tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post3094285575809840498..comments2024-02-27T00:41:15.985-06:00Comments on AdoptionTalk: It Takes More Than Lovemalindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06233439015219192874noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-30049031640536164172012-08-06T12:55:06.626-05:002012-08-06T12:55:06.626-05:00regarding behavior/acting out- I think the mean th...regarding behavior/acting out- I think the mean the special need IS the behavior issue- not that special needs cause the acting out. <br />And there is no evidence that Maynard's children were engaging in any of those behaviors. In fact that Maynard herself reports they were looking at families with other children in the home is pretty conclusive evidence that there were not acting out/dangerous/violent/sexual behaviors. For the other families mentioned absolutely the children were not able to stay in the family- I just don't think that applies to Maynard's situation.Momma Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04061521729885141245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-89884804562541152302012-08-06T08:31:53.624-05:002012-08-06T08:31:53.624-05:00"Children with special needs also face greate..."Children with special needs also face greater risk of disruption, particularly those who demonstrate emotional difficulties and sexual acting out." Maybe I am not reading this incorrectly but how does having special needs cause a child to demontrate "sexual acting out"? <br /><br />This article reinforced in my mind the need to place the need of the child above the needs of the parent(s) - children should not have to wait to be adopted.zhou.and.mchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03711803122054168160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-11797603482357805212012-08-04T21:28:19.254-05:002012-08-04T21:28:19.254-05:00WM, I did go read the complete article, and while ...WM, I did go read the complete article, and while the story of that particular child is sad, the piece still bothers me. I know of far too many cases of disruptions which were NOT about any extreme attachment disordered behavior or sexual acting out from the child, but about the parents change of heart. There's an Ethiopian-Amer woman who disrupted the adoption of two Ethiopian girls in my community because they weren't behaving sufficiently respectfully in her eyes. That same woman is all over message boards telling white parents how to parent adopted kids of color, and doesn't reveal to anyone she disrupted. Or the families that divorce and neither wants to keep the child -- I've run across a few of those. It's time for adoptive parents to hold themselves and their peers accountable. I know it's incredibly hard to adopt an older child -- I'm the mother of a child who lived more than 3 years in an institution. At the same time, the well-publicized narrative of the damaged adoptee inappropriately absolves parents from responsibility. We need to treat adoptive parents with compassion, but the kids deserve the same.Sharonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08784278664781220746noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-2590556825381135012012-08-04T20:23:26.478-05:002012-08-04T20:23:26.478-05:00This business of parents who heard and understood ...This business of parents who heard and understood the behaviors a traumatized kid might display... but believed it wouldn't happen to them scare the heck out of me. Magical thinking. GrOwnups who really, truly were informed but figured they'd be immune. Folks like these people who against all reason simultaneously adopted 2 unrelated kids with severe special needs from a bad ukrainian internat and were **GASP** shocked when the traumatized girls displayed institutional behaviors:<br />http://acinder-ellastory.blogspot.ca/2012/07/not-for-faint-of-heart.html?m=0<br /><br />Someone please explain to me how ANYBODY is well-served by this placement? My heart goes out to those sad, scared, traumatized and very beautiful little Ukrainian girls...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-86306860811953910012012-08-04T08:46:33.565-05:002012-08-04T08:46:33.565-05:00I encourage everyone to read the actual article. ...I encourage everyone to read the actual article. When you read about some of the behaviors the children were displaying, it becomes clearer why the child could not stay in the family. Please don't take this the wrong way. I am not blaming the child but I am also not blaming the parents. It is a horrible situation to be in. As the saying goes, "don't judge another person unless you've walked in their shoes."wmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16995789205615148194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-57438376523670151902012-08-04T07:03:08.874-05:002012-08-04T07:03:08.874-05:00Truthfully, I think use Maynard as the intro to th...Truthfully, I think use Maynard as the intro to this piece is offensive to parents who have had to disrupt for legitimate reasons. Based on her own writing, her adoption was more of a social experiment- a chance to see life through the eyes of an "other"- in order to provide fodder for her writing. IMO- viewing her disruption in the same light as most others is misleading and minimizes the very deep struggles that some parents go through to keep their children in the home. And to use the girls picture, in conjunction with this story is exploitative. I hope, but seriously doubt, the girls parents consented to the photo use- but like everything else, it appears as if Maynard thought about how it would benefit her and never considered the girls in the decision.Momma Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04061521729885141245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-316191265933534655.post-13825725969719444322012-08-04T00:18:31.819-05:002012-08-04T00:18:31.819-05:00I really don't like the "blame the child&...I really don't like the "blame the child" tone of this piece. Sometimes disruptions happen because parents didn't prepare themselves, aren't patient, didn't have realistic expectations etc. Sometimes it's the parents who can't attach. Ugh.Sharonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08784278664781220746noreply@blogger.com