:00Jennifer W asks: "so how does being condemned...Jennifer W asks: "so how does being condemned for a fractional aspect of your life feel?"<br /><br />Par for the course, that's how it feels. Happens all the time when you put your life out there in movie or blog form. I've been blogging for over 2 years (at this blog), and I'm quite comfortable with being judged, because I know what the truth is and know that what is being judged is what I put out there, not necessarily what is. I don't feel the need to defend my life, because the blog isn't my life. And I find that my friends get more upset about what people say about me than I do!<br /><br />Only way to handle it is to have a sense of humor about it all, and to avoid being defensive. Because having made the decision to put myself out there, I really can't complain, now can I?malindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-41744913249901685852010-07-12T12:31:06.212-05:002010-07-12T12:31:06.212-05:00Donna, I'm sorry you thought I "villified...Donna, I'm sorry you thought I "villified" YOU in this review. Nowhere did I say you were evil. If the film failed to reflect your many many attempts to prepare for the adoption, etc., your complaint is with the filmmaker, not me. Re-read the review and you'll see three places where I mentioned anything the adoptive parents did or failed to do. The rest of what I talked about is what has become a "normal" incident of adoption -- the requirement that the child adapt, which leads to losses and identity issues. My harshest words were reserved for the officials in China and adoption as currently practiced.<br /><br />I'm also sorry you think the movie only has "one" point that you feel I've missed. I'd say the film was susceptible to MANY interpretations.<br /><br />Again, thanks for commenting.malindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-75350406688842558782010-07-12T12:18:00.537-05:002010-07-12T12:18:00.537-05:00I know everyone has different opinions in life and...I know everyone has different opinions in life and nothing I say will change your mind and I really don't care to, you are entitled to your own opinion. I just had to say, you've obviously missed the point of this film.The Shea Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04442124201467290730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-83709752638009802082010-07-12T10:13:23.703-05:002010-07-12T10:13:23.703-05:00Malinda,
I did not use the word "adoptee&quo...Malinda,<br /><br />I did not use the word "adoptee". Peaches is obviously angry, quite venomous towards me, actually. Reasoning with someone who is set in their ways is near impossible. That has nothing to do with whether or not she was adopted. I don't dismiss older adoptee's anger, as a matter of fact I try and gain as much knowlege as I can to try and prevent my daughters from having the same anger. I have attended several AKA panels to try and make sure that I don't make some of the same mistakes that adoptive parents have made in the past. I don't dismiss my daughter's anger about anything. I NEVER made light of what she was feeling, still don't. We have open dialogue about her adoption and any other problems that come up and would have no problem seeking professional help if necessary. As far as the language thing goes, even if I was aware from the beginning that Faith's main language was in cantonese, there are not many options if any, for learning cantonese in this area. There is also NO way that anyone could learn cantonese in 6 months, just as I knew that my daughter wouldn't be fluent in english just because I used some flash cards. I was merely trying to teach her some simple basic words to communicate her needs. I also never relied on agency information. I'm well aware of the shortcomings of adoption agencies and the lack of information that prepares families for adoption. I am truly sorry that you missed the point of this film and chose to villify me instead. I do apologize for the multiple posts. I'm not sure why my response was posted so many times. DonnaDonnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12681172814385242473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-48402572080742653272010-07-12T10:00:18.978-05:002010-07-12T10:00:18.978-05:00TeeHee - so how does being condemned for a fractio...TeeHee - so how does being condemned for a fractional aspect of your life feel? How about cutting the same slack you expect to others? And since you know all about subtractive bilingualism (and clearly many, many of your pc'er commenters do not, so you are not doing the job at passing on the knowledge) do you not clarify what was happening to Faith, rather than being "saddened" and judging?<br />PS I am annon only because the new computer will not recognize my password, grr.<br />Jennifer WAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-2087501976821714762010-07-12T09:43:35.550-05:002010-07-12T09:43:35.550-05:00Anon, read the blog for a while and you'll fin...Anon, read the blog for a while and you'll find out what I know about subtractive bi-lingualism. I love that those who condemn me for judging the Sadowskys based on a 76 minute documentary are willing to judge me based on reading one post! Tee hee!malindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.com