tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post9061683349180507114..comments2024-02-27T00:41:15.985-06:00Comments on AdoptionTalk: Understanding Post-Adoption Depressionmalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-33405886853621027102010-04-03T09:38:56.520-05:002010-04-03T09:38:56.520-05:00Depressed? Hmmm, well a definite haze for a year a...Depressed? Hmmm, well a definite haze for a year and a half. M had severe PTSD attacks daily (actually approx. <br />10x per day/night each that lasted an hour and a half). I was searching for help from ANYONE/ANYWHERE. Our adoption health specialist. pediatrician, and our social worker were in the search and it still took over a year to find someone who would see her--they kept telling us to wait until she turned four (she was two at the time of adoption and approx 27 months when the attacks began). <br /><br />I don't remember much from that time other than being sleep deprived and just trying to help her with her grief. I have to say I expected grief, I expected trauma, I expected attachment issues--we were fortunate in that was not the case, but no book/worker/doctor prepared me for the intensity of the trauma and lack of sleep that would come from round the clock "attacks" of intense grief and reliving of the most traumatic day of her life--adoption day. It took time to figure out what the event was but once it was determined it was so obvious--the reaction/trauma/timeframe in which she was given to us and removed from the only family she remembered--her foster family. Helping to identify triggers and helping her to understand how to cope with those triggers has been an ongoing process.<br /> <br />Was I depressed? Yes, but not for me. Never for me. The predominant feeling was guilt. It took me a long time to come to terms with that guilt and my responsibility in her pain. Actually it was only with our return to China this summer and finding out first hand that she would have been returned to the orphanage last year for schooling (she has visible differences and would not allowed to attend school in China) and only allowed to visit her foster family at the New Year did the guilt finally pass. Meeting her birth family and listening to their situation helped the guilt to pass. <br /><br />As a person who is "infertile", I agree that anyone who adopts for this reason MUST deal with those issues first. I am so glad I did, I cannot imagine bringing those expectations to the mix. I also believe parents of bio children must do the same--lose your expectations at the door. Instead, watch and learn who your children are and who they will become.Jeff and Madelinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07330454830153579449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-52720357541892219462010-04-03T09:34:13.609-05:002010-04-03T09:34:13.609-05:00Sorry that specific link on PAD in Michelle's ...Sorry that specific link on PAD in Michelle's Adoption Resources isn't working.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-24791695454410931712010-04-03T08:46:11.390-05:002010-04-03T08:46:11.390-05:00I had PAD, and I don't think it was grief over...I had PAD, and I don't think it was grief over infertility or unrealistic expectations. It was a combination of going from a very busy, active, independent life and career to staying home with an infant; along with the health problems she was experiencing because she was so frail. I was afraid she wouldn't survive. It took about a year, but as I got used to staying home and she got healthier, the dark clouds went away. We have since adopted two more, with no return of the blues. The second adoption was a breeze. The third was quite a bit more challenging because we adopted a 10 year old. Incorporating an older child into the family was stressful, but she's amazing and I wouldn't have missed it for anything.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-64997668573166087932010-04-03T07:48:48.952-05:002010-04-03T07:48:48.952-05:00Yup, I was depressed and perhaps because of unreal...Yup, I was depressed and perhaps because of unrealistic expectations. I didn't expect how much Pennie's loss would color my feelings about our adoption. That's essentially what my Salon essay was about -- it took me a long time to allow myself to be Madison's mother.Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04164833674841541784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-19177019017085396582010-04-02T23:14:12.483-05:002010-04-02T23:14:12.483-05:00Found it--she posted a few times on my blog. It...Found it--she posted a few times on my blog. It's Michelle and it's here:<br /><br />http://www.johnsonweider.com/adoptionresources.htm<br /><br />Look for "Coping after adoption: my experience with post-adoption depression (PADS)".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-12496100172278515852010-04-02T23:06:48.559-05:002010-04-02T23:06:48.559-05:00Yes, I've heard that--unrealistic feelings on ...Yes, I've heard that--unrealistic feelings on the part of PAPs. Mostly, though, I've heard of PAD in relation to the adoption of children institutionalized for some period of time. There's an a-mom who adopted from Russia who wrote about this extensively. <br /><br />No, I wasn't depressed. It was one of the most beautiful times of my life. I was either stupid or lucky, probably both.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-40449272096591582952010-04-02T22:33:53.705-05:002010-04-02T22:33:53.705-05:00In the case of adopters it is often unacknowledged...In the case of adopters it is often unacknowledged grief if they are infertile, playing a part too.<br />In the case of relinquishing parents, grief and loss of a child are a trauma which has no easy resolution as there is not a funeral for a dead baby or any rite of passage, as there is for parents bereaved by death.<br />The suggestions here are simplistic and ignoring much of the story.<br />You might like to get hold of Evelyn Burns Robinson's books for a deeper look at the issues and perhaps some preparation work.They're available online at around $20 each.Vonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421069895155350144noreply@blogger.com