tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post3736829982724429015..comments2024-02-27T00:41:15.985-06:00Comments on AdoptionTalk: Lessons Learnedmalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-21702306110871486692009-09-22T20:47:54.997-05:002009-09-22T20:47:54.997-05:00Have kind of a different take here. I think paren...Have kind of a different take here. I think parents should take a strong stand against racial teasing and encourage kids to report it, with parent support if necessary. And I think that teachers and administrators should not "tiptoe" around how wrong it is by merely doing a general "education" approach. Zero tolerance is the only way to go. this kind of teasing is often about power. These are the same kids, I have no doubt, who are also teasing other kids, and waho may go one to more serious buyllying as they get older unless they learn young that it is just not worth the trouble because THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES. Bravo to the school for taking a strong stand and not being afraid to ruffle a few feathers to do it. when the kids are middle schoolers you will be glad. I;m with Lisa's daughter, "they got what they deserved"Ann BFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09247000615024824490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-60639787336792032362009-09-19T11:08:10.552-05:002009-09-19T11:08:10.552-05:00Very unfortunate. I'm sorry your girls are go...Very unfortunate. I'm sorry your girls are going through this and hope that it gets resolved satisfactorily. I also wonder whether later in the year you might talk to the administration about putting all three girls in the same class in the future. Not because it would solve the teasing thing, but just so that they wouldn't each be the only Chinese kids in the class. We also have 3 Chinese adoptees in my younger daughter's grade, two are together now and I think it would be helpful for all three to be together in the future. <br />Sue (aka anonymous)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-2164323832733619762009-09-18T16:38:32.785-05:002009-09-18T16:38:32.785-05:00Waiting for today's meeting f/u - I keep check...Waiting for today's meeting f/u - I keep checking your site compulsively...Lisanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-10601032448794135292009-09-17T14:36:06.467-05:002009-09-17T14:36:06.467-05:00I agree using instances like this as a "teach...I agree using instances like this as a "teachable moment" will establish the school's tolerance level for teachers, students, etc. and is necessary.<br /><br />But, I've also seen first hand kids and adults who still "don't get it" even after multiple teachable moments. Sometimes calling a specific person out on their specific behaviour is required with real consequences for their actions. <br /><br />I definatley think an approach from both angles is warrented.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-31875168581176296612009-09-17T14:16:19.894-05:002009-09-17T14:16:19.894-05:00As an educator, I am apalled at the way the admini...As an educator, I am apalled at the way the administration handled this. I agree that you SHOULD meet with the principal as a group and explain what your initial plan was. I would then ask WHY it was handled so differently.Mom2Isabelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17289332298855665130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-8206022029226629412009-09-17T13:04:52.370-05:002009-09-17T13:04:52.370-05:00Very sad. I have been in very similar shoes with ...Very sad. I have been in very similar shoes with an eerily similar outcome. First difference, I found out from another mom- not my child. As painful as it was, I am relieved that Zoe told you herself. The other difference being that Zoe has two other children who experienced the same racist remarks and the same mishandling by the school. I would indeed let the principal know that your trust was breached. If possible, I would set up a meeting and include the other moms. Your collective voice might pack a more powerful punch. And, from this point forward, I know you will do your best to empower Zoe. Maybe invite the other moms/daughters to your home and let the kids process this awful experience together,brainstorm and listen to the kids thoughts on how they would like you/their parents to handle these type of situations in the future.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00862203355411742734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-39793842113317559252009-09-17T10:34:36.047-05:002009-09-17T10:34:36.047-05:00My guess is that the school has a "bullying p...My guess is that the school has a "bullying policy" that they were implimenting. I work in a school a few miles from Columbine High School and every school in my area has a bullying policy that is about punnishment more than prevention, which seems to be a systemic problem that reaches beyond schools. My guess is the teachers wanted to approach this based on your suggestions but spoke to the administration who took it out of the teacher's hands. I would go to the principal and talk about your anger about the way this was dealt with and ask to go forward with your original plan. The children who were punnished did not learn a lesson about how thier actions hurt your girls nor did any other children learn from this which is too bad.travelmom and morehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15120395106521653130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-9463432227410492752009-09-17T05:55:21.391-05:002009-09-17T05:55:21.391-05:00I am just shocked at how the school handled this! ...I am just shocked at how the school handled this! It seems like the bullying didn't end with the "incident", the poor girls were bullyed (sp?) again by being pulled out & questioned! So sorry...Joannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11792730015474096615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-2135789869393563202009-09-16T23:48:00.241-05:002009-09-16T23:48:00.241-05:00Allow me to chime in as one of the parents that wa...Allow me to chime in as one of the parents that was involved in these conversations.