tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post8229370326517833855..comments2024-02-27T00:41:15.985-06:00Comments on AdoptionTalk: Best Momsmalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-26212402844020723182009-03-29T10:20:00.000-05:002009-03-29T10:20:00.000-05:00Here's the thing, Lynne. Unless parents actively ...Here's the thing, Lynne. Unless parents actively demonstrate that their children *don't* have to choose, their children will frequently get the message that they *do*. Not necessarily from anything that adoptive parents (or anyone else) says directly, but from all of the subtle and indirect signals that adopted children grow up with.<BR/><BR/>Teachers, other parents, random strangers, the media, etc. may have very different ideas about choosing, gratitude, realness, etc. than what Malinda wants her daughters to believe. If she doesn't make her message loud and clear from an early age, then it could be lost among the other noise.<BR/><BR/>Adoptees have an uncanny way of knowing what the "right" answer is, and at ages even younger than Zoe's.Sang-Shilnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-25753555634481488872009-03-27T19:25:00.000-05:002009-03-27T19:25:00.000-05:00"How about I be the best mom in America and your b..."How about I be the best mom in America and your birth mom be the best mom in China?" A missed opportunity. Next time, I'll be ready!"<BR/><BR/>I personally would just leave her thoughts as they are, instead of making it another educational moment. <BR/><BR/>As you rightly pointed out, her thoughts and feelings will change. I agree that she shouldn't have to "choose" a number one. But you ARE the only Mom she knows, and will possibly ever know. I'd just go with the flow on that one.<BR/>Just my opinion!Lynnenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-24450271610635588232009-03-27T12:52:00.000-05:002009-03-27T12:52:00.000-05:00Well said, Sang-Shil. No child should be made to ...Well said, Sang-Shil. No child should be made to choose. I thought it was great that Zoe included her birth mom the the "best mother in the world," and I wish I had thought of your suggestion -- I could have said, "How about I be the best mom in America and your birth mom be the best mom in China?" A missed opportunity. Next time, I'll be ready!malindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-45467466834824707562009-03-27T10:33:00.000-05:002009-03-27T10:33:00.000-05:00I think your "never compete" rule is an important ...I think your "never compete" rule is an important one, but it still pains me to see that Zoe still felt that she had to choose ONE mom to be the "best". <BR/><BR/>Choosing who is "best" or "number one" is just like choosing who is "real"... and who isn't. I realize that Zoe *knows* you, and doesn't know her first mom, and that has a lot to do with it because it's hard to love someone that you don't know. <BR/><BR/>But wouldn't it be nice if you could be her "best American mom" and her first mom could be her "best Chinese mom"?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-24581571522760295332009-03-26T22:44:00.000-05:002009-03-26T22:44:00.000-05:00LOL @ Anonymous.Seriously though, the "loyalty" th...LOL @ Anonymous.<BR/><BR/>Seriously though, the "loyalty" thing is a huge, huge issue in adopto-land.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-88475703599013291822009-03-26T22:21:00.000-05:002009-03-26T22:21:00.000-05:00Take it while you can get it. One day soon she wi...Take it while you can get it. One day soon she will be 14.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com