tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post8414937976430601878..comments2024-02-27T00:41:15.985-06:00Comments on AdoptionTalk: The Child Saversmalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-88867217719026477452008-09-18T08:03:00.000-05:002008-09-18T08:03:00.000-05:00I SO agree. It irritates me to the core. I was s...I SO agree. It irritates me to the core. I was so embarrassed for McCain's daughter (and she had to stand there and smile through it!). <BR/>Unfortunately, I am seeing a movement within China adoption where many of the A-parents feel they "saved" their child or adopted for that very reason. Maybe they did, but telling or in any way letting their child know that is wrong. Our children should not feel obligated to us and we do not know their fate if they were to remain in China--losing culture is a huge loss as well and keeping our American bias out of it seems hard for some people.<BR/><BR/>Like you, I wanted a child. I needed/wanted her. I can say for certain that she did not feel "saved" when we arrived. She was perfectly content in her foster family, where she would have remained (also something we were told would not happen from the US agency--LIE). <BR/><BR/>My biggest issue is not with the "save the children" crowd (yes, they irritate me and I can handle them), but it does come from Chinese immigrants who tell her she is lucky. Yes, she is in many respects, but she also had no choices, no say, no decision-making. We are also lucky. I don't hear these same people telling other adopted girls, it is is M and I know it is because of her limb difference. I also know that on some level she is very lucky as I know the discrimination she faced (she had many remnants of prejudice issues for many months) and would face as she aged, but I never want her to feel obligated or the need to be grateful to us--we are not heroes. Currently I take their "compliment" and give the old "we are lucky too", but I have also added that I understand the discrimination she faced and point out that she gets a lot of it here too, it is just more subtle most of the time. With time, and forged friendships, I know these attitudes will change and they will see beyond her LD (most already have in just a couple of weeks) and see the smart, funny, beautiful child she is. Any other suggestions for responses?Jeff and Madelinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07330454830153579449noreply@blogger.com