<br /><br />After I discussed with my daughter, Sydney, concerning Chinese Eyes Teasing, she informed me it had been going on for TWO YEARS! I was shocked, but maintained my composure because I didn't want to add to the injury that already occurred. Sydney told me that she wanted me to talk to the teacher and make sure the Chinese Eyes Teasing did not happen anymore. SHE WAS VERY CLEAR! <br /><br />So, what to do but stand up for her? And hope that she doesn't get wounded more after you do.<br /><br />At the conference, I told my daughter's teacher "at least half a dozen times" (this quote is from my spouse) that I DIDN'T think the children were being deliberately mean and I strongly felt these kids needed to be educated. Not punished. OK, I get that if they continue the teasing despite the education then a visit to the principal's office is appropriate. But these kids were sent to the principal without any prior warnings and asked to write notes of apology. Now you think our girls were embarrassed before? It's hard to decipher how they feel now.<br /><br />Having said that, guess what Sydney said about the boys?<br />"They got what they deserved." My usually-compassionate-always-trying-to-fix-everything girl. This one sentence told me how strongly embarrassed she felt about the Chinese Eyes Teasing.Lisanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-43961619763070043992009-09-16T21:48:07.627-05:002009-09-16T21:48:07.627-05:00This is not the same as other teasing, racial teas...This is not the same as other teasing, racial teasing of any kind regarding any group must be confronted. It has been far too long of parents just letting it slide. <br />It is due to white priveledge that many whites do not teach their children about racism--why is there a choice, there shouldn't be. Racism will only end when whites end it, minorities can fight for their rights, fight against injustice, etc and yes, they will make strides, but it is we who must work to end such ugly hatred. If it takes one class at a time, one parent at a time, one school at a time so be it. <br />This is one area where we cannot afford to just let it go, we owe it to our kids, but we also owe it to our society.Jeff and Madelinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07330454830153579449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-65819357472235590972009-09-16T21:45:15.771-05:002009-09-16T21:45:15.771-05:00I would speak to the principal Malinda. Ignoring t...I would speak to the principal Malinda. Ignoring the whole situation and letting the kids work it out could turn into bullying. The harm has already been done but there might be a way to address it so as to stop future flare ups. We just had a student in one of our high schools stab another to death. They were obviously working it out themselves. I don't think they have that capacity without some parental guidance.Yolihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06068063513978782703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-90078794154928528932009-09-16T20:25:04.314-05:002009-09-16T20:25:04.314-05:00Oh Malinda, this would make me so sad and angry! U...Oh Malinda, this would make me so sad and angry! Ugh. What is wrong with those administrators? This is exactly the situation where I am at a complete loss. I don't what the right thing to do was/is. Please share your further thoughts/actions on this...M3https://www.blogger.com/profile/13775708069296721624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-17131421550478835172009-09-16T19:20:25.744-05:002009-09-16T19:20:25.744-05:00Um, that's why I never say anything. To anyone...Um, that's why I never say anything. To anyone. Because it always backfires. Even when it gets bad, which it does not (here, with multicultural issues as you've described). But it can get bad with boy, girl, fat, thin, stupid, smart issues. I just button my lips and leave it to the kids to work out. It would take a great deal for me to open my mouth. Not that I haven't gone for weeks where I haven't said to myself everyday, "Today is the day I march into the principal's office and hold the whole school hostage." But the kids really don't want you to do that. If you can let them solve the problems themselves so much the better. Simone is not a "clobberer" like I am. I have given her full permission to act nasty to anyone who teases her but she doesn't have that gene. In the long run, she will find her way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-8353558284145601232009-09-16T18:21:37.900-05:002009-09-16T18:21:37.900-05:00Oh god Malinda. I don't get it! As informed ...Oh god Malinda. I don't get it! As informed parent you went in and gave them a heads up, it seems they don't see it as bullying in a larger sense or think that it applies beyond these three girls and the child(ren) who did the teasing. I don't think the school learned a thing! <br />You may want to recommend some literature to them in general on racial teasing and also let them know it is a larger issue than these girls. So sad.Jeff and Madelinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07330454830153579449noreply@blogger.com