tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post601377225522922682..comments2024-02-27T00:41:15.985-06:00Comments on AdoptionTalk: Defense Mechanisms -- Coping with Abandonmentmalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-64196169139059767742009-11-02T22:31:46.748-06:002009-11-02T22:31:46.748-06:00Its so weird to me how so many people want to defe...Its so weird to me how so many people want to defend the parents, argue over what technically is abandonment, deny its existance because she's still being cared for etc. etc. etc. <br /><br />When in reality... children don't know definitions of abandonment, it is if it feels that way. Saying it isn't, doesn't take those feelings away, and this is something all of us as adoptees have gone through. <br /><br />How people deny its existence to argue the validation of it or not in technical terms is beyond me. <br /><br />GershomGershom Kaligawahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16706642753832885880noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-46787099719237777962009-08-18T10:04:16.334-05:002009-08-18T10:04:16.334-05:00Malinda, thanks for making the point that nothing ...Malinda, thanks for making the point that nothing in the CDC ruling compelled the Scruggs family to leave China.Deenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-67079187366301038112009-08-18T00:32:15.840-05:002009-08-18T00:32:15.840-05:00You're right, technically, they weren't FO...You're right, technically, they weren't FORCED to leave, and technically, they CHOSE to leave, but are we really talking about technicalities here? <br /><br />I've struggled to put my feelings about the Scruggs' situation into words, but then came across a comment to one of your earlier posts by RamblingMother-I hope she forgives me for using it here, but she articulated just what I was thinking.<br /><br />She said, "...Just like the Scruggs family. They have been accused of abandoning their child again over finances and harming this adopted child because of a ridiculous CDC policy. Where is the same anger for the bio parents who abandoned the child in the first place due to finances (need a son to care in old age-financial, can't pay the fine the government institutes-financial, child is too sick can't afford the medical care-financial)? Or the anger at the foster family that turned this particular child back in because she caught TB, probably from an orphanage caregiver?"<br /><br />Thanks for the opportunity to participate in this discussion.Antinettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00978713430704983503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-34562427746727664342009-08-17T23:03:50.973-05:002009-08-17T23:03:50.973-05:00I posted that in the comments to Gershom's blo...I posted that in the comments to Gershom's blog; and I've commented here that I think it is incorrect to say that the family abandoned their child.<br /><br />But I also think it is incorrect to say they were FORCED to leave her. She was forced to remain in China, but nothing in the CDC ruling compelled them to leave China. They chose to do so. The choice might not have been free from constraints, but it was still their choice.<br /><br />Thanks for reading!malindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-64696220863601287282009-08-17T22:58:53.544-05:002009-08-17T22:58:53.544-05:00Actually, it is my understanding, from following t...Actually, it is my understanding, from following the Scrugg's family blog and reading the news stories that have been written around this, that their daughter, Harper, is being cared for by another family until the Scruggs are given the ok to return for Harper. They have completed her adoption and she is their child. They were FORCED to leave her and have been fighting non-stop to bring her home. I know this isn't your mistake, it's the original blogger's, however, since you are sharing it on your blog, thought you might want to point out the incorrect aspects of the original post. <br /><br />I don't want to take away from what the original blogger said or felt, her feelings should be validated and respected. My husband and I were deeply affected when watching the parting of this family. Those screams were all too familiar, as our daughter, age three when we adopted her, cried like that in her sleep on and off the first year she came home. I don't know what the future will hold for her, but for now, she is secure in the fact that mama and baba always come back and she is happy and loved and finally sleeps peacefully. <br /><br />Thank you for your thought-provoking posts, we enjoy following your blog.Antinettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00978713430704983503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-31548680535788189542009-08-17T19:24:13.050-05:002009-08-17T19:24:13.050-05:00It is so sad and admittedly the family knows the d...It is so sad and admittedly the family knows the devestation. The situation in Kazak or Russia is the main reason I didn't go there to adopt because I wouldn't have been able to deal with the leaving behind. Of course my reason for going to China was def changed in remorse after meeting my daughter. What a silly idea I had at one time about the family coming back for her. At this point I would love to meet the family.RamblingMotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04148625565336724234noreply@blogger.com