tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post4265329823704841291..comments2024-02-27T00:41:15.985-06:00Comments on AdoptionTalk: Talking to Your Child About Money in Adoptionmalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-71906967522326850072010-01-24T11:59:20.244-06:002010-01-24T11:59:20.244-06:00As an adult adoptee this subject is a huge trigger...As an adult adoptee this subject is a huge trigger-point for me. I couldn't "wrap my mind around" my own adoption/search/reunion UNTIL I found out the societal and monetary basis of adoption and realized my mother and I both were abandoned.Samantha Franklinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18249283547377633349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-2978465770360821482010-01-24T08:16:27.852-06:002010-01-24T08:16:27.852-06:00Like LisaLew, I've always framed my answer to ...Like LisaLew, I've always framed my answer to the "how much did she cost?" question, in the context of a normal pregnancy/birth process, just lacking insurance coverage to pay all the Dr./nurse/hospital fees for us. I typically add ... "If only the insurance companies and HR benefits treated everyone the same, then this topic would never come up, would it?" I also share that I personally know many kids who's birth expenses have swamped our adoption expenses. If the ignorance of the question remains, I typically move on, there's no helping them. It's often that they are just trying to judge status or cash flow in a simple us vs. them comparison ... kind of like cars, or resume's, or the square footage of our homes, or the expense of our summer vacations ... boorish. Thankfully, the topic has not come up yet with our daughter, I appreciated reading your thoughts on this.Tonggu Momma Husbandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06554690560154928332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-18346992575730515402010-01-20T20:40:27.393-06:002010-01-20T20:40:27.393-06:00Thanks for the mention/quote! LindaLew, you bring ...Thanks for the mention/quote! LindaLew, you bring up a great point--why does it bother us so much? <br /><br />The services provided for an adoption take time, and in our society, time costs money. Why would the hours spent on our home study be free? Why would the social worker who spent hours at the hospital during our daughter's birth/placement NOT get paid? <br /><br />Good analogy to school tuition. <br /><br />Idealists would say it would all be government run, I guess. But then the fees are paid in the form of taxes, and there's still not guarantee it's honest/legit. <br /><br />Good conversation, Malinda!Michelle@Gotchababyhttp://www.gotchababy.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-21662966534067981522010-01-18T22:17:21.459-06:002010-01-18T22:17:21.459-06:00I think the important question is - why does the t...I think the important question is - why does the talk of money bother us so much as it relates to adoption? <br /><br />There has been more than one occasion that someone has asked, in front of my daughter, "how much did it cost?" At this time, I consider myself educating my daughter, not this insensitive person. The answer would be something along the lines of "just like there are hospital fees to give birth to a baby, so are there agency fees to adopt." Kind of like Malinda explains.<br /><br />But, that brings me back to the question - why does the question of money and adoption bother us so much? Because of the implication that our child could be bought - which is the furthest goal we have in mind. It comes up all the time, and it is painful. <br /><br />Someone just anonymously blogged under "Happy MLK Day" with the implication.<br /><br />I say to these people: OK, so we paid the stated fees to bring our children home. And, your point is what? That we should have left them in the orphanage and waited for the system to work itself out? <br />Have you ever been in that situation, left in an orphanage, where the infant and child mortality rate are crazily increased? I GET that money given in exchange for an adoption can be abused, but tell me what your alternative solution is for the children who need homes?<br />(Disclaimer : this is not "be grateful" or "saving" mentality but just the cold hard truth as I see it.)LisaLewnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-71464433803787439342010-01-17T23:16:43.701-06:002010-01-17T23:16:43.701-06:00I agree, honesty is the best policy. M has brough...I agree, honesty is the best policy. M has brought this up several times, usually when a stranger says something inappropriate, but also in relation to why we adopted and about her first family's and her foster family's finances. I think her peak of questions came when wanting a sibling and us explaining that we could not afford to adopt another sibling at the time she was wanting. <br />We have always been honest about the costs and where the money goes, some to our govt., some to China's, some to the orphanage, etc. She seems content with the answers but still wants to know why we can't just get enough to adopt a sibling! Luckily she no longer wants a sibling now that she knows of her bio sister and embracing her foster GeGe even more since our trip back. <br />Any process involving govt agencies involves money, not to mention agency fees. It is a fact that cannot be ignored, nor should it.Jeff and Madelinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07330454830153579449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-50880565455004148702010-01-17T22:24:57.654-06:002010-01-17T22:24:57.654-06:00My mom simply explained to me that it costs money ...My mom simply explained to me that it costs money to run the orphanage, hire the nannies/people involved...administration fees...Being open and honest and saying what you understand of the situation is the key.Meiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03089112543980902566noreply@blogger.com