tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post5024025770215980076..comments2024-02-27T00:41:15.985-06:00Comments on AdoptionTalk: This Adoptive Mother Does Not Speak For Memalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-33933882762863599502010-01-12T14:55:23.643-06:002010-01-12T14:55:23.643-06:00I have adopted five children from the same birth m...I have adopted five children from the same birth mother. My children know her and see her and their biological grandmother and aunts and uncles (I do know two of the birth fathers as well). I will admit it was hard at first to share them with their birth parents (only because of my own insecurities, not theirs). I am glad that my children know that there is a large network of people who love and care for them. I am glad I know my children's birth parents.Camillehttp://theadoptivemother.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-37215731794070025272009-12-12T13:46:41.290-06:002009-12-12T13:46:41.290-06:00Another head hitting the desk here.
Heidi, Heid...Another head hitting the desk here. <br /><br />Heidi, Heidi, Heidi.....come into the light, please. <br /><br />Malinda, I understand what you're doing here, but I fear it's all in vain. Heidi just ignores folks who don't agree with her.Melanie Recoyhttp://addiepray.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-69483379267632873142009-12-10T12:14:03.049-06:002009-12-10T12:14:03.049-06:00I left a comment on Heidi's blog about open re...I left a comment on Heidi's blog about open records. I hope it gets in. Thanks for linking us.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-8183457786116552342009-12-09T20:19:07.405-06:002009-12-09T20:19:07.405-06:00Why do you suggest the author is a closed-records ...Why do you suggest the author is a closed-records advocate? (I have not read much of her stuff - sorry if I'm just being clueless.) I read her post as a (rather disorganized) response to apparently derailing comments on her blog (that I couldn't find). A bit of a rant, to be sure, but in the scope of the adoption-related content on the web, not super-offensive. <br /><br />I've been following your blog for a few weeks, Malinda, and I really enjoy your writing, your wit, your insights. As a prospective adoptive parent, you've warned me to a LOT of the potential issues adoptive parents need to be prepared for - perhaps even some issues you did not recognize until after adopting. (For that, I thank you!) I hope I will use that knowledge to the benefit of my future children. <br /><br />I suppose I was just disappointed by this post because it felt very accusatory and angry. I did not read this post as constructive criticism, and I did not see the same empathy for Ms. Saxton that I usually see in your work. I may not agree with many of her positions, but I do understand her frustration at being labeled "an infertile" or "a selfish person" - the sort of name-calling I've seen aimed at all prospective adoptive parents, and feel hurt by despite their disconnect from me personally.<br /><br />I don't mean to speak for anyone but myself here - and I do still love your blog, Malinda! You certainly make me think :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-33162832490484371262009-12-09T15:26:39.444-06:002009-12-09T15:26:39.444-06:00No, Heidi. I am well aware you know the difference...No, Heidi. I am well aware you know the difference.<br /><br />It is this statement which labels adoption reunions as ALL being potentially dangerous without the blessing of the adoptive parents:<br /><br />"In your single-minded quest for what you "lost," you completely disregard what you were spared -- the neglect, the abuse, the untimely death. Now that the danger is past, that's easily done."<br /><br />You assume an awful lot there - and that's because those aspects that you speak of - they generally apply more to foster care than IA.Mei-Linghttp://exiledsister.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-66712087468227471372009-12-09T13:25:50.337-06:002009-12-09T13:25:50.337-06:00The first thing I asked my social worker upon refe...The first thing I asked my social worker upon referral was, "Do I get to know the first parents' information, like name, age, address, history? The mother, at least." I am glad I had full access to her information. It was a very poignant moment in my life in that should the SW say no, I would most likely not proceed with the adoption. It was that important for me to know who my son's mother is, because I know it will be important to him someday, too. <br /><br />Like you, Malinda, I don't mean to "toot my own horn" here, but I would like to politely exclude myself from being represented by Ms. Saxton. <br /><br />Cassi said it very well, "adoptees have two very real sets of parents in their life who are also very real in who they are. One should not ever negate the other but instead be constantly accepting of everyone who is such an important part of their lives."<br /><br />Amen.Zheyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12601506282368761879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-52310001343946462272009-12-09T13:07:48.873-06:002009-12-09T13:07:48.873-06:00Oh and just to be clear, adoption did not spare my...Oh and just to be clear, adoption did not spare my son from abuse and neglect. Instead it placed him right in the middle of this during most of his childhood.Cassihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-14143867601250129062009-12-09T12:32:23.324-06:002009-12-09T12:32:23.324-06:00Heidi,
From what I read it did seem as if you wer...Heidi,<br /><br />From what I read it did seem as if you were speaking for all adoptive parents and for first parents.<br /><br />But from my experience and what I have seen with many adoptees, adoptive and first parents is that your way of thinking often times causes more harm than anything else. Such beliefs, I don't think, protect your child at all because you disregard a very fundamental part of who they are and their need to discover that side.<br /><br />And I don't believe it matters what kind of adoption. Every adoptee, from every situation, has the right to have both first and adoptive parents who believe along the same lines as Malinda in her post and understand that adoptees have to very real sets of parents in their life who are also very real in who they are. One should not ever negate the other but instead be constantly accepting of everyone who is such an important part of their lives.<br /><br />I see any other views of this as a selfish act for ones own good that complete ignores the adoptee.<br /><br />And as a first mom, please do not speak for me or any other mother who has lost her child to adoption. You can not possibly know how we feel. Unless you have walked in our shoes, you don't have a clue what we went through and I don't believe the majority of us would ever want you or any other adoptive parent "protecting" us from our own children.<br /><br />That is your reasoning to keep us separated but that is not our feelings so kindly step away from our experience. Thank you.Cassihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-29191325424674130802009-12-09T11:22:52.235-06:002009-12-09T11:22:52.235-06:00I've posted a response here, if you're int...I've posted a response here, if you're interested: http://extraordinarymomsnetwork.wordpress.com/2009/12/09/another-country-heard-from-china-adoption/ <br /><br />I wish you success in finding your children's birth parents. As for the rest ... If you thought about it for a moment, you would realize that you are no more able to speak for me than I am for you. Our circumstances are just too different.<br /><br />Mei-Ling, I'm surprised that you would say such a thing. International adoption is a very different thing from foster-adoption. I would think that even YOU would be able to appreciate that I understand the difference!Heidi Saxtonhttp://extraordinarymomsnetwork.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-3729943083883595972009-12-09T10:34:19.721-06:002009-12-09T10:34:19.721-06:00Oh gawd. Heidi.
*head-desk*
She adopted from fos...Oh gawd. Heidi.<br /><br />*head-desk*<br /><br />She adopted from foster care, so she thinks all original families would have been abusive and/or neglectful.Mei-Linghttp://exiledsister.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-7963352900136697952009-12-09T10:28:11.296-06:002009-12-09T10:28:11.296-06:00She is so noble to have saved a child from "t...She is so noble to have saved a child from "the neglect, the abuse, the untimely death" because she believes all natural families are murderers. Lovely.maybehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07067284504038707207noreply@blogger.com